


Solitary Pain

by Write_for_fun



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Child Abuse, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, F/M, Guilty Tony Stark, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, May's Abusive Boyfriend, Non-Consensual Touching, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Tony Stark, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:33:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 114,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23412415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_for_fun/pseuds/Write_for_fun
Summary: Peter was scared of the monsters underneath his bed when he was a kid. He realised as he grew up, that the real monsters don't hide underneath beds. They hide behind the most perfect faces.OrAfter the snap everything was supposed to get better. Tony was alive.But the nightmares were far from over. And for Peter, they had just started.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man)/Original Male Character(s), Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 724
Kudos: 1100





	1. Monsters are real

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language so I apologise in advance if I make a few (okay, a lot) mistakes. :P

All he ever wanted was to feel loved.   
Was that too much to ask?   
Staring at what seemed to be the remains of the mirror, he almost didn't recognise himself. His eyes looked so empty, like all of the emotions had been sucked out of him. And that was the truth, wasn't it?   
Tears flowed down his face as he clutched the shard of glass in his shaking hand , while the other one lay bare , in the agonizing wait for the pain to finally end. He would finally be at peace. He brought the shard closer to his wrist, and pressed. 

And then he felt nothing. 

..........

When Tony had snapped, he had saved everyone. Just like he always did. 

_"Iron man saves the day!"._

They brought back everyone they lost 5 years ago. And Peter...he had almost lost Tony. Almost. 

It was horrifying for Peter, to watch him like that, because no matter what, he was still just a kid, too young to get dusted in his mentor's arms, too innocent to be involved in a deadly battle, too fragile to see anyone die in front of his eyes, let alone his own mentor, his hero.   
It was far too much trauma for a 16 year old. So when Peter saw him laying against the rock, burnt and blistered on one side , blood trickling down his lips and nose and looking like he was on the verge of his last breath, Peter had cried, God knows he had cried so much.

_"Mr Stark, can you hear me? You did it, you did it mr. Stark we won! we won Mr stark....._

_...I'm sorry, Tony."_

Peter knew that he'd blame himself for Tony's death if he died..but he didn't. He barely made it, but he did, and Peter was soo thankful for that.

So he stayed by Tony's side in the medbay all the time. He was scared to leave him, it was like if he'd leave , Tony would disappear and it would all just be like a dream. It had taken Pepper an hour to make him believe that it was all real, So Peter believed her. He knew he had to leave soon, because May was coming to pick him up. 

Oh yeah ...May. 

He had missed her so much. And he was finally going to see her. 

But somewhere deep down in his heart there was this ache, this stabbing pain that drove home the fact that he had left her, alone, for 5 whole years.  
He had left the bus even when May told him not to. 

How could he be so selfish? How could he leave her alone like that? After everything May has done for him..How could he?

.........

When May came to pick him up, that was when he first saw David. 

After the snap, when May had lost Peter, she mourned him alone until she found David. And it's not like Peter could blame her becuase how could he? May was alone and she needed someone. She deserved all the happiness in the world and Peter knew somewhere that he could never be anything more than just a burden on her.. Especially after this.

He still blamed himself for Ben's death even though May told him otherwise.

May ran to Peter as she got out of the car never bothering to shut the door behind her as she hugged him tightly, so tight that he could almost feel his bones breaking. 

There seemed to be some movement behind her but Peter couldn't seem to care less about that right now.  
  
She held him as trails of happy tears made their way down both of their faces. At that moment, Peter looked at her, and she looked happy, so happy like she's never been in ages. He couldn't believe he could ever give someone so much happiness. The guilt and pain in his heart was almost drowned out by the warmth her embrace offered him.

It wasn't until May released him from the bone crushing hug that he realized that someone else was standing beside them. 

_"You must be Peter right? , I've heard a lot about you."_

_"Peter baby, this is David, he's my boyfriend."_

  
Peter stood there for a while, shocked. He looked back at David as he scanned him.   
He was Tall, muscular, quite handsome , and he had electric blue eyes that could tear right into someone's soul, and right now, that soul was Peter's.

He watched as David cradled May's face in his hands and wiped her tears, His touch radiating nothing but care and affection for her, and he could almost see why May had fallen for him. 

May deserved all the love and care. And all he could ever give her, was sadness.  
  
Peter didn't really like the idea of having someone else between their happy little paradise.   
But May was happy, she was so happy, and not because of Peter, but David. And it was about time that he'd finally stop being so selfish.

.........

Everything was going great. May was soo happy and David had been the perfect boyfriend to her. He would make her smile , he would compliment her and make her blush, they would do stuff together and David would play with May's hair. It was great..for them.

Them. 

Peter...

He felt a little alone. But it was nothing Ned and Mj couldn't cover up for. That's what he thought.

It was like sometimes they would forget he's there too. They'd be so busy doing their thing and Peter couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

He loved May.

And he also loved the way she would hold him when he used to wake up from having nightmares of Skip or seeing his uncle's blood on his hands.

May would be rushing into his room and hold him as he sobbed his heart out.

But now..it's like she forgets he was there. It's like she has moved on in her new life with David and Peter was just, Extra...  
...Because May didn't come anymore.  
When Peter would wake up having panic attacks and nightmares about the battle, May didn't come. Maybe she couldn't hear him over the tv , or maybe she's too sound asleep.

May never came..so Peter kept making excuses. 

.....

Peter never talked to David much because he was mostly busy with May, but concluding from his little chats he had with him , he seemed nice...okay.

It was a little different with Peter. His soft tone would turn a little harsh while talking to Peter, like he was nothing more than a bother to him.   
But, as long as May was happy, he was okay. 

Things went on like that. They had some family moments too, which only included May and David cuddling together on the couch paying the least attention to the movie playing on the tv while Peter sat at the far end of the couch . 

It was just like being a third wheel, so Peter went back to his room. He didn't really mind it much, because he would call Tony, which was the best part of the day he would say.

Tony would tell him about how boring it was to just sit around and eat all those disgusting things that were supposed to make him better because no matter how much he tried to tell everyone that he was fine, no one believed him. He would tell him how Pepper still bossed him around and order him to rest even though he's perfectly fine now. 

_"That's what you think Mr.Stark, you should listen to miss potts more"_

_"Jeez, way to be supportive, kid."_

They laughed and talked until Peter fell asleep, and taking the lack of an answer as a sign that the kid was out, he murmured a soft 'Good night, Kid' _~~(even softer than how David~~_ ~~_spoke with May)_~~ and hung up.

  
Tony never realized he was smiling as he talked to Peter until Pepper pointed it out. He had brushed it off though.

He had came to care for Peter alot, especially since he saw him die in his arms. He never really realized what Peter meant to him until the very moment he lost him.

He was never ready to go back in time until he saw a picture of Peter to make it all worth it. 

He had come to love the kid as his own, and much as he loved him, he would never admit it to anyone, not even Peter... Typical TONY STARK, as Pepper liked to say it. 

It never really occured to him that it just might be too late for him to admit it one day.


	2. Tear me apart but don't leave me alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo..I'm apologizing in advance for all the mistakes you're going to find in this chapter so you all don't kill me ! Hehe. ;P

Things spiraled downwards quickly. 

David mostly used to work from home while May worked from afternoon till late night. She was also working some extra shifts to cover up for the raised expenses since now there were more people in the house. 

Which meant that Peter had to stay with David most of the time.

His communication with May had eventually decreased. He didn't really had much talk with May. 

Mostly because he would be gone to school in the morning and by the time he was back, May would be gone for her work and David would be home.

  
It all started a few days after he came home.  
The accidental pushes slowly turned into intentional shoves. 

Sometimes David would apologize, sometimes he wouldn't. And it wasn't like the apologies were heart said. So it really didn't matter to Peter.

He ignored them all. He thought that was for the best. 

.......

Peter was sitting on his desk, doing his homework with his earplugs in, listening to his favourite music.

The volume wasn't loud, but it was loud enough for Peter to miss the angry yells coming from outside his room.

It wasn't until the door to his room flew open with a loud band and suddenly his chair was being turned around harshly and his eyes met David's angry ones.   
  
David stood there, with his arms grabbing onto the distinct armrests of the chair, bending down to reach Peter's level and staring straight into his soul through his eyes.

His hands were gripping the armrests so tightly that his knuchles had turned white and Peter was scared that the chair would break under the pressure.

The phone in his hand was now shaking as his whole body trembled with fear, staring into the eyes that no longer looked human to him. 

Before Peter could even comprehend anything, David snatched his earphones and his phone away from his hands in one swift movement and threw them away where they collided with the wall and clattered onto the floor beneath it. 

At that moment, it wasn't wrong to say that Peter was scared. 

_"I've been yelling for what like 10 minutes for you to come and eat and you're enjoying your stupid shitty music!!?"_

David spat at him.

Peter looked at him with wide eyes, fear drowning onto his face. He opened his mouth to utter his apology but was cut short as a loud slap resonated inside the room.

He sat shocked, with his hand on his cheek. 

David had hit him! He had really hit him. He slapped him!

Tears sprang in his eyes as he clutched his abused cheek which was now turning red.

He looked back at David who retreated a little and laughed.

_"So now what you're gonna cry like a 5 year old baby? Maybe thats why May doesn't like you, or anyone for that matter."_

Peter turned his gaze towards the floor, trying so hard to hold in his tears, which were on the verge of spilling now.

_"Because you're a worthless little piece of shit. Just a waste of space and money. You can't even take a hit like a grown man as you should."_

There was a pause.

Then David spoke again.

_"I'm sure you're the reason Ben is dead, you are the reason for all the misery of your aunt!"_

There was silence in the whole room. There wasn't even any noise coming from outside either. It was like the universe was pitying on the boy's fate.

Every word tore into Peter's heart like a knife.

Peter couldn't help as tears finally escaped his eyes and landed on his lap.

He heard a soft laugh (which he would have probably missed if it wasn't for his super hearing) as David turned around and made his way towards the door.

_"No dinner for you, well not atleast you start showing me some respect around here!"_

He spat as he slammed the door shut behind him.

Tears started flowing like a river out of Peter's eyes as soon as David left. He didn't knew why he hated him so much. He didn't even do anything to him. 

Or maybe it was just because of him. His existence. Maybe David was right. No body liked him. Not even May. And God knew he still sometimes used to think that he was the reason Ben died. And now, he believed it

  
........

It became regular after that. David hitting him over trivial matters, or making up things just for an excuse to hit him or not feed him.

Thoughts of telling May or Mr.Stark crossed his mind a lot of times, but everytime Peter tried, he would see how happy May was with David and he would stop. For May's sake.

The bruises were getting difficult to hide. His super healing seemed to have gone on a vacation. Maybe because he wasn't eating much.

He couldn't risk his friends or especially Mr Stark knowing the truth about this.  
  
So he went into May's room while both May and David were out and stole some foundation to cover up his bruises. It worked pretty great, he was able to conceal his bruises completely. So he started wearing a little foundation everyday to cover up his pain. 

He hid his physical pain but what could he do of the mental pain he was going through?

His mental health was detoriating faster than Peter realized. There was just too much on Peter's mind which mostly consisted of self hate and insecurities. He had started going a little quiet but he blamed it on school's stress or made something up.

One thing Peter had become an expert at during all of this, was making up excuses. Excuses to justify the pain he was going through. That he deserved it. Peter didn't know at what point he started believing that. But he did.

He still held himself together though, for the sake of everyone else around him. But how much more could he take? 

School was better with Ned and Mj, but other than that, it was just annoying due to Flash's uneccesary comments and bullying. 

Ned's dad had died a few weeks ago and Peter and Mj were really just trying to be there for him, and support him.

One of the reasons Peter didn't really tell anyone about David was becuase Ned always told him how lucky he was.

When his parents died, he got Ben, and when he died he got Tony Stark! As in Iron man himself.  
And then he got David too.

All of that made Peter feel guilty about being selfish.

Lab time with Tony was his best time in the whole day. He would share everything about his school with Tony and how he scored the highest in class and Tony would be so proud of him. 

Due to the constant abuse and lack of affection at home, Peter desperately needed that...that assurance..that someone was there for him...and that was Tony. He kept him grounded.

Whenever he was with him it was like he used to forgot all the abuse happening back at home and just be a little happy.  
He was still laughing and he was still smiling, because of him.

Well, Not just him though. While at the tower ,Tony introduced Peter to Morgan and all it took was 5 seconds for him to just fall in love with the little ball of energy.

Morgan called Peter her big brother. And it filled Peter's heart with so much love. It was perfect. Whenever he was at the Stark tower, it felt like a perfect family where he was constantly supported and loved unlike back at his home. And just because of this. Peter felt like maybe, maybe things will get better.

.......

Pepper normally came back to the Tower to find Tony and Peter working together in the lab on some of stuff she had no interest in knowing. 

But today was different, she came back to find the three sitting on the couch watching a movie. It was a cartoon movie, 'Onward' she made a guess, thinking back to how Morgan always picked that movie up no matter how many times she had seen it before.

And suddenly Pepper knew what would have happened. It wasn't like Tony and Peter could resist the big brown baby eyes of hers, nobody could to be honest.

And it wouldn't be right to say 'they' were watching the movie though. Because there was no way someone could watch a movie with their eyes closed. Well, not that she knew of. 

She couldn't blame them though. Morgan had already watched it with them atleast 5 times before and still she would get surprised the same way everytime even if she knew what was gonna happen. It was her favourite movie. 

  
Tony and Peter were both fast asleep with Peter's head on Tony's shoulder, his hand disappearing into Tony's side and Morgan sitting besides them, lost in the movie, clutching onto Peter's hand and playing with the hem of his sleeve unconsciously, and paying least attention to the pair huddled up together beside her like their life depended upon it .

Pepper couldn't help but laugh a little on the way the scene was unfolding in front of her.  
The two were cuddled up together on the couch in a corner while Morgan was the only one watching the movie who clearly had no idea they were both asleep.   
Everytime Morgan would scream words of excitement or surprise, one of them would humm back a little to reassure her that yeah in fact, they were watching and then go back to their dream world. It was funny, and cute. 

And Tony looked, peaceful. With all his lab work or Avengers stuff all day it was the first time in a very long time she was seeing him so peaceful and it put her heart at so much ease. 

Unfortunately, Peter had decided to take after someone like Tony Stark because neither him nor Tony would ever admit to the growing fondness they now had towards each other, even though it was obvious from the way they were together. Even all of the Avengers could tell that.

Because that was Peter. Innocent, loving,  
He had so much light in him that no one could ever resist falling in love with him.

The Avengers fell in love with him the very moment they met him. Even Natasha, and so had Pepper. Because he was like a leech, warming his way into everyone's heart. 

It wasn't just Tony but everyone had started to cared about him. 

Not more than Tony though. Never more than Tony.

Pepper took out her phone and quickly snapped a picture of the two sleeping as she smiled fondly . She didn't realized Morgan had noticed her until she was running towards her while screaming her name in happiness. 

_"Mommy!!"_

She screamed as she ran towards her . 

The scream woke the pair up whose faces went from _"ugh who's shouting, can't someone sleep in peace"_ to _"oh my God I'm never gonna fall asleep ever in my life now"_ in just few seconds, realizing what had taken place. Peter's face grew redder as he realized she had taken a picture of them like that.

Pepper looked at them, the expression on her face as that of mocking the two.

_"Well baby, how was the movie?"_

She spoke fondly as she gathered Morgan up into her arms. Her tiny legs wrapping around her waist for balance.

 _"It was great mommyyyy!! Reallyyy!! Ask Petey and daddyyyyyy!"_  
She said, ever so excited.

She looked back at the two, who's faces flushed in newly added shame and walked towards the couch with Morgan in her hands. She gave the pair a small chuckle as she sat besides them,

_"Yeah I'm sure they loved it too baby"._

  
........

 _"Stupid Peter Stupid Peter!!!"_ He thought to himself, recollecting the embarassing scene that had just happened.

 _"Oh God, this is the kind of embarassing stuff that you remember 3 years later at 3 am while you're trying to sleep"_ Peter whined to himself and if he wasn't humiliated enough, he would have almost laughed. 

But all of that was now slowly starting to replace with fear as he walked, every step nearing him towards his apartment.

He knew he was late. And he was sure that David would be angry. Because this time he didn't had to find an excuse to hurt him..the mistake was already there. And Peter balmed himslf for falling asleep in the first place.

He relentlessly prayed that David was already asleep, but eventually his prayers fell on deaf ears.

When Peter entered the apartment he saw David was sitting on the couch. He was facing his back towards him as he watched the tv.

Peter tried to be as quiet as he could as he entered the apartment, never taking his eyes off David, but turns out, it just wasn't his day today, it just hadn't been his day any day for weeks.

He yelped as his foot stumped onto the table. His eyes widened as he looked back up to realise David staring back at him.

He didn't really look angry but he didn't look like he was going to shower him in love either. 

Peter thought about running away for once. But that would only make things worse won't it?

 _"Where were you?"_  
David spoke, his tone cold as ever.

_"Mr Stark and I, we were working in the lab and we lost track of time, I'm so sorry it won't happen again"_

Peter thought it would be better to just apologize already.

David smirked as he got up from the couch and started walking towards him. Peter couldn't think of anything as fear crawled to his spine. His mind stopped working. And then he made a mistake. 

He just started walking towards to his room.  
  
Oh shit! I've screwed up.

He realized as a harsh hand pulled him back so that his face was just an inch away from David's face.

_"Not so fast bastard. Who do you think you are huh!? Showing up late like a spoiled little brat you are and then running away from me!? . Is this how you replay me for everything I've been doing for you and your Aunt!?"_

David yelled , his voice growing louder with every venom dripping word he spat.

Peter was sure his arm was gonna bruise where David's hand was gripping him firmly so he wouldn't run away. It's not like he would try to now .

_"I'm sorry sir it won't happen again I promise, please sir, I didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry"_

Peter started his rant of apologies and beggings , anything to not be hit again. 

David probably got pissed of by his stupid apologies because then he was being pushed to the floor.

Then he started hitting him. 

He kicked him in his stomach, his ribs, everywhere he could as Peter cried out in pain and screamed for him to stop, which in turn, only made him kick him harder and Peter cried, choking on air.

After a while David finally stopped, panting as if he was the one who was being hit and not Peter.

Peter lay on the floor as tears escaped his eyes, gasping for air between his sobs, tasting salt in his mouth and feeling pain in his body.

It hurt, it hurt a lot.  
  
He felt a hand in his hairs, grabbing ahold of his soft curls.

He yelped as his face was pulled up harshly so he was looking directly into David's eyes. 

_"Next time you're late, it's gonna be much worse._ " David said as he let go of Peter's curls all of a sudden which resulted in him banging his head on the floor and earning a short shout from his mouth.

David walked towards his room. Peter watched as he disappeared into his room, shutting the door behind him, probably drifting off to his peaceful sleep after ruining Peter's.

Peter limped into his room, straight into his bed. He opened his phone to find a series of texts from Mr Starks.

"He kid u reached home safely?"

"Pete, u there?" 

"C'mon kid you're scaring me!"

He quickly typed, not wanting him to get suspicious.

"Yeah I'm home. Sorry, my bad, I kind of got busy with May and David."

His phone buzzed back with another text from Mr.Stark the second he sent his text.

"Oh. Okay, be safe kid!"

And then another.

"Good night, kid."

He stared at the screen as a tear escaped his eyes, streaming down into hairs. He didn't bother replying back as he switched off the phone,and curled into a ball. 

Because everytime Tony would make him feel a little loved, David would take it away from him and make him hate himself ten times worse. 

_"It's okay."_  
_"You're doing this for May."_  
_"May loves you."_

  
_"Does she?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked it. Kudos and Comments are appreciated. And I would love to know what you guys thought about it!! Also, I'm not gonna mind if you're gonna point out any mistakes, coz I sure want to improve!
> 
> Ps..this story is gonna get darker starting from the next chapter, so if you're not comfortable with any of tags mentioned in this story, please leave right now.  
> I'm gonna update the tags as I go on with the story so just keep an eye on them.
> 
> Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing this story. <3


	3. Maybe, pain is all I'll ever know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Please heed the warnings mentioned in the tags before you proceed. If anything triggers you, please go back.
> 
> Also, make sure to check the tags because I keep updating them as I go on with the story.
> 
> Stay safe ❤️.

  
Peter didn't knew at what point the darkness engulfed him because the next thing he knew after he collapsed onto the bed last night, was that there were harsh hands on his shoulder, shaking and pulling, a familiar voice telling him to wake up.

He half opened his eyes to find the source to be David. 

"If you tell May about anything that happened or act like it, it won't be good for you or her. Do you understand!?"

Peter stared at him with confusion in his eyes, still not fully awake but nodded anyway, not wanting to invoke David's anger again.

"Looks like someone had a great night"

Peter looked over David's shoulder to find May leaning on the door frame of his room. The smile on her face clarifying that she didn't hear any of the things that were said to him just a second before.

He looked back at David who was now ....smiling? 

He watched as May walked towards them and sat down on the bed beside him.

"I know right? I've been trying to get him to wake up from so long but he won't even budge" 

David said to May in a playful tone as they shared a kiss.

Gross. Peter thought to himself, figuring it was better to not say it out loud.

  
"Alright now, come on out and eat" May spoke, breaking their kiss as she ruffled Peter's soft curls and walked out of his room.

"Yeah we're coming right away babe" David laughed.

After making sure that May was out of sight, David turned around.

"It's bad enough that you're going to be home to ruin our whole day today.  
So get up and come out for breakfast in ten."

He watched as David left the room and closed the door behind him.

He didn't knew he was holding a breath until he let one go.

He rose up from his bed and struggled to walk with pain erupting throughout his body.

He made his way towards the bathroom, ignoring the small grunts that escaped his lips , last night's beatings still fresh in his mind. 

  
...........

  
Peter nibbed at his food quietly as May and David chatted away happily about their own stuff. 

David's words from this morning invaded his mind. 

"It wouldn't be good for you and her." _Her_.

Would he really hurt May? He loved her right? 

He was obviously lying just to scare him. He would never hurt her.

Peter was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realise May was talking to him. 

A loud voice snapped him back to reality and made him jerk his face upwards to see May and David staring at him.

He looked at them confused, as he tried to form an answer to the question he didn't hear.

"Peter? What happened?"   
"Are you okay?"

"I've been trying to talk to you for a while now, you weren't responding."

He could tell by the look on May's face that she was worried.

"I...I was...."

"I was thinking about some school project stuff that we had to..um..  
submit this week, I'm sorry though, what were you saying May?" 

He spoke with a small smile so as to reassure May. 

"Nothing it's just..are you sure you're okay Pete? You've been really quiet lately."

_No May. I'm not. Your boyfriend beats me everyday._

"Yes I'm fine May, i promise. It's just some school stuff."

May nodded passing him a smile as she went back to eating, concern still embedded on her face.

  
After a while when they were all done, May was busy washing the dishes as David sneaked into Peter's room.

Peter watched him as he shut the door behind him quietly but didn't move from where he was sitting on his bed. 

David approched him, but not close enough to be uncomfortable this time.

He couldn't take the risk of May walking in.

  
"Listen. It's a Sunday, and after so long I can finally spend some time with May. So don't you fucking dare to take that away from me."  
He said, his voice low but never less hateful.

"Stay out of my and May's sight for the whole day . I don't care, be with those one or two unfortunate friends of yours or go about with that fake internship of yours or whatever just get out of here." 

It hurt, all those words, they hurt so much.   
He thought the punches and kicks had hurt last night? They were no match for this. 

Suddenly Peter couldn't focus on what was being said anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut as his breath quickened.

"I don't want you home before 8 do you hear me?"

David snapped his fingers in front of him but Peter couldn't focus on that anymore.

"Hey! Are you listening!? Hey? "

He clutched his chest as he tried to get oxygen into his lungs but failing, his head hung low and eyes squeezed shut. 

Why couldn't he breathe all of a sudden? He was fine a moment ago?

David stood there as he stared at Peter with no clue as to what happened or how to stop it.

And then all of a sudden May was rushing into his room.

"What the hell happened here!?"   
May shouted as she rushed next to Peter.

"I don't know he was like this when I came in."

She took his face in his arms.  
"Hey Peter! Peter! Look at me. You're okay, you're safe Peter."

Peter looked up at her with glassy eyes.

"It's okay. You're okay. C'mon just focus on my voice. C'mon baby." May comforted him as his breath slowly returned to normal. 

They say there for a while as May broke the silence.  
"What happened Peter?" 

Peter returned his gaze towards the floor in guilt.  
May sounded so sad. Again. Because of him. All he could ever cause her was pain and misery.

There was silence for a moment.   
He watched from his sidevision as David left the room, probably signalled by May for have him to do so.

There was silence until the sound of quiet sobs filled the room.  
He snapped his face upwards in shock and looked at May with wide eyes who was now crying softly.

"May?..I.."  
He felt tears forming in his eyes as he watched her cry.

  
"I'm so sorry Peter."

She cut him in between 

"I know that I haven't been there for you as much as I should have. You've been through so much and here you are, all alone. I've been so ignorant to you and threw you in a life with David all of a sudden."

"I'm so sorry Peter, I didn't mean to leave you alone, it's just sometimes I just get scared. After Ben you're all I'm left with Pete."

May sobbed.

"I don't wanna lose you too."

May cradled Peter's flushed cheek fondly as the other one rested on his shoulder.

"I miss you Pete."

Peter couldn't help as the tears he was so desperately trying to hold in escaped his eyes. 

"I miss you too May."

She pulled him into a tight hug. Peter cried as he rest his head on May's shoulder. He had missed her so much and now he wanted to stay like that for the rest of his lives. Just him and her. Together.

"Hey, Peter" May said softly as she broke the hug.

"Let's spend time together okay? .Just us. The two of us. Like old times. Not even David, okay?"

  
Peter stared at her, thinking about David's threat.

"But..I.. Ned.."

"No buts Peter. Today it's just the two of us. No Ned, no Mr.Stark, no David."

Peter gave in and nodded. Because that's all he really wanted if it wasn't for David's threat. And it's not like May was gonna listen to his excuses anyways.

  
It felt so good to be with May after so long. They laughed and did stuff together just like old times, just the two of them. 

They spent the day cuddling next to each other, or watching a movie, or cooking together, just spending happy time with each other like they used to before David. 

And as much happy Peter was, he knew that the next upcoming days were gonna bring hell for him. And he couldn't do anything about it. 

Well technically he could because well... he's Spiderman. But not with David. Everytime David hurt him, he wasn't able to fight back like he should be able to. 

Maybe it's because he doesn't want to hurt David because May loves him.

But what about when David hits Peter. May loves him too right?

There was no use thinking about this now though. It was already too late to stop what David had started. He could have stopped it when it started but he didn't. And now he's just..

 _Scared_.

.........

  
So there he was again. Standing in front of what seemed like a barrier separating him from his painful destiny. 

Yesterday was great with May. Today had been good too pretty far with Ned, Mr.Stark and of course, Morgan. 

But he had a feeling it wouldn't be for long.

It felt like an eternity as he stood there, staring at the door, deciding whether to go inside or just go back to the tower. 

But that would make Mr. Stark suspicious and he couldn't have that now, could he. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"It's okay. You're strong. You're Spiderman for God's sake.  
C'mon, you can do it.  
C'mon."

He opened his eyes and finally opened the door. 

He expected to see an angry David, thrashing around or screaming venom at him but instead he was met by death silence and lack of life.

He looked around and checked in all the rooms just to be sure but David was nowhere to be found.

Well that was unusual. It's not like he was complaining, but David mostly used to stay home waiting for him to come back so he could show him who the boss was.

He shrugged  
"Might be my lucky day."   
He thought and lazily made his way to his room, his only safe place.

  
Nearly an hour after Peter came home, the peaceful silence in the appartment was interrupted by a loud sound of banging and then crashing. 

And then not seconds later, the door to his room was being thrown open and there he was.

David. Standing there, with a bottle in his hands. His eyes were droopy but he still somehow looked more awake than ever. And Angry.

Oh and he was drunk too. Peter made it out by the empty beer bottle in his hand.  
  
He stared at David, frozen in fear, making a mental note to finally make use of that dumb lock on the only thing that separated him from the monster.

Peter flinched and backed away hurriedly as David ran forward and grabbed him by his arm, dragging him out forcefully.

"No stop."

"Please stop!"

Peter begged to David in a vain attempt to let him go.

"Please I'm sorry, it's not my fault, May forced me to stay. Pleasee."

David stopped dead in his tracks and turned around suddenly, gripping Peter's cheeks with his hand and staring at him, his face scrunching in rage. 

Peter could smell his foul breath as he bent closer and closer to his face.

He tried to struggle out of David's grip but it only resulted in him gripping his cheeks harder. 

Peter gave a yelp as David pushed him backwards, letting go of his abused cheek resulting in Peter falling down and landing abruptly on his ass.

David threw the empty beer bottle at Peter who barely managed to dodge it in time. 

He watched as the bottle collided with the wall behind him, leaving shards of glass scattered on the floor. 

"You ruined everything! I told you to stay away! I finally got some time to spend with May. Just One day and you fucking took that away from me too." 

David yelled, his voice getting louder and angrier near the end. 

"You ruined everything you little shit. Just like you always do." 

Peter sat on the floor with his eyes squeezed shut as sobs wrecked through him, he couldn't take the angry loud yells as his hands involuntarily went up to cover his ears and he cradled back and forth, spitting apologies along with sobs.

"I'm sorry, please." 

David grabbed him by his throat, picking him from the floor and throwing him against the wall behind him, his naked feet catching on some broken glass pieces in the process.

He twisted Peter's arm behind his back as he pushed him into the wall , with his back facing David's chest. 

He used his other hand to grab Peter's head and bang it into the wall and keep it there, rendering him motionless with one of his arm twisted behind his back and the other one stuck between his own body and the wall. 

Peter couldn't help as tears sprang into his eyes .

The hand in his hairs grabbed his curls in a fist and then pulled his head back with a jerk, so hard that Peter could have sworn his neck would be broken if it wasn't for him being Spider-Man. 

The pain was too much. There was blood leaking freely from the wounds in his feet, pieces of glass that were sticking out from his skin being forced back in as he was forced to stand on his wobbling feet.

They stood there like that for a while, with Peter pushed against the wall with David behind him.

He thought that maybe it would be over now. That David would finally be done now.

But obviously, when has life ever been kind to him.

He felt as David started shuffling closer to him, close enough for it to have been crossed the level of uncomfortable long ago.  
  
He felt his hand move from his position on his back to dipping lower onto his body and gripping harder. 

Slowly and intimately, touching him all the way through, as if he was feeling him, taking him all in, his deep breaths warm and hot on Peter's neck.

His body freezed in shock, terror climbing it's way onto his chest, as David's hand moved to stop on the curve above his hips. 

He should have moved, struggled, but instead, he was frozen in fear, his body going limp as he trembled with fear.

A yelp escaped his mouth, as the hand grabbed harshly and suddenly at his flesh, feeling a dull pressure slowly growing at his lower back.

His eyes went wide and tears escaped his eyes.

David groped him harder and then started thrusting into him.

Bile rised in Peter's throat as realization dawned onto him. His breath quickened as he struggled to speak.

"David. Stop. Please."

He said, his voice wavering like sea under the wind.

  
"You're so pretty Peter. You smell just like her too."

Peter tried to move but it only resulted in David shuffling more closer to him, crushing his arm between the wall further.

More tears sprang in his eyes as he stood there helplessly while David grinded into him. 

This wasn't supposed to be happening to him. 

He was a boy. 

Things like these were not supposed to happen to boys.

  
"Noo, please."

Peter struggled again, but somehow David was stronger than him, holding him still, one hand still groping his ass while the other one with a strong grip on his curls.

"Please stop, I'm sorry." 

He cried.

"It won't happen again I promise."

"You took May away from me, so looks like I'm gonna have do with you for now. But you know Peter.." 

David moaned

"All this time I thought I needed May to satisfy my needs, but turns out I had you. All this time you were right here in front of me to take. How could I have been so blind."

David whispered in his ears as he grinded into him further, his hand still groping his ass.

"I think you're gonna be even better than her."

Sobs tore their way through Peter's mouth, swallowing back bile.

David released his grip on Peter's curls and dragged him into his and May's room as he thrashed and screamed, the room where he used to seek love and comfort when he got nightmares. 

The bed where he could sleep peacefully without worrying about the monsters trying to get to him because May would be there to save him, protect him. But now, not even May was there save him. 

He cried as David threw him onto the bed, and climbed up on top of him. 

Peter cried, yelled as he tried to escape, pushing at David's chest. David rose his hand and backhanded him across his face, resulting in jerking his face to his side.

"Stay still you brat."

Peter shook his head as he kept struggling but David took both of his hands in one swift movement and pinned them above his head with his hand. 

He moved his legs on top of Peter's, pinning him down on the bed completely.

He stopped and stared at Peter with his hungry eyes, and Peter already felt naked even fully clothed under his lust filled gaze. 

  
David's hand sluggishly moved and started roaming his body again, slipping under his shirt, his touch burning all the way through.

"No. Please Stop" Peter cried going limp, as all struggle left his body, dropping his head to the side in defeat as he stared at the wall, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

Tears escaped his eyes, rolling down and landing onto the soft sheet beneath, which was in a strong contrast with David's hard and brutal, burning touches.

He felt David's grip on his hands getting weaker and his actions getting lazier, he looked at David's eyes to find out they were now drooping close.

So he took the chance, with all the strength left in his body, he jerked his hands out of his grip and pushed at his chest , which resulted in him falling onto the floor and passing out, probably because of drinking too much.

Peter jumped off the bed and stumbled towards his room as fast as he could, ignoring the shards digging deeper inside his wounds.

He ran to his room making sure to lock the door behind him. He slid down the door as tears came rushing down his eyes like a waterfall.

He could have been...  


David could have almost...

  
He was Spider-Man for God's sake and he couldn't even defend himself.

He was so fucking weak and disgusting.

No one could like him.

Loud sobs made their way out of his mouth, eyes squeezing shut as more tears streamed down his face . 

His clamped his hand on his mouth to stop the sobs from escaping his mouth vainly as looked down at his feet, which were now covered in blood and glass pieces. 

Small whimpers escaped from his mouth in between the sobs, his hand trembling as he plucked the glass pieces out of his feet one by one , ignoring the small cuts the glass left on his trembling fingers, and threw them into the dustbin.

His body and mind gave out as he collapsed on the floor, waiting for the darkness to finally consume him forever and chase him away from this cruel reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with how this chapter turned out. I constantly keep feeling like I suck at this! 🥺 No matter what I do, somethings just don't turn out the way I expect them too. This is my first attempt at writing so I hope you guys understand 🥺  
> I might edit this and the previous chapters out later when I get time. But anyways, I hope you guys like it.
> 
> (I hope I'm not going to hell for hurting such a precious soul.😅)


	4. When will it be over?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go..the next chapter! Dum dum dum! ( Drum rolls)....

"Peter!! Peter!! Open the door!"

Peter woke up abruptly to the loud bangings and muffled shouts coming from the other side of the door. 

He sluggishly pushed himself up from the cold and hard surface he was laying on, grimacing at the pounding pain in his head, and looked around his room with his tired, burning eyes to get a grip on what was going on. 

He realized that he had fallen asleep on the floor itself last night. 

Another loud bang made him squeeze his eyes back shut and clutch his ears, in an attempt to get away from all the action and noises. 

He just wanted to go back to sleep. To go back to the darkness and the dead silence where David couldn't hurt him.

"Peter c'mon, you're gonna be late for school!"

He moved his hand from his ear to the door behind him, trying to get up on his feet with it's support. 

A loud screech escaped his lips, as the memories of last night crashed upon him and the wounds on his feet, still not healed, protested his actions. 

"Peter? Peter! What's wrong?"

"May."  
Peter whined as he called out to her.

He inhaled deeply, turned around and got up on his feet, majorly leaning on the door. 

On opening the door, he was met with an angry May who was about to shout at him but all the anger drained from her face getting replaced with worry the second she looked at him.

He probably looked like shit. He felt like shit too.  
And also, he was still leaning on to the door frame to stand properly.

"Peter, what's wrong, why were you-"

Her gaze moved from his face to his feet.

"Peter what the hell! You're hurt!"

Her voice rose and eyes widened as she rushed forward quickly, hooking an arm around his waist and helped him get to his bed.  
  
She bent down and took his feet in her lap for inspecting.

"Peter how did this happen?"  
She asked worriedly.

He stared down at his Aunt sadly. He so badly wanted to tell her the truth. But he couldn't.

"I- um.. I was thirsty, so I went into the kitchen in the middle of the night to get water and then I guess...maybe I was sleepy , so I dropped the glass and I.. stepped on the broken pieces accidentally while cleaning them."

"Why didn't you tell Davi-"

"No." His reply was so instantaneous that it kind of scared him. 

"I didn't want to disturb him." He said in an attempt to cover up for his instant reaction.

"Oh Peter."

"I'm sorry May."

"It's okay baby, it's not your fault."

Except it was. It was his fault. That he was letting David hurt him again and again.

May gave him a reassuring smile and called out for David. 

Oh God. Not him again. He can't face him right now.

"May don't , um- I'm fine . Look they aren't even bleeding anymore, I'll be fine."

"Are you kidding me Peter?"

"I'm fine May really. I'm Spiderman remember." He joked.

But May didn't laugh.

"It's not a joke Peter. You being Spider-Man doesn't mean you can't get hurt. Doesn't mean that you don't need to treat those."   
She said firmly, gesturing to his feet. 

Sounds of strong footsteps diverted his attention from May and he looked up to see David entering the room.

He stared at him, he didn't know why but he just, couldn't look away.

But David never once even looked at him.

Like nothing had happened the night before. Like he didn't nearly... 

Could it have been that he had forgotten? 

Maybe he was too drunk and that's why he did that and he doesn't even remember that now. 

Could it be?

"What's wrong Baby? You seem worried" David said.

"It's Peter. He got himself hurt last night."

"What? How di-"

"Please just go and bring me the ointment and bandages. They're in the top shelf of my cupboard in our room." 

"Yeah I'll be right back."  
He said as he hurried back, which was most probably an act, because Peter was the last thing he would worry about.

She turned back to him. 

May was about to say something as she reached up to his face with her hands but her words halted as soon as her hands touched his face, and her eyes widened. 

"Peter!?"

She pressed the back of her hand to his forehead.

"Peter you're burning up!" May spoke alarmingly, making Peter jump slightly at the sudden change of tone.

"You're sick!"

Well that made sense. The headache, the burning in his eyes. Plus he also fell asleep on the cold floor last night. So..yeah.

"Why didn't you tell me. God!"

He didn't get the chance to answer her because the next second David was already coming in with the ointment and bandages in his hand.

"David, just do me a favour."

"Anything for you baby."

"Put the ointment on his wounds and wrap them with bandages. I need to call in to his school telling them he won't be able to make it today."  
  
She said standing up.

"May no I'm fine, I wanna go."

He protested, wanting to be anywhere but near David.

"Peter look at yourself. You're sick and you can't even walk properly."

"No I'm fine May, and besides, I dont want to bother you from your work and-"

She kneeled down in front of him again taking both his hands in her palms.   
"Hey, don't worry about that okay? David will be here with you all day to take care of you."

His eyes widened with fear.  
No. Not David No. Anyone but him.

He watched helplessly as May stood up and walked out of the room leaving him alone with David, who was smiling while staring at him. 

He slowly walked towards him like a predator stalking it's prey and knelt down in front of him.

He stared at him all this while, never once talking his eyes off of him. His body was shaking, whether out of cold or fear he didn't know. Probably fear at this time.  
  
He still hoped he had forgotten everything that happened the night before. Hoped for them to be the effects of drinking too much.

He gasped and squeezed his eyes shut as David grabbed one of his feet in a quick, harsh movement, the wide smile still lodged onto his face.

He held his feet in his lap with one of his hand, and started roaming fingers of his other one softly all over his feet, giving him ghost touches and sending cool shivers up Peter's spine.

"Open your eyes Pete."

He said playfully.

Peter kept his eyes squeezed shut, feeling the ghost fingers travelling up to his knees.

"I said Open your eyes!" David shouted.

He opened his eyes instantly, staring down with shocked and scared at David.

The expression on his face turned from rageous to a soft smile again quickly as he resumed his touches.

He started humming a song slowly, clearly enjoying the acts he was doing.

"Last night was fun right?" He said softly and continued humming, as he opened the lid of the ointment bottle and started applying them on the wounds.

Tears sprang in Peter's eyes. 

He hadn't forgotten. He remembers. He did it on purpose. 

And now he's gonna do it again.

A choked gasp turned David attention from his feet to Peter's face and he reached up to take his face in both of his hands as Peter tried to lean back to avoid him. 

"Hey what's wrong buddy? Am i hurting you?" 

The tone of his voice was still so soft and low yet always so scary.

Like someone's voice would be while talking to their loved ones. But David wasn't his lover.

This softness was driving him over the edge to such an extent that he wanted so, so badly, for the loud shouts and yells to return.

He shook his head frantically, his face jumbling into giving expression of fear and shock both.

David spoke bringing his face inches away from Peter's.

"Good."

He said fondly as he gave him a little peck on his cheek and then returned back to treating his feet.

By the time he was done with them, Peter was sitting completely still on the bed, staring straight ahead, his hands gripping the sheet under him like his life depended on them.

It felt like an hour but in reality it was just minutes.

Because then May came back in and sat beside him on the bed. 

"Hey. I've called in to the school ,So you don't need to worry you about it. Get rest . "

She smiled and removed a curl from his forehead . 

"Will you be okay with David,P Or should I take a leave today?"

Yes. He so badly wanted to say that. 

But he himself knew how hard May was working for them and he couldn't just tell her to take a leave because he couldn't handle being sick? 

"Yeah May I'll be fine."  
He forced back a smile.

She kissed him softly on his forehead and then stood off the bed.

"I'm already late so I need to go. And David. Make sure he doesn't walk much and that he gets enough rest. I'm leaving him on your responsibility."

"Of course May. I promise I'll take great care of him. Right Pete?"

He said looking back at Peter. 

"Ye- yeah."  
He choked out and nodded. 

Great. Be good you two. She said one last time as she left.

David's smile dropped the second May left and he grabbed one of his feet and pressed them harshly to the floor, obtaining a loud shout from Peter's mouth. 

"So unfortunately you're my responsibility now brat."

"We're gonna have so much together won't we now."

David laughed cruelly and left his room.

Peter stared at the wall in front of him as a tear rolled down his cheeks, breathing in slow and shallow, despair of the following day ahead roaming his mind .

......

  
Peter spent the whole day in his room. Lying on his bed, wrapped in the blankets , which was understandable considering his fever but in reality he knew those were also to avoid exposing himself to David any further. 

The shock of what had almost happened last night was still buried inside of him. 

He tried to sleep but the thought of David coming in anytime to do unspeakable things to him kept him awake. 

Even though David was probably working from home right now but he still couldnt risk it. 

So he went onto his phone, scrolling memes on his instagram and a notification from Ned popped up.

_Dude where are you?_

_I'm sorry dude, I got sick and Aunt May insisted me to stay home and rest._ He quickly typed, feeling bad for leaving his best friend alone.

 _Oh_ :(   
_Take care dude._

_Plus.. Mj was asking about you._  
_I think she likes you too ;)._

Peter blushed, thinking about her.

No. Shut up. Stop it. You're gushing over Mj again. 

He went into his call log to dial Mr. Stark.

If he had to stay home meant he couldn't go to the tower either, which sucked because that was the best part for him.

The dial tone changed and Mr. Stark spoke.

"Good morning kid. So what happened that made you remember this old man of yours."

Peter chuckled. 

So funny Mr.Stark. Actually I had to tell you that I won't be able to come to the tower today."

"What why!?"

"I woke with a small fever and Aunt May forced me to stay at home to rest."

"Wait what? Fever? Peter are you okay? Do I need to come? Should I send Happy over to p-"

"Mr. Stark, I'm fine."

Peter said with a chuckle. 

"It's just a small fever, maybe because of the weather or something I guess. I'll be fine in no time."

"Yeah but Pe-"   
Tony was cut off by Pepper calling him.

"C'mon Mama Bear, you're already late for the meeting, everyone's waiting."

Tony pressed his hand on the phone and whispered angrily to Pepper. 

"Hey! Stop calling me that! I'm not Mama bear. We've been over this!"

Peter laughed again. He could still hear everything going on on the other side of the phone.

"Sure you aren't. Well c'mon then....Mama bear." She chuckled and left.

"Hey!" He snapped at her then turned back to talk to Peter.

"Hey kid I um..I need to go."

"Yeah yeah I understand Mama bear." Peter giggled.

"Yeah real smooth Peter. You're both picking on an old man now, that's great." Tony said as they laughed 

"Okay now go Mr. Stark. You'll be late"

"Yeah, take care kid. See you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye." Peter smiled. 

He put down his phone and wrapped himself in his blanket again.

......

  
David didn't really do much thay day. 

Except for just touching him a little here and there, when he came in to give him soup which was surprising because he never thought it was important enough to feed him ever before.   
  
It was almost night when Peter woke up. The sun has started to set in. 

He didn't knew at what point he fell asleep but he realised his fever was gone. He bent down and removed his bandages.

"Good. They're all healed." Thanks to his super healing.

He threw the bandages away and stood up to go out of his room to get water. God he was so parched.

There was no one outside. He could see the door to May's room was slightly open, indicating David being in there. 

He walked into the kitchen and drank water. 

He was going back to his room, trying to be as quiet as he could, but a strong voice made him freeze in his steps.

"Hey."

"Going somewhere?"

Peter swallowed as he turned around to face David.

"Um yeah, I just went to drink some water, I'm going back now."

"What's the hurry."

David started walking towards him.

Peter stood there, confused and scared what to do , he couldn't run away, no it will make him angry. He didn't knew what took over him because the next thing he knew threats were spilling out of him.

"Don't touch me!"

David stopped dead in his tracks. Eyebrows scrunching together in seriousness, then changing back to the calm expression he had before.

"Who's gonna stop me, You?" He laughed as in mocking him for being weak and started walking towards him again.

"No I'm serious stop." 

He said as his feet retreated back a step but David didn't stop.

He stopped when he was just inches away from his face staring down at him.

"Looks like someone has grown some balls today." His lips changed into a side tugged smirk. Expression still as calm as the wind was that night.

I'm gonna tell May."

He choked out.

"Oh really?" He mocked him again.

"I'm serious. May loves me. You know that too. She loves me more than she could ever love you. And she's going to kick you out of here if she knows about what you tried to do to me."

David's expression changed in a second. He knew what Peter was saying was true. He narrowed his eyes as he clenched his mouth shut. 

"So stay back and stay away!" Peter said, going back a few steps.

"If you- if you stay away from me from now on, I won't te- tell her. "

Peter stutteredd. He was still scared. It could be seen clearly on his face. His hands were trembling but he tried not to give it away to David.

"Oh." David smiled, easing back.  
"So that's how it is?" 

Peter thought that it was it now. He was gonna get killed now.

But what he said next shocked him.

"Okay, well good night then."  
  
David smiled and just went back to his room, turning off the light and probably going back to sleep.

Peter stood there for a while in shock, staring at David's room and contemplating what had just happened. 

David just left.

Without doing anything.

  
He didn't hit or even touched him...he just left him? 

Had he really managed to scare him away? Or was this just a dream. 

"Ouch!" He exclaimed after pinching himself .  
"Okay it's real." 

Peter had never felt so relaxed and happy before. 

It was almost surprising how easily David gave up which was near impossible considering how he liked to show him around who really was the boss.

He pushed away the thoughts and happily went back to his room.

He could finally sleep, without locking the door, without worrying about David coming in any moment. 

He let go of a deep breath and gave into the darkness. This time, with a smile on his face feeling like he had just truimphed over life.

He awoke in the middle of the night suddenly to a feeling of a hand on his forehead but it turned out to be just May.

"The fever's gone, that's great." May spoke softly, eyes drooping, probably with tiredness and fatigue .

"My feet's great too." he said happily, juggling his feet out of his blanket, and showing them off to May like a kid.

She smiled and kissed him on his forehead.

"Good night Pete. I love you."

Peter's smile widened as he shut his eyes. 

"Love you too May."

May got up, walking out of his room. 

"And also Peter, it's David's birthday tomorrow. Don't forget to wish him."

She said and walked out.

Peter opened his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"C'mon what are you even scared of. It's all over now."

Peter thought and relaxed again, giving in again to the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Calm before the storm eh? :P
> 
> Also, a shoutout specifically for RandomDudeThatLikesFanfics that suffering is coming in the next chapter. 😂
> 
> You know, a night before I was sleeping and was all of a sudden hit by a fanfic idea of Peter whump (I'm wierd).. so I just woke up, finished writing it in yesterday itself and posted it😂 So if you guys want you can go check it out. It's sad though. :(
> 
> I'm also thinking of changing the title of this story...should I? Idk..
> 
> Anyways, Hope you like this!  
> Stay safe ❤️


	5. Claw away my soul and shred me to pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Please do heed the tags mentioned above because if any of those trigger you, please don't proceed.

Peter came back from the tower to find the apartment empty. Which was kind of obvious.

May had told him that she was gonna come home early today because she and David had decided they wanted to go on a dinner night together, on the occasion of David's birthday. 

He didn't really mind staying back at home though. He wanted to be as far away from David as he could.

And probably the only reason May didn't ask him to go with them because she herself knew Peter wouldn't turn down any day going to the tower and she respected that.

She knew how much happy Tony and the Avengers made him, and especially during this phase, when Peter was being a little quiet, she figured it was better to let him be with Stark, knowing better than to ever force him into liking David.

He remembered he wished David in the morning and David had just thanked him and went away, and May wasn't really around at that time so he didn't really need to do any pretending, which ended up in him wondering whether he was really pretending or had he really managed to scare off David.

Maybe it was because David was happy and excited for his birthday, or maybe looking forward to going together for dinner with May who knows.

And that's why it was quite a big shock and surprise when a familiar voice made him stop dead in his tracks while on his way to his room. 

He was supposed to be alone in the apartment, wasn't he?

But that didn't seem to be the case.

"Hey Pete."

He turned around to see the one and only David.

"David um, weren't you supposed to be out with May?" He said, trying not to to sound scared.

David just stood there smiling up at him creepily and spoke only after a few minutes passed with them staring at each other.

"Well, following your speak up night, I presumed you need a lesson. I hope you're ready Peter. Because it's going to be a long night."

He lunged forward and dragged Peter by his hairs into his room and threw him on the floor.

A small scream escaped Peter's mouth as his body cruelly collided with the hard and cold floor. 

He quickly stumbed onto his knees, trying to get up following David's exit from the room. 

He was about to try and run out but someone drew his attention away from the idea of escape. 

May.

May was right there. But she was asleep.

She was lying on her side on the far side of the bed. Her face was turned towards Peter. 

She didn't look hurt, she just looked like she was lost in a very deep and peaceful sleep. 

But the lack of response from her, even after all the loud noises being thrown around made it hard for Peter to believe that she was just asleep. 

He quickly climbed up on the bed, stumbling a little in hurry during the process.

He crawled on his knees towards May and started shaking her, in a desperate attempt to wake her up.

He tried everything, shaking her, shouting at her, tapping her lightly on her face but May didn't even budge. 

Not even a blink.

Not even a single movement. 

Tears started flowing out of Peter's eyes as he still kept trying to wake her up while sobbing. 

"No, please May, wake up!" He cried.

His stomach and chest felt so heavy yet so empty, like there was a deep, hollow pit inside him. It felt like there was nothing in there except for the pained cries emerging from the hollow depths of him.

He knew May wasn't dead by the slight rising and falling of her chest but he was still scared because David has probably done something to her. 

And it was all because he wanted to give Peter a lesson, because he had tried to stand up to him. 

"What the hell did you do to her!"

He screamed as David entered the room, with some rope and a roll of duct tape in his hands. 

He had a smug smile on his face, the kind of smile that was enough to send shivers up Peter's spine. 

He walked towards the bed, and climbed up, grabbing Peter by his hairs with his free hand and moving him to the opposite side of the bed, away from May. 

He let go of the rope and tape which landed just below the bed and grabbed Peter's jaw tightly with his other hand, digging in his nails. 

Peter's hands went up to grab at the hand holding his jaw, but apparently somehow David was stronger again. 

He whimpered as the hand holding his hairs tugged on his soft curls as tears flowed down his face.

"Don't worry about her Pete. She's not gonna wake up until tomorrow morning. And I don't think she's the one you should be worried about right now."

Peter cried harder. David definitely drugged her or something. 

All because of him. 

Again.

Peter being the reason of May being hurt. Like he always is.

"I hope you're ready for the lesson today Pete, because I'm gonna make sure I don't pass out this time."

Peter's eyes widened with realization, and he immediately started struggling, shaking his head rapidly.

No. 

He couldn't let this happen. 

No.

David released his jaw and slapped him roughly across his face.

Peter immediately stopped his struggling, and lied back breathing briskly , staring staright into David's eyes as fear replaced every atom of his body.

He watched as David opened the drawer located just on the side of the bed and took something out.

He raised his hand to reveal a knife and pointed it towards May.

Peter's breaths increased rapidly as he shook his head in fast and hurried motions.

Before he could spurt out his begs for not hurting May, David spoke up dominantly.

"If you so much as move or try to struggle again, This!-"

He said, jerking the knife towards May.

"-goes inside her stomach. Do you understand?"

Peter nodded his head rapidly staring at David with glassy eyes. He opened his mouth to try and speak but no words came out. 

David bent down to the floor, and returned with the rope and duct tape in his hands . 

He took Peter's hand one by one and tied them to the headboard, making sure to not give him any slack.

  
Peter lay there as David tied his hands , trying to be as still as he could, but he was shaking horribly. Soft, wavering whimpers escaped his lips as he sluggishly tugged on the ropes biting into his wrists.

When David was done tying his hands, he backed up taking the duct tape, cutting a small piece and slapping it on Peter's lips.

"There."  
He said.

"Now I don't have to hear to those stupid yells of yours." He ended the sentence with a chuckle.

Peter clenched his eyes shut, resulting in a stray tear being forced out his eyes, his body still shaking horribly.

He opened his eyes back slowly as he felt the light press of a cool metal on his forehead which then gradually slided down to his collarbone and started shaking head leisurely in defeat as David slowly started cutting his T-shirt off his body.

He threw his head back and clenched his eyes shut, crying harder. 

A wierd pain exploded in his chest, not physical but mental, more as of a deep, fearful and the most agonizing pain he had ever felt. 

The pain of helpness . 

The pain of knowing what was about to happen and not being able to do anything.

The pain of getting his dignity ripped away from him. 

The pain got deeper and deeper, deeper than even the ocean itself , as a while later he felt cold air brush over his upper body. 

He looked down to see that his chest was completely exposed, his shirt now laying in form of ripped pieces on the floor. 

Helpless sobs left his muffled mouth as David slowly roamed his hands over his naked chest, slowly sliding down and stopping at the waistband of his jeans.

He tried to tell David to stop, to beg him, to stop, but it only came out as a muffled sob behind the tape. 

David was humming while tormenting him. It was a love song, Peter figured out. Which made everything worse. So much worse. 

David's hands started fumbling with the button of his jeans and a moment later Peter realized that David had taken off his pants too while he was lost in his thoughts.

He weeped behind the tape as his face flushed in humiliation and he hid his face in the crook of his arms.

But David didn't stop as his fingers started brushing near the waistband of his boxers.  
  
Peter turned his head to look at May laying on his side. 

She looked so peaceful, contrary to the extreme pain and despair Peter was in. 

The pain in his chest increased thinking how she was just there. 

She was laying just there. Just Inches away from him. 

Help was right in front of him, but still he could do nothing but to lay down helplessly because there's nothing he could do now to stop David from raping him. 

A sob hitched out of his throat, wailing brokenly as David finally tugged down his boxers, throwing them on the ground with the rest of his clothes.

He squeezed his eyes shut and cried harder, wails full of pain and despair coming out muffled from behind the gag, but still painful enough to tear right through a normal person's soul and break their heart. 

But David was nowhere near a normal person. 

No.

He was the biggest monster, biggest villain ever, more evil than any of the villain he had ever faced as Spider-Man before.

It was hard to believe by looking at his face that he could even think of doing something like this.

Peter used to be scared of monsters hiding underneath his bed when he was a kid. But at this moment he realised, that the real monster don't hide underneath beds, but they hide behind the most perfect faces.

He opened his eyes at the lack of movement and regreted it instantly, sobbing harder on seeing David on top of him, giving him the most dirtiest, most lust filled look ever as he eyed him up and down.

At this moment Peter already felt so naked, soo dirty, so filthy that he just wanted to go and rip out, claw out all of his skin that David is setting his filthy gaze upon.

"Oh God Peter! You're gonna be the death of me."

David said as he kept eying him hungrily, hands moving down to his own jeans.

Peter could see the big bulge even through his jeans which made him sob more. 

He was clearly hard and aroused. 

And he was gonna use him to satisfy himself. 

Peter started begging again, trying again, struggling again but it only resulted in David gripping his hips harder and making him stop.

David got off his jeans along with his boxers off in one swift movement and Peter quickly turned his head away, bile rising up his mouth, trying to tune out the sound of shuffling of clothes and the shallow breaths lingering in the air. 

He felt David placing a pillow below his hips as his hands grip onto his skin harshly and he feels something poke at his entrance. 

He wails and shreiks behind the tape, as the hands on his hips seal his fate and David slams inside of him brutally, hands letting go of his hips and digging his nails in his back, hips slamming inside of him continuously, pushing the air out of his lungs as he raped him voilently. 

Pitiful, haunting screams escape Peter's mouth, that sputtered into muffled beggings and then silence his innocence is plucked and defamed repeatedly throughout the long and early hours of the night. 

Peter stared at his aunt sleeping peacefully on his side, as silent tears streamed down his face. 

He was just one look away from being saved. 

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt something warm trickle down his legs, trying to ignore the intense pain errupting from his ass, trying to ignore the most disgusting sounds of pleasure that David was letting out and trying to ignore the way his nails scratched him on his back in pleasure. 

It seemed to be like an hour after David finally stopped thrusting, throwing his head back and releasing inside of him. 

He collapsed on top of Peter abruptly, eliciting a short muffled whimper from his mouth. 

He untied Peter and ripped the tape from his mouth harshly before pushing him off the bed. 

Peter screeched as he landed on the floor with a thud.

"Get the fuck out of here. Take your clothes with you and clean up this mess before May wakes up."

He said, still out of breath as he went back to fall onto the bed, probably drifting off to his peaceful sleep.

Peter sluggishly pushed himself off the floor and on to his feet, holding on to the wall for support as pain exploded from between his legs. 

A hitched sob came out noticing the red streams of blood flowing down his legs as he clenched his mouth shut and started walking gradually, picking up his clothes from the floor and limping towards his room.

He hid his tattered clothes in a bag and hid them underneath his bed and took out fresh pair of clothes out his cupboard, limping towards the bathroom.

  
One look. 

Just one look in the mirror was all he needed to fall apart, sliding down the bathroom tile as hot, boiling water streamed down the shower on his abused body.

He screamed and clawed at his skin, trying to get rid of all the touches, all the filthiness David had left upon him. 

He had been through this before, but Skip had never gone this far, and hopes of coming out of this sane was near to impossible for Peter now. 

He laid on the bathroom floor as his sobs hushed down turning into silence, and he voidly stared into oblivion.

His skin was red and flushed indicating the water was near to boiling but Peter kept staring emptily into space, like hi couldn't even feel the heat but only the pain of bein empty and broken

It seemed to be hours until he finally got up, slipping into fresh pair of clothes. 

He specifically picked out T-shirt with long sleeves to hide the angry rope burns on his wrists, the long scratch marks on his back were gonna be hidden away anyway, so they weren't much of a concern.

He quietly went back into David's room, to clean up the mess of his tattered shirt on the floor.

David had put back his clothes and was now peacefully sleeping, and no one could tell by looking at him, that what horrible acts he had committed just hours before.

Peter bowed his eyes in automatic fear and quickly walked out of the room, crashing onto his bed face first and lying there voidly with his eyes open, until he could hear the chirping of birds and his alarm clock going off. 

For the first time in his entire life, Peter trully felt broken. 

Completely broken and hollow. Inside out.

........

  
Peter quietly and quickly nibbed at his food , trying to avoid any kind of interaction with May or David. 

He could hear May apologizing to David for falling asleep and ruining their plan for the perfect dinner on his birthday, clearly having no clue that David had intentionally drugged her so he could take advantage of her nephew.

"You don't need to worry about that May. Besides, I already got my birthday present."

He said slightly raising his voice making sure Peter could hear him. 

"Right Pete?" He asked, as Peter kept staring at both of them, trying to form words.

"What do you mean David?" 

May spoke, thankfully because Peter was sure he would end up crying if he even tried to speak.

No matter what he did, he just couldn't forget the events of last night, still feeling the ghost touches sometimes, still hearing those disgusting moans, still feelings David's hands on him. 

"I meant you guys. You guys are the best gift I've got!" David laughed as he hugged May tightly, staring at Peter smugly from behind her back.

So Peter bowed down his head and went back to nibbing onto his food again quietly.

  
.......

Peter tried to be as normal as he could in school, but again, nothing's ever been normal in his life ever since David showed up.

He couldn't risk anyone finding out, especially Ned and Mj.

They were sitting in the cafeteria where Ned was telling him and Mj about how he missed his dad, how he missed having fun with him, reminiscing and sharing all the happy moment he had with him.

Ned's dad talks slowly turned towards Peter's life, and he could have never known that things could have gotten out of hand this fast.

"You're so lucky dude. You're like the luckiest person ever. You've got so many father figures in your life, like you've got David now and-"

"I wish I didn't have him."  
Peter spoke a little irritatedly and out of the blue, Ned just errupted.

"What the hell is wrong with you Peter!? Why can't you just be grateful for everything you have for atleast once in your life! You literally have everything."

That wasn't true. Mj tried to calm him down but it only resulted in him screaming louder.

"Everytime you lose someone you get someone in return, it's like you're getting everything you could ever want and you still stay this arrogant and ignorant."

And Peter couldn't help as he snapped back at him.

"You don't know anything about me! You don't know anything about what I'm going through."

"What can be worse than losing your own father."

"It's not my fault your father died!" 

Peter screamed and then quickly stopped, realizing what he had just said, but it was too late.

Ned stared at him, as tears formed in his eyes. 

He tried to apologize but Ned cut him off with the most painful words ever. 

"I hate you." 

He said quietly and ran away. 

Peter couldn't do anything. As much as he wanted to, but he just couldn't bring himself to do anything.

He just stood there and stared at Ned as he ran away crying.

A part of him wanted to go and help his best friend, save him from the pain, but in reality, Peter couldn't even save himself. 

Everything was getting worse.

He looked at Mj who gave him a sad and apologetic stare and went after Ned. 

Technically she didn't knew anything about what was being done to Peter, so it was obvious that she thought that Ned needed her more. 

He wanted, he so desperately wanted to have someone with him, to tell them, to let it all out but he couldn't. 

He dropped down on his chair and stared down at the table voidly, strike of loneliness driving daggers into his heart.

He had never felt so alone in such a crowded place.

He recalled Ned saying to him during the heat up that..

"Everytime you lose someone you get someone in return." 

And Peter couldn't help but wonder...what if this time, he lost _himself_? How is he supossed to replace that then? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ned! :( He had to loose his dad for the plot.
> 
> I wrote this chapter in a hurry but I read it and I kind of liked it so, I hope you like it too :)
> 
> Ps..Comments and Kudos are always appreciated :P
> 
> Stay Safe <3


	6. Save me from myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long to update, I got busy with my online exams and assignments and also kinda got writer's block.😅  
> Anyway here's the next chapter. Hope you like it. ❤️  
> Warnings are everything mentioned in the tags from now on.

_I'm losing myself in this fight,_

_I'm destroying myself little by little,_

_Soon there will be nothing left to destroy._

_And I will destroy the only thing that I have left, **myself**._

_I'm ready to lose the war, no don't save me._

_I want to lose the war, no I **deserve** to._

* * *

Every day. 

Every night.

Behind closed doors.

Behind May's back.

Before May came home.

After May went to sleep...

David did the most disgusting things to Peter, clawing the life out of his body, snatching away the light in his eyes, dirtying him, telling him he is worthless and only useful for this. 

Peter believed every single word of it.

After months of this torture, months of trying to fight, months of only ending up hurting people he cared about, he finally lost hopes of being saved, lost thoughts of self worth and accepted this is what he deserved.

Peter lay numbly, staring up blankly at the ceiling in the cruel darkness of the night and his life, as David loomed above him, thick bands of rope looped around his wrists tied his hands to the headboard of his bed.

Even though Peter wouldn't try to fight anymore, this was something David was fond of doing. 

It was some sort of power thing, Peter thought. 

Making sure that he knows who's in charge and no matter how much he struggled and tried to fight, David's gonna take what he wants anyway, indicating that there is no escape from this because this is where he's meant to be.

The familair feeling of hips slamming into his and the contionous rocking of his body on the bed made him snap his eyes shut in a vain attempt of tuning out the involuntary sounds his body was making. 

In a vain attempt of trying to tune out the disgusting things David whispered to him breathlessly in his ear as he continued to violate him.

"You're such a good boy Peter."

 _Grunt_.

"So good for me."

  
  


Peter's life changed drastically the night the universe decided to crush his unbelievably pure soul.

He wondered whether this was exactly what hell was like. 

Funny that it was believed that people had to die to serve their punishment in hell because Peter was sure he wasn't dead. 

On the _outside_. 

On the inside he was as dead as he ever could be.

He lost his innocence. 

He lost his virginity to his aunt's boyfriend. 

He lost his friends. 

He lost his faith in happiness and life.

And most of all, he lost a part of himself he couldn't ever get back.

Months of mental and physical torture, months of nobody noticing what was being done to him.

Even though, he didn't want anyone to know about this, somewhere deep inside his heart, he used to wish that somehow, someone would notice the bruises on his face, the unusual marks on his wrists and neck hidden away behind a layer of white powder. 

He wished for someone to notice the emptiness in his eyes, but no one ever did.

Now there was no place left in his shattered heart for wishes like these.

He made sure to cover up the bruises on his face and neck with foundation whenever he went out, made sure to pick out clothes with long sleeves, which were oversized and hid away his skinny, bruised body.

May had especially became very busy and engrossed in her work, tired all the time, the only time she was at home, she spent taking a nap and David made sure that there was least interaction between the two.

He was isolating him. Weakening him. 

He was _succeeding_.

Peter lost a little amount of hope with each day David used him, threatened him, reminded him that he was only good for this and nothing else.

His body had become thinner and skinnier, weaker than it was before he got the Super-strength. 

David didn't care much about feeding him. 

All that mattered to him was his beautiful face and body.

There was enough damage on his body that one look at him could save him from the hell he was in. 

But nobody looked properly. 

Or maybe nobody wanted to.

Releasing inside Peter, David moved down and bit at his naked hips, matching the other bruises and bite marks adorning the pale skin. 

"Who do you belong to Peter?" David asked, burying his face deeply in the crook of his neck.

"You." Peter whispered voidly, trying to ignore the hot breaths and wetness on his neck.

David kissed and sucked on Peter's jaw. 

"Oh I'll give you another chance Pete. You know I don't like short answers."

He whispered, running his hand softly through his curls, which if it wasn't for the fact that David was violating his naked body, would have almost felt near to comforting and loving.

He gripped Peter's chin with his fingers and tenderly tugged on it to bring Peter's eyes on his.

"C'mon say it." he said, looking at him like he's the most magnificent thing he had ever seen.

Peter opened his mouth,slowly letting the words that he had been beaten into believing in the past month to leak out with a few silent tears streaming out of his eyes.

"I belong to _you_."

"And?"

"And I'm no good for anything except _this_."

David's lips stretched into giving a wide grin and he patted Peter softly on his cheek. 

He then leaned in and locked his lips with Peter's, kissing him deeply, then getting up and leaving the room altogether after unknotting the rope around his hands.

Peter took out a small, razor sharp blade from under his pillow and pressed the cool metal on the dirty skin of his forearms and thighs, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from screaming as tears streamed out his eyes. 

He deserved this.

He deserved this pain. He deserved this torture.

All he had ever done is hurt everyone. And that's why he deserves this hurt and pain.

After cutting himself a few more times, he wiped the blood off of his hands and thighs, putting the blade under his pillow back again and laid down on it.

Without bothering to put his clothes back on, he just pulled up the blanket and went on to stare into nothing until the next morning arrived.

He refused to sleep anyomore. 

If he slept, then David would be back, with his haunting and sickening touches and Peter wanted to be as far away from that as he could. 

He had dark circles under his eyes due to lack of sleep. 

The only sleep he got was from small naps he took at his school or at the tower where there was no David around to haunt him.

The next morning came, which meant more pain and torture for him. 

He winced at the pain that came along with the movement of getting out his bed for school. 

May was still asleep which meant there was no need for Peter to pretend having breakfast according to David, so he put on an oversized hoodie, glancing at the mirror before going, making sure to have all the bruises covered.

He started moving towards the door, trying to be as quiet to attract least attention towards himself, but Dvaid grabbed him from behind, curling his hand around his waist and pressing his front against Peter's backside.

Peter flinched at the sudden touch and a hand clamped tightly around his mouth to stop the sudden scream that almost escaped his mouth.

Peter tried to struggle a little as tears sprang in his eyes, but David just grabbed him a little harder than before, curling his hand around his mouth and waist harder.

"Come home soon, I can't wait already." He whispered into his ear, kissing him softly at the nape of his neck.

Peter whimpered, grabbing delicately at the hand on his waist.

"I'll see you at night." he said again softly in his ears and then let him go suddenly, resulting in Peter stumbling forward on his feet, and without looking back he stumbled out of the apartment.

  
  


The word was full of light, enthusiasm and happiness as Peter walked through the streets all alone.

He spotted a couple kissing each other at a corner and he looked away with a grimace, swallowing back the bile that rised in his throat.

It wasn't really gross, rather Peter used to think it was a beautiful gesture for love.

He sometimes dreamt of kissing Mj, but now this only disgusted him, reminding him of his time with David.

He thought about the time when he and Ned would be walking to the school together, laughing and chatting away while on their way, making fun of stupid things and Peter almost felt jealous of his past self. 

The past self that had his best friend.

The past self that was happy.

The past self that wasn't dirty.

He missed Ned. He missed his past self.

  
He pushed through the crowded hallways of his school keeping his gaze down on the floor, making his way towards the locker while being as small as he could. 

Rest of the day dragged on as it did every day. Slow and boring.

He spotted Ned sitting with Mj at the far side of the cafeteria during lunch time.

They hadn't talked for mothns since they fought. 

And while Ned was seemingly better now, Peter was rotting away slowly.

He had tried a lot of times to make it up to him, but no matter what he did, Ned's anger didn't seem to end.

He walked towards the pair, stopping in front of their table and greeted him with a smile on his face, hoping to get a smile in return, to get his best friend back.

"Hey Ned."

But Ned didn't even looked up once or paused from eating his food as a reaction to the greet, pretending as though Peter was invisible.

He cleared his throat and repeated again but still there was no reply from him.

Then out of nowhere, to both MJ's and Peter's shock, Ned irritatedly got up from where he was sitting and left, leaving his half eaten food on the table.

Peter watched as Ned walked away angrily and then Mj rose up from where she was sitting.

"Look Peter, it's better you stay away from him right now. Give him some time." Mj told Peter, rubbing his shoulder in a smooth motion and then followed behind Ned. 

He stood there in silence in front of the empty table, blinking back the tears of guilt.

It felt like a few moments of standing there like a statue after which a hand suddenly clasped tightly on his shoulder snapping him out of his daze and making him flinch so hard that he almost fell.

"Are you okay Peter?"

Flash asked Peter, with concern filled eyes.

While his best friends were ignoring him, the only person that seemed to sense something off with Peter was his bully. 

And as impossible as it was to believe, Peter couldn't remember the amount of times Flash had came up to him to make sure he was okay in the past few months. He had even stopped bullying him.

Although it felt better knowing that he wasn't completely invisible to the world, but it hurt more to think that why does it have to be Flash and not Ned, or May, or Tony.

"Yeah I'm fine." He said wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and walked away, leaving a suspicious Flash behind.

As it turned out after the incident that day, Flash decided that he wasn't gonna buy his lies anymore because he could feel his eyes burning at the back of his head wherever he went.

He followed up behind him to the way out of the school and Peter finally rolled his eyes and turned around, to face Flash with displeasure clear on his face.

"Can you stop following me please!? It's getting creepy now. " 

"Parker are you sure you're okay?."

"I'm fine Flash just, leave me alone."

"No look, if someone's hurting you or bothering you I can take them"

"What!? No! Flash what's wrong with you!? You are the one who's always bothering me. You have always been the one to bully me!"

"I know I bully you but I don't hurt you. I saw the bruises on your wrist."

Peter's face went pale on the realisation. _Shit_.

"S-so you're saying that I should be-be grateful to you for that? Okay, well, thank you Flash, for not hurting me!" Peter snapped back.

There was a moment of silence between the two after which Flash spoke again.

"Hey look, I'm sorry okay. I just, I just wanna make sure that you're okay."

Peter stared Flash in his eyes and looked away quickly when he felt tears forming in his eyes. 

He gazed down at the ground and spoke in a soft voice.

"Okay."

He could see from the corner of his eyes as Flash smiled sympathetically, patting him gently on his shoulder then leaving.

Peter turned around and was about to leave when he spotted a familiar back car waiting for him.

 _Great_. He watched as a smiling Tony waved out from the window.

He didn't want to go to the tower.

It's not like he didn't want to. He just, _couldn't_.

He had been avoiding going to the Stark tower for a few weeks since the incident occured.

It was another movie marathon night at the tower with all the avengers, and everyone was cuddled on the couch together, with Peter leaning his head on Tony's shoulder while Morgan sat in his lap, fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie while watching the movie. 

Tony had his hand at the back of Peter's neck, playing and ruffling through his small curls lovingly. 

The softness of the hand running through his curls, the loving touches of Morgan's soft and kind fingers warmed Peter's heart enough to let his body relax and close his eyes allowing himself to be peaceful for atleast a little while.

  
He was so relaxed that he didn't immediately realize when Morgan tugged at his sleeve harshly while calling out his name, resulting in the sleeve riding far up on his arms revealing all the bruises and the cuts on his wrists and arm. 

He noticed a minute later and quickly rolled down his sleeve.

It was a miracle nobody noticed that or everybody would have seen how dirty and weak he was.

And then the only people that made his life worth living for would be gone too.

So he started avoiding going to the tower , just going when it was important or when there was some kind of mission. 

He would blame it all on the school or that he had to help May or David with some stuff.

He sighed and started walking towards the car and got in.

"Hey kid." 

Tony greeted him cheerfully, as the car started moving, images of trees and busy streets rushing past the window.

"Was that kid bothering you or something?" 

"What- Who? Flash? No!"

"Oh well, okay. He better not." Mr. Stark said with a playful chuckle.

"Yeah."

Peter gulped.

"Mr. Stark. What are you doing here?"

"Well, since you couldn't seem to take out time out from your busy schedule to come and meet your poor old man, I figured I should take the initiative." Tony spoke.

"I'm sorry Mr. Stark i just, I've got a lot to do"

"Yeah, yeah I know, tell me something new kid."

Peter flushed and looked down.

"So what do you wanna do today kid? Lab work or maybe watch a movie again?"

No. He couldn't go back to the tower. He couldn't risk anybody knowing the truth.

"I was thinking maybe we could work on those web shooters of yours, I've got some few ideas. And oh! You know how much Morgan have been missing you? She's gonna be so happy." Tony kept going on with his happy mumble, barely paying attention to the way the teenager started getting tensed beside him.

"No, Mr. Stark I can't I have lots of homework today I just.. Happy can you please just drop me home." Peter cut him off, speaking in haste.

Tony paused and exchanged a worried look with Happy in the mirror and then spoke again.

"Hey kid, relax it's just one day. Besides you can do the homeowork there. I can help you with that."

"No Mr. Stark I really can't today please. I can't."

"C'mon kid, it's just-"

Peter tried to negotiate, to refuse but Mr. Stark just shuned his excuses, forcing him to come to the tower.

He hated it. David forced him to do things with him too.

Anger swelled up inside him and he couldn't help himself as he burst out in anger.

Why can't you ever stop interfering with my life Mr. Stark!? I told you I don't wanna go today. Can you please just stop forcing me."

Tony was taken aback, shocked at the sudden outburst.

"I just thought-"

"No you don't have to think anything for me! You're not my dad!" 

That was the exact moment he saw Tony's heart shatter through his eyes.

Peter's anger died on his face as newly forming tears and guilt replaced it.

He could see as Tony blinked back tears, and turning away from him, putting his sunglasses on. 

Probably to hide the hurt that flashed across his face.

"Okay." Tony replied, his voice wavered near the end of the word.

"I'm-I'm sorry Mr.Stark I didn't mean it-"

"No you're right, I'm not. It's okay." Tony spoke again rigidly yet so painfully, and then there was silence in the whole car. 

Peter could see as Happy stole sad glances at the Tony from the mirror.

Tears built in his eyes and he shifted his head to look out the window, blinking rapidly to prevent them from spilling.

He stomped out of the car as it halted in front of his apartment without even bidding goodbye.

Both adults stared as the teenager disappeared inside the building.

"Boss, you okay?" Happy said, breaking the silence

"I'm fine hap. Get us home."

  
Peter ran inside the apartment, thrashing the door behind him and collapsing on his bed, throwing his bag on the floor, and sobbing angrily into the soft bedsheet.

He did it again. 

  
Hurting people. People who deserve nothing more than happiness in their life.

He sobbed and sobbed into the bedsheet.

He had tried. 

He had tried so hard and still ended up hurting everyone who ever cared about him. 

Dammit. He deserved every single thing happening to him.

Mr. Stark just wanted to spend time with him, just wanted to make him happy, and he had ruined it all. 

He broke Mr. Stark's heart. 

He broke his best friends heart.

David was right. He was good for nothing.

Nothing except...

He heard the door to his room creak open and then there were hands on him, using him, pulling and pushing his body.

He was glad that it was happening. He deserved it. He deserved to be punished.

  
Tony stared at a picture of him and Peter on his phone.

It was from one of the movie nights with him, Morgan and Peter and Pepper had secretly took it when she came back to the tower to this scene.

He hadn't asked for the picture from Pepper directly because doing so would mean he was admitting to the various theories by the Avengers of intense love and care he had in his heart for Peter. 

Instead,he had sneekily took the photo from her phone making sure Pepper didn't know.

Peter's head was resting on Tony's shoulder and he had his hand curled up around Tony's waist, clinging onto him tightly and affectionately with one of his hand while the other one was being clutched by Morgan in the photo.

Both of them had their eyes closed and they were smiling affectionately in their sleep.

He couldn't help as a sad smile spread across his face and his heart yearned to have that time back.

He missed the kid. He had stopped showing up at the tower telling Tony that he had lots of work or some stuff and Tony couldn't really do anything about it. 

So he decided he would go to pick him up himself, so that Peter couldn't refuse and he could do something to relieve him of some of his stress and burden.

But he didn't expect Peter to backlash at him like that.

While Tony never really cared much about what people say to him or about him, every single word that Peter had said to him had pierced his heart like shards of glass.

He quickly turned off his phone and tucked it away in his pocket as Morgan came running inside with Happy.

Daddy!! She said cheerfully as she crashed into his arms.

She looked around for a moment and then spoke.

"Daddy, where's Petey?" She said, the enthusiasm and happiness fading away from her face.

"He- um. He's busy baby. He's got lots of homework from school."

"But I want Petey!" Morgan said, curling her lips in a small and adorable pout.

Tony chuckled. 

"Yeah me too baby." He said, tugging his lips to a side.

"But he's really busy right now. But I'm sure he'll be back as soon as he's done with it."

"Promise?"

"Yes." Tony said and kissed her on her forehead lovingly.

"Now c'mon missy, let's get something to eat."

"Okay!"

She giggled and got down on her feet, and ran away screaming.

"Race you to the kitchen!"

Tony and Happy laughed as they watched her run out in enthusiasm.

Happy grabbed Tony by his hand as he followed behind her.

"Tony, I think you should talk to him."  
Happy could see that what happened in the car really had hurt Tony. But he also saw that something has been off with the kid since a long time.

"No Happy. He's made it clear he doesn't want me in his life anymore. So i'm not gonna bother him." Tony said, and left the room, leaving Happy alone who face palmed himself

Like father like son.

He really hoped he was wrong about something being wrong with Peter and that it was just teenage angst and hormones.

Peter eyes snapped open at the sound of David shouting his name from outside his room.

It was nearly 3 in the morning and he looked down to realize he was naked. 

The last thing he remembered was David on top of him and then he had passed out

Probably due to all the exhaustion of the whole day taking over his body.

He quickly jumped out of his bed, putting on his clothes and running outside towards the source of the shouts.

When he entered the room, Peter found himself staring at David who was cradling May's face, shaking her and trying to wake her up. 

"What took you so long brat!" David spat in fury.

"What's- what's wrong with her?" Peter asked, worry and fear beginning to fill his body.

"I don't know! I've been trying to wake her up from so long, but she isn't responding. I think I gotta take her to a hospital." He said.

Peter's body started trembling and his chest heaved, trying to get as much air in his lungs as possible. 

No. Please. Anyone but not May.

This can't be happening. It had to be a dream.

He pinched himself hard and looked back at the scene unfolding in front of him and as Peter stared at David with wide eyes, he saw a little concern and worry in his eyes but not enough to match the current situation.

His hands curled into fists on his sides and his body started trembling now but not with fear.

"You did this." He mumbled, gazing down at the floor as angry tears blurred his vision.

"What the fuck did you just say!?" David snapped back, slowly getting off the bed and stalking towards Peter.

Peter shifted his gaze to look straight into David's remorseless ones and spat louder.

"You did this to her! I know it. What did you do!?" Peter shouted, tears streaming out his eyes as he screamed in anger.

David ran towards Peter in intense rage and pushed him against a wall, gripping his hair in a strong hold with one hand and gripping his jaw in a bruising hold with the other.

As David stood inches away from Peter's face, he could see worry and fear in his eyes but not for May's life, but for his own self.

"Listen shit! I didn't mean to do it okay! I've just been giving her a few sleeping pills at night to keep her out, I didn't knew this would happen."

Rage built inside of Peter and he pushed at David's chest wildly leading to him falling on his butt with a loud thud.

Oh _shit_.

The anger that was now building inside David's eyes was the one he had never seen before.

He froze in fear as David got up and charged at him in wrath.

Peter tried to run but David caught his ankle, slamming Peter down on the hard floor. 

He climbed on top of him, grabbing his curls and slammed his head on the floor repeatedly until there was blood coming out of the slashed open skin on his forehead, nose and mouth.

Peter cried out in pain as David slammed his feet into him, throwing punches and kicks into his trembling body, punching and kicking harder than before with every blow.

"This is what you get for talking back to me you bastard!" David shouted in rage.

Peter sobbed heavily on the floor, lying on his stomach, calling out to May like a child does to his mother. 

He didn't care if he sounded childish.

He just wanted May so badly right now.

He heard the unbuckling of belt from behind him and the next thing he knew, there's a hand in his hairs, forcing him on his knees and ripping his shirt off his body.

David circled around Peter's frame with a belt in his hands as he kneeled down on the floor, gazing down on the floor and sobbing.

David stopped behind Peter, tightening and curling the belt harder in his hands, he rose his hands and whipped him, ignoring the loud screams and shouts coming from the teenager.

He continued whipping him mercilessly until his back was a mess of blood and cuts and Peter's frail body finally collided onto the floor.

He sobbed as David gripped his face harshly forcing him to look into his eyes.

"Now listen here you little shit! I'm gonna take her to the hospital. If you tell anyone that I gave her the pills, I'm gonna make sure that your precious May doesn't see the sun again. Do you understand!?"

Peter nodded, his body shaking voilently, tears streaming out and mixing with the blood on his face.

"Good." David said with a satisfactory grin as he slammed his head on the floor again.

He watched from in between the black dots appearing in his vision as David picked May up and started walking towards the door.

"Maybe it's all for good Peter. If she dies, it'll be just you and me. It's gonna be so fun." He heard David say playfully and more tears spilled over from his eyes.

The last thing he heard was the sound of the door being locked before he passed out from the pain laying on the cold hard floor, bleeding and exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooo Poor Peter :(  
> Things are gonna get so much worse for him before they get any better.
> 
> Thank you for reading.  
> Also, leave a comment if you want to. They make me happy. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
> 
> Stay safe and happy.❤️


	7. It was okay when I wasn't alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of the tags mentioned above might trigger you even in the slightest please do not proceed.
> 
> Take care and stay safe❤️
> 
> Hope you like this chapter :)  
> (Apologies in advance for mistakes 😅)

The first thing that Peter felt when he regained consciousness was the pain radiating through his whole body.

His head was pounding horribly and the pain in his back brought tears in his eyes.

He tried to go back to sleep, to get away from the pain and be in peace for some more time but the pain kept dragging him into the world of awareness and suffering.

He moaned and stirred painfully at the realisation and decided upon getting up, the world of darkness being far out of his reach.

The floor was cold beneath his naked skin as he slowly opened his eyes, his hands coming up in front of his face automatically to shield him from the intense light and brightness in the apartment which was completely contradictory to the darkness that he was previously surrounding by.

He waited till his eyes finally adjusted to the changed light and he slowly got back onto his feet with the support of the wall next to him, biting his lip to stop the screams that threatened to escape at the pain that shot throughout his body at any small movement.

The last time he was awake and aware was the night before, near about 3 am when he had heard David shouting his name from outside his room and the last thing he remembered was David picking up May and going out the door before he succumbed to the darkness.

No. _May_.

Tears sprang in his eyes at the thought of her and he choked back a sob.

He looked up towards the clock hanging on the wall for the time.

It was 11:30 in the morning, nearly 8 hours since David took May to the hospital and yet there was no sign of any of them.

He looked around the apartment and spotted his shirt laying discarded on the floor, reminding him of the cruelty and the whipping sound of the belt cutting through the thick air followed by the pain of his back being split open.

Choking back a sob and biting back tears, he slowly walked towards his shirt, bending and picking it up with a soft grimace and then slowly limped towards the bathroom to clean the dried blood caking his back and face.

He couldn't risk May walking in the apartment with David and seeing him like this, partly because he didn't wanted to cause his aunt any more pain than he already had.

It was bold of him to assume that May would recover so quickly that she'd just straight up walk inside through that door on her own, but again, hope was the only thing left with Peter in this cruel world.

Hopes of being saved.

Hope of smiling again.

Hope of being happy again. Which seemed near to impossible. But he still hoped.

He went to the bathroom and stepped inside the shower, directly under the hot stream of boiling water which left his skin a shade of pinkish-red after contact.

He stood in the shower for what felt like hours, numb and lifeless, glaring down at his legs and watching the blood flowing down his legs and into the drain along with water.

Not until his skin was near to scorching and flashing blazing hot red, even blistered slightly at some places due to the cruel torture of the boiling water did it came into his mind to get out of the shower.

It was always better to feel his skin was burning, like his skin was on fire, because feeling the phantom touches of harsh hands on his skin was much worse than anything he could ever go through.

He was scared that one day he was gonna lose his mind and try to set his skin on fire, to get rid of any traces of David from him.

He stepped out of the shower, noticing how the whole bathroom had gotten steamy just like every other time after his hot shower and slipped some fresh clothes onto his permenantly dirty, beaten and bruised body.

He wondered if he could do the same with his dead rotten life.

Change it. 

Start it a _fresh_.

But unfortunately, he couldn't.

  
He walked out of the bathroom and walked straight towards the door.

He thought about going to school for a while to get his mind off of things but found out the door was locked.

David had most probably locked the door from outside to make sure he didn't get out or go somewhere.

To make sure he couldn't escape this hell until and unless he gave him the permission to.

He just wished that he could just see May once. 

Wished for his phone to ring and May would be on the other side, calling him from the hospital and assuring him that she's okay.

He'd be totally fine with a call from David too at that accord, he just wanted to know, wanted to be assured, for just once, to just know that she's okay, but instead, he was left alone to dwell in pain.

If anything ever happened to her, he would never be able to forgive himself because it was all because of him.

It was his fault May was hurt.

It was his fault David had hurt May.

He opened his phone, and although he expected it, but still it broke his heart to see no messages or calls from anyone. 

No one cared about him. 

No one was out there for him.

He missed those random texts from Ned and Mj.

He missed those unexpected calls from Mr. Stark.

He partially hoped that there was any message or call from Mr. Stark but as usual he had ruined it with him too.

Although he knew it was his fault that every single person he cared about in his life had drifted away from him, but he prayed for just once for any one fo them to just, look over the anger and through to the pain he was in.

He was Spiderman for God's sake. Yet there he was, so weak and worthless. 

_It is a fact that no matter how strong a person could be, being alone could make even the strongest fall._

Peter was no **different**.

So he figured it was for the best that he was alone. 

Atleast no one would have to deal with such a dirty and worthless human.

He slid down the wall he was leaning against and dropped down the floor hugging his knees and sobbing quietly on the floor, his heart aching for nothing but comfort, but as always no one came, and one day the ache in his heart would grow so much that he was gonna stop feeling it at all.

It was human to feel things. 

It's always better to just feel. 

But at that moment, at this point of his life, Peter would give anything just to feel nothing at all.

It was nearly 7 in the evening when Peter was pulled out of his unintentional deep slumber.

He didn't knew when he passed out on the floor hugging his knees because the next thing he knew was he was being snapped out of his sleep by the door being swung open, colliding loudly with the wall he was sitting against.

He quickly got up to his feet as David closed the door with an irritated yet exhausted look on his face.

Peter didn't move an inch from where he was standing, expecting David to hit him again or something but instead David just went past him with an annoyed huff and went to switch on the Tv. 

He lied down on the couch, ignoring the whole existence of Peter, as if he was never there.

Peter watched from the spot as David watched the TV, bringing his hand upto his forehead and resting the back of it there.

After a few minutes of standing there like a statue in hesitation and fear, Peter finally convinced himself to go up to him and ask him about May.

His body was trembling from the fear of being hit again as he slowly and softly walked towards the couch David was lying on, keeping his head bowed down as a sign of submission.

He stopped in his tracks as he reached near the couch, standing on the opposite side of where David was and after a lot of uncertainty, he finally mumbled out.

"M-May?" He said. 

His voice was low and shaking as he kept his gaze at the floor.

"Bring me some beer from the fridge."

"Wh-what?"

"What do you mean what? Didn't you hear me!? Bring. Me. Some. Beer!"

He said, angrily and Peter quickly stumbed towards the fridge for the beer. 

He hesitantly stepped near to David and reached out his hand towards him to hand him the beer.

David grabbed it from his hands in a quick and agressive motion and Peter flinched voilently, as if he thought the hand was gonna land on his cheeks instead.

He stepped back again, increasing the distance between the two, and going back to the same spot he had been standing before asking again.

"Please D-david?"

He whimpered in fear as David snapped his eyes at him in a millisecond when he mumbled out his name.

Peter quickly corrected himself.

"I'm s-sorry....s-sir? How's M-may?"

He said turning his gaze towards the floor again blinking rapidly to get rid of the tears that were now forming in his eyes.

He remembered the day when David decided out of the blue that Peter wasn't worth calling him by his name so he had beaten him into calling him sir. 

It had been S _ir_ forever after that. 

Not David. 

Peter glared back up to see that David had turned his head away from him and was watching the TV again.

He stood there for a while as David watched the TV until he finally decided to break the silence with his harsh words.

"Go to my room and wait for me on the bed."

"Wh-what?"

"What are you fucking deaf or something!!?" David screamed in rage.

"N-no sir. Sorry sir." Peter complied obediently, wiping his eyes and turned around to walk towards his and May's room.

Not not May.

May was not here.

Only David was. 

So it was David's room only.

He rapidly blinked back the tears and slowly walked towards his inevitable fate with trembling feet and laid down on the bed on his side, curling into himself, hiding both of his hands between his hips and ducking his head so much that it almost touched his knees. 

It was painful to think back to the night when it all had started, the exact spot where he was lying at the moment was responsible for his innocence being taken away.

Dry sobs hitched out of his mouth like spasms as he stared ahead in the darkness continuously until he heard the door creak open followed by the sound of it being shut.

He heard the shuffling of clothes from behind him and then the bed underneath him dipped.

Then there were rough hands on him that manhandled him into laying down on his back.

David was naked except his boxers as he hovered above him.

His hands went up to Peter's shirt, pulling it off of his chest and Peter raised his hands a little, to avoid angering David any further than he already had.

He laid limp and stared ahead at the ceiling as David took off the clothes that protected him from the hungry eyes of the evil.

David threw the shirt onto the floor and then his hands moved towards Peter's jeans, burying his fingers underneath the waistband of his jeans and boxers and pulled them both down together, off his knees and throwing them onto the floor with his shirt.

Peter's face flushed in humiliation as he felt the last piece of his dignity being shred away from him, lying completely unprotected and uncovered from the coldness of the hands that were now roaming his body as if it were thier own.

His hands were itching to move and cover his exposed body but he remembered the times he tried to do so and David had broken his wrist in anger. 

David climbed on top of him, bending down and putting one of his knees between Peter's legs as he leaned down and kissed Peter roughly, rougher than he ever had before. 

Peter's hands lay limp at the side of his head as foreign hands touched and grabbed his naked flesh.

David bit his lip so hard that he wailed loudly in pain, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"Shut the fuck up!" David screamed and Peter instantly went quiet with fear, breathing deeply and staring directly into his abuser's eyes.

David moved down and buried his face in Peter's neck, sucking and biting hard as he grinded his frame against Peter's .

Peter could almost feel a little blood leaking out of a few bites on his shoulder and neck but he stayed quiet, breathing deeply and trying to ignore the pain.

David was being too harsh with him. 

Harsh like he had never before.

Maybe he was punishing him for speaking too much or disobeying him. 

But seeing the way his eyes drooped and his breath stinked he could have also been too much drunk and exhausted.

In the end, the cause didn't matter because it was Peter who had to bear the result always.

It felt like a few minutes after which David grew bored of Peter's neck and then got back up, removing his knee, his eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance.

"Turn around, and lie back on your stomach." He said annoyed, as if he was angry at Peter for not sensing what he wanted him to do without telling him.

Peter obeyed quietly and turned around, lying back on his stomach with his naked backside on full display.

He layed his head on the pillow while his hands layed besides either side of the pillow, lying limp instead of fighting against David.

 _Pathetic_. He thought.

He felt harsh hands grip him and then David was on top of him, adjusting himself and then slamming inside him brutally, eliciting a hitched scream from his mouth.

David groaned in annoyance at the loud noise again.

He entangled his hands with Peter's , fingers digging between Peter's and set up a fast and brutal pace, rocking Peter's small and frail body back and forth on the bed.

Pained whimpers escaped Peter's mouth as David slammed into him brutally again and again, brutal than he had ever before, his breath hot on his shoulder.

It felt like he was being ripped apart from inside, like his insides were on fire.

"Please." 

He muttered out.

"David." 

Sob.

"It hurts alot." 

Peter said in between his pained whimpers as tears finally streamed out his eyes.

"How many times do I have to tell you to shut up! There's just one thing you're good for so just shut your stupid mouth up or I'm gonna make you."

David said, his anger clearly rising and Peter instantly went quiet, biting on his lip and clenching his teeth tight, squeezing his eyes shut as more tears came out because of the voilent and painful intrusion.

A hand appeared in his curls, gripping tightly for support as David increased his pace, slamming into him faster, grunting and moaning continuously in his pleasure.

The bed creaked loudly beneath the pair and Peter gripped the sheets tighter, entangling his fingers for balance.

One specific harsh slam pushed his body forward so hard that his head ended up colliding with the headboard and Peter couldn't help the scream that escaped his lips followed by pained sobs and moans.

David groaned in annoyance behind him and the next thing he knew there were fingers brushing his lips, before forcing their way inside, going past his lips, his thumb under his chin, holding the lower portion of his face tightly under his grip.

"If you bite-" 

David said breathlessly in between his moans

"I'll make this so much worse for you."

Peter snapped his eyes shut, trying to ignore the feeling of the saltiness and hotness on his tongue and the intense pain errupting from his ass.

His fingers gripped the bedsheet so tight that his knuckles turned white and with every ounce of energy in him, he made sure to not bite the fingers scraping inside his mouth by clenching his teeth.

After what felt like and eternity, David finally released and collapsed on top of Peter, removing his fingers from his mouth and wiping them on his abused body.

Soft sobs escaped Peter's mouth at the brutality as hands manhandled him again onto his side, laying him with his back against David's chest.

David curled his hands around Peter's waist and pulled him closer, kissing at his neck and shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"She'll be fine in a few days hopefully." 

He said and silent tears streamed out of his eyes at the mention of May.

Peter hoped for David to let him go, to not have to spend the entire night being curled up against him naked, but his hopes were proven wrong the next moment.

"Good night." David whispered before falling asleep while still gripping Peter tightly, and Peter could feel as his hot, stinking breath evened out on his shoulder.

Despite being sleepy and exhausted, Peter didn't sleep a wink.

Passed out from the pain and exhaustion, the next time Peter came to he was still on the bed on his stomach again, David wasn't next to him but there was someone behind him , pulling and pushing his body.

When David finally finished he got up from on top of him and ordered Peter to get up too.

Peter slowly got up, clenching his teeth tightly at the pain.

His body was still exhausted from all the events that had been happening since the day before, but David didn't seen to care much about that, using him according to his own pleasure.

He gripped Peter's chin tightly in his fingers and inspected his face, moving it side to side.

Peter gripped the sheets beneath him tightly, sitting on his knees.

"You're not going to school until these fade. Till then, it's just you and me." 

He said, pecking him lightly on his lips and then moving to get off the bed, slipping into his clothes.

"Now get up and cook me something to eat. I'm starving."

Peter nodded obediently and put on his clothes quietly before leaving to cook while David went to shower.

The days went on long and painful for Peter, stuck all alone with David between four walls. 

There was no escape from him, he couldn't go to school, he couldn't go out of the apartment because of the bruises and Peter prayed relentlessly day and night for some relief from the pain and torture, for May to just come back.

It was never this bad when May was home, it would only happen at night when May was asleep or when she was at work.

But now, it was relentless, all the time, and David never cared about the pain Peter was in. 

He would make him clean the entire house, or would beat him out of the blue for fun.

Sometimes he would intentionally break things or dirty the apartment to make sure Peter doesn't get much rest. 

Since May was gone Peter was the one who had to cook food and that was the only good thing that came out of this situation because sometimes David allowed him to eat too.

David would go out with his friends sometimes, happily coming back home drunk and using him again, like there was no regret or fear inside him of losing May, if anything he looked more free.

  
He had also ordered him to stay quiet, to not speak anything unless being told to. 

He would punish him even if he cried out because of the pain David was putting him through.

Peter remembered when this had really started. He had just asked him about May's condition again. 

It had been two days since she had been in the hospital and he just wanted to know if she was okay. 

But David got angry and had punished him by tying his hands behind his back and gagging him with a dirty cloth and locking him inside the closet for the rest of the day.

"That'll teach you to stay quiet." Peter remembered he had said before the door of the closet closed, leaving him all alone with his self depricating thoughts in the darkness. 

The darkness was hauntingly quiet and Peter almost had 4 panic attacks.

There was no one in there for him and he had to get himself to calm down and breath deeply through his nose to avoid being suffocated to death , shattering his heart further at his loneliness.

David avoided beating Peter on his face, because the bruises were already bad enough and taking a lot more time than usual to heal.

All this torture was almost enough to drive him over the edge, to land him inside the bathroom, slamming his fist into the bathroom mirror in helplessness and disgust at himself. 

All he ever wanted was to feel loved. 

Was that too much to ask? 

Staring at what seemed to be the remains of the mirror, he almost didn't recognise himself. 

His eyes looked so empty, like all of the emotions had been sucked out of him. 

And that was the truth, wasn't it?   
Tears flowed down his face as he clutched the shard of glass in his shaking hand , while the other one lay bare , in the agonizing wait for the pain to finally end. He would finally be at peace. 

Just one cut. 

And it would end. 

But no. He thought about May when she would come home and David would have to tell her how weak Peter was and how he killed himself. 

No he couldn't do that. 

He couldn't do that to May.

He remembered the conversation he had with her a few months ago..

 _"After Ben, you're all I have. I don't want to lose you too._ "

No he had to wait, he had to hold on for May.

He owed her atleast that much.

He threw the shard in the dustbin, and cleaned the mess of shattered glass on the floor, quiet sobs bursting through him once in a few seconds.

* * *

Peter was sitting on his bed in his room, scrolling through his insta feed. 

It was night time, around 8 and David was outside with some of his friends, whom he had called to have a fun night or something. 

Turns out, fun for them was actually just blasting the TV on full volume and drinking their asses away.

He had made sure he closed his door properly, since there was no lock on his door. 

David had ripped the lock out of his door the day he had taken May to the hospital.

"You don't need any privacy. You're my property anyway."

 _Property_.

He had said.

He remembered clearly.

He did his best to avoid meeting any of his friends. 

David was bad enough for him, he didn't want to meet his creepy friends too.

Something inside of him told him maybe one of them could help him and would try to drive some sense into David, maybe not everyone was like him, but remembering the threat David gave him of killing May, he flushed that thought out of his mind immediately.

It was around half an hour later when his hunger took the best of him and he finally went into the kitchen quietly, avoiding any noise.

He opened the fridge quietly and searched for food, completely unaware of the stranger that had came and was now standing right behind him.

"Hi." 

A low and raspy voice made him flinch, dropping the sandwich in his hand and turning around, gripping the kitchen slab in shock.

"You must be Peter, right?"

Peter kept staring at him with wide eyes.

The stranger was looking him straight in the eye with a small smile on his face. 

He looked like a normal decent human being, but again, so had David in the start.

"H-how do you know?" He said, breaking the awkward silence between them.

"Well, let's just say...David had told all of us a lot about you." He said referring to all of his friends who were passed out, probably by drinking too much.

The smile on his face grew wider, and creepier.

A chill ran through Peter's body and tears sprang in his eyes at the thought of all the disgusting things David could have told his friends. 

That man really had no limits.

He never thought he could drop this low.

He clutched the kitchen slab tighter with moisture in his eyes and fear in his veins as the stranger stalked towards him slowly with the creepy smile still on his face, and stopping just inches away from his face.

"And now that I have seen you, I have to admit, none of the things he told us about you...were wrong."

He said as his hands started roaming and all of a sudden, Peter jumped and gasped loudly as one of his hands grabbed his ass.

"No!" 

He screamed loudly pushing the stranger away from him and ran inside the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind him since there was no lock on the door of his room.

He stumbled onto the toilet pot, gripping the seat tightly and threw up voilently, tears streaming out of his eyes, until there was nothing left inside his stomach anymore.

He curled into himself on to the cold floor, sobbing voilently at the events that took place a few moments ago.

He expected the stranger to follow him and try to come after him but no one came for a while and Peter sat down on the floor, sobbing and rocking his body back and forth, whispering comforting words to himself.

It's okay. It's okay.

You're _okay_.

But in real, No. He wasn't okay.

He wasn't remotely close to being okay.

His sobs quietened down in time as someone started banging the bathroom door voilently calling out his name.

David.

"Open the door you bastard!  
What are you doing in there!?"

He quickly got onto his feet and stumbled to the door, opening it quickly.

David dragged him outside and threw him against the wall and then pressed himself against him.

Peter looked around and found out all his friends were gone, since the apartment was empty besides the pair and the stinking smell of beer.

"Hey!" David said while patting Peter's cheek to drive his attention to him.

"Get down on your knees."

He said while unbuckling and pulling down his pants.

Peter stared at him in confusion until the realization dawned upon him .a

His breathing shallowed and he shook his head agressively, eyes wide and pleading with fear .

"No. Please sir."

"I-I can't do this."

"Let's just-"

He sobbed.

"Let's j-just go to b-bed."

He said, swallowing back the bile at the disgusting words that left his mouth.

He had never in his life thought that one day he would plead to David to take him to the bed but this was just- No. He just couldn't. 

That was different and this was different. 

David gripped his jaw tightly and banged his head against the wall

"Are you saying no to me!? Do you want May to live or not!?"

"I'm-I'm sorry sir." Peter said while sobbing heavily. There was no way out of this.

"Now get down."

"Y-yes sir."

He said as tears streamed past his flushed cheeks and he bowed down his head in shame and humiliation, slowly getting down on his knees.

After it was done ,David pulled up his pants and Peter was left sitting on the floor on his bruised knees, violent sobs wrecking through his body. 

His face was wet with tears and he threw up again on the floor beside him, clutching his abdomen tightly and crying out in pain and disgust.

"You can go to school tomorrow. The bruises have faded. Make sure to still cover them properly though." David said as he limped away towards his bedroom.

"And don't forget to clean that shit up."

He said, pointing towards the mess of vomit and disgusting fluids on the floor.

And with that he closed the bedroom door, leaving Peter sobbing on the floor on his knees alone.

"It's okay. You're okay Peter, you're okay."

_No you're not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart aches so much for Peter :( 
> 
> This chapter was kinda dark. I never really thought I would go this dark but here we are 😅  
> Also get ready for ultimate angst in the next chapter :) It's is going to be, by far the longest chapter in this story.
> 
> And alsoooo, I gave name to the chapters instead of Chapter 1,2,3!! Yayyy!! ^_^
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated because they make me happy. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻


	8. I found peace in darkness and horrors in light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Everything mentioned in the tags.  
> If any of them might trigger you, please don't proceed.
> 
> Stay safe and Take care❤️

_Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it._

* * *

  
Every person has a breaking point. And it seemed like, Peter Parker had just crossed his.

Peter pushed past the obstructing and lively crowd in the hallway of his school aggressively, keeping his hands in his pocket and his numb and emotionless eyes at the floor.

He ignored all the abuse being thrown back at him for bumping into people and not even apologizing or looking back.

He could see Ned and Mj staring at him from the corner of his eyes but honestly, he just couldn't give a shit anymore. 

And he didn't even want to now. 

He was done hoping and wishing for comfort, fruitlessly for months all alone, enduring the most torturous and painfully horrifying days.

There were countless bruises and cuts on his body, countless cracks and holes in his shattered heart, and they couldn't look through even one of them. 

What broke his heart was that now it was difficult to judge whether they weren't able to or didn't want to.

Heck they could have atleast tried? Or even pretended to care?

The worst had already happened and no one was there for him.

He had cried, he had bled, he'd been abused, he'd been raped, he'd been depressed.

But now, he was just numb. If there was any other emotion left, it was anger. 

Anger at the universe for always being so cruel with him. 

He remembered sitting down on the cold hard floor of his apartment last night on his knees and sobbing uncontrollably through the dead silence and heart wrenching loneliness echoing around the four walls he was trapped in. 

He remembered how the horrible ache in his heart just grew and grew and kept growing, yearning for just someone, anyone to hold him and tell him-  
"You're gonna be okay Peter. I promise, I'm here for you always, I love you."

He didn't even care if the words were all just lies.

He just wanted someone, _anyone_. But as usual no one came.

He remembered when he put his fist in his mouth to stop the loud sobs from escaping.

The joints of his fingers were still hurting horribly due to the bite marks he had inflected on them.

He remembered how he collapsed onto the floor the moment he tried to get up because the pain inside his heart completely numbed the pain that the bruises on his knees brought from sitting on them all night long.   


There was no point in trying anymore. 

The universe had proven to him that he was forever destined to be alone. And no matter what he did, he was always gonna end up alone. 

Because he deserved it. He deserved every single bit of what was happening to him.

It was first time in a very long time that Peter hadn't come to school hungry though.

Since David was asleep while he made the breakfast, he made sure to have some for himself too as an excuse of tasting whether the spices were all correct. 

The last time when he had accidentally put a little less salt in the food, David had been so angry that he threw it all on the floor and dragged Peter upto the stove, lighting it up and shoving his hand directly onto the scorching flame.

Peter remembered how he had screamed like crazy that day, how he had begged for David to let his hand go.   
He had ended up crying the whole day at the pain after that.

  
Peter made his way towards his class, pulling the hood of the oversized hoodie he was wearing over his head.

He had expected to have a normal day at school, normal as in away from David's touches and abuse because nothing had been normal in his life ever since David showed up, but instead, he found himself bearing through an unexpected health class. 

  
Every passing minute, every passing second was becoming difficult for him to endure.

He clenched the desk tightly and stared out the window, trying his best to tune out the all too familiar words with his pale face.

No matter what he did or what he tried, there was no way he was able to stop them from running in his mind. 

All the times when David had abused him and hurt him, flashed in front of his eyes and didn't go away even when he squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

He bowed down his head until it nearly touched the desk so as to hide the soft whimpers escaping his mouth. 

The teacher just went on and on about her words and all of a sudden David was back with his callous hands and burning touches.

_"If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable with their words..."_

"You're so pretty Peter. You're such a good boy Peter, so good for me."

Moans. Grunts.

_"If anyone touches you without your consent especially at your private places..."_

David groping him aggressively and biting and sucking at his naked flesh.

David slamming inside of him as Peter screamed like crazy.

_"Sexual abuse is not a joke kids, tell a friend or your parents, there's always someone you can tell."_

"Please Ned I'm sorry."  
"I hate you Peter."

"I think you should stay away from us for a little while, give him some time."

"It's okay May you don't have to be worried about me, I understand you have lots of work."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it Mr. Stark."  
"No it's okay you're right. Happy drive him home."

"The only thing you are good enough for Peter, is this. Do you understand?   
C'mon say it."  
Hands grabing at his naked flesh  
"I'm no good for anything except this."

A loud, shuddered whimper escaped Peter's mouth and his eyes watered quickly, his breath coming out shallow and rapid.

Black dots appeared in front of his eyes and he could feel the panic attack rising. 

No he couldn't risk that. 

He couldn't risk being taken to the nurse's office, and he couldn't risk the nurse finding out about the bruises and bite marks on his wrists and neck or about the white powder covering his bruised face.

He inhaled deeply and got up from where he was sitting.

"Can I please use the bathroom?" 

He did his best to try and sound defiant but he still ended up cracking near to the end. He could feel his legs trembling underneath him and he was scared that they just might give away.

It was a good thing nobody noticed though, or so he thought as he walked out of the class with his hands curled tightly into fists, he completely missed the suspicious and worried gaze of one and only Flash who was sitting right beside him through it all.

Peter ran straight towards the bathroom the moment his foot left the classroom, muffling his mouth with his hand to stop the vomit from coming out and spilling.   
  
He thrashed inside the thankfully empty bathroom, stumbling into the first stall, lifting up the lid just in time as he threw up all his breakfast into the pot and sobbed.

No matter where he went now, David was always gonna be there to hurt him.  
  
His whole body ached.  
His throat hurt. His nose hurt. His stomach hurt. His heart hurt.

The vomit just kept coming and coming as his mind replayed all the dirty, disgusting days he had spent with David. 

He started scratching and clawing away at his skin while screaming in frenzy.

"No! Go away. Please!"   
He sobbed clutching the seat and threw up again.

His ears were ringing and he couldn't see anything past the dirty horrifying nights replaying in his mind again and again and the words of the teacher, circling around his mind were proving none less than subtitles for all those scenes.

He was so caught up in his own wild thoughts that he didn't hear his name being called from behind until there were hands on him.

"No stop! Get away!" He screamed and backed away from the touch.

Someone was kneeling in front of him. He flinched away voilently from the figure and blinked his eyes rapidly until the figure of a boy cleared up in front of him.

Flash Thompson.

Flash who had a horrified look on his face and was staring at Peter with his slightly wet and wide open eyes.

There was a deafening silence between the two as they both stared at each other and Peter's chest heaved with rapid breaths.

Peter realized that his own face was wet with tears. 

Wait. Had he been crying? When did he cry?

After a while of nothing, he brought a shaking hand upto his face to wipe away the tears and Flash took it as a sign and spoke softly, shifting uncomfortably on his knees.

"Peter?" His eyebrows scrunched and his posture gave away clear hints of uneasiness.  
  
"Are you- Is someone-"

Peter noticed the way Flash's adams apple bobbed against his throat as he hesitated in letting out the next words.

"Is someone se- abusing you?"

Peter knew Flash had specifically cut out the word 'sexually'. 

It was obvious by the looks of it.

The way he had barged out of the health class, the state Flash must have found him in the bathroom screaming and crying at no one to get away.

His bottom lip wobbled and he stared at him in shock, confused as to what to say. 

At the same moment, someone walked in the bathroom and Flash turned around to look.

Taking that moment as an opportunity Peter got up to his feet and quickly ran out of the bathroom ignoring Flash's yells from behind him.

He stumbled his way through the crowded hallways and accidentally bumped into someone on his way.

His shoulder shoved into someone else's and his body forcefully turned around at the impact.

His own eyes found Ned's, which were squinting and his hand was rubbing his shoulder softly. 

His eyes switched to Mj standing right beside Ned, whose eyes had a hint of worry and plead in it.  
Like she wanted to reach out to Peter, but she was torn between betraying Ned.

He turned away as he felt the tears coming and ran out of the school, leaving Ned and Mj standing behind in the hallway, staring ahead in confusion.

They both turned around as in time Flash reached them.

They exchanged glances and while Ned started to move away Flash grabbed his wrist shoving him back where he was.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Flash snapped out.

"What do you mean?" 

"Can't you see!? There's something going on with him. You're supposed to be his friends."

Ned exchanged a glance with Mj who looked just as shocked as he was. 

Flash meant Peter Ofcourse.

"Since when did you give a shit about him Flash?" Ned said.

Flash sighed in disbelief and annoyance.

"Look I don't what happened between you two, nor do I want to, but that's your best friend right there." He said, pointing his finger towards the direction where Peter had disappeared.

"And I don't care what happened that had made you so harsh and cold towards him but I can assure you that it's not gonna be bigger than what is going on with him." 

"So you know what's happening?" Mj spoke up all of a sudden, her eyes pleading like she's been wanting to know the answer for quite a while.

"What- no! Can't you see!?"

"He's changed! He doesn't speak anymore. He doesn't smile anymore. He's getting thinner by day and all you can do is fucking ignore him? I thought you were friends with him! But this is clearly not friendship." He said, swaying his finger between the two.

"So you're saying that he needs friend like you?"

"What? No! Never, to be honest! But I've been trying to talk to him for a while now but he just wouldn't speak to me."

Flash sighed, and then spoke again with a calm voice.

"He needs you Ned. And he needs you Mj."  
"You know I used to be jealous of your friendship. But I was wrong. I guess your friendship only meant he being there for you and you never being for him when he needed you." 

Flash spoke as he backed away from the pair, his eyes showing nothing but disappointment in them and then disappeared in the crowd leaving a guilty Ned and Mj behind him.

Peter ran inside his apartment and closed the door abruptly behind him, leaning his head against the door and sobbed loudly. 

His phone in his hand lightened up every now and then giving the notification pops continuously.

Everything was getting so much worse, he didn't knew how much longer he could hold on for. 

He remembered Ned and MJ's eyes staring at him and all he wanted to do was just go up to them and break down in their arms no matter what had happened. 

It had taken evey ounce in his body to turn around and hide his tears and run away. 

_They hadn't been there for him through anything. What makes you think it's gonna change now Peter?_

He expected the apartment to be empty but he was proven wrong the next moment.

He heard loud footsteps coming his way and then stopping right in front of him.

He opened his eyes to see David standing there, taking in the paincked and sobbing mess Peter had made of himself and had clearly taken the hint of what might have happened.

"What the fuck did you do? Did you tell someone!?" He said, shaking Peter's frame heavily by his shoulder. 

Peter shook his head in a rapid motion.

"No- nothing hap-"

He was cut short by the loud, resonating sound of the notification pops going off on his phone again, turning David's attention towards his phone and he snatched it away from his hands clawing on his hands in the process.

Peter stared with wide and wet eyes as David unlocked his phone finding a series of Flash's texts he hadn't replied to. 

Parker?  
Hey? Are you okay?  
C'mon man I've been asking you from so long.  
You can tell me.  
I can help.  
I can tell something's going on.  
Hello.  
Parker.  
You there?  
Peter?

  
David turned his gaze up towards Peter with rage filled eyes and teeth clenched so hard Peter could have sworn he saw steam coming out of his ears.

He squeezed his phone in his hand so hard that if it was Peter in his place, the phone would have been in pieces on the floor long ago.

"Please! I didn't do anything I promise." Peter begged in fear, backing away but being stopped by the wooden door.

David tucked Peter's phone in his pocket and in a single, split moment, he lunged towards him and grabbed him by his curls aggressively.

He dragged him across the floor, not caring that Peter stumbled down in the process and was literally being dragged across on his already bruised knees.

He dropped him on the floor in the middle of the apartment and then disappeared into his room.

Peter propped himself up on his elbows and watched David as he came back with a brass knuckle in his hand.

All the blood drained from his face.

He sat up on the floor and backed away kicking his feet on the floor in haste.

"No! Please sir! No I'm sorry please."

He begged but David didn't stop stalking towards him, the rusted silver metal still shining in his hands.

David grasped Peter's curls in a tight fist again, forcing him onto his knees, ignoring Peter's constant begs. 

Pained screams escaped Peter's mouth as the metal made contact with his face.

He brought up his hands to pull at the hand gripping his curls painfully but it didn't make much of a difference to David, who kept punching and hitting him until his face was a mess of fresh leaking blood mixed with tears.

David dropped him onto the floor as Peter's grip got weaker and his eyelids started dropping.

He fell onto the floor face first with a painful thud and squinted his eyes at the strong taste of copper in his mouth.

Silent tears blurred his vision as he watched David disappear again and come back with a glass full of beer, in his hand.

He sat down on the floor in front of him and Peter watched with his swaying vision as David's hand hand disappeared into his pocket and then came back with a small pill in his hand. 

He dropped the pill into the glass of beer.

Peter watched as the beer fizzed the moment the pill went in and then next, David was forcing him on his knees again, gripping his jaw in a bruising hold.

"Open up."

He ordered to Peter and then emptied the content of the glass into his mouth.

The effect was instant.

Black dots appeared in his vision and he dropped down on the floor with a thud. It felt as if all his limbs were made of metal instead of flesh and bones.

The world around him spinned as his heavy eyelids dropped shut and he drifted into the darkness.

When Peter came to, the first thing he noticed was the dull pressure in between his thighs and the muffled voices surrounding him making him feel like his head was underwater.

When the voices cleared out slowly he could hear the dull sounds of soft grunts and moans drowned out by laughter coming from directly in front of him.

He tried moving but realized his limbs still felt heavy like metal and his whole body felt numb. He couldn't even feel the pain of the cuts and bruises dotting his face.

He tried moving his hands but there was something rough and scraped biting into his wrists and restricting movement.

He tried to speak but there was some kind of rough cloth lodged up behind his teeth and tied behind his head tightly.

Left with no other choice he slowly opened his eyes and groaned painfuly behind the gag. 

He felt his senses coming back to him as he slowly blinked his eyes to get rid of the blurriness.

He was able to make out a total of 3 different voices inside the room, one of them being David's.

When his vision cleared he saw the wall in front of him dancing back and forth until a figure blocked it, coming in front of his line of vision directly holding a phone horizontally with both of his hands.

Peter's phone.

He stared at him dazed and confused. Was he-filming him?

And then another figure came in between the two with his back towards Peter.

"Make sure to not get any of your faces in there okay?"

That was David, Peter made out from his voice.

Peter looked at him confused for awhile until a rough slam behind him dragged his attention towards the figure behind him.

Wait.

What the hell was happening?

  
He noticed his body being pulled and pushed and noticed the weight on top of him.

But if David was standing in front of him then-?

No.

The moment the realisation sank into him he started struggling voilently at the ropes surrounding his wrists and protesting and screaming loudly against the gag. 

David turned around and then there were sounds of laughter echoing around the room.

Peter tried to push the man behind him off of him but the drug inside his system prevented him in succeeding.

He sobbed and screamed and cried helplessly but all he got in return were laughs and insults being thrown at him.

Peter flushed in humiliation and looked at David pleadingly to help him, still struggling weakly to get out of the ropes biting into his wrist.

He felt a warm liquid trickle down his forearm, which was definitely blood.

The drug hadn't just weakened and numbed his body but also the pain rendering him utterly and completely helpless and complaint.

He screamed and begged and then cried helplessly as his words only came out as muffled voices behind the uncomfortably tight gag in his mouth. 

He bit onto the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut as drool leaked out of his mouth and he cried and wailed helplessly.

Bile rised up his throat and tears left his eyes relentlessly as hands grabbed him and slammed inside him from behind.

When he opened his eyes he regretted instantly as his eyes found the sickening gaze of the man filming the scene unfolding in front of him shamelessly. 

There was not an ounce of humanity left in those eyes, all but hunger and cruelity which made Peter turn his head and shove it onto the pillow tightly in a vain attempt to hide himself away even if it suffocated him.

"Oh he's awake?" 

The man from behind him spoke and David chuckled nodding his head.

The voice sounded strangely familiar but Peter couldn't quite place it.

And then there was a hand on his forearm and the man behind him leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"Don't you remember me Pete? We met yesterday night." 

Peter squeezed his eyes shut, letting his tears fall endlessly.

Of course he was. He should have known this would happen.

David came and crouched down in front of him, running his rough fingers through his curls as the man went back to slamming inside him mercilessly.

After what felt like hours, the man finally got off the bed pulling up his pants and Peter realized that the only person completely naked in the whole room was him. Just him. And everyone had watched him like that.

He turned his face and shoved it in the pillow again as he heard the man deliver praise words to David.

"You got yourself a good one buddy. You sure are one hell of a lucky bastard."

"I sure am."  
And then there was laughter again.

After a while of exchanging laughs and disgusting words aimed at him, the two men except David left. 

Then there was complete silence until there were hands on him unfastening the rope and the gag while Peter sobbed quietly into the pillow.

David grabbed Peter's curls and forced his wet face upto his own level.

"That was fun wasn't it?"

Peter pushed at David's chest agressively, his face wet with tears and eyes inflamed and completely red matching the dried blood caked on his face.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you! It wasn't enough for you raping me every fucking day that you let someone else do it to me too!? You're sick!!" 

He sobbed heartbreakingly.

"I'm not gonna let you do this anymore. I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna stay there until May wakes up and when she wakes up I'm gonna tell her every fucking thing and then she'll- she'll kick you out of here."

He cried out as tears streamed down his face, and hot breath escaped his nostrils, his heart boiling in intense anger and pain.

He expected David to lash out at him, or beat him, but instead, he just stood there and smiled. 

"Wh- why are you smiling?"

"Oh Peter." He said fondly.

"You still think May's gonna barge in here to save you?"

He laughed and then continued.

"I guess I shouldn't keep it a secret anymore then Pete." He said slowly stalking towards him and sitting on the bed, trailing his thumb softly over his trembling bottom lip.

"Your precious little May-" He said with a pause

"- is dead."

There was complete silence in the room for a moment as the expression on Peter's face changed abruptly, the tears stopped flowing and all the anger left his body in a second.

"Yo-you're lying." He spoke with his raspy voice, staring at David with numb eyes.

David stiffed back a chuckle and then spoke again, smiling.

"Ofcourse you wouldn't believe me. You see, May died two days after I took her to the hospital."

He said, tracing his fingers over the bite marks adorning his collarbone and then his naked chest but Peter kept staring at David giving no reaction to those touches.

"Her body couldn't bear the overdose of the pills so she died. I had to keep this a secret from you so you wouldn't act up like you are right now Pete, but I don't think I need to do that anymore, now that I have this."

He opened something up on Peter's phone and then showed it up to him.

Peter's face paled and his lips parted slightly, his bottom lip wobbling.

It was the video that the man had been filming of Peter before . 

Both David's and the other man's face was cut out of the video and it only showed Peter completely exposed.

He watched with wide eyes, switching between the video and David's smiling face as tears rolled past inside his parted lips and he tasted salt on his tongue.

"If you say or try to do anything stupid Peter, then everyone's gonna see how much of a slut you are."

Peter lurched froward for the phone but David pulled it away just in time.

He got off the bed and walked out of the room, humming happily.

"This is your life now Peter, better get used to it."

He said as he closed the door behind him, leaving a completely shocked and numb Peter behind, staring voidly into nothing.

* * *

Peter sat on his bed and watched as the sun set slowly and the world around him darkened. 

It had literally been hours since he had been sobbing, crying, wailing in despair and now he was just, numb. 

David had gone out with his friends as soon as he broke the truth about May to Peter. 

It didn't hurt anymore.

His heart wasn't aching anymore. 

He wasn't angry, he wasn't in pain despite all the bruises and cuts. 

He picked on the self-inflicted cuts on his forearm and even they didn't hurt as they should have.

He just couldn't feel anything anymore.

All his emotionally exhausted body could do was just stare ahead into nothing. 

His mind was completely empty. All the the thoughts, all the hopes were drained out of him as soon as David told him that the only person who he was left with was gone too.

He hadn't said a single word since David left. 

_May was dead. May was dead. May was dead._

She was gone. All because of _him_.

All this time he had been so foolish to be scared of monsters, of Thanos, of death, of David, when the only thing he should have been scared of, was being completely and utterly alone in this cruel world.

It was funny how everyday Peter thought it couldn't get worse and the universe just kept proving him wrong again and again.

While staring numbly into open space his eyes caught sight of a red and blue spandax cleverly hidden away in a pile of clothes in the wardrobe.

His body acted on its own and he found himself wearing the suit he hadn't wore in months and staring at himself in the mirror.

He used to be Spider-Man right? It was so difficult to believe that now seeing the state he was in.

He used to feel completely different when he wore the suit. 

It made him feel strong and confident, like he had some kind of alter ego which was completely different from Peter parker.

But now, even when he was wearing the suit, he still couldn't feel a thing. Because even under that suit, it was still Peter parker who made that suit Spider-Man, not the suit, and unfortunately, Peter Parker was long gone.

_What was he worrying about though. Isn't that what he wanted? To not feel anything?_

He went and sat on his bed again.

"Hey Karen." He spoke, his voice was hollow and vacant, matching his eyes.

"Hello Peter. It's been a while. How are you?" The A.I. spoke in her usual, playful tone.

If Peter could feel things he would be a sobbing mess right now because it had been so long since he had heard anyone call out his name so lovingly. Luckily, he couldn't.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"You're kind of the only person I can talk to right now."

Peter sniffed back a soft chuckle at his stupidity.

"Heh you aren't even a person."  
  
"What about Mr. Stark?"

"He hates me."

"I don't think that's true."

"Well, I know that's true."

There was a long, painful silence in the room for a while before Peter spoke again.

"I'm all alone Karen."

"I had a fight with Ned and Mj." 

"I had a fight with Mr. Stark."

"And May- she's dead." 

The bland and vacant tone of Peter on specifically the last sentence must have really been something bad because Peter hadn't heard Karen sound so alarmed and worried before, her usual playful tone being lost completely.

"Peter. I really suggest you talk to Tony right now!"

"No, I don't think so. Look can you please just, stay with me Karen. Please."

After a small pause, the A.I. accepted.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everything feels wierd. I'm supposed to be crying I guess, with May gone but, I just can't seem to do it."

"I think something is wrong inside me. I think- I think I'm broken."

"In that case, do whatever makes you happy Peter, whatever helps you be calm and peaceful."

There was a brief silence between the two.

Peter looked up, out the window and spoke again, a soft smile spreading on his face.

"There's so much peace in darkness Karen." 

"I think I know what I'm supposed to do now."

_He would finally be at peace. He wouldn't have to worry about anyone now because no one was there. He could do it now._

"Peter-"

"Thanks Karen."

And with that, before Karen could even finish, he took off the suit as quickly as he put it on.

* * *

Tony was in his lab working on a project when Friday's voice echoed around the room.

"Boss, Karen is requesting to be put through. She's saying that Peter is wearing the suit."

Tony remembered when he he had ordered Karen to alert him everytime Peter would wear the suit after the snap had happened.   
Since he was healing and wasn't allowed to even get off his bed, he couldn't risk Peter going out there alone and hurting himself, so he did what he thought he should to keep him safe, even if it meant invading his privacy.

"Okay, put her through."

Tony watched on his tab as the live footage appeared on his screen.

It was silent for a while and all Tony could make out in the darkness was Peter's room until a bland voice finally broke the silence.

"Hey Karen." 

It was Peter. And Tony couldn't help the little tears welling in his eyes at that sound.

God it had been so long since he had heard that voice again.

It's been a while since they had talked and honestly, Tony was missing the kid alot.  
Despite Happy, Pepper and the other avengers' attempt to try and convince him to talk to him, everytime he would give it a thought, the words that Peter had said to him in the car started circling inside his mind.

"No you don't have to think anything for me, You're not my dad!"

As much as those words hurt, Tony knew the words were true, and deep inside it wasn't the fact that Peter had shouted at him that stopped him from talking to him, but it was the fact that he really didn't have any right over him. 

He wasn't his son. And he had no right to barge in and try to control his life like he was.

So he had decided that he didn't want to bother him anymore, well not unless he didn't want him to, and by the sounds of what had happened in the car, Peter definitely didn't want him to.

He broke himself out of the whirlwind of his thoughts and listened as Karen proceeded to talk to Peter.

  
"You're kind of the only person I can talk to right now." 

Wait. The only person?

Tony could hear a soft sound of a choked up chuckle after which Peter spoke again.

"Heck you aren't even human."  
  
"What about Mr. Stark?"

"He hates me." 

"I don't think that's true."

"Well, I know that's true."

Tony's heart broke as the words left Peter's mouth.

Shit. Is that what he thought?   
  
That Tony hated him? 

Is that why he hadn't tried to talk to him? And all this time Tony thought that it was Peter who didn't wanted to be bothered.

But why would he even think that? Wasn't it Peter who had told him to stay away from him?

Numerous thoughts filled Tony's mind burying him in confusion but he didn't have time for any of that. Right now, he had to get to Peter. 

He quickly ran out of his lab with his tab, ignoring the concerned yells of the Avengers from behind him and got into his car, driving towards Peter's apartment.

He needed to get to him. He needed to tell him the truth.

He still couldn't understand why would Peter even think something like that.

After what seemed like a very long pause the next words that left Peter's mouth were enough to drive straight through Tony's soul and rip it apart like a piece of paper.

"I'm all alone Karen."

"I had a fight with Ned and Mj." 

"I had a fight with Mr. Stark."

"And May- she's dead." 

Suddenly, the traffic moving past the window of his car stilled and time stopped. 

Tony's eyes widened and stared ahead in shock, his hands clutching the steering wheel dangerously tight while steady tears fell past his cheeks. 

May? Was..dead? What?

There was a terrible ache slowly growing in Tony's heart.

May had died and Peter was all alone!? And where was he? Sitting and relaxing at the tower!?

He could still hear the muffled voices echoing inside the car coming from the tab and he could make out clearly as Peter refused to talk to Tony.

He was snapped out of his trance by the loud and deafening sound of horns and blinding lights of a truck that was moving staright towards him, he turned the steering wheel in a very rough and unclean manner, moving out of the way just in time to prevent a horrible accident.

 _Fuck_. He thought and slammed his foot on the accelerator, breaking all the traffic rules and going as fast as he could.

His fingers trembled around the steering wheel and his eyebrows scrunched together in pain. He blinked his eyes rapidly to get rid of the tears blocking his vision.

I'm so sorry Peter. He cursed himself mentally for ever leaving him alone. Why hadn't he just listened to Pepper or the avengers and had just, talked.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everything feels wierd. I'm supposed to be crying I guess, with May gone but, I just can't seem to do it."

"I think something is wrong inside me. I think- I think I'm broken."

Oh Peter. Tony thought as more tears streamed past his flushed and sweaty cheeks.

The plain, dead tone of Peter's voice broke Tony's heart like glass, tearing away at it like claws.

tI'm coming Peter. I'm so sorry. I promise, I'll make it all okay. He chanted continuously, as if Peter could hear him but in reality, he was the one who needed to hear that himself. 

He had to make it all okay for him. Shit why did he ever leave him alone!? 

His heart pained as he thought about Peter being all alone and he promised that once he got to him, he was never ever gonna leave him alone again and make sure that his kid never felt that way again.

Tony thought that was all enough to break him apart but the next words that ringed in his ears had his world crashing down in front of his eyes.

"There's so much peace in darkness Karen." 

"I think I know what I'm supposed to do now."

Tony felt like his heart dropped straight out of his chest and his face went completely pale. 

His eyes widened as his mind was haunted with realization.

The tears stopped flowing in a quick sudden moment and all the pain in his heart and body was replaced by pounding fear and sheer horror.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Did Peter mean-?

Was he going to-?

"Shit.!" 

He screamed in pure horror in fear for what Peter could do.

He slammed the accelerator harder on his car driving faster than he had ever before, not caring about the anything else as he drove wildly.

He slammed the breaks in front of Peter's apartment and ran inside with his car engine still running.

He ran up the stairs as fast as he could. He thought about taking the lift but he himself knew he couldn't bear to stand still even for a second more, No! He needed to move . He needed to get to Peter before he-

When he reached , he found the door of his apartment already open so he barged in aggressively, ignoring the way his joints and shoulder protested against that action.

"Peter! Peter!!"

He screamed loudly but unfortunately to his sheer horror, no one replied back.

He ran inside the small apartment, checking every room but couldn't find anyone.

Shit.

Tears were flowing out of his eyes in continuous streams and he dropped down on his knees, and screamed angrily, clawing at his hair furiously in anger at himself.

No. you can't do this right now Tony. 

You've gotta find Peter. He needs you.

He got up from on his knees and ran back out the apartment.

He picked up his ringing phone that had been ringing for quite a while and it was scary that he had noticed it just now. 

"Tony! Thank God. What happened? You just left like that without telling any of us what happened." 

A worried voice cut through his phone and Tony could make out the voice for Steve.

He could hear the sounds of other avengers too, indicating he was probably on speaker. 

"He- he" Tony sobbed.

"It's-its Peter"

"Tony are you crying? Wait what happened? What's wrong with Peter?" Steve asked, his voice growing loud with worry.

"May's dead."

"What!?"

Steve's shocked and loud voice cut through the device and he momentarily heard the gasps of others from behind.

"I'm at his apartment but I cant- I can't find him, I don't know where he is Steve he said-" 

The pain in Tony's heart clawed up and wrapped itself around his throat making it difficult to even speak.

"He-he's going to commit suicide Steve."

"He said it to Karen, that he- he" 

Tony choked and struggled to get out the words without being interrupted by the hitching sobs and tears left his eyes in am endless stream, as he made his way towards his car. 

There were people screaming and shouting around him due to some reason but Tony couldn't seem to care at that point. 

There was nothing more important to him than Peter right now. Heck, he just needed to find him and then he would never ever let him go.

"Tony. It's okay. We're gonna find him."

"No! You don't understand, he-"

The screams around him got louder until his shaking words were cut short by a loud and deafening sound of a body colliding with metal followed by shattering of glass just from a few inches in front of him, where he had left his car in hurry.

For a second, he stood there paralysed and frozen, in confusion as the fog in his mind cleared up.

There were people screaming around him, calling out for help and there were loud, distressed voices coming from the phone clutched in his shaking fingers, just a few inches against his ear but Tony couldn't hear anything past the loud ringing in his ears.

He stared at the crumpled mess of his car but more than that he stared at the crumpled mess of the teenager laying limp and broken on it.

He blinked his eyes rapidly in shock and disbelief, to see past the new tears welling up in his eyes and found himself staring at a familiar face with a familair mob of wild, brown, messy curls.

Flashes of a bright and happy face of a teenager appeared in front of Tony's eyes.

The teenager's eyes were full of light and happiness as he rambled on about something. His face was bright and full of enthusiasm and cheerfulness and Tony snapped back into the reality and stared at the same yet completely contradicting face in front of him which now had his eyes snapped shut and had blood flowing out steadily from his nose and his slightly parted mouth.

The phone dropped from Tony's hand, landing onto the hard pavement with a thud.

And as if all the emotions hit him like a truck all at once, Tony's bottom lip wobbled and then opened up wide letting out a heartbreaking scream as reality ripped through his soul and left him broken and shattered.

"Peterrr!!!!!!"

* * *

_How sweet it must be to feel all the pain at once, then never again.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo..... I went pretty dark again huh?😅  
> Even though this was kind of a very long chapter to write, I got it out pretty fast for me, right? Yayy me!!
> 
> I really tried my best to make it as angsty as I could🥺 so I hope you guys like this chapter. And again there might be lots of mistakes in there so I apologise for that😅
> 
> Ps: Comments are always appreciated coz they make me happy. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻


	9. Hope is the last thing ever lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omggg thank you so much guyss!!!! Your response to the previous chapter was sooo amazinggggg gsjhdjhjfhjhh it had me jumping in joy!! Thank you so muchhhh againnn!! 😍 I love you allll!!!❤️

When a person gives up on life, the will to live is the second last thing to go.

_Hope is the last thing ever lost._

For Peter, the moment his last hope was crushed, he had immediately decided death was worth more than life ever could be for him. 

After all the months of universe proving to him that maybe, happiness was not meant for him, he had finally accepted it as the truth.

As he stood on the terrace of his own building, and looked down at his soon to be death bed, he finally felt, relieved.

He didn't feel scared, he didn't feel bad no, it was comforting and assuring.  
That yes, there was some escape from the hellhole he was living in after all. 

The wind softly brushing past his naked face and the cold floor beneath his naked feet felt almost heavenly and it was for the first time in so many months, he felt free. 

There were no tears in his eyes anymore, no pain in his heart anymore.

He stepped off the ledge and smiled softly as he felt himself slowly drift through the cold wind and then everything went dark.

It was the most happy and peaceful Peter had been for months.

* * *

  
**_I'm sorry the world failed you kid._ **

5 years ago, Tony Stark had watched Peter Parker die in front of his eyes.

"I don't wanna go Mr. Stark please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go."

And it ripped Tony's heart to pieces that the same Peter Parker who had begged for Tony to save him from death, had found the darkness much more peaceful than light now.

The kid who was meant to be the light himself had chosen darkness more comforting.

Tony Stark never knew that one day he could ever care for Peter Parker so much. 

_You don't realize the cost of what you have until it's gone._

Because when Tony stark helplessly watched Peter Parker cry and turn to dust in his arms on Titan and had felt his heart just, shatter in a single moment, he had realized how much he really cared about the kid.

He had hoped he had died when he lost Peter on titan.

The moment Carol saved him in space and he set his foot out of the ship on earth, the realisation that he had made it and Peter had not had him hopeless and out of his mind.

He couldn't think about Pepper first or Steve standing in front of him, he couldn't think about his new chance at life. All he could think about was how his kid had apologized to him for dying on him.

"I'm sorry."

"I lost the kid."

"Tony we lost."

No, you didn't, I lost. I lost. I lost. You didn't lose Peter. You didn't lose your son. No. You didn't. _Only **I lost**._

The pain and grief had him give up on everything, on Iron man, on the hopes of the world being saved, on the hopes of ever getting to tell Peter how much he loved him.

"I've got my second chance right here cap. Can't roll the dice again."

He had said as he held Morgan in his arms.  
He couldn't bear to try and lose Peter again because that would be more painful to realize he couldn't save his kid even the second time when he got the chance, No it would be too much for him.

Morgan reminded him of Peter alot. The light and innocence in her eyes. The energy and enthusiasm about everything. God it was very difficult to forget.

Peter parker never got to know that it took Tony only one glance at his smiling face to know it was all worth it and invent time travel. It was better that way, Tony had thought. 

Now he knew it wasn't.

5 years ago Tony Stark made a promise to himself to get Peter Parker back whatever it takes. And that once he would get him back, he would never ever let him go again. 

He lost him and he got him back. This time, he wasn't so sure.

  
The great, fearless Iron man saves the day again.

Iron man was fearless. 

Tony Stark was not.

Tony Stark was scared at the moment he had to stare Doctor Strange in the eyes and just know he had to be the one to snap and save everyone.

He was scared he wouldn't be able to see Morgan grow up, or feel Pepper's tender soft hands again on his skin again. 

He was scared to his flesh and bones that he wasn't gonna see the light after that darkness again. 

He was scared that he was going to die. 

But at this moment, as he stared at Peter lying so lifeless and broken on the hood of his own car, he had never wished for his heart to just stop beating altogether before. 

The world slowed down around Tony as he stood frozen and stared at the crumpled mess of his car and the motionless teenager lying on it.

He couldn't hear anything anymore, not even the loud shouts and screams coming from the people around him, No. 

All he could hear was the deafening sound of Peter's body colliding with his car again and again in his ears in a constant loop.

It took his mind around a minute to process the scene unfolding in front of him and that the figure lying in front of him belonged to none other than Peter Parker himself.

Peter Parker, who was the source of Tony's happiness, the fuel that kept him running, the light that made him love life again, was lying on his car broken and battered.

His face was in line with Tony and it was turned towards him. 

His eyes were closed and there was blood flowing out of his nose and mouth. 

His hand was stretched towards Tony and dangling limply down the cracked windshield of the car.

"Peterrrrr!!"

The heart wrenching scream that had ripped out from his throat at the horrible sight could have only came from deep within a ruined remains of a broken, shattered soul. 

It was enough to be heard miles away and break through anyone's heart who was unfortunate enough to hear it. But right at that moment, the only unfortunate person, was Tony.

He tumbled on his own feet as he crashed down over his kid's body, his hands purchasing their grip on the cracked windshield below on either side of Peter's head in time to prevent himself crashing into him.

For a second the only sounds that were echoing inside Tony's own ears were the sounds of his laboured breath as he brought one of his shaking hand up into the air and left it to hover over the pliant body below.

"This a dream. It's all a dream. It's not real. It's just one of your nightmares." Tony whispered to himself softly as he advanced his shaking hand towards Peter's face.

Tony stark was never the one to believe in God, but at this moment he prayed, he prayed relentlessly that the broken and lifeless body of Peter just turned to dust when he touched him and he would wake up from this terrifying nightmare.

So many restless day and nights, of being plagued by nightmares of Peter dying in his arms, again and again and again.  
After he lost Peter on titan, even after he got him back, his life taunted him, reminded him of how worthless he was for his loved ones, of how he couldn't save his own kid from death as he begged helplessly for his childhood hero to save him.

"It's okay, it's just a dream Tony. Peter's okay." 

Pepper's soft and kind, melting voice would cut through his haunting nightmares and keep him grounded at that time.   
It had taken months for those nightmares to stop and Tony could have never thought that one day, they might come true.

"It's just a nightmare. It's not real."

So he waited as he slowly brought his shaking fingers down and down towards where Peter's face lay against the cracked glass.

He waited for Pepper's voice to emerge and save him from this nightmare again. 

It had to be dream. It couldn't be true. It was impossible to believe that it was Peter. It couldn't be.

The moment his fingers made contact with Peter's skin, the world around him shattered in a millisecond, the contact with the cool and sweaty surface broke through all his hopes and he broke down into loud and pitiful screams.

"No! Peter!" He screamed heartbreakingly. 

"Please no! Not him!" He cried and sobbed over the pliant form, shaking him slightly and begging for him to wake up, begging to himself to wake up, but neither happened.

It was all real. Peter was real and he was-

"No, Pete-." He choked out on his own words as if they were stones stuck in his throat.

His own Adams apple felt heavy against his throat and his breath quickened as tears struggled their way out of his wide eyes.

He couldn't breathe anymore. He couldn't speak anymore, He couldn't think anymore. He couldn't feel anymore. Nothing past his the kid, who was lying so dead and quiet below him. 

A kid who would never shut up, a kid who never stopped rambling about random stuff, a kid who was the source of never ending sound and happiness. 

A kid who Tony had came to love as his own.

His kid. He looked so- he looked so broken.

_"I think something's wrong inside me Karen, I think I'm broken."_

The words Peter had delivered yet so blandly now pierced Tony's heart more sharply and painfully realising it had taken for Peter to give up on life for Tony to finally see how broken he had been all this time.

"Peter." He cried quietly and shakingly wiped away the small glass pieces off his lifeless, pale face ignoring the small cuts now adorning his own fingers similar to the ones on Peter's face.

"Somebody call a fucking ambulance!" He screamed out angrily to the mob of people gathered around the pair and turned back towards Peter as he watched the people take out their phone and dial someone.

Tears rolled down his cheek smoothly in continuous and silent flow as he cradled his kid's lifeless face in his shaking hands, bringing his shivering fingers to wipe away the blood slowly leaking from Peter's nose and mouth.

His fingers were shaking so badly that he ended up smearing the blood more on Peter's face instead of wiping it away.

He hated how the blood smeared up on Peter's face stood in high contrast with his dangerously pale skin.

Tony let out a choked up sob as tears hung on the bridge of his nose and chin and landed on Peter's face, smearing through the blood spread across him. 

He gently brought up his hand and patted Peter's blood stained cheek softly.

"C'mon Pete, you gotta get up, c'mon buddy please wake up don't do this." He cried out while patting his cheek but Peter didn't even twitch or move a muscle.

He did his best not to joslte Peter's body much as there was a chance he could end up worsening the injuries he had.

"Peter please wake up please just fucking wake up, Pete!" He ended up screaming and cracking at the same time near to the end in anger and helplessness. 

After all it was all his fault.

It was all his fault he had left his kid alone. He used to think he loved the kid but where was he when he needed him the most!?

He left him alone to an extent that Peter had believed that he hated him. 

He slowly hovered his fingers over Peter's cheek as he turned his gaze towards the rest of his limp body. He instantly regretted as his stomach twisted into knots and he repressed back a gag.

Blood. There was so much blood.

The metallic smell pinching the inside of his nose had him near to throwing up.

Peter's right hand had completely pierced the right side of the windshield of the car and was now covered with loads of shards of glasses which were sticking out of his skin and drawing blood. 

His left leg was bent at a horrifyingly inhumane angle and his exposed right ankle was dangling down the hood, completely blue and purple, partially hidden away underneath the hem of his pants.

There were small shards of glass sticking out of his upper body where the windshield underneath him had cracked but not broken completely and a steady stream of a dark crimson liquid was flowing down the left side of his forehead and down the windshield of the car.

His right shoulder definitely didn't look right and was definitely dislocated and both his wrists had turned a dark shade of purple. 

"Oh god!" He struggled to get the words out as the fear gripped and strangled him from inside.

Tony brushed away the sweaty curls from his forehead with his shaking fingers as tears streamed out of his eyes, falling onto Peter's face and rolling onto the shattered windshield below. 

His heart stopped the moment his eyes noticed how colourless Peter's lips were turning underneath the dark crimson surrounding his mouth

"No. NO!!" He screamed.

"Please please please please Peter please." He chanted vigorously as he choked up on his own laboured breathing.

He squeezed his eyes shut and brought his shaking finger upto Peter's nostrils.

"Please, Peter. Please don't do this."

He pleaded and desperately waited for a moment as he held his shaking fingers under his nostrils. 

The soft puff of warm air that he felt on his fingers had him crying and screaming out in relief.

"Thank God!" He sobbed out his name in thankfulness and relief. 

"You're okay Pete you're okay, I got you, you're gonna be okay, just hold on okay, they're coming just- he broke down into louder sobs.

He ran a gentle hand over Peter's face and then leaned in to kiss him softly on his forehead, taking his limp hand and bringing it up to his face and kissing it softly simultaneously.

"I'm never gonna let go again, I promise. Please just hold on, for a little while longer Pete." He sobbed. 

"I don't know what I'd do without you kid."

He could hear the siren of the ambulance getting closer and closer but he couldn't focus on anything else but the pale and limp body underneath him as he ran his fingers gently through Peter's bloody, yet so unbelievably soft curls.

He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned down further until his own forehead touched his kid's, his nose brushing against Peter's softly as he waited for help to arrive.

"God I'm so sorry Peter. I'm so sorry." He cried out to him softly.

"I know I don't say it enough or at all but, I love you so much kid, so much. I was scared of opening up, I have issues with emotions I guess but I'm just- I'm so sorry Peter. I should have been there, It's all my fault." A low, pained whimper escaped Tony's lips.

"I'm sorry I failed you kid."

Silent tears dropped down from Tony's eyes landing straight on Peter's soft features and Tony brushed them away gently using his thumb.

He cried silently and whispered apologies and beggings to Peter until there were hands on him, and then the next thing he knew the paramedics were pushing him away, seperating him from his kid.

The all so hauntingly numb and silent world descended into chaos as Tony watched with his shaking feet firmly planted in the ground as the paramedics tended to his kid.

He watched as someone ran their hands over his kid's body, putting gentle pressure at certain places and then speaking loudly with tint of urgency in their voice in intervals.

"There's definite spinal damage, we need a collar." A voice said.

The paramedic's hand then moved, slowly pressing two fingers on Peters neck.

"His pulse is weak. We need to get him to the hospital fast." The paramedic screamed in an alarming tone as he gestured something to some of his other partners who ran inside the open ambulance and appeared with a gurney.

Tony watched in shock with his legs trembling underneath him voilently, fighting a battle to stay sane and upright as the paramedics secured a thick brace around Peter's neck. 

They carefully picked up Peter's limp body and strapped him on a gurney and then proceeded to carry him towards the ambulance.

As the area around his car cleared up Tony couldn't tear his eyes away from the insane amount of blood smeared up on the cracked windshield and the big hollow dented surface of his hood where Peter had landed.

His own car.

It's like the world was taunting him at his failures, at his worthlessness and carelessness.  
  
"Tony!" A loud voice came from behind him and he looked back to see the avengers rushing towards him and then stopping in horror as they looked at the scene unfolding in front of them, as they watched the paramedics load a lifeless and bloody Peter into the ambulance.

He watched as the distressed expression on their face changed into sheer horror at a terrifyingly fast pace.

When Tony had told them on the call that Peter was going to commit suicide, it never once occurred in any of their mind that he would actually do it. 

Because Peter was never the one to give up. He was strong, he was brave, he was a hero. The best out of them all.

And if a kid like Peter, who had nothing but positivity and kindness lodged in his heart even after enduring the worst of suffering had given up, there was nothing more left to say or do.

Natasha turned away and buried her face in Clint's chest to hide herself away from the awful sight. She knew though, that no matter what she did, she would never be able to get the image of such a broken Peter out of her mind. 

Clint himself had tears streaming out of his eyes and Natasha was holding his hand so tightly that Tony could see her knuckles had turned completely white. 

Steve and Bucky were standing paralysed with horror written all over their faces and Tony could see the way Bucky was clenching hard to stop the tears from falling down but was clearly failing. 

Steve had his hand on his mouth and had tears openly running down his face, clutching tightly onto bucky's forearm to stop himself from falling.

Tony waited for one of them, any of them to come up to him and comfort him, wrap their arms around his shaking form and tell him that's it's gonna be okay, that Peter was gonna be okay.

But instead he watched helplessly with tears in his eyes as everybody stood firm and frozen in their places, tears sneaking their way out of even the strongest ones.

He wondered if that's how Peter must have felt. All alone. Nobody to tell him that it was gonna be okay and now Tony could almost feel why Peter had took the decision.

Because right now the sheer pain that he felt in his heart, aching and screaming helplessly for comfort was so much worse than breathing itself.

Karma sure was a bitch.

Tony snapped out of his thoughts and turned around as the distressed and alarming voices of the paramedics filled his ears and without any second thoughts he slipped inside the ambulance next to Peter, ignoring the protests of the paramedics and not caring about the paralysed avengers he left standing behind. 

He immediately took Peter's limp hand in his again and ran his hands through his bloody curls as he stared at Peter with pain and fear in his eyes.

"Sir please move away." One of the paramedics came up to him and tugged him away gently from Peter while moving forward and placing an oxygen mask over Peter's nose and mouth.

Tony backed away as he watched the paramedics tend to his kid, letting his hands reach backward to find purchase and then crashed down onto a seat.

He watched as someone ripped open Peter's shirt and attached wires and machines onto his chest and then next, sounds of irregular, mechanical heart beats joined in with the other alarmed and distressed voices cutting through the chaos.

"We're losing him! His pulse is dropping!"

The voice rang loudly inside the claustrated ambulance and Tony felt his entire world crash down in front of his eyes.

His kid was _dying_.

He watched frozen in shock as   
someone started doing the compression on his kid's chest.

He watched as Peter's pale form gave in under the immense pressure of the hands trying to pump air into his lungs.

"It's not working!" The paramedic shouted to another one.

Tony's heart beat fastened, filling up for all the beats Peter's heart missed.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. Please no." He started chanting continuously in shock, ignoring the way how weak and miserable he sounded.

He quickly squeezed his eyes shut and clamped his hands tightly on his ears to shut the voices out. 

"Please don't do this now Pete, please please please." He whispered to himself as he rocked himself back and forth, supressing the voice of the dropping heartbeat belonging to his own kid and the disturbing words being thrown around by the paramedics.

His breath fastened as his body slumped forward and he dropped down onto the the floor, clutching his chest as his lungs screamed for oxygen.

"Sir! You need to breathe." He heard a strong voice come from next to him as a hand appeared on his shoulder and someone kneeled next to him, guiding him to take deeper breaths.

Tony opened his eyes and blinked rapidly at the tears blinding his vision as the face of the same paramedic who was performing the chest compressions on Peter cleared up in front of him.

"He's back. We got him back. He's hanging on but barely."

Tony cried out in relief and then rushed towards Peter again, running his hand tenderly over his face.

Tears sprang in his eyes as he watched the oxygen mask over his mouth fog every now and then as Peter breathed in and out, not as steady as he should, but for now, it was enough.

"That's right Pete, keep fighting." 

Tony brought Peter's hand upto his face again and held it tightly, sobbing quietly into his hand as the paramedics attended to other injuries and in the process his eyes accidentally drifted down to his exposed chest. 

His eyes widened in shock and horror.

His chest was covered with so many bruises, some were fresh, while the others were faded away.

His gaze dropped further down and he felt his heart drop as he looked at the long, angry scratch marks and dark bruises covering his lower abdomen. 

And was that- the shape of a hand?

There was no way he could have gotten those from the fall.

What the fuck had been happening to his kid!? 

Had someone been hurting him? Was May the only reason for him to suicide or could there be something else going on?

An angry, choked up sob escaped his lips as he mentally blamed himself for not paying attention.

His internal conflict within his own self was interrupted as the vehicle stopped with a screeching halt and suddenly they were getting Peter out of the ambulance.

As they rushed Peter in through the entrance of the hospital, destroying the peaceful and calm palour of the white sterile walls , Tony made sure to be on Peter's side all the while and never letting go of his hand, holding on tightly and running along the gurney even though his legs trembled voilently.

They stopped Tony in front of the operation room as they wheeled Peter inside and Tony watched as he had to forcefully let go of Peter. 

Helpless tears welled in his eyes and he felt like the time slowed down around him as he watched Peter's hand gradually slip out of his own in slow motion and then disappear behind a door. 

He stayed frozen and paralyzed with tear filled eyes for a moment, staring ahead through the small peephole until a nurse covered it with a curtain and then looked down towards his shaking hands laid out in front of him. 

That was the moment he realised how blood stained they were. 

It took him a moment to realize that it wasn't only his hands but also his face and shirt was completely drenched with blood too.

Soo much blood. But not his. Peter's. 

He had never wished so badly for the blood to be his own before.

A wailed sob slipped past his trembling lips as the events of the previous hour rushed into his mind in flood and he crashed down with a loud thud echoeing throughout the dead quiet hallways as his legs finally gave up on him.

The door to the hospital barged open once again as the Avengers plus Pepper rushed in but Tony couldn't pay attention to anything anymore as he sobbed heartbreakingly on his knees.

Rhodey kneeled down next to Tony as the others watched him sympathetically, eyes filled with their own remorse and sadness.

"Tones, hey" he said softly, so as to not startle him.

Tony turned to look at him with his wide and teary eyes as his sobs hitched and then to the rest of the familiar faces behind him with unknowingness, as if he didn't knew any one of them.

He was going into shock.

"Pe-Peter" he said, his voice wavering horribly, and pointing his bloody finger towards the room where Peter was being operated upon behind closed door.

Rhodey momentarily looked up towards the door knowing that's where Peter was most probably taken. 

He looked behind Tony, sparing a sad and concern filled glance towards Pepper before turning his head back towards Tony again, rubbing soothing circles on his back with one hand.

"It's gonna be okay Tony." Steve spoke up assuringly, moving forward towards Tony but he jerked and stood up suddenly, making Rhodey flinch and stand too.

"No it's not!" Tony snapped out angrily and everyone went quiet.

"P-peter! He- he tried to kill himself! He fucking- he jumped and landed on my fucking car in front of my own eyes and I had to watch as he- as he nearly died and it's all my fucking fault and you're standing here in front of me and have the audacity to say that it's gonna be okay!?? No it's fucking not!!"

His voice cracked near to the end and the tears leaked out of his eyes in defeat. 

He hated how miserable and shaky he sounded but more than that, he hated himself the most right now.

If he could he would trade places with Peter but he couldn't.

Pepper tried to move forward to comfort him but stopped as Tony raised his hand towards her firmly.

"Don't just don't. Leave me alone." He said and dropped down on the bench, leaning forward and covering his face with his hands. 

Everyone could see the tears leaking down his face past his hands and dropping down onto the floor below.

Despite everyone's dire yearn to go up to him and comfort him, nobody dared to say anything after the burst up and just stood waiting as small whimpered cries filled the silent hallway.

After what seemed like hours, the doctor came out of the door and Tony jolted upwards in a split second, wiping the tears on his face with the back of his hand.

"Are you the family of Mr. Parker?" 

Tony hesitated and stepped back a little, dropping his gaze down to the floor in shame and guilt.

No he wasn't. And he never could be. He didn't deserve to.

May was the only family Peter had but now she was dead too. 

"We all are." Pepper stepped in front of Tony and spoke up as she sensed his struggle.

"How is he?" She asked softly.

The doctor eyed everyone suspiciously for a while but then gave in and spoke up.

Tony wished she hadn't.

"It's pretty bad. It's unbelievable but It really is a miracle that he's not dead yet considering how malnourished he was. Almost 90% of people falling from this much height don't make it out alive.

Tony's eyes watered and guilt crushed him from inside.

His kid was malnourished? He knew how crazy and fast Peter's metabolism was and how he needed to eat something every now and then for it to keep up and even after that Peter had stopped eating? How much pain could Peter be in for him to even stop eating!?

The doctor let out a deep sigh before continuing.

"Since he fell on his back, his spine was fractured severely and we had to perform an immediate surgery on him to repair that. He suffered something what we call fracture- dislocation. It means both fracture and dislocation took place simultaneously delivering major damage to his spine and it's considered to be one of the fatal injuries from a fall."

Wait. _Spinal damage_? Does that mean-? Millions of thoughts ran wild in Tony's mind as he gulped down the lump in his throat.

"Will he- be able to walk again?" He asked, his eyes full of yearn and plead besides the heavy tears resting above his lower eyelid.

"We're not really sure. As I said it's a miracle enough that he survived this type of fall." The doctor said, her tone softening down a little.

Tony turned his gaze back down as tears threatened to fall from his eyes, clenching his hands into tight fists on either side.

The doctor's voice cut through the deep terrible silence that had settled in between everyone and the words she delivered kept carving themselves deep and painfully in Tony's heart.

"His right leg was fractured terribly.  
Both his ankles and wrist suffered quite some damage and are sprained. Most of the bones in his body were broken including his dislocated right shoulder and pelvis."

"We've stitched up the deep gash on his forehead. Thankfully we found no brain damage which is a very good thing. Almost 99% cause for death remain brain trauma in these kind of falls."

Death. His kid could have been dead right now. All because of him. 

Heck he didn't even deserve to call the kid his right now.

"The wounds covering his whole right arm were one of the worst injuries. He lost a lot of blood due to that and we had to do a blood transfusion to make up for it. Also, we found previous and old, deep and shallow cuts on both of his forearm." 

Tony briefly noticed the way the doctor's tone saddened down at that moment. A deep pit settled in his stomach.

"These type of gashes and cuts are mostly seen on victims of self harm."

_Self harm._

His kid has been hurting himself all this time, cutting himself and Tony had no fucking clue. 

Where was he when his boy needed him? Relaxing in his own tower, while Peter probably cried himself to sleep every night and fell deeper and deeper down a pit of doom and despair.

All it could have taken was just one call and he could have prevented all of this. Just one person to hold him and tell him he was gonna be okay.

Guilt crashed into him like the truck almost would have when he was driving towards Peter's apartment.

His legs trembled again and he held the wall behind him for support to prevent crashing down. His nails dig deeper into his palm drawing blood as he clenched his fists tighter but the doctor kept going on, every word digging deeper and deeper into his soul.

"His rib cage was fractured and one of the broken bone pierced his lung and we had to resuscitate him twice during the surgery.  
There was quite some internal bleeding too but it's all fixed now."

There was a pause as the doctor stared sympathetically at Tony, as if she herself was feeling bad for the state he was in.

"Now....the problem is, we don't know when or _if_ he's gonna wake up." She said solemnly.

 _If_.

"What the fuck do you mean!?" Tony snapped all of a sudden, his eyes wet and wide with fear and he stepped in front of Pepper who in turn wrapped her hands around his shoulder to hold him back and comfort him.

"Peter's body underwent a lot of trauma, both physically and mentally. And looking at the self inflicted cuts that might point straight towards an attempted suicide, he might not even want to wake up at all." 

The world around Tony spinned as the dam of the tears finally broke, falling down his face in continuous streams. 

His breath fastened again, and he clenched his bloody shirt in a tight fist, panting heavily, as if he someone or something was choking his throat and he couldn't get air into his lungs. 

"Tony!" Pepper screamed and held him right before he crashed into the floor beneath him.

"Shit Tony, you're having a panic attack! You need to breathe, c'mon baby, breathe."

But Tony couldn't care to listen or even breathe at this point. 

"It's all my fault." He hitched out as he whimpered and sobbed out painfully.

"He's in a coma right now and it all depends on him and how fast his body heals. It could take him days, weeks, months, years or-."   
The doctor halted, avoiding the last word especially looking at Tony's state.

"You shouldn't lose hope Mr. Stark. It's a miracle your son is alive, and maybe that's what's his destiny." 

Tony's heart pained as the doctor assumed that Peter was probably his son. It was kind of also the reason why Tony and Peter had a fight in that car. 

Because Peter wasn't his son and he never could be, and that was the worst.

"Thank you doctor." Rhodey told the doctor as Pepper whispered calm and soothing words in Tony's ears and tried to calm him down.

The doctor nodded and shot a sad smile towards Tony.

She held out her hand and clutched Rhodey's forearm as she looked at Rhodey as the tension built inside her eyes. 

"You should get him changed and checked up as well." She said as she nodded in the direction where Pepper was holding Tony. 

"He might be in a shock." She said and Rhodey nodded, with a small and apologetic smile on his face.

He took Pepper's place and wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulder as he helped him to walk on his trembling legs.

As Pepper was about to leave after Tony the doctor stopped her, maintaining a strong hold on her hand.

The doctor looked behind Pepper, fluttering her eyes sympathetically, watching Tony leave until he disappeared into a room and then spoke gloomily.

"It's better if I'm not the one to break this to him, he already looked quite bad but, there's something else." She said as her eyebrows scrunched together in tension and uneasiness.

"What do you mean?" Pepper asked confused, turning her head around and then back towards her again. 

"We've found strong evidence of sexual assault." 

Pepper backed away slowly in shock, bringing a hand upto her face. A stray tear escaped her eye and her breath hitched in horror.

"We've found bite marks and scratches all over his body and hand shaped bruises on his forearm, lower abdomen, thighs, hip and specially in his pelvic area. We've also found and fixed all the internals sutures. Looking at the brutality it definitely wasn't consensual. The bruises we found on his body all range from a day to weeks old."

The words cut through the air like knife same as they did with Pepper's heart. 

More tears escaped her eyes as she muffled her loud and sorrowful sobs with her hand.

Peter. The bright, cheerful, innocent kid who had nothing but kindness and love in his heart, who had nothing but selflessness and determination to bring about a good change in the world, was raped. 

And not once but again and again.

_A day to weeks old._  
_A day to weeks old._  
_A day to weeks old._

The words rang inside her mind in a never-ending loop. 

It was all so perfect a few months ago when Pepper would find Tony and Peter curled up together on the couch watching a movie.

Now she would do anything to get that time back.

Why did the world always wronged the most kindest people to ever exist.

Why did bad things always happened to the bestest of people.

If there was anyone in the whole world who deserved happiness, it was Peter. Yet there he was, in a hospital room fighting for life because the world he had swore to protect had unleashed all the cruelity it ever could on him.

The doctor placed a hand on her shoulder in condolence which snapped her out of her thoughts and she flinched slightly at the contact.

"Peter's going to need all of you when he wakes up, this type of injury is very difficult to heal from, especially mentally. You can see him if you want to in a while." 

And with that the doctor left, leaving Pepper standing in the middle of the hallway with tear stained face, drowning deep inside her own mind.

"Pepper what did she say? Pepper?" The other Avengers circled around her flooding her with questions but Pepper just kept staring ahead in horror and shock.

How the hell was she supposed to tell Tony!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... I'm not really happy from the way this chapter turned out but just know I tried my best, So I really hope you all like it.  
> 🥺👉🏻👈🏻  
> Also the next few chapters will be quite a challenge for me to write so it might take a little longer for me to have them up here. I'm so sorry already, please bear with me a little. 😅
> 
> Ps: Kudos and comments are appreciated coz they make me happy ❤️
> 
> Stay safe and happy :)


	10. Don't you give up on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ik most of you are gonna be like - "ughhh so that lazy ass finally updated after so long!!" Lol, Yes she did.  
> But anyways, hope you all like it.
> 
> Stay safe and Take care ❤️
> 
> And always remember to heed the warnings mentioned in the tags before proceeding.😁

Time seemed to have stopped moving forward.

The world was quiet around her. As if mourning the possible loss of such an innocent soul itself.

Her ears were meant to be filled with cries and heart wrenching wails but instead they were met with a deep and unsettling silence as she watched every single avenger go quiet and fall apart silently from inside. 

Peter had unintentionally and unknowingly became a big part of their family, warming his way slowly into the hearts of even the strongest of the avengers and she had witnessed the whole journey as she herself and everyone else slowly fell in love with that unbelievable kid.

She had witnessed their world turn into laughter, happiness and brightfullness in seconds whenever Peter was around, making them laugh with his silly meme references, melting their hearts with his innocence and surprising them with his selflessness and heartfullness.

She had witnessed the impossible happening, noticed the way the 'oh so remorseless' Natasha's grin stretch wide on her face from side to side like never before at Peter's tantrums.

A few months ago, Pepper used to think that the Avengers were unbreakable, but now she knew she was wrong. Because she hasn't seen them this hollow and broken ever before. 

The moment she had vocalised those words, it's like a switch was flipped and the whole world was turned upside down in an instant.

But she couldn't focus on that right now. 

Because she knew that her destiny had something much more shattering for her to witness.

Pepper wiped her pale and ashy cheeks with her hand quickly when she saw Tony walking towards her with Rhodey.

Her world had fallen apart, her soul was being clawed inside out as the sharp words pierced her contionously, and the world and the people around her had already descended into deep state of horrors. 

Telling the avengers was a different thing. Her hands were still trembling and her body still shook with the after effects of letting the horrifyingly words settle on her tongue before letting them out. 

How was she supposed to tell Tony that the kid who he loved as his own son wasn't beaten or tortured.....but raped?

Tony looked...better. In this case, better didn't necessarily mean good, it was just a comparison.

He looked better than before when he had a panic attack and had ended up going into shock. He looked better than the silently shattering souls surrounding her.

There was blood roaring in her ears and her heart was beating out of her chest, the pounding increasing with every second as the distance between her and Tony decreased.

His clothes and face didn't have blood on them anymore, his legs and hands weren't shaking anymore, his breathing seemed calmer than before.

His face gave away a plain and neutral expression but his eyes, oh God his eyes, Pepper swore she would never be able to forget that specific look her husband had in his eyes.

That broken, hollow, hopeless look. It was going to haunt her in her dreams for decades to come. 

She forced back the tears of helplessness that welled up at the brink of her eyes.

She had to tell him the truth. Even though she knew it would kill him , there was no way she could or she would keep something like that from him. 

And as much as it was hurting every single person present there she knew that it was Tony who was going to take most of the heat. 

She was scared that the shattered pieces of his empty soul were gonna be so widely scattered that she wasn't gonna be able to pick them all up and piece him back together. And even if she did, the cracks and scars would be too deep to heal from.

But he deserved to know the truth, because in the end only he could help Peter heal after everything that has happened.

"Hey baby" She said gently, resting her hand softly on Tony's cheek.

"You feeling better now?"

"Yeah." Tony said, his voice was barely above a whisper and it broke Pepper's heart at how pained and quiet his voice had came out.

Pepper had seen Tony at his lowest of points and she had been there for him every single time. She had seen him fall and she had seen him get back up stronger. 

She had seen him break the tag of ' _Tony Stark doesn't have a heart.'_

But right now, she could confirm that this was worse than anything ever before and she knew, that there was no way he was going to get back up stronger from this.

Because when Peter Parker had entered Tony's life, she had seen the change that he had brought about in him. A good, positive change, a will to live life, if not for himself then for people like that kid. 

A chance to forgive himself. A change for finally allowing himself to be happy and have a family.

"Last night, I dreamt, we had a kid. So real."

But at that moment as Tony walked towards her, she had never ever seen him so miserable, so sad before, not when he came back from being tortured in Afghanistan, or not when he stepped out of the ship without Peter. 

Because the helpness of not being able to save his kid for the second time was too much for him. And everyone could see that.

The sadness was just leaking out of every little action his body was doing.

His lips were turned into a small frown, dropping and shuddering slightly at the corners as if trying to oppose gravity and his own emotions. 

He wasn't the one to show emotions too much, he thought it was considered weak. She could see he was still trying to avoid showing his emotions and it drove daggers into her chest thinking about how much pain will he have to be in to begin with, to come out so bleak even after trying his best to hide it.

He had his gaze fixed towards the floor the entire time, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, refusing to let anyone see how grief-stricken he was just without a 16 year old kid.

A 16 year old kid. 

His kid. Who tried to commit suicide and he had to watch helplessly as he did. 

For the second time. He watched his kid plead for help. The first time he had to watch helplessly as his kid turned to dust in his arms crying for help. The cries went unheard the second time and his kid got lost in the unending darkness to an extent that it became the only sense of relief and escape for him rather than reaching out to his mentor.   
But again, he couldn't blame him. Because he wasn't the victim in this one, Peter was.

"Hey, look at me, Tony." She said as she grazed her thumb on his cheek, giving him a soft and subtle smile but it faltered horribly at the end due to the grief pulling at the weak strings of her heart.

On no reaction, she tugged on his chin gently to turn his face towards her own and her heart leapt out of her chest as her own gaze met her husband's tormented one.

Her eyes watered in an instant and she quickly pulled him into a deep and tight hug to hide her own tears.

Tony stuffed his face into the crook of her neck and just seconds later, Pepper felt the wetness landing on her neck as her husband slowly broke down again and the soft sniffs vibrating against her, were the only sounds that could be heard in the plaguing silence.

She ran her fingers gently through his messed up hairs and rubbed soft, soothing circles on his back.

"Tony." She whispered softly, her own breath catching up in between a dry sob and she bit the inside of her cheek rigidly to stop the small whimper threatening to escape her mouth.

Her chest throbbed fearfully at what was going to happen when she would finally tell him.

"I'm so sorry Tony, but Peter-." She said but her sentence was cut off as she lost the fight and her tears broke free with a strangled gasp, streaming out of her eyes as she drowned in the soul crushing words that the doctor had uttered to her, which she didn't knew how to deliver to the person in front of her.

The soft sniffs that were vibrating against her neck stopped for a minute and then Tony pulled away from the hug.

He looked at her as he scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion.

"Pepper, what's wrong?" He said, his voice coming out slightly raspy and louder than it had before, but still quieter than usual as he picked on the unusual behaviour of her wife and the intense tension in the atmosphere.

Pepper held back a sniff as she clenched her fists tightly on her sides, teeth gritting together.

She looked at Steve who gave her a small nod in confirmation and then turned back to Tony, inhaling deeply.

"Tony, you have to be strong okay? Do you understand? Peter's going to need you. You have to be strong. You're the only one who can do it."

"What do you mean? Why are you saying this? Pepp?" Tony asked desperately, his voice getting louder with every word as worry and anxiety teared him apart from inside.

He looked around at the other avengers for answers but found every one of them looking anywhere but at him. 

There was this broken and quiet look in their eyes which wasn't there before when he had a panic attack.

No one was looking at him, they were all avoiding his gaze, and only his gaze. 

He caught Steve making a sympathetic and pained eye contact with Pepper and then looking away in the next instant when he realized Tony was looking.

Something was going on. Something that they weren't telling him.

The anger fueled up inside of him.

"So everybody knows but me." He snapped out, throwing his hands in the air.

"He's my fucking kid before any of you!" He screamed, stabbing at his chest with his finger aggressively. 

He didn't want to assert dominance but it wasn't like anyone was gonna disagree with him on this.

"Tell me what's going on!"

His heart dropped as his mind was bombarded by a possible realization. 

He felt like all the air was knocked out of his lungs as dread and anxiety settled deep down his gut. 

He should have seen this coming. 

The moment he spotted the bruises on Peter's abdomen in the ambulance, he should have known, that there was something much more sinister going on.

He couldn't do this. Shit. How much shit had his kid been going through all this time. 

He turned back to Pepper, and asked her in a low and quiet voice which ended up cracking and breaking as guilt and fear replaced every atom in his body.

"Did the doctor tell you something after I was gone?"

The expression on her face faltered and she looked away, comfirming his thoughts in an unfortunate moment.

He stumbled back a little on his unsteady feet and his shoulders slouched forward in defeat.

"Pepper what's going on?" He asked, cracking up, gaze dropping down to the floor again.

But again, instead of answers he was met with an excruciating silence.

The eagerness and pain swallowed him from inside completely.

The silence was like bombs exploding in his ears and he ended up screaming out loud in fury, making everyone flinch.

"Somebody fucking tell me what the hell is going on here!"

"Peter was raped."

The whole world settled in a deep and agonizing silence as the three words Pepper had blurted out in a reflex made his whole world crash and shatter in front of his eyes.

His whole world.

Peter Parker was his whole word. Now he was shattered and broken. He was-

Time stood still as no body uttered even a single word. They just stared down at the floor as tears made their way out of their desolated eyes.

There was complete silence in the hallway as Tony stared at Pepper with wide eyes, his chest heaving with ragged breaths, his nostrils flaring up as all the anger seeped out of him, replacing with bone scrunching pain pounding through his chest.

The tears flowed out of Pepper's eyes in continuous streams.

She bit her lip harshly and her heart finally exploded as immense rage fueled up inside her towards the person who did that to Peter. Just like Tony, she was sick of the silence emptying her from inside and she couldn't hold back the rage anymore.

"He was raped Tony! Someone raped him."

The anger overpowered the pain lurking inside her and her body shook with heartthrob and anger.  
  
"And not once, not twice but again and again and fucking again!"

Her voice cracked and she ended up sobbing, biting her lip harder.

"They destoryed him, ruined him, crushed his will to live and love and breathe!"

Tony was frozen in shock, his eyes wide and his entire body was trembling horribly, like the shakes were stuck inside of him unable to get out and were imploding inside him, destroying any remains that were left.

Pepper squeezed here eyes shut, inhaling deeply before opening them again, trying to calm herself down for the sake of the person visibly falling apart in front of her gradually.

"The doctor said they found all the evidence. The scratch marks, bite marks-" 

She spoke again with a bit calmer but still cracking and wavering voice, her teeth clenching together and fists curling tighter.

"- hand shaped bruises all over his body, th-the tearing." 

"No." Tony's voice finally cut through the gut wrenching silence, his voice radiating immense pain and disbelief, breaking everyone's heart in sight.

"No! What are you saying? No please. Tell me it's a lie." His voice was quiet now, but still, breaking and wavering like the giant waves would under a storm.

The pain in Pepper's chest increased upto am unfathomable level as she watched those eyes again, those pained, hollow eyes. If it were possible, they looked more vacant now, horribly vacant and emotionless yet still giving away the tormenting agony his body was drowning in.

"Tony it's not. I wish it was, but it's not. She cried, as she moved towards him slowly.

"No, Peter. It-it can't be. He's Peter, it can't happen to him, Please Pepper." Tony slowly backed away as his eyes clenched slightly with a yearn to release the burn.

If Pepper thought that she couldn't be in any more pain, the thought that her husband didn't believe anything she was saying because something that impure couldn't happen to his insanely innocent and pure Peter broke her impossibly further. 

"He's my kid. It can't happen to him. Pepper please, it can't happen to him, anything but that, please." His voice broke just as it broke Pepper's heart further into pieces.

"He's my kid. It shouldn't happen to him because he's my kid. I'm- I'm iron man. These wo- words are never supposed to be associated especially with m-my kid."

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Tony, I'm sorry." She chanted as she cried herself, and engulfed him in a deep hug again, pressing him tightly into her chest so that he isn't able to pull away this time.

Tony's breath fastened and he found himself sobbing heartbrokenly as he buried his face in Peppers chest, clutching the front of her top tightly in his fingers and driving his nails into his own palms.

His legs wobbled and gave away from under him. He slid down the floor slowly and Pepper slid down with him, still hugging him tightly.   
He was clutching on to her tightly, holding on to her as if his life depended on it.

He pressed his face in her chest as hard as he could and cried, long, pained and wretched wails escaping his shattered heart and empty soul.

The agonizing sobs that wrecked out of his shaking body had everyone watching them to break down too again, for the 100th time that day.

Natasha turned away and buried herself in Steve's arms, weeping quietly while the others were crying openly, but still weeping in silence.

Tony sat in the middle of the hallway on his knees on the cold floor as sobs wrecked through his whole frame, and Pepper rocked him back and forth, tears making their way out her eyes too.

"Why couldn't they have just hit him, whoever it was, they could have just hit him, why did they have to-"  
Tony spoke in between his heart wrenching sobs quietly.  
"He's 16, he's just-he's 16 Pepper."

He never thought that one day he would ever want his kid to be beaten but anything would have been better than his kid being -

How was Peter supposed to get through this?

How was _anyone_!?

"I know, Tony."

"It's all my fault." 

Pepper cradled Tony's tear stained face in her shaking hands as she stared at his horribly red and agony filled eyes. His entire face was red due to lack of air and his forehead was covered with horrific stress lines.

"Hey, It's not Tony. It's not your fault."

But Tony just kept sobbing and choking on air, squeezing his eyes shut and losing himself in anguish.

"Hey, Listen to me. Look at me."

She brushed away the tears staining his entire face with her thumbs. She wished she could do the same with the pain too.

"Promise me. That you're going to find the fucker who did this to our son-"

Our son. 

Tony opened his eyes in an instant and looked her straight in the eye, the sobs halting in an instant and his eyes growing wide as his hands itched and twitched with a need to kill.

"-and make sure they never, ever do it again, to anyone."

"Yes." His body twitched and shook with the after sobs.

The determination and the wildness, the anger and the ferocity that developed in his eyes would have almost been scary if Pepper herself wasn't feeling the same emotions.

"I promise." 

It felt like hours as the pair sat shaking and sobbing on the cold and hard floor, engulfed deep in each other's arms until a voice behind them broke them out of the painful silence they were falling into.

"P-Peter?"

Tony's own, red and bloodshot eyes met the wide and confused ones of someone else.

Wait that's- How could he have forgotten?

"David?" Tony said, standing up and breaking the hug.

Anger fueled inside him and he ran towards David, pushing him against a wall and holding him upright with the collar of his shirt.

"Where the fuck were you all this time!?"

David's expression changed into something someone would only describe as pounding fear and he blurted out with his shaking voice, bringing his shaking hands upto where Tony was holding him.

"I- I was out with my friends and then when I came back everybody just told me that Peter- he was taken to the hospital."

"Why the fuck were you out with your friends when Peter was all alone at home even after everything that happened!? Especially after May died!"

David's eyes widened in shock. 

"How did you know?"

"I don't think that matters right now! Answer my question! Why were you out with your friends!?"

"Th-they forced me, they were just trying to cheer me up after May died and all and I just couldn't refuse this time."

"Oh, cheer you up!" Tony snarled out in a taunting tone. "And what about Peter huh!?" He said slamming him into the wall behind.

"I tried okay! But he wouldn't talk to me! It's like he shut me out. He didn't like me anyway but after May, he just stopped even talking to me." 

"Why didn't you tell me anything about May!"

"Because Peter stopped me! We had this funeral and everything. It was just me and him. I asked him to tell you but he refused." David spoke cleverly, knowing exactly where to strike to get the man weak on his knees.

Tony let go of the man's collar as tears sprang in his eyes again and he looked away, bringing his hand upto his forehead.

His kid had specifically refused to tell him anything.

"What happened with May?" Pepper asked defiantly.

"She wouldn't wake up one night, I took her to the hospital and they told me that she took some pills and her body couldn't handle them." David said, pulling a sad and grief stricken look on his face successfully.

"Did you know what was going on?" Steve asked, stepping forward a little.

"What do you mean?"

"That he was cutting himself!" Tony ended up screaming again, making David flinch.

"Peter did self harm! And he- somebody has been sexually assaulting him!" His eyes watered again, tears threatening to spill over.

"What!? Sexual abuse? What the fuck are you even talking about?" 

"It's true." Clint spoke out quietly.

"I-I don't know how that's possible. He went to school in the morning and he was in the tower with you after that until late at night." He said, sparing an accusing glance towards Tony.

"What? No! He was never with me that late ever."

"Oh.  
Then maybe he went somewhere after school, you know?" David said, forcing some fake tears out of his eyes.

"Are you trying to say that my kid did it willingly?" Tony's face flushed red with rage again.

"Look I'm not saying anything." David said, raising his hands in front of his face in defense. 

"I'm just telling you what was happening. And stop screaming at me like it's my fault!"

"Yes it was! Because everything happened when you were there!" Tony stabbed his finger aggressively at David's chest.

"I tried okay! But he wouldn't talk to me! I was his step dad and he hated me, but you? You were actually the one who left him alone."

Tony clenched his teeth together and his eyes grew wide.

"Don't you understand? You could have helped him and you didn't. So you're the one who's really at fault here."

Tony stumbled backwards at the harsh and true words. 

He knew what David was saying was true. He could have helped and he didn't.

He dropped down onto the bench behind him and hid his face in his hands as the hallway was once again engulfed into deep and tormenting silence.

In the process of getting lost deep down into the pain and trauma of everything happening, everybody missed the shady grin that spread on David's face as he stared smugly at Tony.

* * *

Tony stood in front of Peter's hospital room, hands clenched into fists at his sides in hesitation.

If it weren't for the fact that Peter had lost his last left family in the world, had tried to commit suicide and had literally been tortured emotional and physically for weeks with no one there for him, Tony would have figured it would have been best for him to stay away from Peter. 

Because it was all his fault. Everything.

No matter what he did, he would always end up hurting the people he loved. It was like he was a magnet of suffering and inflaming pain and whoever ever tried to get close to him, felt the burn too.

And Peter deserved so much more than what he offered to him. He deserved happiness, he deserved someone who would always go back to him no matter how much they fought, he deserved someone who truly loved him. 

But Tony loved him. So much. 

_Apparently not enough to save him_ , disappointment crashed into him like giant waves.

But right now, he knew that he had to be there for him, no matter how much he was falling apart from inside , no matter how much dead and worthless he felt on the inside, he owed it to the kid right now, for every moment he had made him feel like he was worth it. And for every moment where he made him realise that Tony stark matters more than iron man.

It broke Tony's heart that Peter deserved so much better than him but right now he had to make do with what he had. Just Tony.

A kid like him deserved the world, and what did the world give to him in return? Pain and suffering?

Pepper was right, that he was the only one who might help heal him now. Nobody could deny the fact that Peter loved Tony more than anything and that's why it hurt more to think that Peter had thought that Tony hated him.

The person who had left him all alone was possibly the cure to his trauma.

The doctor had told everyone that they could go see Peter now, just one at a time and everybody had immediately decided it was Tony who should go in first.

Tony still couldn't really believe everything that had happened. He still hoped that he would wake up and it would all just be some horrible dream. No not dream, nightmare.

His worst nightmare till date.

Because that was Peter in there, Peter Parker from Queens. Selfless, pure, Peter, who couldn't hurt a fly.

Things like these were never supposed to happen to his kid. 

His hands started shaking as he reached them out towards the door.

Iron man was a hero who saved everyone. But what good is a hero wo couldn't even save his own kid from the hands of monsters?

Guilt lit him up from inside in the form of huge, raging flames and he finally pushed the door open, his mind and eyes preparing to witness the worst. 

It couldn't be worse than seeing him lying all bloody and broken on the hood of his own car. Right? _Wrong_.

The sight in front of him had him weak and nearly crashing down on his wobbling knees.

Peter was lying perfectly still in the hospital bed, wearing a big gown, too big for his timid frame. He had always been kind of small but he looked so- so much smaller than he ever had before in that hospital bed, and so- abused. 

The tears welled up at the brink of his eyes at the thought that somebody had really dared to rape his bright, cheerful kid, ripping him away of all the happiness and brightness.

How could anyone have the strength to look into those big, kind and innocence filled eyes and still dare to do something that horrible and inhumanely to him?

But again, whoever did this to his kid, couldn't have been a human at all.

There were so many wires and machines jutting out from inside Peter's gown. 

The heart monitor was beeping steadily next to him and it almost reminded Tony of the unforgettable moment in the ambulance, when that beeping just got slower and slower until it just stopped. And then there was complete silence, in Tony's mind, the rest of the world was lost in utter chaos.

Peter's mouth was open and a thick tube disappeared into his mouth through a blue block, a machine beside him pumping air in and out of his lungs. 

His kid couldn't even breathe on his own. 

There was a gauze covering his forehead. There was an iv attached to his hand pumping a clear liquid into his body and there was a thick collar around his neck. 

_Spinal damage._ He remembered the harsh words.

Fear gripped at his chest from the inside. What if his kid isn't able to walk again? The kid who couldn't sit still for even a second, who would be jumping around like he had springs attatched to his feet. 

Tony swallowed past the lump in his throat and forced his legs forward. 

He could do it. He had to. 

He had left him all alone before. The least he could do now was be there with him, at every second, no matter how worse it got.

How could this possibly get any worse though?

The tears finally streamed out of his eyes as Tony dragged a chair and sat next to Peter's hospital bed.

His right arm was wrapped in thick loops of gauze and his leg was probably in a cast under the clean blanket covering his entire lower body.

His kid was so quiet. The cheerful, loud kid who never shut up once was so quiet now, and the silence was driving him over the edge.

Tony was never really a fan of children until Peter came along with his childlike excitement and his never ending chatter.

No matter how much he rolled his eyes at his every meme reference or snorted his nose in annoyance, only he knew how much he missed it the moment Peter left.

_"Geez kid do you ever shut up."_

_"Do you want me too?" Peter had said, flashing his puppy dog eyes at him and turning his lips into a small pout._

_It was enough to melt a stone heart, who was Tony?_  
  
The sounds of Peter's soft giggles and loud laughs started echoeing through his mind. The same voices that used to fill his heart with eternal joy and warmth, were now only responsible for sending waves of stabbing pain into his already weak and broken heart.

Tony bent down and looked at his face, his eyes and expression softening as he glared at the still so innocent face. 

There were so many small cuts and bruises scattered around messily on his face. There wasn't an inch of his skin that was it's normal colour. His face was pale, standing in a strong contrast with the dark shadows under his eyes.

And now that he was surrounded by brightness he could clearly see the damage that he wasn't able to see before. 

His eyes caught sight of a few hickeys on his jaw, some disappearing under the thick collar around his neck and he swallowed back bile, squeezing his eyes shut and controlling his now laboured breathing. The last thing his kid needed right now was for his mentor to break down in his own hospital room.

The doctors said that sometimes comatose people could hear everything happening around them. And that, talking to Peter, making him feel better might be a way of strengthening him emotionally and physically for his body to fight and not just give up like he had before. And for that, Peter needed Tony to be strong, him being weak wasn't gonna help anyone.

He ran his hand soflty through Peter's still impossibly soft curls and he gently took Peter's left hand in his hand, brushing his thumb over the soft skin as he gazed at the still, actionless, joyless face.

It had taken every ounce in his shattered body for him to not break down. Jesus he was so close to his kid. He had missed it so much after they had the fight, the closeness, the warmth of having him next to him. He wished every day for Peter to come back to him again, to feel him next to him again, but not like this, never like this.

After months of seeing and laughing with the kid every single day to a week of no contact with him, he had never expected that the next time he would see him, would be like this. Completely hopeless and dead inside.

The universe must really hate him. 

He looked down at the back of his kid's forearm when he felt his thumb graze on a little scrapiness and almost choked up as he saw the angry, faded self inflicted cuts on the inside of his forearm.

Silent tears landed down on his forearm and Tony hastily yet gently wiped them away with his thumb.

Nausea crept upto him as his eyes caught upon the dark, hand shaped bruises circling his wrists. 

Someone had held his kid down tightly and-

  
Tony didn't want to think about it. Not right now. He looked up towards the ceiling and inhaled a wavering breath, blinking his eyes to get rid of the burn.

He had promised Pepper that he was going to find the bastard who did that to his kid. And he will. God knows he will and when he does, all hell was gonna break loose.

He brushed away the thoughts and leaned down to kiss his hand softly, his body shaking with the sobs he was holding in.

"Quite a reunion huh kid?" He chuckled softly, tugging his lips to a side.

"Um, the doctors suggested talking to you, you know, they said that maybe you could hear me.." He trailed off and chuckled again, this time in uneasiness, his mind dwelling in nervousness and guilt.

His breath shuddered as his fingers fumbled with the soft blanket.

"Look I- I don't know if you can hear me...." he paused before speaking again.

"Maybe what I really wanted to say was..I'm sorry." He bit his lip to prevent the sob from spilling out.

"I'm so sorry for everything. For leaving you alone God you-" he inhaled sharply as a tear streamed down his eye.

"I made you think that i hated you and i- I could never do that Peter, I could hate myself but never you!"

He muffled his lips with a hand, squeezing his eyes shut as sobs spilled out of him.

He opened them and looked down at the kid again. Still so lifeless and pale.

Peter looked peaceful, as he slept. Even for the dark bruises and cuts littering his face and a literal fucking tube shoved down his throat, he looked peaceful than Tony had seen him the last few months. 

He should have noticed. He should have done something.

_"There's so much peace in darkness Karen."_

_"He might not want to wake up at all."_

His kid had literally gone through hell because the only way he felt he could be at peace and happy was to die.

He was just a kid. A Goddamn 16 year old kid. And as he layed down in the bed seeming so small and hurt, it was impossible to believe he was Spider-Man.

He was too young to go around risking his life to save people who would never do the same for him.   
So selfless, so innocent, so bright for a dark world like this.

"You know kid, I never really thought I could ever love anyone more than Pepper or Rhodey and then.... then you came along." He smiled at him proudly, tears shining in his eyes and spilling over.

"..With your kindness, your selflessness, your determination and your silly pop culture refrences." He chuckled at the last words as he ran his fingers through his hair again.

"..And you just somehow, broke down my walls and warmed yourself close to my heart. You gave me a reason to live, you taught me that I deserved to be happy too." He trailed off quietly.

His heart burned with a yearn to look at those big, brown puppy eyes again. The eyes which gleamed with the cheer of youth all the time. No matter how hard the time would be his eyes never lost his shine. Tony was scared he would now.

His mind drowned with memories of the happy times. 

When Peter was dancing in the kitchen, shaking his butt side to side and mocking Tony as he ate the last slice of pizza he had stolen from him. 

Or when Morgan forced Peter to play princess with her and she had made him wear make up and nail paint. Tony had laughed so hard and took a picture as Peter cursed at him but still laughing with him.

He wanted those times back so bad. He wanted his kid back.

"I have never told you this before and I'm so sorry for that but kid- I love you so God damn much." With that, he broke down into pitiful sobs in front of Peter. He just couldn't hold them down anymore.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do without you Pete. So please please, I beg of you, I know I don't deserve this but please, fight kid. Please just wake up, give me one last chance and I promise, I'll never let anything happen to you ever again, just please wake up kid." He sobbed.

"I can't live without you. I can't. I won't make it a day without you."

He choked up but Peter stayed limp and lifeless as before, and Tony kept sobbing his heart out.

He took Peter's hand in his own, fingers curling in with his and then he kept sitting there as his sibs quietened down. 

"I've made a mistake before. I'm not gonna make it again. I'm never letting you go now." He said as he curled his fingers tighter around Peter's, leaning in to press a feather like kiss on his forehead.

"And when you wake up.....that's right when not if kid-" He said smiling and ruffling the curls playfully.

"-I'm gonna be right here for you."

And he did.

* * *

_Don't you give up on me kid, because I'm not giving up on you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David is one clever bastard! And yes, if you're wondering, he planned all of this very cleverly when he got to know from the people that Peter had tried to commit suicide, what to say specifically to hit Tony at his heart and have him mentally exhausted to even think of the possibility of David being the cause of everything happening with Peter.  
> He didn't really expect this to happen, so of course, there's gonna be loop holes in his plan which will be noticed.
> 
> I'm so sorry for the late update but as I've mentioned before too that the next few chapters are gonna be quite a challenge for me so it's gonna take me more time than usual. And i know some things don't make sense right now in this story but they will soon.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter because honestly, I tried my best and this is the result. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
> 
> Also, leave a comment if you want to because they make me happy and encourage me. 🥺❤️
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me. Ly guys!❤️


	11. Hold on I still want you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yasssssss that's right!! I'm back again, with a new chapter. 
> 
> Prepare yourself for heartbreak and pain y'alll because it's gonna be painful af.  
> (Atleast I tried to make it painful, idk if you're stronger than that lol) 
> 
> Stay safe and take care❤️

Every morning brings a new escape from the darkness, and a new hope for better times.  
But as the days went on, Tony only found himself losing hope day by day.

It was a torture, to just sit and try and hope for any movement, anything different or even a slight twitch but eventually nothing happened. 

Every minute, every second of Peter lying still and lifeless on the bed was a constant reminder to Tony of his horrible failure to save his kid. 

It was none less than a torture and Tony realised as those days passed, that the feeling of hopelessness was above any pain in the world.

It was emotional or physical torture Tony couldn't process anymore because it was getting quite difficult to understand whether the pain in his chest was really there or just his mind playing tricks on him and guilting itself.

13 days had passed but it still felt like yesterday when Tony had witnessed his kid commit suicide in front of his own eyes, when he had to watch as his kid almost lost his battle with life in the ambulance.

It still felt like yesterday when the doctor had told them that Peter used to hurt and starve himself and when Pepper had told him that Peter had been raped.

At some point in the past days, his hopes of it being a nightmare vanished completely and he had to accept that it wasn't a dream anymore, it was in fact, happening, in real.

It was hard to accept, but it was also unavoidable, because his kid, Peter was still lying broken and abused in front of him, confined to a hospital bed and still lost in a coma even after the long 13 days.

It was scary and heartbreaking. Feeling his hope just wither away slowly like his insides. 

What scared Tony more wasn't the fact that his kid was fighting for his life but the fact that he might not be.

_"He might not want to wake up at all."_

Tony couldn't even imagine the pain Peter must have went through all alone, the agony and the excruciating hurt of hopelessness that he was feeling right now looking at that motionless child like face was nothing compared to what his kid must have felt going through all the shit.

Which was the fact that encouraged him to be stronger and not loose his hope and strength completely.

The world had unleashed all the evilness on his bright and innocent kid as if it was itself jealous of the light he carried in himself and had dropped his broken and abused body back in Tony's arms and he had to make do with it. 

So he had promised that he was going to do his best for his kid, to be there for him no matter what. 

To be patient and to wait, no matter how long it took, because Peter Parker was worth it. 

Peter Parker was worth every single thing in his life. Every second, every passing moment , Peter Parker was worth it all.

Ever since the unfateful night he had rushed his kid to the hospital, Tony hadn't moved an inch from the spot next to Peters bed, sitting in the uncomfortable and stoick chair, unless he had to, which only included his quick bathroom breaks or when the doctors had to run some tests on Peter.

His back was an aching mess but it didn't matter because the only pain that his mind could register was the one radiating out from his heart.

He had even stopped sleeping or eating properly.   
Everytime he closed his eyes, flashes of his kid's smiling face started circling around in his mind which was fine until those faces took form of a bloody, broken and a haunting face.

Besides, Tony wanted to make sure that in case if Peter woke up, he wouldn't find his mentor passed out carelessly in front of him, so he just stopped sleeping. 

His entire system was mostly running on coffee. 

He had stopped eating properly too, because even if he did try, he wasn't able to gulp the food down his throat without being swallowed away by huge and enormous waves of guilt and regret.

_Peter was malnourished. Peter was malnourished._

_He had stopped eating._

_He hurt himself._

_You weren't there for him._

_It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault._

  
Pepper, Rhodey and the others came to visit at times, trying to convince Tony to take rest or go to the Tower atleast for Morgan, but he had refused, because he had made many promises to Peter that he had failed to keep. 

But this one he just couldn't break no matter what, especially after what happened.

_"I'm never letting you go ever again."_

He was scared that the moment he was going to leave him alone again, something bad was going to happen and his heart couldn't bear that thought. 

Because that was all the cause of Peter's condition, loneliness.

It was sad seeing his wife and friends suffer and hurt more because of the state he had put himself in but he couldn't think about that right now. 

His mind and body only kept screaming for Peter and nothing else.

His heart was bleeding and bleeding but the worst part was that he wasn't dying. There seemed to be no stop to the bleed and the waves of guilt and self loath he was burying himself in.

He used to hate himself so much, but then Peter had came into his life, a kid so bright and positive who idolized Iron man and as he got to know the man more, he accepted idiolizing Tony Stark more than Iron man and Tony remembered that was the exact moment his mind decided that maybe he wasn't so bad after all, that maybe for once, he should be satisfied and proud of who he was, because the kid was, so much. 

But right now, Tony couldn't hate anyone more than himself now.

He was already broken and ripped apart from inside, the only thing keeping him together, the only thread joining his broken remains together was the boy in front of him, who needed him stitched together not ripped apart for his own sake.

He blinked away the tears that formed at the brink of his eyes and looked at the innocent face in front of him, brushing his thumb softly over the yet so plump skin of his kid's cheek.

Morgan always loved to pull at those cheeks whenever Peter used to come to the tower, and even though Peter didn't like it, he let her sister do this to her spider-brother even if his cheeks were a flushed and stinging mess of red by the end.

Peter's face had regained it's colour. The bruises resting on his skin were now like phantom shades of tint and his body wasn't as skinny and thin as it had been before, thanks to the iv attached to his hand pumping him full of the nutrition his body needed. 

The breathing tube was gone too, replaced by a simple oxygen mask which was a big relief because seeing a tube literally shoved down his kid's throat was none less than terrifying. He was thankful that Peter didn't wake up while the tube was in him though, because all of the trauma was bad enough already, he didn't wanted more to be added in the list.

What Tony was the most thankful for were the vanished hickeys and the faded hand shaped bruises around his wrists that used to make him sick deep down to his stomach everytime his eyes accidentally drifted upon them.

It was difficult to look at them and not think about the possibilities about how and what was being done to his kid in the past few weeks or even months, but he still tried his best to block out those thoughts for now, because it was better than ending up with an agonizing pain in his abdomen, vomiting until his stomach was empty like it had happened a few times before.

Images of a broken and bloody Peter on his own car were enough, he didn't want to think about the possibilities of other abuse his kid had went through right now. 

Although it was inevitable, because he had to face the truth at some point, because there was no way he was going to let the bastard who did this to his kid get away with it so easily, but for right now, only being there for Peter mattered.

Although Peter was getting better according to the doctor, but the fact that he still wasn't awake was killing him from inside.

"May I be honest with you Mr.Stark, but none of us expected Peter to get better, let alone this fast. It's just been 9 days and the tests show that he's healing miraculously fast, all of his injuries, including his spinal fracture. We were kind of scared that even if Peter got out of this alive he wouldn't be able to walk, but the good news is, he will. His spinal fracture is in a rapid state of healing itself along with his other fractures. Believe it or not, it's none less than a miracle."

Even when every single person present in the room had their face lit up with hope and a small smile in an instant, Tony just couldn't bring himself to be happy even at those assuring and supposedly enlightening words.

While it was a good and a little fear lifting thing that Peter was getting better so fast, Tony knew it was because Peter's superhealing had kicked in as soon as his body got the energy it needed, as soon as his body wasn't just a bunch of bones peeping through a skinny and fragile paper shell.

It should have made him happy, but it only managed to rip his soul apart further. 

Every day, every moment, every word that the doctor had told them had drove home the fact that his kid wouldn't have made it out alive if it wasn't for his super-strength, if it wasn't for him being Spider-Man. 

He was just a kid for God's sake. 

"Wh-why isn't he waking up if he's getting better then?" He had asked, his face still dwelling deep in gloom.

The way the expression on the doctor's face had dropped had made his stomach falter wildly.

"See Mr. Stark, everything happening with Peter has been none less than a miracle, may it be him healing unbelievably fast or even being able to breathe at this point. While I do believe that being in a coma helped his body heal faster-."

How the hell was coma supposed to be a good thing? 

"- he should have woken up by now if we take into account his healing process." The doctor had said, after which it was just pain as usual as her voice just kept dropping and dropping in melancholy after that.

"As i said before, the mind is a very powerful organ. It's possible, that if he doesn't want to, he might not come out of the coma." 

There it was again. The agonizing, sharp pain stinging at his heart and soul and the burning flames emerging from within his sleep deprived, heavy and gloomy eyes.

"The most you can do for him is talk to him. I'm not sure if he can hear you but right now it's the only thing you can do for him, because at the end, it's still his own decision."

Tony remembered the way his body had trembled after those words. And by the looks of it, everyone was on the same page.

The smile and happiness of the initial news dropping, hands shaking horribly, legs frozen in the spot they were standing in and eyes watering heavily.

His kid was getting better physically, but emotionally, it was a completely different story. And even if Peter did wake up, it was going to be a long journey ahead of them to getting back to the ways before. 

Looking at all the trauma, well, the trauma that they knew of till yet, there was no way his kid was going back to the way he was before and it drove daggers through his chest thinking about that, because he wanted that Peter back, with his same old chattering mouth that he used to call annoying and the same old big, brown, loving eyes.

Even if all the hope seemed bleak, it didn't mean Tony wasn't going to try.

The most he could do for Peter was be there for him and talk to him, so he talked.

The gut-wrenching silence he used to get in return did pull him deeper down the hole of misery and despair day by day, it did pull at the weak strings of his heart and shattered remains, but it didn't mean he ever stopped.

Every single day, all the time, all of his days went by with him just talking to Peter, sitting by his bed and reminiscing about the old times, the happy times. 

Tony hadn't realized it before but there were so many of those, happy moments, that had played a crucial role in making his life better and it broke his heart because he hadn't realized the value of those moments before until the threat of those moments turning into just mere memories like the kid lying in front of him lingered heavily in the air.

  
"Hey kid. Remember this?" He said softly despite the sharp pain in his chest, clutching a photo frame in his hands.

He bent forward a little, grabbing the armrests of the chair and shifting it nearer to the hospital bed.

He ran one of his hands through Peter's curls softly, holding the photo frame in front of his kid's face over his blanket covered chest, the fact that he wouldn't be able to see it meaning nothing to him anymore.

It was a photo Peter had gifted to Tony. It wasn't exactly a gift, it could have been called a silly prank too.

The photo showed Tony passed out on his desk, drooling all over his paperwork in his sleep.

Peter was taking a selfie, wearing Tony's own glasses he had stolen from him while he was passed out embarassingly with a sneaky and mocking grin plastered on his face.

The funny thing was that Peter hadn't physically given it to Tony, instead he had handed it to Pepper and told her to give it to him and hid with Morgan to see his reaction.

And even though it was one of the most horrible picture that Tony could have ever seen of himself, with the drool coming out of his mouth like waterfall and body literally just sprawled out carelessly in his comfortable and squeaky chair, the only feeling that Tony had felt was instant happiness and laughter spurting inside of him instead of humiliation and annoyance. 

If it would have been somebody else he was sure he would have felt pretty annoyed but with Peter it was always different.

"You're gonna have to pay for this young man." He remembered he had said in a playful tone, laughing with every single person who was laughing on him.

He had ended up setting the photo on his work desk. 

He didn't tell Peter though, he let him believe that he was way too embarassed to set it up anywhere and had ended up hiding it in the deepest corners of his cupboard.

  
"You gifted me this embarassing photo as one of your silly jokes." He chuckled softly as he spoke up again.

He turned the photo frame towards himself, grazing his fingers softly over Peter's smiling and mocking face which radiated only happiness and cheerfulness. It made it painful for him to look at the same face lying so quiet and still on the bed in front of him.

A small and sad smile spread on his face as hazy memories of that cheerful and unforgettable day cleared up in his mind.

"The whole day Pepper and Morgan were laughing on me. And not just them, you sneaky bastard you showed it to everyone in the compound." He chuckled again, this time with the voice breaking.

The smile on his face dropped as his eyes watered and he looked up towards where Peter was.

"You probably thought I hated it didn't you. That I have it tucked away in a corner away from anyone's reach, right?" His voice was quieter now.

"But do you know I had it placed on my work desk. Seeing your smiling face everyday made my life worth living, made every day better." He muttered out softly.

"Ofcourse you don't know this Pete because I didn't let you know and I'm so stupid for that. But not anymore."

He brought the photo closer to himself and clutched it tightly to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut as silent tears rolled past his parted lips, trying to ease out the voilent whimpers stuck in his throat.

He wished so badly for it to be Peter in his arms instead of that photo. He wished so many things. The first one was only for the kid to just wake up.

Tony wiped his tears and set the photo frame down on the table beside Pete's bed just in time as the door creaked opened behind him. 

He turned around in the uncomfortable chair to find Pepper standing there.

She walked towards the pair slowly and as soon as she opened her mouth to say something Tony cut her off instantly.

"Don't even try, I'm not leaving."

"Tony please." She said, her voice full of plead. Her eyes were heavy with stress and exhaustion herself.

She moved forward and sat beside Peter on the bed, opposite to where Tony was sitting.

She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on Peter's forehead before turning to face Tony again, letting out a deep and anguished sigh.

"Look Tony, I get it okay. You wanna stay with Peter and that's fine." 

Her voice was tired and wavering with emotions, and Tony felt guilt overcome him.

"But you can't just do this, okay? You can't just stop sleeping a-and eating." She said sadly, glancing at the stale and cold food lying on the table in the same way she had found it other times.

She let her eyes drop shut for a moment of comfort as she grazed her thumb gently and lovingly over Peter's limp hand before opening them again but still keeping her gaze fixed on Peter's hand.

"Morgan misses you. It's been 13 days since the last time she saw you." She turned to face him again, her features controted into a deep sad frown.

"Morgan needs her Daddy, Tony. And Peter needs you stronger." Tony's eyes watered and he instantly looked away to his side, blinking rapidly at the wetness.

"Just a little while. Come with me to the tower for just a little while, take a shower, eat and sleep properly for one night, spend a little time with you daughter and come back." She leaned forward slightly, resting her other hand on Tony's forearm softly. 

"Please." 

Tony looked around the room avoiding Peppers gaze. He didn't want to leave him but the pain in her wife's voice was enough to have him give in for once. 

"Who's gonna stay with him?" He asked quietly.

"Anyone." Pepper blurted out desperately.

"Everybody is out there for Peter, and they're about ready to do anything for him. Besides, Happy wants to see him. He's been stuck at home with Morgan all this time he hadn't been able to get a chance to see him even once." She said, glancing softly at Peter's quiet and silent features, still grazing her thumb over his hand.

"Okay." Tony said finally meeting her wife's gaze.

"Thank you." She smiled softly while looking at him, and Tony gave her a small tug of his lips before his face went back to the same gloomy expression as before.

* * *

Tony stepped out of the shower and into his room, bowing and drying his damp hair with the towel wrapped around his neck.

"Well someone looks better." He heard Pepper say playfully and he turned his head upwards to find her standing at the door with a small smile on her face, Morgan sitting in her arms with a comparitively larger smile on her face.

"Daddy!" Morgan screamed as she got down from Pepper's hold and ran towards her dad happily.

Tony picked her up, dropping the towel in a heap underneath him and Morgan instantly wrapped her small hands around his neck.

"Daddy you're back!" She exclaimed in joy and hugged her dad and Tony felt his chest explode with warmth and comfort. 

He looked forward towards Pepper giving her a 'Thank you for convincing me to come home, this is exactly what I needed' look.

He ran his fingers through the soft brown strands as Morgan squeezed her face deeper into the crook of his neck.

She turned her head back after a comforting hug and stared at her dad with a sad look in her eyes.

"I missed you so much daddy." She squealed out softly.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Tony said, his heart drowning in guilt.

"No, its okay daddy. Mommy told me Petey's hurt and you've been with him." She twisted her lips in a small pout as her expressions twisted into a dejected and disspirited look.

"I miss Petey daddy." She said as she turned her sad gaze towards the floor.

A tear leaked out of Tony's eye and he found himself looking into Pepper's matching set of tormented eyes.

"I miss him too baby." He whispered out brokenly.

"Will he be okay daddy?" 

To be honest, Tony didn't knew, he had no clue. 

But that specific, desolated and hopeful look he saw in his daughter's eyes had him resisting the urge to not keep her in the dark.

"Yeah. He will baby." He spoke out and brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead, kissing her soflty on her head.

Morgan played with the her father's shirt, clutching and twisting it in between her fingers.

"You can stay as long as you want with Petey daddy, but please bring him back soon."

Tony's heart shattered in a heart breaking instant as his daughter let those words out.

He clenched his teeth tightly as he buried his daughter's face in his chest again.

"Anything for you baby." He said, with his voice cracking at the end.

  
_"Mr. Stark?"_

_Tony's eyes snapped open and he found himself back at Peter's apartment, standing in Peter's own room._

_"Mr. Stark?"_

_The familiar voice came from behind him again and he turned around in an instant._

_He found himself staring deep into familiar big brown eyes, which belonged to none other than his own kid, but instead those eyes lacked the very brightness that made them Peter's and were filled with silent and tormenting screams._

_Tears were streaming out of Peter's eyes, and looking at the completely red and bloodshot eyes it looked like he had been crying for a long time._

_But that wasn't the thing that broke Tony's heart._

_Peter's face was covered with bruises, blood flowing out of his nose and his split lip and his throat, neck and jaw was littered with numerous hickeys and bite marks indicating towards the horrible inhumane act he had most probably been subjected to._

_The clothes he was wearing were hanging from his body like they would from a hanger in the wardrobe and his marks littered collarbone was horribly protruding out of his frail and skinny frame._

_His legs were trembling horribly under him and it looked like they would give out any second._

_"Why didn't you save me Mr. Stark?"_

_Peter's tormenting voice had Tony snapping his eyes back at his kid's face and tears started streaming out of his eyes himself._

_He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out._

_It felt like something was intentionally gripping at his throat from inside, preventing him from speaking._  
_No matter how hard he tried, the most he ended up with was a choked up hiccup._

_He tried moving his body to walk towards the spot where Peter was but he couldn't move either._

_He was completely paralysed._

_All he could do was stare as his kid broke down in front of him helplessly and wait for a reply he wasn't gonna get._

_"You could have saved me Mr. Stark. But you didn't." Peter sobbed, his voice getting stuck inside his throat with choked whimpers._

_More tears streamed out of Peter's bloodshot eyes and Tony's heart broke further._

_All he wanted to do was to just run upto Peter and wrap him in a big hug and then just never let go but he just couldn't, he didn't knew why._

_He didn't knew what was happening, he didn't knew how Peter was live and standing in front of him, he didn't knew how he found himself in Peter's apartment but all that mattered was that Peter was standing and speaking in front of him._

_Then all of a sudden everything went dark for a minute and the world around him descended into moments of deafening and ear bursting silence._

_He opened his eyes again to find himself sitting on his knees in the centre of the apartment, his face wet with tears._

_He looked around with confusion in his eyes, his mind trying to grip at anything to make sense with._  
_There was no sign of Peter around anywhere and the door to the apartment was widely open like someone had barged in wildly._

_A loud ring echoed inside the apartment as well as his nearly numb ears and he realised it was coming from the phone in his hands._

_His phone._  
_He looked down and saw Steve's name flashing on it._

_He stared at it for a moment in confusion then instantly picked it up and brought it to his ear with his shaking fingers._

_"Tony! Thank God. What happened? You just left like that without telling any of us what happened."_  
_Steve's worried and frantic voice cut through the empty silence around him like a knife._

_There were soft murmers coming from the phone besides Steve's strong and loud voice indicating the phone must have been on a speaker._

_This is all too familiar, he thought to himself._

_All of this had happened before. But he couldn't quite place it exactly._

_Then all of a sudden, his mind flipped and realisation hit him like a truck._

_The night when Peter had tried to kill himself, this was exactly what had happened. Those were the exact words Steve had said, and the phone was on speaker._

_"Tony? Are you even listening? Tony?" Steve's worried voice came through the phone again but Tony couldn't pay attention to that anymore as his mind was plagued with hundreds of thoughts running wild ._

_What if he got another chance? What if the universe gave him another chance to redeem himself?_

_What if this time, he could save him? His kid?_

_Without wasting any more time, Tony got onto his knees and ran wildly, dropping the phone on to floor with a loud thud and not caring about the concerned shouts coming from it._

_Instead of rushing down and out of the apartment, this time he bolted up the stairs and towards the terrace the way he should have done it that day, all the way while hoping it wasn't too late already._

_He threw the door open and his stomach clenched and twisted within itself at the sight in front of him._

_There he was again, his kid._

_He was standing at the edge of the terrace, one leg flaying openly in the air but he had turned around flinching voilently at the sound of the door being thrown open behind him._

_He was still the same as before, never ending tears and snot flowing out of his bloodshot eyes and swollen nose and was covered in the same terrible bruises as before._

_"Pete can you please step away from the edge." Tony cried out desperately._

_When the cold air surrounding him brushed through his face, he felt the wetness of the cold tear trails on his face which made him realise that he had been crying all this while and it wouldn't be a surprise if his own eyes would be matching the redness of the kid in front of him. But only the redness, never the numbness, the blandness and the heart shattering broken look._

_He moved forward slowly, stretching his hands out towards Peter, keeping one of his feet ahead of the other as he stopped in intervals to avoid startling the broken kid in front of him._

_Peter's chest heaved deeply as he spoke up again, this time with a more quieter and more lost tone, staring at his mentor with an agony filled gaze._

_"Do you love me Mr.Stark?" He asked heart breakingly and Tony swore he heard the shatter of his his heart inside his chest, the shards impaling through his chest inside out._

_"Of course. I love you so much kid." His voice cracked near to the end as emotions and guilt overwhelmed him._

_Peter stared at his mentor brokenly for a while as silence wrapped itself around the pair._

_A choked sob escaped past his lips and he broke the eye contact, bringing his gaze to the floor._

_Tony took that as a chance and stalked towards the kid a little faster than before, but still slower than normal._

_Peter spoke up again, breaking the deafening silence but this time his voice wasn't wavering or cracking, instead it was bland and vacant, like there was no emotion left inside it._

_"You're lying." He said with a low voice. He turned his head up to face his mentor again with a vacant and broken stare._

_"If you really loved me, you would have told me." He said and Tony felt like like his heart was being shredded alive slowly._

_"You're lying." Peter's spoke again in his ever so haunting voice._

_He looked Tony deep in his eyes as his feet shifted backwards slowly from under him._

_Tony's eyes widened in realization as his stomach sank._

_Everything happened in slow motion after that as Tony made a run towards Peter._

_He was just about to reach him when Peter shifted backwards a little more and then he was falling._

_Tony's hand just missed Peter's hand and he crashed down onto his feet on the edge of the terrace as he watched his kid fall down towards his death helplessly, again all the while looking into Tony's eyes with an emotionless look._

_Tears streamed out of his eyes endlessly and his heart screamed Peter's name painfully and tormentingly but his lips remained sealed shut and the screams got stuck inside his body, haunting the ruined remains inside of him._

_He couldn't save him again._

_He got the chance again and he couldn't save him._

_Peter's words started revolving in his mind as he stared down with his numb eyes, his face twisted into sheer horror and agony pulsing through his veins instead of blood._

_"Why didn't you save me Mr. Stark?"_

_"Do you love me?"_

_"You're lying. If you did, you would have told me."_

The familair deafening sound of a body colliding with glass ringed in his ears and the next thing he knew, there were hands on his face and he jolted up in cold sweat in his own bed with Pepper next to him.

"Tony! You're okay! It was a dream! Tony!" Pepper's worried and alarmed face cleared up in front of him. 

Tears streamed out of his eyes and his breath choked up in his throat.

"Pe-Peter." He cried as the dream replayed again and again in his mind.

_He couldn't save him again. He couldn't save him again._

"I need to get to Peter, he needs me." He choked out, looking at his wife's worried and concerned face.

"But Tony, you need to sleep. It's only been 2 hours you promised-" Pepper tried to reason but Tony cut her off with his broken voice.

"Please."

He stared at his wife with broken and pleading eyes and Pepper let out a deep sigh and complied, taking a hint of what might have happened.

"Okay." She said as her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

* * *

  
Tony barged in hurriedly through the doors of the hospital and ran towards his kid's room.

His heart was pounding in his chest and there was a deep unsettling feeling enfolding inside of him that told him that something was wrong, that the dream wasn't just a dream but maybe a sign or an indication.

As he got closer to Peter's room, his ears caught the faint and muffled screams and he noticed nurses and the doctor running past and rushing into his kid's room. 

Fear clawed away at his insides as he forced his legs to walk faster, gulping down past the lump in his throat.

He paused in front of the door, taking a deep breath and then opened the door with his shaking fingers.

The sight that his exhausted and fear filled eyes were met with had his heart lunging straight out of his chest.

Peter was awake. He was live and awake, but not in a way Tony ever expected or wanted to see him ever in his life.

Peter was lying on the floor, thrashing around and screaming and struggling against the nurses trying to hold him down by his hands and legs, pinning him to the cold floor but still struggling to keep the injured boy with super strength still.

"Please! I'm sorry sir! Don't do this again! Please it hurts!" Peter was screaming with his broken and abused voice. 

Tony's body controted in unfathomable pain as he watched his kid fall apart.

Peter's eyes were red and he was crying and wailing heart wrenchingly as tears streamed down to meet the cold floor below.

The doctor was standing close behind the horrifying scene, preparing a syringe, most probably to knock Peter out.

He spotted Clint kneeling on the other side of Peter and he was tightly holding a cloth against Peter's wrist which was bleeding.

 _Bleeding_.

Blood. Again.

There was blood flowing out from under the cloth held against his kid's wrist. There was blood on Clint's clothes and there were tears flowing out of his eyes and his fingers were shaking as he desperately tried to hold down the cloth as tight as he could to the bleeding wound.

The photo that Peter had gifted him, that Tony was talking about to him before, was lying on the floor, shattered into pieces. 

The hand that Clint was holding the cloth against was stretched out towards a bloody glass shard laying discarded on the cold tile a few distance apart.

Everyone was screaming around him, but Tony couldn't hear anything past the numbness in his ears. 

He couldn't move his gaze from the blood pooling around his kid's wrist onto the white tile and his body trembled voilently as agonizing pain and agony attacked every cell in his body.

A choked whimper escaped his mouth as a tear strolled past his parted lips.

One of the nurse forced Peter's head towards a side and held it still there while another one pulled the sleeve of Peter's gown down one of his shoulder until his upper arm was completely exposed.

The doctor slowly kneeled down in front of Peter's exposed upper arm, raising the syringe in his hand. 

Peter screamed and cried out more voilently as hands appeared on his exposed arm, sending all the attempts of the nurses and Clint trying to comfort him into nothing but vain.

Just when he thought it couldn't get worse, Peter's eyes accidentally drifted to meet Tony's own in between his voilent burst and he stilled, his body freezing and abandoning any struggle that was left in him.

Tony watched as Peter's eyes widened as his eyes met his, and the look that Peter communicated through his eyes had him gripping at his chest at the shooting pain spreading throughout his entire body.

His body was paralysed and frozen again, just like in the dream.

Peter's eyes had a look of betrayal and hopelessness in them, like he was angry that he was alive and he was angry that Tony was there now, and that he was broken and exhausted and pushed past his limits to such an extent that he wanted nothing more than to just never wake up again but he had! 

His kid was breaking down in front of him and he wanted to do something, anything! But he just...couldn't move, just like in the dream.

He watched helplessly as the needle of the syringe slowly disappeared into Peter's arm, but he gave no reaction to it, still keeping his wide eyes at Tony until his eyes slowly drooped shut.

Peter was always very scared of needles, but right now seeing him all numb and giving no reaction to the sharp pinch was driving him insane.

Tony stood there helplessly, paralysed in pain and shock as he watched Clint scream at the doctor.

"What the fuck did you do that for!?"

"We had to sedate him, he wasn't exactly complying."

"Complying!? He was fucking having a flashback of getting raped!"

The loud voice cut through Tony's heart like a sharp knife, the words bleeding poison into his open wounds.

He watched helplessly as Clint scooped Peter up in his arms in a gentle yet so hurried manner and settled him in the bed before they were both being rushed out of the room and the door was barred shut on their faces.

Tony and Clint exchanged haunting glances with each other as the reality screamed at them louder than anything ever before.

He turned around to find Pepper with the same haunting and shocked look in her eyes, her hand muffling her pained sobs.

_His kid had tried to kill himself again._

_He wasn't there when his kid woke up._

_Peter had tried to kill himself again, and he hadn't done_ _anything more than just..watching._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo....should I change my name to Thecliffhangerqueen? Haha lol, srry for the cliffhanger, again. This was my first ever story and I've realized writing it that, damn I love giving cliffhangers!! :P 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter, because as you can see, more pain is coming...for everyone, especially Tony and Peter. 😣
> 
> Ps: the scene where I talked about the photo frame Peter had gifted Tony, I got that idea from a very cute fanart I found on the net 😂 I don't exactly remember where because I have it saved since ages in my phone and the other day i was scrolling through all the fanarts I had saved and I found that one so I decided to add it. ;)
> 
> Also: All your comments make me soo happpyy!! 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 I love reading them so much ❤️ Thank you so much for all the love and support 🥺❤️


	12. Darkness is my only friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, I'm backkkk with Peter's pov finally!!! Yayyy!! 🥳🥳  
> Do remember to heed the warnings mentioned in the tags above.  
> Stay safe, healthy and take care❤️

_Why do people fear death?_

_It's strange._

_Life hurts a lot more than death._

_At the point of death, all pain is over. So I guess, it's a friend._

_The only friend who's embrace I **yearn** for now._

* * *

  
When Peter first came to, the only thing that his mind could make itself aware of was the loud and sharp sound of steady beeps piercing straight through his ears, making his head throb against his insides horribly. 

He tried to go back to sleep, to get lost inside the never ending darkness but unfortunately his body decided against it.

So he slowly opened his eyes, squinting them together soon after at the sudden change from the previous calming darkness to the piercing intense brightness ripping through his senses and dragging him forcefully towards an unfortunate state of consciousness. 

As he blinked his eyes leisurely, adjusting them to the change around him, he found himself staring right up above himself at a clean white ceiling.

The steady beeping sound was still ringing sharply in his ears and he let out a prolonged groan as his body slowly came back to it's senses.

For a while, his mind couldn't understand anything as he looked around exhaustedly with his heavy and still drooping eyelids, taking in the clean white atmosphere of the hospital room he was in.

Wait. A hospital room? His mind was screaming at him now.

He winced at the increasing throbbing inside his head and his eyes caught sight of the source of the annoying steady sound: the heart monitor beeping continuously beside him. 

He followed the wires jutting out from the machine to find them attached to his own chest and then, all of a sudden, everything was making sense. 

In quick and forceful flashes, everything was flooding back into his mind like water.

_May was dead. David killed her. It was all his fault. He was all alone._

_Pain. Pain. Pain._

_David had hurt him._  
_He had jumped. He killed himself._  
_Then there was peace._  
_There was peace. But not for long._

_He was back._  
_He had jumped and he had died._

_He had felt the cool air brush past his abused and filthy skin, he had felt peace when the silence had engulfed him._

He wasn't supposed to be awake.

He shouldn't be alive. 

He was supposed to be dead, he killed himself right? But why was he awake?

He had opened his eyes, he was seeing the cruel world again. 

He was stuck inside a big and haunting hospital room, that too, still all alone. There was no one by his side, nobody wanted him, then why save him?

His eyes burned and silent tears streamed down his eyes to meet the soft bedsheet below as pain tore it's way throughout his broken body and his bottom lip wobbled under the oxygen mask in hopelessness.

He was alive. He was still alive. 

He had jumped to relieve himself of all the pain, yet here he was still alive and breathing.

David had already proven to him that he was good for nothing except being his little toy. 

And he was right, because he wasn't even able to kill himself, and now David was gonna come back and use him like the worthless toy he was.

No.

He couldn't do this. He just couldn't. 

He was tired and abused and hurt and lost and now it was just too much for him.

He just couldn't do this life thing anymore. 

He didn't _want_ to.

It hurt to even breathe thinking about how violated he was. He wanted a new body, a new life, without the haunting memories of his decaying life.

He wouldn't even be able to look at himself in the mirror without being bombarded by the cruel flashes of his time with David to remind him of how dirty and disgusting he was, reminding him of how he let David do everything he wanted to with him and he never ever stopped him, how he even let David's friends use him like the worthless little toy be was.

Did he wanted it? He didn't, right? But he didn't even fight.

 _Pathetic_.

They were never gonna leave, the flashes, the phantom touches and the monster himself who did this to him. And if he didn't do anything soon, the phantom touches would turn into real ones.

_"This is your life now Peter, better get used to it."_

"No I don't want it please." Peter sobbed out quietly, as if David was there himself, standing in front of him and saying this to him like he had before.

Peter brought his hand up to his face and ripped away the oxygen mask aggressively which was previously resting on his mouth and providing him with stale oxygen. But not more stale and rotten than how his life had became.  
Nothing could be as rotten and dirty as he was from inside and even more from outside now.

So used and dirty.

He furiously ripped away the machines attatched to his filthy body, wincing and moaning brokenly at the sudden pain shooting through him as the tears kept rolling down his face in endless streams, burning all the way through wherever they made contact with his skin.

The beeps from the heart monitor beside him started rising dangerously indicating towards his advancing panic attack in between his frenzied actions, and Peter ripped away the wires of the heart monitor away from his chest in a quick and enraged motion. 

And then, he was met by complete silence in the lonely and terrifying hospital room.

He thought the contionous beeping was annoying and piercing but the silence was more painful than anything ever.

The silence had always been painful. The silence from his friends at school, the silence from Mr. Stark. The silence in the apartment without May.

Why did he still have to be alone?

Rage bubbled up inside of him in huge flames and tears flowed out in full blast as he let out a loud and agony filled sob and slammed his fists furiously on the bed he was laying on.

The universe couldn't let him live. It took everything away from him, first his parents, then his uncle, then his aunt, his friends, Mr.Stark, his happiness, and even his dignity.

He didn't have anything else to lose. Everything he held dear had been ripped away from him.

And when he tried to kill himself, when he tried to end it all, it wouldn't let him do that either. 

It's like the whole world hated him and wanted him to suffer on purpose.

Peter tried to move his legs in an attempt to get off of the bed but was stopped dead in his actions as he realized one of his leg was in a cast. 

Great.

Stupid Parker luck.

He knew he was unlucky, but not to an extent where he would jump off of such a height and still be alive. 

He had specifically chosen to jump off the terrace. He could have jumped out his window but he had made sure that there was no possibility for him to make it out. 

But he had. He hated it.

**Life was so much more painful than death.**

He turned his head to his side and stared at the iv attached to his wrist, probably flooding his insides with pain killers because there was no way his body wouldn't be in excruciating pain right now looking at the amount of bandages that were covering most of his body.

He didn't deserve the relief. He deserved the pain, all of it. The universe had made it clear to him.

His gripped the iv from his hand and squeezed his eyes shut as he pulled the needle out of his hand with a painful and angry grunt.

The thick collar around his neck was making it harder for him to breathe as tears flowed past his parted lips and his breath came out shallow and unsteady.

He braced his hands onto the bed beneath him as he tried to get up but ended up falling back down as intense pain shot through him like a bullet at the movement.

Now that there were no more painkillers being pumped into his frail and abused body, the pain was coming back and filling him slowly and gradually from inside. And it was being too much.

He inhaled a shuddering breath and then flailed his hands around the bed, trying to find something for purchase as he pushed his body forward but instead, he ended up crashing down on to the floor, letting out an involuntary scream in agony when his hands grabbed at nothing but air.

Sobs wretched through his entire frame as pain crashed into him harder and harder with every passing moment and he lay down helplessly on the cold floor in just a paper thin, oversized gown.

_He was cold. He was hurting. He was scared. He wanted relief. He wanted to be clean._

He stared above at the unbelievably white ceiling again as more tears welled up and streamed down his flushed and angry face and his body slowly broke down into hitching sobs battling their way out of his restrained throat.

He missed the numbness. He missed the emotionlessness. 

Another burst of anger flamed up inside of him and he brought his hands up again, swinging them through the air to find any kind of purchase as he clenched his teeth tightly at the pain that followed soon after.

This time, his hands found the purchase of the wooden table behind him.

He gripped the wood tightly between the tip of his fingers and tried to get up again.

One of his hand brushed past a wooden slate and he ended up crashing down painfully on his knees with a painful and loud thud halfway through his attempt as the frame fell down with his body, the sound of shattering of glass echoeing inside the room and his ears.

Peter clutched his chest and clenched his teeth tighter at the torture inflicted on his knees as quiet and tortured moans slipped past his lips continuously along with a few tears slipping out of his eyes and dripping on the floor below.

He blinked away the blurriness in his eyes rapidly, still sobbing and tried to focus his gaze at the back of the photo frame lying on the floor, now with pieces of glass shattered on the cold floor around it. 

He didn't knew how the photo frame got there in the first place but he couldn't care at that moment, because looking at the several shards of glasses scattered around, his mind could only focus on the new found opportunity for relief again.

His eyes drifted around and he locked his stare with presumingly the biggest shard in the whole mess, lying translucent and shining under the bright lights on the clear floor.

Peter could feel the way his heart was pounding against his chest, and if he was still attached to the heart monitor, he knew it would have burst.

He slowly picked up the piece in his shaking hand, curling his fingers around the sharp and rough edges tightly and brought it upto his other wrist, which was lying bare in an agonizing wait for the torture to end.

This time he had to make sure that there was no coming back from it, that he wouldn't wake up in a stupid hospital again.

He let his hand drop and slowly pressed the glass to the sensitive skin of his wrist.

He watched keenly with satisfaction as beads of blood spurted out and fell down in drops onto the clear white floor below, bringing in a strong and blinding contrast for anyone to see.

The tears that escaped his eyes and fell onto his wrists over the blood, burnt his skin the same way as the intense desire to die was burning him from inside.

He closed his eyes with a sigh of relief and felt his body relax as he felt the stinging pain spreading from his wrist to his entire arm. The pain meant it was working.

He hoped that this time when he lost himself in the darkness, he wouldn't be unlucky enough to see the light again.

But ofcourse, he was wrong.

Disrupting the calm and peaceful silence that Peter was engulfing himself into slowly and happily, the sound of the door opening behind him echoed loudly followed by a loud and haunting scream ripping through his heightened senses.

"Peterrr!" 

Clint screamed in horror as he watched Peter on the floor on his knees, his back was facing him but he could still see the horrible way his weak and fragile frame was shaking.

But that wasn't what had made his heart sink, and made him scream his lungs out.

There was blood dropping down slowly on the white tile beneath where Peter was kneeling, and Clint could only fear as to where the blood was coming from.

And he had an uncanny feeling inside of him that it wasn't accidental, but intentional.

He ran forward and crashed down onto his knees behind Peter, and his stomach sank as he looked over Peter's head and saw him pressing a big shard to his wrist which was now bleeding profusely and dangerously.

 _Shit_.

Without any second thoughts, and ignoring the fear twisting him from inside, he clutched both of Peter's hands in his hands tightly, separating them from each other as far as he could.

Peter screamed out and tried to struggle out of the bruising grip vainly as Clint shifted him onto his lap pressing Peter back against his own chest.

"Peter it's me, Clint! It's okay. Calm down, C'mon kid!"

His voice was growing louder and shakier as sheer horror and fear roared inside his body and his mind was filled with all the possibilities of what might have happened if he was even a second more late.

"Let me gooo! Please, I can't do this anymore please, I don't wanna do this anymore." Peter sobbed out heart-wrenchingly and hopelessly as he kept struggling and Clint's heart broke into millions of tiny little pieces.

Tears escaped his own eyes and he tried to whisper comforting words into Peter's ears but he just kept wailing and struggling against him, throwing his head back at his chest and kicking his legs at nothing. 

He shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be moving around like that with his neck brace and other injuries.

It was getting harder to hold him down, because at the end Clint was still human and Peter was- well he was Spider-Man. He needed help.

"Helppp!! Someone helpp!" Clint screamed out as he tried to keep the struggling kid with super-strength still, ignoring the way his voice cracked weakly at the end.

He had just gone out for 5 minutes to bathroom, just bathroom.

He had just left the kid's room for 5 minutes and all hell had broken loose. 

Never ever in his life would he had ever thought that the biggest mistake he could ever do was go to bathroom to pee.

But there he was, and the kid had tried to kill himself again, Jesus.

Just a moment later the door opened again and then everything descended into chaos.

The nurses and the doctor rushed inside, running towards the pair hurriedly, taking Peter from him and pinning him down onto the cold hard floor, trying to hold him as still as they could as his struggles increased.

That was the time Clint could properly see Peter's face for the first time since he walked in to witness the haunting sight.

He literally wished he hadn't.

Peter's eyes were terrifyingly red and filled with burning rage and pain as tears leaked out of the pair relentlessly. His face was flushed red and he was struggling and kicking around with his bound legs trying to get out of the bruising and relentless grip of the nurses holding him down.

He watched as a nurse gripped Peter's hand holding the guilty blood stained shard and curled her fingers around his wrists tighter and harder to a point where Clint thought that the poor kid's wrist might just break under the pressure.

He watched as Peter let go of the glass shard with a piercing wail as the last resort to lessen the pain burning through his wrist.

"Hey stop! You're hurting him." Clint shouted as his defensive mode kicked in.

"There's no time to be gentle if you want your kid to live." The nurse snapped back at him almost instantly, making Clint back away.

He watched with teary eyes as the helplessness and hopelessness of the situation drowned the kid out and he threw his head back onto the cold floor, squeezing his eyes shut and wailed brokenly.

Clint thought that the situation just couldn't get worse than it already was but then the next words that escaped Peter's mouth had his knees shaking and nearly giving up from underneath him.

"Please I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me again." Peter's eyes were squeezed shut and his body was now trembling at a horrifying pace. 

It didn't take long for Clint to figure out what must be going through his mind.

He was having a flashback. A flashback of getting-  
because there were so many people, and so many hands on him, they were holding him down, not letting him move.

He had seen the bruises circling the kid's wrists before they had healed and he knew that someone had held the kid down against his will and raped him.

No matter how much he tried to forget or ignore this, every little thing and every little action was driving home the fact that this kid- this amazingly pure and kind kid had been subjected to such a horrible act of abuse.

"Now what the hell are you doing just standing there!? Come here and put pressure to his wrist, he's gonna bleed out!" The same nurse snapped out at him again and the tint of urgency and fear leaking from her voice was enough to have him moving forward.

He took his jacket off and quickly crashed down to his knees next to Peter, pressing it tightly to the bloody wound with his shaking fingers.

The awful smell of blood pinched his nose on the inside and he gagged reflexively as he swallowed back the bile threatening to spill over.

"Kid it's okay, you're okay, no one's gonna hurt you anymore, I promise." He whispered out to the kid but Peter kept struggling and cried even harder than before, his words sending shards through Clint's chest again and again.

"Please! I'm sorry sir! Don't do this again! Please it hurts!" Peter kept screaming with his broken and abused voice sending Clint's heart into a state of constant stabbing pain.

He watched as a nurse pulled one of the sleeve of Peter's gown down over his shoulder exposing his upper arm.

The moment the cool air hit Peter's exposed and naked skin and more hands appeared on now his exposed skin, his eyes snapped open in an instant and the look those eyes had in them, of utter despair and horror, was gonna haunt him throughout his life.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Clint screamed out in anger, but nobody gave him any response as another nurse pinned Peter's tear stained, flustered face to a side.

"Hey I'm asking something!" But again, he was met with no response as before.

Clint's heart pained at the helplessness of the situation. Ofcourse Peter was crying and struggling. He had been raped repeatedly for weeks or even months for God's sake and the next time he woke up there were hands all over his body. 

And there was not one thing he could do for the kid except help in holding him down too, taking part in the traumatic experience with the others.

He turned his head back towards the kid and watched Peter struggling and crying relentlessly as tears streamed out of his eyes.

Peter looked so broken. No. Beyond broken.

How was anyone supposed to get through this? And how was he going to explain this to Tony? He had left him on his behalf, trusting him to take care of Peter but he had clearly failed.

The moment the thought of telling Tony crossed his mind, Peter suddenly and unexpectedly stopped dead in his struggle and turned limp.

His eyes were wide and unblinking, and he was looking at something- or someone behind Clint.

He slowly turned his head around, his hand still pressing the jacked to the wound firmly, to find Tony standing at the entrance of the room, with the door wide open and Pepper standing not far behind him. 

His eyes were wide with shock as tears welled up inside them and he was standing unbelievably still, probably paralysed die to fear or shock.

The look of sheer horror on his face was enough for Clint to get the idea that he wasn't feeling much different from him, except his was worse.

Tony loved the kid more than anyone else ever could and he had seen the kid give up and try to kill himself not once but twice infront of his own eyes helplessly.

Clint couldn't imagine what he must be feeling right now.

And the kid. Oh God the kid.

Peter's eyes had a look of betrayal and hopelessness in them, like he was angry that he was alive and he was angry at anyone who had saved him yet again. He didn't need to say a word because his eyes himself were enough to convey that he was broken and exhausted and pushed past his limits to such an extent that he wanted nothing more than to just never wake up again but unfortunately he had. And he knew, that he will again.

His heart dropped and burnt in agony as he watched the kid break down, the cheerful and bright kid.

When he noticed that Peter's eyes had started to droop, he snapped his head upwards to find the doctor had now kneeled down in front of them and a syringe was inserted inside Peter's exposed upper arm.

He watched as Peter's eyes drooped shut and his body became motionless and that was the moment Clint's body lit up in flames of anger.

"What the fuck did you do that for!?" He screamed out at the doctor, his voice loud and full of hate and rage.

"We had to sedate him, he wasn't exactly complying." The doctor said in a calm manner and it drove Clint over the edge. Not one thing about the situation was calm and okay.

"Complying!? He was fucking having a flashback of getting raped!" He screamed out as tears streamed down his face. His fingers trembled around the jacket he was holding onto the bloody and limp wrist and he slowly let his hands slip under Peter's back and knees as he picked him up as gently as he could, cradling Peter's bloody arm against his own chest and lay him back down onto the hospital bed again.

The moment Peter was out of his arms, he was being rushed out of the room with a paralysed and shocked Tony as the door was barged shut on their faces.

He exchanged a haunting glance with Tony who then turned around to find Pepper with the same, horror stricken look on her face.

They thought things were gonna be better when Peter would wake up. They were wrong. Instead, they were worse now.

Was this ever gonna get any better? 

Or was the kid too far gone?

Clint didn't want the answer to any of those questions.

Nobody did.

It felt like everybody knew the answer to the question, but nobody wanted to acknowledge them, because they knew, they wouldn't be able to handle it.

So they stood there in silence, dwelling in their own shock and grief.

* * *

Natasha and Steve barged in the hospital, running through the hallways towards Peter's room. 

They had dropped everything and had tried to come as soon as they could when they got the call that Peter had woken up.

But it wasn't when he had woken up, but how he had.

"What happened?" Natasha spoke out in between her breathless pants worriedly, Steve standing stoickly right beside her.

She looked at Clint in her desperate plead for an answer.

He was leaning against a wall, with his hands crossed against his chest. His eyes were closed and he had most probably opened them as soon as he heard Natasha and Steve running towards them.

Tony was sitting on one of the benches with his head buried in his hands while Pepper sat besides him, rubbing sooth circles on his back while leaning her head against his shoulder in what seemed like both physical and mental exhaustion.

"Peter tried to kill himself again." Clint's bland voice cut through the tension and Natasha and Steve screamed out in unison out of shock and disbelief.  
"What!?"

"H-Happy left the moment Pepper called him so i-i was there all the time with Peter and then I just- I guess I went to the ba-bathroom and then I came back and I don't-i found him on the floor and he was - he had-." He let out a shuddering grief filled sigh as he struggled to continue speaking.  
"-he was cutting his wrist with a shard of the photo frame th-that-" 

"-that I put there." Tony cut Clint in between out of the blue, looking at Natasha and Steve with his moisture stricken, grief filled eyes for the first time since they came and then buried his face in his hands again, rubbing his hand over his forehead then proceeding to run them through his hair. He turned his hand into a fist and braced it on the bridge of his nose, bowing his face down to rest on it as he let his eyes drop shut, letting out deep and rich breaths.

Natasha's shocked expression dropped the very next instant and she turned to look at Steve with dread and horror in her eyes.

Steve pursed his lips and nodded promptly at her, giving her the confirmation she was seeking.

She walked forward and gave Pepper an apologetic smile, laying her hand gently on her shoulder who smiled back at her and got up from the spot besides Tony, letting Natasha take her place.

"Tony." Natasha looked at Steve before turning back to continue again.

"We need to talk to you about something."

Pepper crossed her hands as she let her head rest exhaustedly against the wall, taking a spot not far from where Clint was standing.

"What?" Tony spoke out quietly, keeping his face still bowed down and his eyes clenched shut, as if he was avoiding opening them, trying to avoid the harsh reality lingering in front of him.

"We've been on it, what Pepper told us to do."

Pepper's eyes lightened up a little at the mention of her name and her body posture tensed as she listened to her keenly.

"We've been trying to find any clues as to who did this to-" She paused before speaking again, her eyelids flutter as she turned her gaze towards the floor with guilt.  
"To Peter."

"And?" Pepper asked, her eyes shining with hope.

"They're all dead ends." Steve said stepping forward, destroying all the light in Pepper's eyes. Tony looked like he didn't have any hope to lose in the first place.

"We tried going to his house, searching his room but we didn't find anything, we even went to his school to ask his friends, Ned and Michelle they were, I guess."  
Steve nodded and she continued.  
  
"They said that they don't know much either except that Peter had stopped showing up to school in between, also that Peter and they had a fight, so they weren't exactly on talking terms with each other."

 _The kid wasn't lying about being alone._ Tony's heart clenched further in dread.

"But that's not the thing we had to talk to you about. We're gonna find the person who did this to him eventually, but his friends, they were asking about him." Natasha hesitated a little before letting herself speak again.

"I couldn't tell them, I tried to but then I saw the look in their eyes and I just couldn't Tony. They're like 16 I can't possibly tell them that their best friend was-"   
Tony's head shot up as he looked at Natasha with wide eyes, stopping her from getting those horrible words out of her mouth. 

The emotions that were radiating through his eyes were just too much. A mixture of raging pain, piercing guilt, self hate, numbness and hopelessness. There were soo many, she couldn't choose one. She couldn't even understand how that man was still sane after everything had happened in front of his own eyes, but also, she knew it was all for Peter.

"But we have to tell them Tony. They deserve to know the truth."

Tony nodded after a moment of silence and numbness and spoke with his unsettling quiet voice.

"Bring them in here tomorrow, I'll tell them."

Natasha hummed sadly in response as the hallway was once again engulfed into a dreadful silence until the sound of heavy footsteps echoeing loudly accompanied by David's heavy and stoick voice broke it.

"What the hell happened here!? I got to know Peter woke up. How's he? Did he say something?" He was panting horribly and his body was leaning forward, his hands bracing themselves on his knees for support as if he ran all the way to the hospital. His eyes were wide with most probably shock.

Natasha didn't know if anyone else noticed it but she could see fear in them, his eyes, and from what she knew, fear wasn't supposed to be there at all.

The state of frenzy and panic was understandable considering she was the same when she had came in, but the fear?

Her mind tuned out all the explaining Steve was giving to the man as thousands of thoughts ran through her mind and she observed every little action the man was doing keenly. 

She observed how his body posture slumped back in what could be interpreted as relief as Steve told him that Peter didn't say anything till yet. She observed how the extreme urgency for the answers on his face disappeared in a moment.

He didn't look even a little bit happy to find out that Peter was awake initially when he walked in.

He looked shocked, maybe a little anxious too , but he didn't look even a little bit happy, which was what bugged Natasha the most and has her suspicious in the first place

Because it's not like anybody had told him that Peter had yet again, tried to kill himself, only that he had woken up, which should be a happy thing for him, unless it wasn't.

"What do you think he was going to say?" She asked the man, with her bold and remorseless assassin voice, as if she was interrogating a criminal and not the stepfather of her kid.

'What?" David asked in confusion, as everyone else's gaze turned towards her, but she didn't pay attention to them, stalking forward slowly towards where the man was standing.

"You asked us when you came, if Peter said something. What do you think he was going to say?" She crossed her arms as she bowed down her head, still looking at David, as her eyes darkened.

David's expression transitioned into something that can only be called as fear, his face paled but then he managed to balance it out the very next moment. The transition was so quick that even Natasha couldn't quite confirm if that really happened or was it just her suspicious and 'desperate to find answers' mind was playing tricks on her.

"I don't know, about whatever answers you're looking for." David said casually.

"What do you mean, we're looking for. Don't you wanna know?" Natasha's eyes darkened more as she kept gazing threatening towards the man

David's slightly parted mouth snapped shut as he tried to think of what to say as his body tensed up in uneasiness, beads of sweat rolling down his face.

"Besides, where have you been all this time huh!?" Tony snarled out in between distracting her observing gaze from David to Tony.

He was clearly annoyed by the man's presence. It had been like that since they had the confrontation the day he had brought Peter in to the hospital, when the man had told him that he could have saved Peter and he didn't. 

And the hate towards David wasn't there because of the venemous words, but it was there because somewhere deep down inside, Tony knew that it was true. 

"What do you mean where? I came here everyday." David snapped back at him with his hateful and dominant voice recovering immediately from his state.

Even though it was Tony- fucking Stark standing in front of him, he knew he was in dominance there, because he knew all the weak spots of the man. The biggest one being the very own Peter Parker. And that's why, it was easier to shut the man up whenever he wanted him to. It wasn't really necessary most of times, but it made him feel good, like he was in Power, just like it had when he used to tie Peter up to the bed to assert his dominance and that Parker's powerlessness.

"Yeah he did." Steve spoke out in his unintentional defense towards David but the truth couldn't be denied.

"Yeah for like an hour." Tony snapped back again and David's mind swelled up in his desperation to dominate again.

"Yeah, because you wouldn't let anyone else go inside Stark! Like you're the one he's gonna want to see when he wakes up!"

David mocked him with all the hate that he could gather and Tony's eyes widened in what seemed like unfathomable rage.

Steve screamed out loudly behind him in anger, making David flinch and stumble back a little.

"Hey shut the fuck up!" It had been very rare occasions when anyone had ever seen Steve this angry before so it was nearly scary when Natasha had seen him like that at that moment.

Tony's hands were now curled up into tight fists, his veins circulating burning flames throughout his body instead of blood.

"What the hell am I supposed to do, just sit there like a dummy waiting for you to come out, which you never do by the way." David snarled out again deliberately, his mind bursting into satisfactory happiness as he shoot his shot again.

Watching Tony burn up in anger and look just seconds away from murdering him sure was frightening but he also knew at the end, he's gonna be the one blaming himself be ause Tony knows the shit he said is right and fir David, that's where the fun was.

Pepper, sensing the heat of the situation, stepped towards Tony to hold him back and calmed him down. She wasn't exactly fond of the man but she didn't exactly had any reasons to hate him too. Besides, the last thing anyone wanted at that time was a fight to break out in front of Peter's own room. 

Tony calm down. There are bigger problems we need to worry about than this. Peter needs us remember, you have to be stronger than this."

At the same moment as Pepper was trying to calm Tony down, the doctor walked out of the room and walked past them all, and Tony's anger dropped instantly turning into fear for his kid's life and desperation to see his face.

He staggered inside the room in a state of panic and opening the cursed door keeping him away from his kid, nearly stumbling on his feet in the process as the others rushed inside not far behind him, with everyone's face twisted into alarm and distress out of unknowingness.

He was met by a sight of Peter lying in the same hospital bed, this time unconscious and passed out probably due to the sedatives, and not lying on the floor, screaming and writhing while being pinned down by the nurses. 

His wrist which the last time when Tony had seen it was all bloody and dripping blood on the sheer white floor was covered in gauze and the machines were hooked back to his small body again, once again making him look tinier and frailer than he was in that hospital bed, the nurses hovering around him hooking his body back to some machines.

The floor was wiped clean of the crimson liquid and the photo frame was lying on the same table besides Peter, with the photo lying on top of the wooden frame since there was no more glass encasing it inside the wood. 

_He had put it there. The stupid photo frame. He was the reason everything had happened in the first place. He couldn't do a single right thing for his kid._

Tony slowly walked forward towards the bed and looked at Peter's face. The peaceful, innocent, silent face with eyes closed shut in most probably a calm sleep, and not giving the haunting and heart halting look like he had before. 

The look of betrayal. The look of anger. The look of hopelessness...

The look of _hate_.

A nurse appeared in front of his own face and he watched as she removed the blanket covering Peter's body.

At first, he couldn't understand what or why she was doing it, but he did soon.

He watched as the nurse took one of Peter's wrist, encircling a soft cloth tie around it and then proceeding to tie his hand to the metal railing of the bed.

Tony's eyes widened and he leapt forward in action, clutching the nurse's hand in his own to stop her and screamed out.

"What the hell are you doing!?" 

"He just tried to kill himself Mr. Stark. If it wasn't for the immediate actions taken, you could have lost him. It's important for us to do this, to make sure he isn't able to do it again." 

"By tying him up!?" Tony screamed out as his heart burned up in despair inside his chest.

"Look I understand what you're going through but you've got to understand the severity of the situation. He already wasn't supposed to move considering how fatal his injuries are. He could have fractured his spine further. Luckily he didn't. And that's why it's important to tie him up, if not for the severity of the injuries, then for the crime he was about to commit." 

Tony's eyes welled up in tears as the anger once again died down replaced by the pain of helplessness in this situation. His hold on the nurse's hand loosened as he watched the nurse tie his kid's both limp hands to the hospital bed, doing the same with his legs before covering him with a blanket again, all the while as Peter stayed limp and lost in a deep sleep.

He looked peaceful, atleast for now.

His kid had gone through unimaginable pain and trauma, and now he was tied and confined to a bed like he was the one at fault here and not the crazy bastard who did that to his kid. 

And Tony knew that when Peter was going to wake up, he was going to hate him.

_He was going to hate him so much._

Tony's heart burst into millions of pieces again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may have had a lot of grammatical errors but please ignore them, for mee 🥺👉🏻👈🏻  
> I'm so sorry for the late update though 🥺 and I really really reallyyyyyy hope you like this chapter🥺❤️  
> And although I do have the layout of the story planned, I'd love to hear from you all any theories of what might happen or what could happen or what you want to happen because I love adding angst to my story😂 so whenever I get a better idea I change the story and add it, just like I did with the double suicide one which was angsty as hell I guess...😈
> 
> Also you can leave a comment if you want to because I love reading them and they make me feel appreciated.🥺❤️
> 
> Thank you to everyone reading my story. Ly guys ❤️❤️


	13. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is high on Peter feels, or so I tried. I orignally had to include Ned and Mj in this chapter, but my online classes started this week and it's just been really horrible after that, so I couldn't and that's why I cut it short. It's not really a short chapter though, it's the usual length. It just would have been a longer one with Ned and Mj.
> 
> Remember to heed the tags in the warning before proceeding.
> 
> Stay safe and take care ❤️

**_Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding_ **  
**_Fall into your sunlight_ **  
**_The future's open wide, beyond believing_ **  
**_To know why, hope dies_ **

Peter couldn't understand anymore.  
Whether it was his hopes or himself that he had lost. 

Maybe both at this point.

**_As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading_ **  
**_Illusions of the sunlight_ **  
**_And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting_ **  
**_With love gone, for so long_ **

The moment Clint had barged into the hospital room and stopped him halfway through slitting his wrist and ending his agony, the moment the unforgiving hands had held him down and forced his only hope at relief out of his hand and the moment he had given in to the darkness again, Peter knew that there was no more hope left in this world for him.

**_And this day's ending_ **  
**_Is the proof of time killing, all the faith I know_ **  
**_Knowing that faith, is all I hold_ **

He lost his last chance at ending the pain. And Tony was there, Clint was there, everyone was there. 

They weren't there for him when they should have. They were there now, and not when he actually needed them. 

So it wasn't a surprise to him that he was slowly drifting back into his conscious state again, it wasn't a surprise that he could hear the stupid beeping of the heart monitor piercing through his ears again.

He knew it. He saw it coming, but it still managed to drown his soul deeper down an abyss of hopelessness and numbness.

It did manage to set his insides on fire and it did awaken in him a scorching hate towards everything and everyone.

Peter could feel someone's fingers combing through his curls softly, providing him with all the love and comfort that he needed when he used to cry himself to sleep every night, when David abused and broke him beyond repair, when the last of his family died, when he layed down on the cold floor of his apartment with his heart and body aching for nothing but a little comfort and love.

He had been so touch starved that at one point, he had started caving in to David's soft touches to his own disgust and he ended up hating himself more than he ever could for that. 

  
But instead of the comforting fingers being there when it actually could have helped him regain strength and faith in his pitiful state, the hands were there now when he couldn't care less about them, when he felt completely dead from inside, when every touch only reminded himself of all the darker and monstorous times.

Peter peeled his eyes open again, vacant but still enriching themselves in moisture within a second at the pain shooting through his now phantom heart. 

He felt the fingers running through his hair stop in their movements abruptly and he turned his head to his side, meeting the gaze of the one and only Tony Stark, who was sitting by his bedside in a very uncomfortable looking chair, especially for someone like him and had sat up straight and stoick in alarm as he watched Peter's movements keenly.

The area around and in his attentive eyes was puffy and swollen red along with the dark bags shadowing them simultaneously, clearly indicating towards the fact that he had been crying and had not been sleeping for the past few days.

But Peter didn't care, he couldn't bring himself to care at all.

The numbness and stoickness in his eyes didn't falter a bit as he stared into those exhausted and tormented pair of eyes.

Because Peter had cried for months, he had been tormented and ripped apart mercilessly every day, but no one came.

He could never forget how unheard his loud and pained cries had went because nobody cared enough to come save him from the torture when he actually needed them, and now they were all there like they cared about him, even ruining his last chance at peace with that.

"Peter?"  
Tony's eyes were wide open as he tried to speak, but it ended up coming out as nothing more than a pathetic and broken whimper. 

He shifted his chair closer to his kid's bed before bringing his hand back into his big, brown and wild curls.

His desperate heart was pounding so hard against his ribcage as he watched his kid stare right into his soul with his honey brown eyes.

The eyes he had yearned for so long to stare into. But they were different. There was no more that childlike excitement and innocence in them. All those eyes screamed to him was pain and torture that his kid had been through.

"Pete?" He asked again, trying his best to flash him a small smile, resuming his finger's movements through his curls.

But Peter just kept staring at him with a bland and careless look, as a stray tear leaked out from one of his eyes and rolled down to meet the soft bedsheet underneath him, leaving behind a small wet patch on it.

Tony's eyes welled up in tears and the small smile faltered as he kept waiting, for any reaction, anything, but Peter didn't give any, except for the numb stare of his eyes and the hopeless and lifeless look on his face.

If it were for the time months ago, Peter's heart would have shattered the moment he saw his mentor tear up even a little or cry.

It was very rare when anyone had ever seen Tony cry or break down. So it was always a big deal when he did, but right now Peter didn't had any pieces of his broken heart left to care about anyone, not even himself.

What was left of his body anyway to care about?

He turned his head back to look at the cursed ceiling again, as the sound of soft and held back whimpers filled his ears.

Tony didn't say anything else, he couldn't get the words out even if he tried to. All he could do was sit and stare at the shell of what his kid used to be and try his best to avoid falling apart in front of him.

He had been waiting for so long for his kid to wake up, all those days, but at what cost? 

Deep down he knew that it was a possibility that this might happen, that the trauma the kid had been through was too much to ever come back from. But he was never the one to confront the painful truth until it was right there in front of him, seeping it's claws into his open and bleeding wounds.

Another tear rolled down Peter's eye as he stared above, and he moved to bring his hand upto his face to wipe the wet tear trail off of his face.

And that was the moment he realized something. 

He couldn't move them.

He couldn't move his hands no matter how hard he tried.  
He gave his legs a subtle shake and realized he couldn't even move them either. 

No. He couldn't be paralysed right? Sure the neck brace around his throat did drive in his mind the possible existence of spinal fracture but he wasn't paralysed. He couldn't be, he had moved before.

Then what?

Panic overcame him and his eyes widened as he tugged at his hands and legs harder but they wouldn't budge. 

His breathing became unsteady and he tried glancing down but it was difficult with the stupid collar around his neck preventing him, so he tried his level best as he turned his gaze downwards to the rest of his body and to his utmost horror, confirming his thoughts, he found his hands and legs bound to the bed. 

He was tied.

Peter's stomach sank and his whole body went still. 

Beads of sweat rolled down his skin under the paper thin gown covering his body and suddenly the air around him had gotten cooler than it was before.

His face paled and sheer horror replaced every emotion in his body, even if he had none to begin with.

He couldn't see the white ceiling of his hospital room anymore, he couldn't hear the soft cries turning into worried calling out of his name from Mr. Stark anymore, instead he was back at his apartment again.

He was back in May's room, on May's bed again, and David was on top of him, using him, touching him, dirtying him according to his own sick pleasure and satisfaction. 

And Peter was laying pathetically still on the bed as usual, with his hands bound to the bed with thick loops of rope roughly circling around his bruised wrists and mouth gagged with a small strip of duct tape.

David was sucking at his already bruised and abused skin, grabbing him harshly with his callous hands and moving his limp body like a worthless rag doll.

Peter could never forget the way his hands brushed softly over his skin while he took off the last remaining clothing that prevented him from the horrible and predatory gaze.  
He would never forget the way he felt from inside everytime David held him down and got what he wanted from him.

 _"You're perfect Pete, my perfect little doll."_ Peter could never forget the disgusting words David whispered into his ears everytime during the sick act to remind him of his place and worthlessness.

 _"You can't do anything Peter, no matter how much you cry, scream or beg-"_ David had moaned out breathlessly while slamming inside of him, as Peter's screams died down behind the muffling tape, his voice losing it's importance and the tugging at the ropes had slowed down as a sign that he had given in and accepted everything being said to him.

 _"The only thing that matters, is how good you can be for me." Because that's what your are, just a worthless toy, so good for me."_  
He had said as he ripped away the tape mercilessly and had kissed him harshly.

Tears streamed out of Peter's eyes in a never ending stream and soft sobs broke out of his abused and traumatized form.

It was just like David used to tie him up, to get him where he wanted to, to make him realize how powerless and pathetic he was.

That's exactly how Peter was feeling right now. Powerless and Pathetic.

He struggled and tugged forcefully at his bonds in an attempt to break out of them but they wouldn't even budge.

Hands appeared on his chest and Mr. Stark's face broke through from his flashes but it only made Peter scream and cry harder, tugging harder at the bonds rendering him motionless and confining him to the bed.

"Peterr!! Buddy calm down please. You're gonna hurt yourself!"

Tony cried out in his weak and wavering voice in urgency. He was standing up now, leaning over Peter's confined and writhing form on the bed as he tried to hold Peter down with his shaking hands as best as he could, but still not using too much force.

Peter turned his head towards the crying man and looked at him with the most broken and painful look ever as David's phantom touches appeared at his private places again, using and touching him again as Peter remained still, tied down firmly.

"Please, I can't do it, I can't, I can't-" He sobbed out in between his hiccuped cries as tears streamed down continuously, in a desperate attempt to have the man untie the rough bonds on his hands and legs and Tony's heart twisted in stabbing pain at the sight.

"What can't you do, kid talk to me."  
Tony cried out again, as he cradled Peter's face in his hands, the tears finally flowing down his cheeks in a lost battle, but Peter only struggled harder, thrashing around more voilently as sobs wrecked through his small and frail form.

"Please, untie me I can't-" Peter sobbed out as his body collapsed back onto the bed and he threw his head back, wailing heart wrenchingly.

"I'm sorry." Tony spoke out in a quiet and low voice, full of guilt and grief, as shooting pain tore it's way throughout his entire body.

It was too much, seeing Peter break down in front of him and practically beg for him to untie him and no matter how much Tony wanted to just rip away the bonds and gather Peter in his arms, he knew he couldn't.

He knew that the moment he will, Peter would try something again. He might have not seen it before and he might have been against that idea if tying him down before but he had seen it now, looking into those lifeless and hopeless eyes that begged for nothing else but death, he knew he couldn't risk it.

He couldn't risk losing his kid. Little did he know, it was already too late.

He was completely helpless in this situation. And he knew everything was going to get worse before it was gonna get better. That too, _**if**_.

"I'm so sorry kid, but I just can't, please it's for your own good." 

Good!? How was any of this supposed to be for his own good!?

Angry and resentful thoughts invaded Peter's mind.

May dying was for his own good!? Him getting abused multiple times was for his own good!? Tying him up to a bed like it was his fault that those things had happened to him was supposed to be for his own good!? 

How!?

He was in pain. He was the one hurt! He had gone through hell and the least he deserved right now was to do what he wanted. 

And no matter how much anyone would cry or break down in front of him, nobody can ever take away from him the fact that he was the victim here, no one else, but him.

No amount of pain could ever match up to what he was feeling.

Angry tears streamed down his flustered face and his body shook with sobs. 

"I just! Please, I can't. You don't understand, he- he tied me! He tied me too when he-" More sobs came out, shaking his body voilently and his words got mangled up in between the outburst as he choked on his own hiccups.

Tony's body had gone still with shock as soon as those words had left Peter's mouth. 

"Who, Peter who did it?" He asked him as his eyes clenched together under the weight of his dropping eyebrows with hurt, desperation and anger at the bastard responsible for this condition of his kid.

Peter was so lost in his own flood of pain and outbreak that his mind couldn't think straight and he was about to scream out David's name out loud but then his tear filled gaze flickered towards the entrance door which was wide open now and he could see the avengers standing still in shock, staring at him with wide eyes and with utter fear displayed on their faces. 

But that's not what made the hairs on his body stand up as it went rigid and cold with dread settling deep down in his stomach. 

Within the jumble of so many faces, there was that one face staring back at him, belonging to the monster that did everything to him, who was responsible for the condition he was in, was standing far behind the avengers, with an evil and creepy grin plastered on his face. 

Peter's hands curled into fists on his side, and his eyes widened impossibly big as the tears stopped flowing in a quick instant.  
He watched paralysed in despair and doom as David's hands played around, showcasing the phone in his hands.

Phone. The video.  
The one he had filmed shamelessly of him getting violated in the worst way possible by not only him but his sick and twisted friends too.

Peter's bottom lip wobbled as the painful memories hit his poor and fragile heart.

"Peter, Peter! C'mon bud, who? Who did it. Who did it to you?"

Tony kept repeating the words to him in his strong and pleading voice but Peter couldn't hear anything past those laughs and disgusting words that were thrown at him while he was begging for them to stop behind the rough gag.

He turned his head as he felt strong hands shaking him and his eyes met his mentor's again, which were wide open in strict attention and desperation for answers.   
If he looked closely or properly, he could see the slight amount of anger hidden behind the tormented pair, but Peter chose not to. 

He couldn't care less about that.

He couldn't tell anyone. If he did, David would release the video on the internet and then everyone was going to see how pathetic and weak he was.

 _"If you say or try to do anything stupid Peter, then everyone's gonna see how much of a slut you are."_ David had said to him.

Peter clenched his eyes shut as tears flowed out of his eyes again. He bit his lip as brutal cries broke out of him again.

He turned his head towards the side, opposite to where Mr. Stark was, clutching the bed sheet tightly in his clenched fists.

He was never going be saved.   
And David was going to take him again and no one would save him, just like before.

It was inevitable. 

There was no peace or relief for him. 

No matter how hard he would try, he knew that he was going to end up in a stupid hospital room again until he would be good enough to function as David's toy again.

The cries turned into loud and pricking wails, echoeing inside his hollow and empty body before coming out more haunting than ever.

"Peter who?" Tony kept asking him contionously with his voice growing louder and piercing through Peter's senses and ultimately his heart burnt out in intense rage.

"What are you gonna do huh!? What are you gonna do!?" Peter snapped out and Tony flinched back in shock, before going completely quiet.  
  
"Well, news flash, you can't do anything for me. You know why!? Because it's already done. It's done and you weren't there!" 

"Peter i-" Tony tried to speak as his words got stuck inside his own throat at the sudden burst of anger from his kid but Peter cut him off.

"No! All you do is ruin everything. You didn't save me when I wanted to be saved and now you're here saving me every fucking time when i clearly just- I want to goo!!" Peter tried his best to sound angry and strong, to sound defiant but ended up breaking down towards the end, whining loudly and heart-breakingly like a child crying for his mother.

"Let me go please, I can't do it anymore." The anger seeped out again as the need for an end to pain overpowered him and he sobbed again, tears flowing down and into his open mouth and snot running down his nose.

"Pete." Tony spoke out as he felt his insides being ripped apart bit by bit slowly. 

"It hurts so much Mr. Stark, please I can't- I don't wanna live anymore. Let me go please, help me please."

 _Let me go._ Peter was begging for Tony to kill him. If Tony thought he knew pain before, now he knew he didn't until right at that moment.

His kid was begging shamelessly in front of him, breaking down and falling apart, to let him go, to help him let him die and end the pain and Tony swore, he could feel his heart stop beating at that moment. He couldn't feel the beats and pounding anymore, he couldn't even feel his heart anymore, because there was none left.  
He felt like his entire body was being chopped into pieces and his chest hurt soo much that it could have been a knife sawing him in half.

That was Peter Parker, brave, hopeful, selfless, kind Peter Parker. The kid himself who used to give him hope and a reason to live and love life was begging to him to help him end his own.

"I can't do it kid, please I can't, don't say this kid please." Agony filled words leaked out of his numb throat as tears streamed out of his eyes shamelessly.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you all! You act like you care about me but where were you when I needed you huh!?" Peter snapped out at the aching man in front of him as his insides lit up into raging flames again.

The words seemed to have shut his mentor up because Tony was quite now. Completely quiet and still, staring at him with deep guilt and grief in his eyes.

He had his mouth parted and open as if he was trying to say something but he couldn't.

Peter spat out venemously as the silence pinched him again.

"I hate you."

And he turned his head away from Tony.

His own chest felt suffocated. As if there was a big stone resting atop him. He felt like he couldn't get the air into his lungs and the only thing flowing through his respiratory tracks were his salty tears running down his nose and his mouth. 

The sound of the loud and quick beats from the heart monitor pierced through his eardrums again and a few moments later, Mr Stark's still and agony twisted face was replaced by a much more feminine one with softer and calmer features, and he felt an oxygen mask being placed over his mouth again.

"C'mon, take deep breaths through your mouth. You can do it." The unfamiliar yet gentle voice entered his ears and he followed the instructions as he opened his mouth and sucked in as much air as he could despite the clawing agony tearing him away.

After a while, as his breathing evened out and his vision cleared out, he spotted the horrified gazes of all the avengers, Pepper and Tony again.

But he couldn't care. 

Because nobody wanted to help him. Nobody wanted him to be in peace. They all stood and watched as he begged for them to let him go. But they didn't let him. They were all selfish. He hated them. He always would.

His eyes regained the numbness and he turned his head away from those people, staring vacantly at nothing. 

There was no point in trying. Nobody was there when he needed them. And nobody was going to be there when he needed them again. He even woke up in the hospital room alone for the first time before.

There was nothing left for him to feel anymore. Not the pain of others, not his own agony, nothing.

He was broken. He was gone. He was lost. And there was no coming back now. And it's not like he even wanted to.

The only thing he wished for now was for the emotionless to return to him. The way he had been when David had told him that May was dead, he wanted that back. When he couldn't feel anything anymore, not even the intense pain in his lower back portion or the shooting pain radiating from his self inflicted cuts.

His body was breaking down in exhaustion and his eyelids felt like lead but he kept them open, focusing onto nothing and staring forward vacantly. 

He couldn't sleep. He knew if he would, the nightmares would be back with the burning and impure touches. 

Although it was unavoidable, and he knew the bitter truth that they were going to be back for real at one point, and that's why, he wanted to be left untouched and far away from those memories and touches as long as he could.

**_And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand_ **  
**_Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love_ **  
**_Without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on_ **  
**_But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning_ **

So he kept staring forward with his unblinking eyes into a void, and soon he spaced out. He couldn't hear the beeps of the annoying heart monitor again, he couldn't hear the soft cries echoeing inside the room and he couldn't feel any hands on him. 

He couldn't feel anything. 

Not even when Mr. Stark cradled his face in his hands and patted his cheek continuously a little too harshly while calling out his name in his panicked, raised and worried voice.

He didn't feel it when Mr. Stark pinched the sensitive skin on his forearm and he couldn't hear the way Mr. Stark was screaming around worriedly to the doctor in shooting dread and despair.

He couldn't feel.

He thanked the universe for the first time in a very long time.

  
"Why isn't he responding!?" Tony was screaming loudly as his voice broke down in dread. 

"He was fine before, he was speaking, he was responsive but i- I pinched him, I've been trying to get any reaction but he's not giving any, he's- he's awake he's not asleep, his eyes are open and he's not blinking he's not- what's happening to my k-kid!?" 

It had just been a few minutes after the nurse had placed the oxygen mask on his kids face and helped him breathe and avoid the impending panic attack.

It had just been a few minutes after the kid had calmed down for good and now he was just, he was soo still. He was just staring at the wall opposite to where Tony was with a haunting look in his unblinking eyes that communicated with Tony that Peter was gone, his precious and cheerful kid was gone. And this was just an empty and hollow shell of him.

It was terrifying.

It was terrifying for Tony as he watched the doctor come in and check Peter out, trying slight slaps on different places to obtain any reaction, even a blink of his eyes but there was none.

It was terrifying as he watched the nurse flash a flashlight inside his wide open and unblinking eyes and still got not reaction for him. Also keeping in mind the kid's enhanced senses, not responding to such intense and bright light was a bad sign. Very bad. 

Peter's body was limp, not responding to any pain or touch. 

He was losing his kid. He stared in shock at Peter's once again limp and lifeless form until a hand appeared on his shoulder and he flinched voilently at the sudden contact.

C'mon, let's talk outside." The doctor said and guided him out of the room where he met the horrified and wet gazes of the others.

"He's dessociating." The doctor said.

"It's usually a symptom of extreme mental trauma mostly seen in tortured or sexually abused victims."

Why did the universe had to remind him every second of his life that his kid was sexually abused? He knew already. And he already blamed himself. What more does it want?

"The body of the victim psychologically disconnects from the present moment. It's kind of like a technique the mind uses to protect you from the full impact of the upsetting experience you had. It's not permenant. He'll come around in a few hours and he might dessociate again. We don't know. Dissociation is a very bad symptom that comes along with trauma which can stick around for a very long time if it's not treated."

"Can you treat it?" Pepper asked quietly, asking the questions in everyone's mind.

"The only way to treat is to recover from the mental trauma. I can't help with that. I say you talk to him about a therapist when he comes around. Besides that, his body is recovering pretty well and fast and there's almost no need to worry about him physically." 

The doctor walked up to Tony and kept a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I know it's hard, but remember, you all need to be strong." She said, sparing a glance to everyone present there.

"Peter needs you strong." She gave a small smile to the bunch and then walked away, leaving the group of weeping people to dwell in their own shock and sadness.

* * *

Natasha opened the door quietly, to avoid creating any loud and unnecessary sounds as she stood at the entrance of the hospital room.

Tony was as usual seated beside Peter's bedside in a chair and Pepper was sitting on the couch far behind. 

And Peter...

Natasha's heart skipped a beat at the sight

He was still staring ahead voidly into space without blinking, his head turned to a side opposite to where Tony was like it had been before.

She couldn't help herself as she walked up quietly towards Peter, in the direction where his head was turned towards and his unseeing eyes were directed towards.

And she stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes met the kid's.

The haunting, still, lifeless, ghastly eyes that should never ever belong to Peter Parker, the purest and brightest person she ever met.

Her eyes moistened up as she stared horrified into the numb pair before looking away as she felt the tears well up in her own eyes.

She wiped them up with the back of her hand and asked Tony quietly.

"Anything?"

"No." Tony's voice himself was quiet and leaked lifelessness.

She nodded softly as she spoke again.

"They're here."

Tony squinted his eyes in confusion. "Who?"

"His friends." 

"Oh. It's next day already?"

"Yeah it's noon." 

Tony nodded his head and gulped past the lump in his throat. He got up from his chair and leaned down to kiss Peter's forehead softly, expecting a response but still getting none as he gestured to Pepper who took his place by the bedside and then walked out of the room with Natasha.

He didn't knew how he was supposed to tell his friends the harsh truth, to get the words out when he himself hadn't been able to confront them properly without breaking down.

But he had to try. He had too.

As the doctor said, _Peter needed him strong._ And that's what he was going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo the lyrics I used in this chapter is from the song Shattered (aka also the title of this chapter), and I know it doesn't really relate completely to the plot but still the name and the feel I got while listening to this did inwoke in me a lot of emotions that I've explained in this story so whatever 😂 don't judge me on that.😅
> 
> And as I said above, my online classes started.🥺 I'm not getting much time to write or even think properly so the next chapters might take a bit longer. So sorry for that🥺
> 
> Also, did you guysss seee theeee trailerr of THE DEVIL ALL THE TIMEEE!! If you didn't I'll suggest you do because if somehow you've still managed to not fall in love with Tom holland, you will after that.😁
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. I also changed the summary of this story because, idk I got a sudden thought that I should because I didn't like the previous one anymore, so I did lol :P
> 
> And if you want to, you can leave a comment because they encourage me and make me feel appreciated 🥺❤️ Thank you so much for bearing with me all this time! Ily guys ❤️


	14. I promise to love you back to life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I know, I've been gone for soooo long...and that's why, for you all, here's a big chapterrr!!! With Ned and Mj!!! Yayyy!!!
> 
> Don't forget to heed the warnings before proceeding.
> 
> Stay safe and take care.❤️  
> And do read the end notes on this one. Please 🥺

  
Leaving Peter's side turned out to be a bigger struggle than Tony initially thought it would be.

As he got up, letting Pepper take his place and followed behind Natasha out of the room, his heart still clung tightly to the exact spot where Peter was lying still on the bed.

He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay there, by his kid's side forever, and make sure that nobody ever hurt him again.

A tiny, dry sob wretched out his mouth softly as he gently closed the door and just stared. 

His features softened as he watched Peter through the small circular window of the door. He reached out his trembling hand and put it gently on the cold glass, his fingers curled slightly on their own as his mind silently wished and yearned to be buried back in Peter's soft curls instead of the the cool and hard glass.

"Are you _okay_?" Natasha's low voice ringed in his ears, reminding him of her presence.

Okay. An unfamiliar word.

In the past few weeks, Tony had felt a lot of things. Agony , heartbreak, fear, guilt, anger, regret, suffering. But okay wasn't one of them.

He wasn't okay. Since the day he had heard Peter's numb and lifeless voice on the live feed, telling Karen how he was all alone, and that how he thought that Tony hated him.

He hadn't been okay since he had heard Peter telling Karen how he thought that something was wrong with him because he just, couldn't feel any emotion anymore.

_"Everything feels wierd. I'm supposed to be crying I guess, with May gone but, I just can't seem to do it. I think something is wrong inside me. I think- I think I'm broken."_

With every passing minute, as he had sat by a catatonic and unresponsive Peter's bedside, his heart got farther and farther away from the knowledge of the word okay.

He couldn't remember the last time he had slept or ate properly. He couldn't even remember the last time he had laughed or even smiled. But that wasn't why his chest bursted into agony.

What made his insides shatter was that he couldn't remember the last time he had seen Peter smile. Even the last few days that he had came to the tower, he wasn't himself, not smiling as he always was, and Tony hadn't even noticed.

And maybe that's why, Peter stopped coming. Because he figured that his mentor wasn't going to help him.

Tony didn't want to leave Peter alone for even a second anymore. He was scared that the moment Peter isn't in front of his eyes, something bad would happen.

The last time he had left Peter alone, and had went back with Pepper to try and get some sleep on her request, Peter had tried to slit his wrist and tried to kill himself again.

It seemed like everytime Tony left Peter alone, something went wrong. No, everything went wrong.

And it all lead back to one and only one thing, that none of this would have happened if he hadn't left Peter alone after their heat up in the car in the first place.

It was his fault. 

Peter shouldn't have ever felt alone in the world with Tony there. He shouldn't have hesitated to tell him the truth of what had been going on. But he had, and it all meant that Tony had failed.

He had failed to be there for Peter. He had failed to keep him and his precious smile safe. He had failed to make Peter trust him.

He had failed to be a mentor and more than that, he had failed to be a good father.   
Not just to Peter, but to Morgan too.

Because it had been what, weeks now? And he hadn't seen Morgan after the day Peter had woken up.

And even though she was just 5 years old, he remembered the way she had looked into his eyes with sheer determination in her eyes and told him that he could stay for however long as he wanted to with her spider brother. 

Tony had been so shocked and proud that day. He could see how much his daughter needed him but still offered to let him stay away from her for the sake of not-even-her-real brother, because her relationship with Peter was none less than a real brother sister one.

She was just 5 years old and she was already so strong. Stronger than Tony ever could be.

This thing shouldn't have ever been coming from a 5 year old. She's supposed to cry, or throw a tantrum if her dad wasn't around, but she didn't. 

Because she had seen the brokenness in his father's eyes, and it did nothing but break Tony's heart to think that he had done nothing but pass on the trauma to her 5 year old daughter.

He was a failure, who didn't deserve the amazing kids life had gifted to him. Not Peter, not Morgan.

And now, everytime Tony even closed his eyes, he was met not by darkness, but something much worse. He was met by the haunting and flashing images of Peter's bloody and still form on his car, accompanied by his gut wrenching screams and cries for help.

His screams, that had went unheard by Tony before, were all coming back to haunt him now, punishing him for all the times he couldn't hear the bone shattering yells and wails delivered by his own kid when he was being abused and forced into doing unmentionable things.

And Tony deserved every single bit of it. Even more than that.

"Tony?"

Natasha's soft voice and a gentle tap on his shoulder forced him back out the deepest depths of his unconscious mind, and his unseeing and lost eyes once again found the image of his Peter laying still on the bed, while Pepper ran her fingers through his curls continuously, just like Tony had been.

He turned around to face Natasha and raised his eyebrows in response, biting the inside of his cheek.

"I asked you something." 

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

Tony hummed, deciding better than to speak. He nodded his head swiftly as he walked past Natasha, completely avoiding her gaze.

He wasn't fine, but he didn't wanted to say no. And he knew he couldn't lie to her face, she would catch him in seconds. 

"So how are you gonna do it? Are you sure you can even do it right now?" Natasha asked again quietly, and caught up besides Tony, while keeping her gaze down on the floor as the pair walked down the hallway together.

"I don't know, but, I have to at some point eventually." Tony replied quietly. 

Ofcourse he didn't want to do it. He was tired, he was miserable and he didn't want to get the cursed words out his mouth again and again and again.

Abuse. Suicide. Self harm. Malnutrition. **Rape**.

God that was too much trauma on even Tony's part to say these, and thinking Peter had went through all of it.

He didn't knew how he was supposed to tell the truth to two kids the same age as his kid, he really didn't knew, but he had to try. 

He had to be strong. He knew he wasn't, and he knew he wasn't gonna be able to for a long time, but the most he could do was try. 

Natasha nodded, walking slightly faster and taking the lead ahead of him, as the pair slowly walked down the hall in a pinching silence, no other words or sentences exchanged after that.

Natasha too, never once mad eye contact with Tony after the first time since they came out of the room. And he knew why.  
He had felt the tightness and pain in Natasha's voice herself. He had seen the look on her face when she had seen the condition Peter was in the room before. 

She was falling apart too. Her heart was breaking too. She was just better at hiding it.

He could see it, in not her actions or her movements, but in her eyes. 

People used to say that eyes are the windows to the soul. And if that was true, then her soul was being ripped apart piece by piece.

And he knew, that it was the only reason why she was avoiding eye contact with him. 

She was never the one to hide away, she was always the one to look people in their eyes and was capable enough to scare them off just with that. And that's why, for someone as strong, remorseless and bold as her, it was truly a very horrifying thing to witness.

Tony could feel his heart thumping wildly against his chest as his eyes caught sight of the two teenagers in front of him, not too far away now.

Both of them had their back towards him. He could see Steve was talking to them about something, and seeing the look on his face, Tony could tell it wasn't anything related to the bitter truth he had to tell them. 

He was probably making a small talk, or lightening up the atmosphere for the sake of the terrifying information the teenagers were soon going to be cursed with related to their best friend. 

And that made Tony's heart pound faster against his ribcage. The loud thumping of his own heart was ringing impossibly loud inside his ears and he was sure enough that if anyone paid close attention, they would be able to hear it too.

He took a deep breath and prepared himself mentally for the upcoming event as he stopped and stood just inches away from the kids while Natasha went past them and upto Steve, who stopped talking in an instant and gestured to the two teenagers to turn around.

Tony watched as the teenagers turned around, now face to face with him and his heart faltered painfully at the sight.

He expected to see two teenagers, he expected to see at the most, two sad 16 year old kids, but he didn't expect to see them with that horrible, and dead look on their faces.

He stared at the two teenagers and his own intentions wobbled, now deciding against whether telling them all that had happened. The state the kids were in was terrible enough at that moment and he didn't want to think about how bad it was going to get when they were going to be told the truth.

Even if they were Peter's best friends and they deserved to know the truth, those two were still 16 year olds. 

Young, full of life and innocent. Just like his Peter.

But just like his Peter, it made his heart sink to see that even those two didn't have that lifefullness and cheerfulness in them like they were supposed to. All he could find in their eyes was fear and pain. Fear for their best friend. Pain due to his absence.

He could see the way their happiness and smiles were already shadowed by the impending darkness of the truth. He could spot the huge, dark and tired bags under their eyes as well. He figured that even they hadn't slept properly since the day Natasha had enquired regarding Peter from them. 

And since she didn't and couldn't tell them the truth, they had been starving for it. And he could see it as well, the dire yearn, the extremely torturous wait they had been indulging themselves into the last few days. The exhaustion of waiting was clear on their faces.

Waiting in vain for their best friend to return, with his cheerful smile and high spirited actions.

Tony stared at the tall girl with curly hairs keenly. 

He knew about Ned ofcourse, Peter talked about him all the time, his guy in the chair, his best friend, his partner in crime, but he also remembered how a few months ago, when the times were good, Peter had started talking too much about a girl too. Well talking wouldn't be the appropriate word, but yeah gushing.

Gushing over how beautiful she looked when her curls fell over her eyes and she brushed them away with her long and sleek fingers, or when she was concentrating and didn't knew that Peter was watching, or how his heart skipped a beat everytime she shot him a glare with her sharp features or laughed at one of his stupid jokes so that he doesn't feel bad.

Michelle, he used to say her name was, he remembered.

And looking at her, Tony could tell that was the same girl he was talking about, the curly hairs, the sharp features.

It was such a good and simpler time. When everything was bright and happy and his kid was far away from the cruel gazes of the evil. Unlike now, when his mind and body, both were corrupted by the trauma of the horrors he had endured.

"That's Ned and Michelle." Natasha said, sensing the awkward silence lurking around and breaking Tony out of his train of thoughts.

"Oh yeah, um, hey-" Tony cleared his throat before starting to speak, curling one of his trembling hand into a fist by his side while bringing the other one forward to greet them but it turns out, a push, an initiation was all that those kids needed because the next thing he knew, Ned was speaking in a high pitched and rushed voice as if the dam of words had finally broken and the words flowed out, paying no attention to the gentle gesture and Ned stammered on his own words as if there wre stones blocking his wind pipe.

"What's- what's wrong with Peter? Is-is he okay? He- he hasn't been coming to the school, it's been weeks and we tried reaching out to him. W-we tried calling him so many times, he doesn't answer." Ned's voice was getting closer and closer towards breaking as he struggled to get the words out, the guilt and regret clearly crushing him from inside.

"An-and I know we messed up with him, I messed up and I'm so sorry I swear Mr. Stark but he- is he angry with us? Wh-why isn't he talking to us?" Ned said and Tony's heart twisted in pain at his innocence. 

That's the most the kid's mind could reach into for reasons. Even standing in the middle of a hospital, the most their innocence minds could grab onto for reasons was that Peter was angry from them, and that's why he was avoiding them, not picking up the calls, not answering texts. 

Jesus it was getting difficult and difficult for Tony to make his mind up for telling the kids the truth. He thought that he would go, he would just close his eyes, let the words seep out of his mouth and then be back with his kid in no time, but what he didn't expect was to have his heart broken again and further again as even those kid's yearn for their best friend was so loud, loud enough, that it was stabbing through his bruised heart.

"We tried going to his apartment but no one really answered the door Mr. Stark. We even tried calling May but she doesn't pick up too. What's really going on?" Michelle continued as Ned's words skidded onto a halt with a broken sob.

Wait. No one answered the door? Even if Peter and May wouldn't, David was still there right? Tony made a mental note to enquire David about that later.

"We even asked her so many times Mr. Stark, that what happened to Peter, bu-but she just wouldn't tell us." Michelle spoke up as her eyes glistened with moisture, gesturing subtly towards where Natasha was standing. 

And Tony could tell by looking into her eyes, that the pain and worry she had in them, wasn't coming from someone who's just a friend, but it had a much more serious emotion to it. Meaning only one thing.

Michelle liked Peter too.

The girl his kid had gushed about so much liked him back. Peter would have flipped if he would have heard that a few weeks back, Tony thought as a small warmth spread inside his chest, followed instantly by tears pooling in his eyes as his heart ached at the memory of Peter laughing and giggling, or jumping around the way he would have at the information.

But now, his kid was so lost, so still, and so broken.

The two teenagers had no excitement of meeting the great Iron man at any point during their meet or the Avengers, not even a bit. Tony remembered when Peter would come to the tower and tell him about how excited Ned and Mj were when he told them that he would bring them to the tower one day, but now it looked like none of that ever happened. Or maybe even those two hated Tony now, somehow knowing that it was his fault.

Not a moment, not a second passed by after the unfortunate incident, that Tony hadn't felt extreme guilt ripping through his entire being.

Guilt for not being there for his kid, guilt for not being able to save him from the cruel and unforgiving hands of evil.

Guilt for not seeing through his anger to the pain and anguish clouded in his big, sad, honey brown eyes in the car that day. 

If only, instead of letting Peter leave that day, he would have ignored all the anger and hugged him tightly in his arms, maybe he could have prevented it all. He could have made Peter trust him and know that he was there for him, and maybe that day itself, Peter could have told him the truth about everything that had been happening to him. 

He wished he had held his hand and comforted him instead of just letting him go like that. He wished he would have listened to Happy and talked to Peter after that.

He wished for so many things, that he could go back in time and fix what he wronged. But unfortunately, he couldn't.

He might have been a little angry on Ned and Mj for leaving Peter alone, but at that moment, he only felt pain and sympathy for the two kids in front of him. 

Besides, who was he to be the angry one? When he himself wasn't able to see it? When he himself was at fault. 

"Um- something happened, h-he-"

"Please just- just tell us he's okay, please." Michelle cut him off as a soft, uncontrollable whimper trailed past her lips.

Tony's mind screamed at him at those words, and he could feel his insides shaking now, because okay, was nowhere near the situation Peter was in. 

He didn't knew what came over him, maybe anger at himself for letting all of those things happen to Peter or maybe that his body was so exhausted and tired that he didn't know what came over him and he spoke out in a cold tone.

"No he's not."

A gut wrenching silence wrapped it's claws around the hallway as Tony watched the little hopes the kids had brought in to the hospital with themselves just shatter.

And he couldn't help but think, that this pain, this guilt and grief of shattering hopes that the Avengers, Ned and Mj and he himself have been going through was nothing but karma for them. Payback for all they caused to the amazing and selfless kid, for even the universe itself was roaring in anger at the fact that it's most kindest and selfless, most cheerful and full of life child might be gone because of their ignorance and carelessness.

"Did he- did he get hurt as spiderman?" Ned's quiet and tiny voice screeched through the silence like nails on a chalkboard, and an unsettling uneasiness settled down in his stomach.

There was no going back now. He couldn't back away now. He had to do it. There was no other choice.

Tony bowed his head down as shame overcame every organ in his body at the words running out of his mouth the next moment.

"I really wish that were it." He said.

He looked down and tried his best to focus on his trembling hands besides the blurriness being caused by the tears, as he fumbled with his fingers, picking on the dead skin around his nails.

He really wished that Peter was hurt as Spider-Man.

"What do you mean?" Ned spoke up again, voice heavy with dread as Michelle stood beside him, shaking, as a look of shooting fear spread across her face, meaning that she had gotten what exactly Tony was implying, that something, really really horrifying had happened.

The whole hallway was awfully quiet, or maybe Tony just couldn't hear anymore. There were no other sounds besides his own wheezing breath at the moment.

He could see from his side vision, the way Nat and Steve's body had tensed up in uneasiness, the way Natasha was clutching Steve's hand so tightly that it should have been broken by now at least, and the worst part was that Steve wasn't even reacting to it, to the pain that he was supposed to be in, instead, squeezing her hand tighter in return.

Because they both knew that the answers to the questions that had to be answered right now, were awful and traumatizing enough the first time for them, for everyone. He could see how badly they just wanted to leave but stayed frozen in their spot, for Tony's sake. 

And Tony was thankful for that. Because even in the awful state they were in, it still helped Tony, making him realize he wasn't alone in this.

Funny how if Peter wouldn't have been alone too, then maybe he would be okay right now, and not in a hospital room begging to be killed, to be released from his horrible fate.

"Mr-Mr Stark?" Ned spoke up again as impatience took the best of him, snapping Tony out of his thoughts. He had been drifting of too much lately.

Oh yeah, Ned and Michelle.

Shit how was he supossed to tell them again? He had told Natasha he could but now he was just lost. 

He was literally trembling. He could feel beads of sweat rolling down his cold and pale skin. 

He gathered all the strength left inside of him, which wasn't much to begin with, thinking about how he would get to go back to his Peter after he was done with this and did his best to utter the words, diverting his gaze to the bench behind them or the wall up above them, anywhere but their haunting eyes.

"He-I- he-um Peter he-" 

And at that moment, almost unexpectedly, as Steve sensed the tension Tony was in, he himself spoke out, doing his best to spare Tony of any more pain than he was in right now.

"Peter tried to kill himself."

Tony watched as both the kids turned towards where Steve and Natasha were standing and then everything around him froze. Everyone around him froze.

Ned froze. Michelle froze. Natasha and Steve froze. Even Tony froze. His eyes were wide as he kept staring at the two teenagers for their reaction.

"What?" Mj said after a moment of sudden, shocking silence and staring at Steve with impossibly wide eyes.

"You're kidding right? He- he cant- he's Peter he-" She turned around to face Tony again, looking for answers but Tony stood there helplessly, not being able to speak anymore. He felt like his voice was gone, snatched away from him. 

"No I get it. It's a prank right? He set it up. He's angry with us for leaving him alone, oh my God! That's what it had been about." Michelle continued speaking as she threw her hands in air and let out a weak chuckle, and Tony felt as if every single word was pulling painfully at the weak strings of his heart.

She wasn't even believing it.  
Because Peter Parker was supposed to be jumping around or doing wierd things. He should be babbling on about random topics and never shut up for even a second. He should be smiling. He should be..full of life, with his eyes screaming with nothing but brightness and youth. Not voidness and emptiness.

He looked at Steve and Natasha who were now sharing the same look as his on their faces. A look radiating sympathy, agony, and on the verge of breaking down into tears.

"Alright Peter, you got us! Come on out now, we caught you."

Natasha walked over to Michelle, not being able to help herself anymore and gripped her shoulders in a tight hold, forcing her to look into her eyes.

Those narrow, tormented eyes, which somewhere deep down knew it wasn't a joke or a prank but still weren't ready to accept the truth.

Michelle's voice was none less than a whisper now, completely contradictory to her voice before as she spoke again, her sharp features dulling down.

"Please tell me it's not real." She said, hopelessly praying for it to not be true.

She looked behind Natasha to where Steve was guiding a silently crying Ned to sit him down on one of the benches and was rubbing his shoulder swiftly as a gesture for comfort.

"I'm sorry." Natasha said quietly yet boldly as her eyes shone with unshed tears herself, chest clenching painfully at the pitiful state of the teenager.

She watched sadly as the dam of tears broke and made their way out of the sorrowfull teenager's eyes. She could see the way her legs had started trembling and were almost about to give out from under her, so she gently took MJ's hand who was muffling her sobs with her other hand and guided her back to sit her down besides where Ned was.

"Why did he-?" Michelle sobbed out as she crained her head upwards to look into Natasha's eyes with the most agony filled gaze ever and Natasha felt that she was being stabbed continuously in her chest.

"He was being abused." She said, trying her best to keep her unsteady voice stable.

"Abused? What do you mean abused? How? And by whom? What are you saying?" Ned spoke out all of a sudden out of the blue for the first time since he went into shock and Natasha cast Steve a sad and grief stricken look.

"Well, um- he was-"

As Natasha started to speak again, Tony's heart was thumping so loudly and wildly now, it was practically about to burst right out of his chest. 

It was just a split second where his mind decided and his body acted on its own accord and he cut Natasha mid way her speech, walking towards where the crying teenagers sat on the benches.

"We don't know who.." He said as he kneeled down on the floor in front of the two teenagers. He didn't care if his pants got dirty, he just needed to do something for the kids. He couldn't save his own, maybe he could save his friends.

He looked upward towards where Natasha and Steve were to find them looking at him with a confused and unknowing look on their faces.

Natasha furrowed her eyebrows together and tilted her head in question. 

Tony shook his head subtly, making sure none of the teenagers were watching, as he went on to continue again, looking back into the teenager's sad and wet eyes.

"We don't know right now...but we will. And when we do, we're gonna make sure that it never happens again."

Mj nodded while Ned bowed her head down to hide away more of the tears that were streaming down his face.  
Neither of them really asked Tony about the abuse again, maybe they were too wrapped up with the pain and shocked to even think properly, whatever it was, Tony felt his insides calm down a little that there was no cross questioning again.

He couldn't let them know about the rape. Because it was scary, for them to know that their best friend had been subjected to such an inhumane act. He was scared it was going to traumatize them beyond repair. 

They were just kids for God's sake. 

They shouldn't ever be even near that cursed word. And while thinking that he didn't want to tell those kids about that to let them preseve their innocence, it made his insides churn painfully to think his own kid hadn't just been associated with that word but had been a victim to it, and that too, in the most painful and torturous way ever. Not once, so many times, with no one by his side, and even through all of that, he had been so strong, he had held on for so long, until the last of his family died, because that was just the breaking point for him and he gave up all the hopes completely.

Tony shifted on his knees uncomfortably as he spoke again, meeting his gaze with the teenagers again.

"Um- and there's one more thing you need to know."

Mj and Ned both wiped away their tears with the back of their hand as they prepared to listen keenly to the serious man in front of them.

"The reason why even May wasn't picking up your calls.." He said, sparing a glance towards Natasha and Steve.

"It was because sh-she died, a few weeks ago."

"What?" Both Ned and Mj screamed out in union as they gaped in horror and exchanged a horrified look with each other.

Ned's bottom lip trembled terribly as he spoke out with his repressed voice.

"And a-all of this happened and Peter- he.."

"Yeah he was all alone kid." Tony said quietly and put his gentle hand on Ned's thigh, as tears welled up in his own eyes and he averted his gaze towards the clear floor to blink them away.

"I had a fight with him too and-" His breath got stuck inside his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut, squeezing Ned's thigh tighter in his own discomfort, but Ned didn't even seem to feel it or give any kind of reaction to it. He was just lost in his own horror and guilt.

"It's all our fault! Dammit." Ned screamed out all of a sudden making Tony flinch and take his hand off of his thigh, with the anger and hate towards himself clearly dripping from his voice.

I should have been there, I should- we should ha-"

"It's okay, it's okay, just- calm down." Tony said as he rubbed Ned's upper arm.

"We all made mistakes kid. But it's what we do about it that has to count." He said sadly and regretfully. He didn't knew if he himself believed the words he was saying, he was pretty sure he didn't, because he could never forgive himself for leaving Peter, but he needed to assure the kids.

There was a painful silence settling around in the hallway again for a while, with just the sounds of quiet, and held back sobs echoeing through it, until Mj broke the silence with her quiet yet determined voice.

"We want to see him."

"I really don't think you guys should. You've had enough for today." Steve said with a calm and exhausted voice, the worry clear on his face.

"It's nothing compared to what Peter must have been going through. We want to see him, that's the least we could do for him right now. And as you said, it's what we do about our mistakes is what's gonna count. We want to be there for him. Please." Michelle spoke out again almost suddenly, as Ned nodded in agreement. She beamed her eyes at the 3 adults with so much determination and boldness in them, that Tony knew there was no way he was going to be able to convince her otherwise.

 _Just like Pepper._ He thought and smiled fondly in his own mind.

* * *

As Ned and Mj followed behind the one and only Tony Stark, through the quiet hallway and towards their best friend's hospital room, Mj thought that she was prepared for what she was about to see.

Inhaling deeply and calming down her insides the best she could, she imagined all the possibilities of what she might have to face in that hospital room, even the worst possibilities or scenarios, but unfortunately, even her worst wasn't close to what she really saw.

The moment the door was opened, all the calmness flew right out of her mind and body and she let go of a choked sob, bringing her hand up to cup her mouth as a waterfall of tears started their journey down her cheeks.

It felt like all the strength, everything that she had prepared her mind for was all just vanished in a split second as her eyes found Peter, her best friend laying on the hospital bed, surrounded by so many machines and looking so small and hurt and broken.

His skin was so dangerously pale that it was almost near to impossible to distinguish between the white bandages covering his entire forearms and his forehead and his skin.

But that's not what made her heart stop beating and stand still altogether for a moment. His eyes, that were accompanied by huge dark circles were wide open, but they were not blinking and staring off into space, and if it weren't for the heart monitor's constant and steady beeping beside him, she would have thought that Peter was- he was...dead. 

Mj didn't even need to turn her face to find Ned's reaction, because she knew, he must be horrified, because Ned knew Peter far longer than she had , and those two were literally much more than just best friends, but nearly close to being brothers. And that is why, she knew that if right now she was feeling traumatized, Ned was experiencing it twice as bad as her.

Tony must have sensed the tension and shock the teenagers were in because the next thing Mj knew that Tony was speaking from behind her. And while she had turned around to face Tony as he spoke, Ned stood paralysed with his mouth gaping open and silent tears running down his chubby cheeks, watching Peter on the bed in shock.

"He's- he's catatonic."

Mj looked at Tony with tears in her eyes, squinting her eyebrows together.

"It happens in case of extreme trauma." Tony said, biting the inside of his cheek and looking behind her towards Peter with a damaged look in his eyes.

"Wh-why is he tied?" Ned said in a small voice after a moment of unsettling silence, wiggling his shaking fingers towards Peter's hands, as his eyes drifted upon the soft cloth tying him to the railing of the hospital bed.

"He-um..he tried to slit his wrist a few days back."

A broken gasp escaped MJ's mouth and she quickly muffled it with her hand, squeezing her eyes shut and making the tears previously on the brink of her eyes now streaming down her flushed cheeks. She bit her lip harshly so as to try and prevent from any more sobs to break through her mouth.

She slowly turned back again, and immediately spotted the white bandage around Peter's wrist indicating towards the terrifying incident.

She turned her head towards where Ned was standing and noticed the way Ned's legs were now trembling under him. He was barely managing to keep himself upright, quietly falling apart from inside at seeing his best friend in such a state.

And the worst part was that both of them knew that partially, the reason why their happy, positive, and so full of life, Peter Parker, was lying so lifeless and broken on a hospital bed.

Michelle slowly walked upto Ned and gripped his hand tightly in hers, bringing him out of his shocked and paralyzed state.

She brought her now shaking legs under her to move forward towards Peter's bed slowly as Ned followed up behind her, holding her hand and stopped as she found herself now standing in front of Peter.

Ned let go of her hand as he moved to the other side of the bed while Pepper got up from the chair besides Peter's bed, flashing Michelle a smile, which ended up a little bitter at the ends, and then moved past her to stand next to Tony at the entrance.

As Michelle took Pepper's spot, she couldn't help herself as she let her fingers roam over the soft and pale skin of Peter's cheeks, not touching properly, but ghasting, as if she was scared that the moment she touched him, he would break down or disintegrate into pieces.

Anguish drove daggers through the remains of her already bruised and shattered soul as her eyes gazed upon the broken and abused shell of her best friend, all the damage now now much clear and she broke down into heart breaking sobs and hiccups.

It was the first time ever, she felt her heart literally shatter into tiny little fragments.

Mj wasn't scared or afraid of much things in her life, but at that moment, she decided that her worst nightmare had come true, and that the first time ever in her life, she was feeling so damn horrified and scared and..helpless.

Tears hindered her vision as she looked towards where Ned was sitting at the opposite side of her on Peter's bed. He was nudging his thumb softly over Peter's tied hand and had his head bowed down to hide the tears streaming down his face and dropping onto Peter's limp hand.

He was chanting continuous in small and quiet whispers broken only by the small sniffs due to his now running nose.

"I'm so sorry, Peter I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

And even though Michelle couldn't hear those words properly, even the ruined remains of the broken whispers that were escaping Ned's mouth had her biting her lip and curling her hand into fists to resist the intense urge to pull at her hair. 

She looked towards the entrance towards where Tony and Pepper were previously standing but found out that they weren't there anymore, meaning that those two were the only one there in the room with Peter.

The soft and steady beeping of the heart monitor registered MJ's mind again and she turned her face towards Peter again, tucking a small loose curl back up softly as she felt tears threatening to fall down at the gut wrenching sight again.

She never told anyone but since a few months, her feelings for him had been growing so much and so deep that at one point she literally got scared of how powerful her feelings could be. 

She never really thought that she was ever really going to fall in love, but then Peter came into her life, with his never ending kindness, the purity, the Peter parkerness, she didn't knew when she fell in love with that stupid dork she was supposed to have no interest in, and by the time she realised, it was too late for her.

 _"It's just a stupid little crush, it'll go away."_  
Except it didn't, but it just got stronger, strong enough to not be called a crush anymore.

She was a little jealous when she found out that Peter had a crush on Liz, so she tried her best to hide it, but everytime she saw his innocent and dorky smile, and the way small wrinkles appeared around his eyes when he used to laugh, she didn't know at what point she let go of her stoickness and just accepted that she was in love, with someone so opposing from her.

And then the fight between Ned and him had happened, and she wanted, oh she so wanted to be with Peter after that, her heart yearned so much to hear his giggle and lame jokes, but she was torn, because Ned actually needed her, and she wasn't supposed to ignore someone who actually needed her for someone who she had a crush on, or maybe loved.

Because if something happened to Ned, she would never be able to forgive herself thinking that she chose to leave him. And now, all of that was happening, because she still wasn't gonna be able to forgive herself, for leaving Peter alone because all this time, Peter needed her more. More than Ned ever could have, even Ned wouldn't hesitate to admit that. And that's what made everything worse.

Peter needed them, so much, hell he tried so much to still talk to them, even with everything going on, he still tried but they didn't even talk to him.  
And Mj couldn't even imagine how he must have felt from inside, completely lost and alone.

When the fight had happened, it wasn't just Ned keeping her away from Peter thought, she had kind of made it as a way to cope up with her feelings regarding him, thinking it was better to stay away from Peter, and then maybe she'll loose the feelings, because she knew that there was no way Peter would love her back.

Who even was she to have someone as amazing and pure and selfless as Peter Parker love her. She was no one, while Peter was, everyone for her.

So she did her best to avoid her feelings in that duration, even if it made her sad sometimes. Sadness was okay, but she knew she wasn't gonna be able to handle a heartbreak.

But the pain that she was feeling right now? The excruciating anguish and regret... No amount of heart break could match up for it.

"I'm so sorry Peter." She whispered brokenly, mixing in with Ned's contionous and seemingly never ending chants of apologies.

Her tears started on their never ending journey similar to Ned's again and she ran her fingers smoothly through Peter's curls and closed her eyes as she let her heart break loose with all the emotions and flashes of his Peter's smiles.

* * *

Tony slumped down exhaustedly on the benches outside Peter's room and Pepper sat by his side, resting her head on his shoulders.

"It's gonna be okay Tony." She said assuringly as she squeezed his hand slightly.

"I- I don't know Pepper you- you didn't see the look- the way they were- they just-" Tony rubbed his face with both of his hands, sighing deeply, with his breath shuddering horribly.

"I know Tony..I know." Pepper spoke out in a soft and calm tone, closing her eyes and resting her tired and exhausted mind, wrapping her arms around Tony's waist for purchase and comfort, and Tony snuggled in deeper with her at that.

"Also, Tony.." Pepper spoke after a while of comforting and calming silence between the two. 

She broke the half embrace the pair was in, straightening her back and facing her husband.

"I think it's time we need to talk to David about, you know, adopting Peter. With May gone, we're the only ones he's left with.

Tony looked at her with a numb look in his eyes for a moment, then pulled her in the same half-embrace comforting position again, closing his eyes and resting his head on top of Pepper's, who stay snuggled in Tony's chest.

"Yes. Yes we do."

His heart ached thinking about all those moments Peter wanted just a little love and comfort to feel like he mattered, like he could be saved.

He wished he had told him he loved him when Peter was okay. And now, he was going to make sure that once Peter was okay again, he would remind him that every day.

" _I promise, I'll love you back to life._ "

Tony whispered to himself, so quietly, that even Pepper wasn't able to hear it and drifted off to the good times and good memories he had with Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright soooooo....first of all..I just want to say...you guys are sooooo amazing🥺❤️ all those comments you left on my update made me so happy likeeee realyyyy!! Thankuuuu so much for all the concern and those comments!! They really made my day!!! As I always say, your comments always make my day🥺❤️ Ily guys so much. And I really hope you all are doing well and good too..and for all those who are being cursed with online classes as me... I'm so sorry. 😂🤦
> 
> This chapter was the most challenging for me to write till yet, and as the characters are increasing, you know, with Peter, Tony, all the avengers, Morgan, Pepper, Ned and Mj and ig even Flash and David at some point, it's gonna get more challenging for me to write because I will have to write everyone's pov. So if I skip some important reactions out accidentally, I'm already sorry for that😅🥺
> 
> Also, I know, this chapter is more MJ's pov than Ned's but it's just because I wanted to write her more and to clear her feelings regarding Peter to you all. So Ned and Mj are both equally heartbroken even if it seems that's it's Mj who's more hurt.  
> And for all of you who are thinking about if Flash will come, he will, yes. He will also have a role in Ned and Mj realizing what really happened with Peter and not just the outline told by Tony. Alsooooooo....action is coming soon..😉
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter ❤️  
> You can leave a comment if you want to, because they make me very happy 🥺 👉🏻👈🏻 ❤️
> 
> Thanku so much ❤️


	15. Ignorance is a bliss, until it isn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooooooooo.....  
> I AM SOOOOOO SORRRYYYYYY for disappearing for so long. I literally had so much going on with these stupid online classes they don't even give us a one day break😣 Plus, I've got an online exam tomorrow.🤦  
> Also, to make up for my mistake, here's a long chapter again🤭  
> Do heed the warnings before proceeding  
> Stay safe and Take Care❤️
> 
> Warning: Already apologizing for all the mistakes :)

**When in dark, I found light in you, brighter than many ever see,**

**Those who envied, now took you away from me,**

**And me, my child, I'm losing myself slowly, slipping down deeper under the dark lair,**

**But what's more scarier is, that when I'm gone, I know that I'll meet you down there.**

Tony sat by Peter's bedside in the same uncomfortable chair again, completely oblivious and ignorant to the discomfort in his back.

He watched the surroundings around him get darker and darker under the undenying pressure of the hollow and silent night. He waited, but even at its peak, the night never got darker than how his life had become in the past few weeks.

Just like his own heart, his eyes had already adjusted to the darkness, because of all the nights he spent by Peter's side, with his eyes always open wide and never slipping close even at the tiredness burning through him.

He would never sleep, he didn't want to.

The silence that Tony found himself in when he was wide awake was always better than the terrifying flashes and hollowing screams he would have to face in his meant to be comforting sleep, instead, he knew that he was going to wake up more exhausted than before if he tried to sleep.

It was near about 2 am in the night, as Tony glanced at the wall clock hanging far away on the wall, his tired eyes catching on the needles stricking a quarter, shining under the influence of the light piercing through from under the door.

He turned his face towards Peter again, which was still turned away in the direction opposite to where Tony was, and his eyes were still open wide and unseeing.

His face had comparatively regained more colour than before, and his body was close to regaining its natural physique, thanks to the iv taped to the back of his hand.

But that's not what mattered. Since the day of the break down, since the day the doctor had tied his kid to the bed like he was the one at fault, it had been pressurized upon the fact that what was more important was for Peter to regain himself mentally more than physically..and yet, even after all these days, when Tony had thought that it was going to get better, that he would talk to his kid and make him okay again, things were only getting worse.

How was he suppossed to make Peter okay if he wouldn't talk to him? If he wouldn't ever come around?

The doctor told them that convincing Peter to talk to a therapist is the most help they could get him to heal, but how was he suppossed to help him if he wasn't even in the state to talk?

Because so many days, and weeks had passed away with seemingly no end to the misery and Peter was still in pain. Lost, and unresponsive.

 _Maybe_.

Hot water burned through Tony's eyelids as the word ' _Maybe_ ' echoed again and again in his mind sharply.

The last few days had been a nightmare for everyone. For Tony, Pepper, Morgan, Happy, the Avengers, Ned and Michelle. It had been yet another week since Tony saw Morgan last, but this time, through Pepper or Happy, no news came of her wanting to see her daddy, which made Tony's heart twist painfully at the last conversation he had with her.

_"You can stay as long as you want with Petey daddy, but please bring him back soon."_

Telling Ned and Michelle the truth about everything that had happened was a difficult task, even more than any Iron man-ning stuff he had ever done he realized, but what proved more difficult for him was staying away from his kid.

After everything that had happened, and after witnessing so many traumatizing things with his own eyes, Tony just couldn't imagine being away from Peter anymore. He wanted to be by his side at all times, through everything, every single second.

But after Ned and Michelle had known the truth, they had started visiting Peter regularly, spending more and more time with him, thereby decreasing Tony's time with Peter.

They used to come directly after school, the same time Peter used to come to the tower before, wobbling around cheerfully and bringing in the germs of endearing affection and addiction, showing his dorky grin while squeezing his honey brown eyes and drowning them in a pool of small wrinkles.

It used to be Tony's favourite time of the day, when Peter would be with him, when he would watch the world around him just brighten up automatically at Peter's arrival, but now, that time had opposingly became the worst time of the day for him, because that was the time he would have to stay away from him.

Sometimes Ned and Mj would come earlier, which Tony assumed would be the lunch time in their school, and sometimes they would come straight up in the morning, meaning that they were even skipping school.

In the start, all of the Avengers including Tony himself had resisted alot, tried to tell the kids to focus more on school and their studies, to take care of their own health and self and not detoriate themselves in exhaustion and stress, but they just wouldn't listen, especially thag girl Michelle, who always looked too stubborn to even try at times.

So as Tony's time with Peter decreased, his grief effectively increased. Because instead of sitting and staring at Peter's soft features now, instead of being assured of the fact that Peter was there and breathing, maybe not mentally but he was present, he had to go down the memory lane again and again, replaying everything that had happened, imagining everything that would have been happening at every single second to his kid, and blaming himself for everything that he could have done to save him but didn't.

Sometimes the thoughts in his mind would get so dark and convincing that Pepper would have to forcefully lead him towards the small window of Peter's room to show him that Peter was in fact alive and not dead.

Tony was slowly losing himself, no, he was killing himself. He was slowly slipping away from reality and deeper down a hollow void of endless pain, but what scared Tony more was that he knew, that when he would finally lose the battle and fall into the void pit, he would find Peter there.

Peter was better. But only physically.  
Most of his physical injuries were healed.  
The thick collar enclosing his throat was gone but what Tony was more thankful for to go away were the guaranteed hickeys and bite marks on his kid's neck that the collar took away with itself.

He didn't want the reminders, he couldn't handle them. He still wasn't ready to face it. He couldn't.

Because when he looked at Peter, he saw light, brightness, happiness and optimism, and he didn't want to corrupt his associations with Peter any more than it already had been ruined.

_His kid was raped. Peter Parker was raped._

_Not once. Not twice. But so many times._

It was funny how even after looking at the severity of the situation, Tony was still choosing to ignore the truth.

" _Ignorance is a bliss,_ " they used to say, until it wasn't.

It meant he was weak. So pathetic and weak.

He used to be Iron man. Now if anyone would say that to him, he would laugh on their faces.  
Because there was nothing iron about him anymore, not even the iron suit could make him iron man or a superhero again.

What is a superhero who saved everyone but their own?

Tony wiped away the unshed tears in his eyes with the back of his hands, trying his best to brush away the self depricating thoughts but clearly not succeeding.

His eyes found the bruised skin on Peter's side on his forehead. The bandage around Peter's forehead wound was gone leaving behind only a faint scar and a yellowish-green bruise. The wound that Peter had acquired as a result of banging his head on Tony's own car.

He was still dressed up in the loose and too big for him hospital gown and he still had the thick cast around his leg, showing up slightly from under the rough blanket covering his frail frame and the the clear bandage was still wrapped around his wrist near the soft cloth binding his hand to the bed, where he had tried to slit it, the memories of the horrible incident still fresh as yesterday in his mind.

The heart monitor was still attached to his chest though. There wasn't a need of it anymore and the doctor had insisted that they remove it but Tony had refused.

Because that heart beeping machine was the one of the things reminding Tony that Peter was alive even after hundreds and thousands of confirmation from the doctor. It was the only thing that had his heart still beating and holding on.

And even though Tony himself knew that yes Peter was alive, but he had seen how dead he had become from inside the day when he had struggled and screamed at him to untie him, to let him go and to help him die.

So it wasn't his fault that he needed constant reassurance after that.

He was scared, he was scared so much that at one point, Peter would suddenly stop breathing and he wouldn't know until it was already too late just like it always had been on his part, because Peter always looked so dead and lost, catatonic and unresponsive and it wouldn't be a different look on him if he died unexpectedly.

Peter was still catatonic and dissociating for seemingly full days.

Maybe.

Unfortunately, _maybe_.

While the doctor had told them that it was possible that Peter was dissociating for so long, she had also revealed that it was possible that he could be pretending too.

Pretending.

While it was a good things that Peter's dissociation problem might not be as worse as they were seeing but it did pain Tony's chest to think about that.

Peter could be pretending to not be in the present, to avoid confrontation and pain, but more than that, to avoid everyone present there, including Tony. 

Because he hated him. So much. And why wouldn't he?

And it was okay. Tony was fine.  
After breaking down in Pepper's arm for the hundredth time after the revelation, Tony was fine and back by Peter's side again.

But life had never ever been kind to him , which was already proven to him when it had attempted so hard to take the source of light in his life away from him, but apparently it hadn't been enough for the sake of what had happened after that.

One night, near about 2 or 3 am, Tony had left Peter's side to go to the bathroom.

Walking back down the hallway from the bathroom, reaching Peter's room, he had reached out a hand towards the cold handle of the door to pull it open.

And that's when he had heard it.

The sound that Tony's soul swore would never ever let go off of itself, the sound that held a promise to haunt him in the darkest of his times for eternity.

Soft, heart breaking sobs.

From Peter. Who was supposed to be catatonic, was sobbing.

Tony's body froze for a moment as he stared at the door handle in shock, too scared to confront the possibile truth.

_Ignorance is a bliss, until it isn't._

He hesitantly turned his head upwards to look through the circular window, his eyes still as wide as they could ever get, and his breath feeling like stones being dragged against his windpipe.

He let his eyelids rise slowly, to let the eyeballs gain vision and his heart stopped. For a second, it felt like his heart had stopped pumping blood and that was it. That was the last thread.

Tears streamed out of Tony's wide eyes as he looked through the window at Peter, who was not so catatonic anymore now but sobbing quietly in the dark, all alone.

His sobs were quiet and soft, but still very haunting yet hollow at the same time, like the ones that could only emerge within from someone who had really lost, someone who had really broken and given up.

He watched in shock as Peter's body shook horribly as he bit his lip harshly to keep in the wild sobs wrecking him from the inside, his hands pulling slightly at where the bonds kept him still and bound.

The tears shone brightly on his kid's face, piercing through the darkness surrounding him and painfully inside Tony's own burning eyes.

His hand which was frozen mid way near the door handle had started trembling so violently and Tony found himself retreating back as he felt his heart burn in unfathomable agony.

Instead of going in, comforting Peter and being there for his kid, his body and soul gave up and he slid down the door and crashed onto the cold floor, sobbing quietly into his own hands, hiding his face away in between his knees as his painful sobs covered for the quiet and heart breaking sobs vibrating through the door to Tony's backside and straight into his broken heart.

He gripped his hairs forcefully in between his trembling fingers as he felt his insides snap and shatter and wither away.

Because the reality was getting too painful to bare. When the thought about all the other times that Peter could have been pretending and not actually dissociating crossed his mind, Tony's broken heart broke impossibly further taking away with it the little will of going back to his kid.

Peter was pretending. He was avoiding him.

_He hates me. He hates me. He hates me. He hates me. He hates me_  
_He hates me._

The never ending train of thoughts pounded inside Tony's mind stopping only at one conclusion.

 _I hate myself_.

He was so weak. He couldn't even be there for him. For his kid.

_I hate myself, just like everyone else hates me. I hate myself. I deserve this pain..._

But Peter doesn't.

That's how the night had went on after that, with Tony sobbing to himself outside while his kid cried all alone in the dark inside. It wasn't until the next morning that Pepper had found him in the morning, face flushed and wet with tears and eyes screaming red and completely broken at anyone who matched his gaze.

But apparently, it turned out, life was never going to stop breaking him until he agreed to face the reality.

As Peter dissociated more and as it was revealed that Peter was pretending to dissociate, it meant he never slept, which was bad for his health as told by the doctor, it could lead to a fever or in worse cases even brain damage for someone like him.

So she did the only thing that she had thought was good for Peter.  
She sedated him. To make him sleep and help his mind and body heal. To help with the increasing dark bags under the numb and broken eyes.

It was supposed to be for his good, to help him heal better physically, but it only managed to scar Tony more mentally.

It was another night when Tony was sitting by Peter's bedside, who had his eyes closed this time, after the doctors had sedated him.

He had looked so peaceful after so long. With his eyes closed and chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm matching with the beeps coming from the heart monitor, he had looked calm and in peace. And Tony had thought that maybe, sedating him was a good idea, and it might help him heal mentally too.

Ofcourse he was wrong, like so many times before.

Because it didn't take long for the rhythmic and melodious beeping to turn unharmonious in an instant, as Peter's chest rose and fall in quick breaths and the next thing he knew, Peter had woken up screaming, pulling so hard at his restraints to be able to snap his wrists in half easily which he thankfully didn't.

_"Please. I'm so sorry sir, please don't hurt me again, I cant- please-"_

Peter had sobbed and screamed as the tears had streamed down his broken eyes and Tony's body once more, froze in horror and pain, and his soul once again gave up as he had watched the nurses and the doctor rush in and pushed him aside.

He had once again just stood and watched as Peter cried and sobbed gut wrenchingly as the doctor prepared to sedate him again.

He had begged again, screamed and thrashed again and only stopped when the content of the syringe were emptied inside of him.

But before his kid went under, Tony never missed that glance, that broken and trust shattered look Peter had on his face as he had stared at him, with so much hate and agony in his eyes, until he was forced to face his dark nightmares again.

The next morning when Peter had woken up again, Tony could never forget the look he had on his face, so empty and defeated, and it was the first time in a very long time as Peter had said something to Tony.

And Tony really wished he hadn't.

"You couldn't even stand up for me, you just watched as I suffered."

His voice was nothing above a whisper, but for Tony, it spoke more volume than any other thing in his life.

"You just watched as I suffered." Peter's voice had cracked as he repeated the sentence the second time, and then he had turned his head away from him.

No tears had come out of his defeated and lifeless eyes anymore and Tony couldn't do anything than just sit and stare again in shock as his heart finally lost it's battle with existing.

All of the memories, all of the trauma, everything was getting so much worse, and there wasn't a single second now that Tony couldn't feel the tears in his eyes and agony in his heart.

Just like at the present moment.

He rubbed his eyes with his fists and then proceeded to reach his hand forward to run his hand through Peter's hair, but his hand froze midway on its own, as Peter's words circled in his mind.

_"You couldn't even stand up for me, you just watched as I suffered."_

And as much as those words hurt, Tony knew those words were true, that he had just let his kid suffer.

He retreated his hand back as he blinked away the tears, his chest clenching at the unsaid rejection and instead, laid his head down on his forearms which he rested on the little space left at the side of Peter's bed, crossed over each other tightly.

He turned his head to his right and stared numbly at Peter's bound hand at his side as his vision blurred up with tears.

At that moment, his mind was a complete blank, except 2 words.

My kid.

"My kid." He used to say proudly to the team when Peter had single-handedly got all the citizens out of a burning building.

"My kid." He used to announce when Peter had beaten Captain-fucking- America in combat training.

"My kid." He had said to himself softly as he had secretly listened to all his voicemails of his adventures on patrol.

A soft sob tore out of the cracks in his heart and escaped past his lips.

"My kid." He whispered to himself brokenly as he nudged Peter's limp hand softly with his thumb. Silent tears streamed out of his red and bloodshot eyes, streaming over his nose and down his face to meet the clean and sterile bedsheet below.

Those two words were always the one to fill his heart with eternal warmth and unfathomable happiness, but now, all they managed out from his frail soul was more grief and pain, more guilt and regret.

My kid. Who lost everything. His parents, his uncle, his aunt..his innocence, yet the world still kept taking from him, until there was nothing left of him anymore.

His kid. Who wasn't so 'his' anymore.

He didn't deserve to call Peter 'his kid' anymore.

So he sat there, laying his head down on his hands and staring numbly at Peter's limp hand, desperate for any action as the night went on, and the morning tore him away from his kid.

* * *

Ned and Michelle walked through the crowded hallway of their school, just like they would any other day, but this time, their eyes had dark bags under them covering for the torturous nights they spent blaming themselves for their best friend's condition, this time their face was shadowed by deep grief instead of being infected with crooked smiles, and only this time, they were cursed with the company of pain and suffering in place of their best friend.

School had always been quite difficult, but now even more so because of the painful silence that now existed in place of the pointless yet heart warming chatters. It had became the hardest time duration for them, to sit through the painful classes where they had watched Peter sitting so apart for them for so long and had done nothing, to walk through the hallways where they once used to jump around with Peter but which had seemingly turned to only sparing each other a few sneaky glances after the fight a few weeks ago.

Ned and Mj walked towards their locker silently, their heads bowed down and eyes full of grief and exhaustion.

Everything and everyone around them were just so enthusiastic and full of life, and Ned just wished he could say the same for Peter. 

How could he have not noticed that his best friend was suffering?  
The day he spotted the dead and lifeless look in his best friend's eyes, he should have known, that it was never because of the fight, but something much more sinister.

And now that he looked back to all those days, he could see them, all of the signs, clearly. The way his hands used to shake, the way he would flinch at even the slightest of touch, the way he never smiled anymore, and if only he noticed it all in time, he could have saved his best friend from whatever hell he was in.

Yes, hell. He was in hell and he could see that now.

He was being abused, his aunt died and...oh God. His aunt died, she was his only family left.

How ironic it was? Ned had been so angry at Peter just because he lost his dad, but Peter? He lost everything.

And he was just sixteen. And if Ned thought it hurt to lose his dad there was no way he could even know what Peter must have been feeling when he lost his only family left in the entire world, plus he was getting abused in some way.

Peter, had lost almost everything at just 16 yet he had the brightest smile and the most selfless heart in the entire world, whereas it took Ned only the loss of his father to turn cold even towards his best friend. And now Ned knew, that he didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve someone like Peter.

Peter had only lost so many things in life, so many people.

He lost his parents, his uncle, and now even his aunt.

He lost his chance at living a normal life like the rest of them, taking upon his adolescent shoulders the responsibility of safety of every possible citizen in Queens, even knowing that he was putting himself in harms way by doing that. 

Because even when the kids his age would be going around getting drunk and having fun in parties, even when Ned would be watching his favourite tv show or playing video games at his home, Peter would be going out alone in the dead of night, putting himself in danger just to make sure everybody else was happy and safe. 

Because he knew how it felt. The pain of loss, he knew how it felt and he tried so hard to make sure no one else had to go through that pain.

How could a person like that ever be ungreateful towards anything?

_"Why can't you just be grateful for everything you have for atleast once in your life! You literally have everything."_

And now, Ned could feel his insides shatter as he realized, that Peter never had everything. But for him, his friends, his aunt and his mentor had been everything. But even they left him alone when he needed them the most. 

And so, Peter had nothing.

Never everything. Always nothing.

Tony had told them that he was dissociating, alive but not aware, and why would he be? Everyone he cared for was gone, and his so called friends abandoned him when he needed them the most.

Ned had always been looking at so many things the wrong way, and it took his best friend to end up in a hospital, traumatized to realize that. And the guilt, that tore through him, was unfathomable. It was like a knife, slicing his body in half slowly until there would be no more left of him.

After the fight, Ned seemed to hate Peter's presence, but now, the absence was killing him, much more than the absence of his father. Because he knew, he had messed up, really bad and it was nearly impossible to reverse the damage he had caused.

Tears sprang in his eyes as he struggled to open his locker with his trembling fingers, Michelle standing besides him leaning against the locker, with her head down as she stared at her phone but Ned could see as the glare from her phone reflected into her eyes that she was struggling to hold in her tears.

As Ned's locker finally clicked open after infinite struggles, someone appeared behind them and the sudden and frantic voice made Ned flinch away slightly and bash into the locker as he turned around.

"Hey." It was Flash, and Ned exchanged a look with Mj who was now tucking her phone in her pocket before turning to face Flash again.

They both knew what he was here for and they both knew what he was gonna ask. And they both didn't knew how they were supposed to give him the answers he seeked, because Flash had warned them, hell he had been there for Peter more than Ned and Mj himself, and Ned almost felt shame overcome him as Flash asked the next question.

"Did you find anything about Peter? Where is he? It's been weeks. I've been trying to reach him, he doesn't pick up the calls, he isn't even seeing my texts, do you know anything?"

"He-um-" Ned stuttered out with his shaky voice.

"He's in the hospital."

"What!?" The scream that tore out of Flash's mouth had been so loud that for a moment, everyone in the hallway had gone quiet, staring at the three teenagers before going back to their own businesses.

Flash's wide eyes teared up a little as he bowed his head down and fumbled with his fingers, picking on the dead skin near his fingernails as he asked again, but this time, his voice was quieter.

"What happened?"

Ned apologetically looked at Mj again, as he took in a deep breath, and let the words out. As he told Flash everything, he saw his face changing expressions from shock to sympathy, from guilt to pain, but what pinched Ned was through everything, his face had a knowing look on it as the expression finally settled down into a mixture of extreme grief and sadness at the end. 

Flash turned away from the two as he let out a deep and pained sigh, bringing his hands upto his face to wipe away the tears building in his eyes and Ned could have never been able to prepare himself for the next words that escaped Flash's lips.

"I was right."

"What?" Mj asked softly as Ned kept staring at Flash with confusion. He watched as Flash turned around again, his eyes showing so much emotions for someone like him.

"Peter wasn't just being abused."

"What do you even mean?"

"I mean, that one of the reasons, th-that Peter tried to suicide, was that he-" Flash paused to inhale deeply as his voice started cracking and he averted his gaze down again, unable to make eye contact.

"Peter was being sexually abused." He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt those words tear into his own heart.

"And I know that you won't trust me-" A dry sob escaped his lips as he continued again.

"-but I saw him, the way he was shouting at no-no one to get away in the bathroom, I saw th-the way he flinched at any the cont-t-act, I saw him, and I noticed."

Flash expected a shout, or a yell or something form both of them but when he got nothing but silence in return, he looked up and felt his chest clench in pain.

Ned and MJ's eyes were wide and full of shock and tears, and they were both holding hands tightly, as if clutching onto each other for their dear life.

Ned's bottom lip quivered horribly as he battled to speak past the emotions rushing through him.

"How- how do you know for sure? "

Flash now openly had tears running down his cheeks, and the words that slipped past his dry lips, were something Ned and Mj would never be able to let go off for their entire lives.

"You can never not notice once it happens to you."

* * *

"What the hell do you mean you're adopting him?" David screamed as he stood in the middle of the hallway in the hospital, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths as fire escaped through his nostrils.

Tony was shocked. Shocked would be an understatement. And not just for him, but everyone present there.

They all just wanted to be done with the adoption procedures as soon as possible and be there for Peter legally. To be called his family because God knows he needed them, and God knows they needed him more.

Because so much happened in the past few days, and even when a lot of things were meant to be getting better, the situation was only taking turns for the worst. 

It felt like a horrible nightmare, that none of them were being able to wake up from, like they were trapped. They couldn't sleep properly, they couldn't eat properly knowing that the monster that hurt their kid was still roaming free and happy on the streets and they were being able to do nothing.

They were all slowly losing themselves, but Tony was taking the majority of the hit on that too. He looked just a step away from losing his marbles. So they all tried, to be there for Peter, starting with the adoption.

They had called David in to the hospital to talk to him about the adoption and Tony had left Peter's side willingly for the first time ever but not before pressing a soft kiss on his forehead and letting Steve take his place besides his kid.

And honestly, not one of them thought it was going to be that much of a deal to David. At the most, he just had to be informed and everything else would have been taken care of itself.

Because given the amount of times David had visited Peter, it should never had been a big deal to him. Instead, he should have been relieved, to not have Peter's responsibility on his shoulders. 

But that was exactly what had not happened.

And everyone was quite as shocked as Tony was, as he stood a few feet apart from David, Pepper just behind him, with her hand clasped tight around his.

He turned around to shoot Pepper a confused look before confronting an angry David again.

"What? I? Why are you so angry?" Tony stuttered out, not being able to figure out what to say anymore. Because David's outlash was just so unexpected.

"Why am I so angry!?" David spat out with venom in his voice.

"Well Stark, because I come in here, and all of a sudden you tell me that you're adopting my dead girlfriend's kid. Don't you have any shame?"

Tony's eyes widened as his mouth gaped open slightly, and every single bit of shock and confusion that he had in his body was now slowly getting replaced by anger.

How dare someone like him stand in front of Tony and tell him that he's the one who should be ashamed and not David who had barely visited Peter in the hospital when he clearly should have and yet had the audacity to stand in front of him and blame him again.

"You're not adopting him Stark, that's it." David spat out again, this time, voice strong and bland, marking the end of his sentence with an automatic period.

"Oh really!? It's better if you don't talk about shame to me alright!" Tony lashed out, stabbing his fingers towards David. 

"And besides, I'm not asking you, im telling you-"

"No Stark. You're not." David cut him off mid way as he clenched his teeth furiously.

"Why do you care!?"

"Why do I care? Because he's mine." David practically roared out, completely oblivious of what he just spat out in anger. It took a moment for him to get a hold of himself and his eyes widened in realisation at what he had really just screamed out in front of all the Avengers and more than that, an angry Tony Stark. 

Not iron man, but Tony Stark, Peter's mentor, his close to father-figure.

The entire hallway had descended into a dangerous and threatening silence after that, the words pinching suspicion and craving an unexplained uneasiness inside everyone's heart.

Natasha who was previously leaning against a wall with her arms crossed against her chest was now standing straight and alarmed, her hands clenched into tight fists at her sides and as she looked at David with a death stare.

"What the fuck did you just say." Tony said, his voice was quieter than before but the rage being reflected was hundred times more. His eyes were screaming bloody anger and David knew, that if he didn't clear his mess up any time soon, he was surely getting skinned alive.

"I meant um- that M-May left Peter under my care.." David let the words out slowly, gradually gaining his stance again as he averted his gaze and looked around at the clear walls or ceilings, anywhere but into Tony's glaring eyes to hide the fear in his own.

"She entrusted me to take care of Peter before she died, she made me promise that. And in no way I'm gonna break it." He forced out a fake tear out of his eye as he continued on with his lies, his voice slowly turning strong again, and his body losing the previous fear.

He turned his head up towards Stark, looking at him with tear filled and angry eyes, as he let the venom slip out of his mouth again, making the words come out slow and steady yet harsh and cold aimed directly towards the breaking man in front of him.

"I'm not. Gonna. Let you. Hurt him. Again."

And that was it. The words hit the exact spot in Tony's heart that David had meant them to. As he always did. 

A small satisfaction seeped through David's veins as he struggled to keep the expression on his face steady, while Tony's anger had faltered horribly, his face losing all the strength and regaining its broken and lost look.

Everything rushed back into his mind. 

The hateful words Peter had yelled to him, all the self depricating thoughts, all the happenings he could have predicted. David was right again.

Tony had hurt Peter so much, maybe more than anyone else.

His eyes burned with moisture and he gazed down at the cold floor, feeling his heart slowly being clawed out of his ribcage.

Pepper cradled Tony's face in her soft hands, trying to calm him down, to comfort him but he couldn't pay anymore attention to her. He was lost in his own agonizing depths again.

Natasha, sensing the severity of the situation, stepped in instantly to take the lead. There was no way she was letting Peter get ripped away from her, from them.

"We're not taking any more of your bullshit David. Tony is adopting Peter, end of discussion." She said strongly, her eyes wide as she glared daggers at David, who was getting irritated and annoyed by every second, but all of a sudden, an idea popped in his clever mind.

"You know what?" He said softly this time

"Let's do one thing. When Peter is aware enough to talk again, we'll ask him ourselves. Who does he want to stay with, me or you all. Whatever he's fine with, I'll be fine with. Deal?"

Natasha's tall and bold stance wavered slightly as she looked at Tony, before standing her ground again and speaking out strongly.

"Deal."

"Alright." David said, walking past Tony as he whispered softly in his ear in his way.

"You hope he chooses you Stark, because you know, he won't." 

He said as he gave him a satisfied grin and walked away from the group, and Tony's breath wavered sharply at the words spearing straight through his chest and making it harder for him to breathe.

As much as those words hurt, there was a possibility that Peter wouldn't choose him. It was clear how much Peter hated him, because Tony was so weak, he hadn't been able to protect Peter at all. 

Not when he was being abused in the worst way. Not when he was being tied to the bed. Not when he was being drugged against his will.

"Tony, are you okay?" Pepper shook his shoulders slightly, snapping him out of his thoughts and his tear filled gaze met with his wife's worried ones.

"I...I need some air." He spoke out slowly and walked away from the group, tears finally streaming down his face as he made his way towards the exit.

He walked out and collapsed onto the stairs at the entrance of the hospital, not caring about the passer-bies staring at him like he was crazy.

Turning his head upwards, he tried his best to blink away the tears blocking his vision as he stared at the beautiful night sky.  
The stars shining brightly through the darkness, making the night feel prettier and safer, just like Peter had been in Tony's life.

A star in the dark. A source of light and happiness that made his life better. An anchor to hold him down and ground him with kindness.

Tony's eyes burned with tears again as the memories of his kid crashed into his heart again.

He wanted Peter. 

No he needed Peter. 

He needed his kid back. He was going to die without him, and he knew that. He needed Peter to chose him, to be wth him. He wanted to heal his kid, to be there for him.

But how? He was just so weak. How was he suppossed to help him?

Maybe he could find something at Peter's apartment. To make him feel better and to make him talk. Like his uncle's shirt.

Tony's legs acted on their own as he stood up from the stairs and got into his car quickly and drove towards Peter's apartment.

The car ride was spent inside his own head with his dark and drowning, self loathing thoughts because he didn't even knew at what point he reached Peter's apartment. And honestly, Tony was shocked how he managed to avoid any accidents taking in account the fact he had been drifting in and out of reality.

He got out of his car, this time, taking the elevator to Peter's apartment. Thankfully the apartment door wasn't locked, indicating towards the fact that David had probably left in a hurry when they told him about the adoption on call.

As soon as Tony opened the door, his knees gave out from under him and he crashed onto the floor, his knees taking the full impact of the fall but he paid no attention to the pain as instant tears made their way out of his bloodshot eyes. 

Everything in there was reminding him of Peter.

His jacket laying over one of the chairs of the dining table, his shoes and socks left discarded near the entrance, the small photo frame lying on the table near the television, and Peter was smiling in it. With May and Ben enclosing him and squeezing him in a tight hug from either sides and Peter looked so genuinely happy in the photo and Tony just wished, for either one of his guardians to be there for him, to make him happy again, but he knew, that he had to be the one to fill that gap in Peter's heart.

He knew he could never take Ben and May's place, he would never even dare to try, but that didn't mean he couldn't fill in for the void created at their unfortunate departure.

He got back up on his feet, wincing slightly at the pain shooting through his knees at the action.

He managed to make it to Peter's room on his weak and wobbly legs and as soon as he entered his room, he collapsed down onto Peter's bed.

Soft cries tore through his mouth as his eyes scanned the room, taking in the sight of Peter's books, his bag, his study table, his clothes, until he spotted the iron man shirt that lay discarded on the bed next to him.

He reached out his trembling hands to grab the soft cloth in between them.

His bloodshot eyes caught sight of the words written in red and bold letters on the shirt.

"If you're in trouble, iron man will come save the day." 

A choked sob lunged out of his throat as salty tears slipped past his lips at the words pounding inside his mind.

Images flashed into his mind, images of his kid lying on the bed and crying, wearing this shirt and hoping that iron man would save him but he never came, and Peter eventually gave up hoping, because in the end, he chose death not hope.

Tony brought the shirt closer to him and held it against his chest tightly as he slowly laid down on Peter's bed and sobbed his lungs out.

He brought his knees closer to his chest and laid in a fetal position, nestling the shirt under his chin tightly and imagining it was Peter instead as he squeezed his eyes and let himself break down completely.

Hiccuped sobs and heart breaking cried echoed inside the empty apartment as Tony let the tears fall in an endless stream out of his eyes.

He missed his kid. He missed his smile, he missed his vibe. He missed his life-fullness, he missed his childish and innocent voice.

He took his phone out of his pocket with his trembling fingers, his chest still seizing under the control of the wild sobs, and dialed Peter.

Bringing the phone to his ear and resting it there, he waited, until Peter's cheerful and bubbly voice pierced through the device

"Hey it's Peter, leave a message." 

A small warmth spread inside his chest as he heard that youthful voice and his fingers acted involuntarily every time the voicemail message ended.

"I miss you so much Pete." Tony sobbed out brokenly as he found himself getting lost in a whirlpool of memories of Peter again, where he was smiling, where he was happy, where he was playing with Morgan, or where he was sassying Tony.

Tony didn't knew how much time had passed as he laid there sobbing and crying, listening to Peter's voice again and again on the phone. And it wasn't until his sobs faded into soft whimpers, he heard it.

A phone ringing. 

Not a phone. Peter's phone. 

And it wasn't coming from anywhere inside Peter's room . Which was strange.

Tony got up from the bed, letting the shirt slip from his hands and land on the bed softly as he wiped away his tears and followed the sound of the faint ringing of Peter's phone, and where it led him, it didn't find him in ecstasy at all.

He found himself standing in what was most probably now David's room. The ringing stopped and Tony quickly dialed Peter again on his phone, listening keenly and followed the sound towards the cupboard.

As he opened up the cupboard, the ringing voice got much more louder. He wrecked through the clothes in the cupboard and finally found the metallic device as the ringing voice now echoed clearly inside the whole apartment instead of coming out muffled and controlled.

What was Peter's phone doing in David's cupboard? And why wasn't it in Peter's own room. And most important of all that, if David had Peter's phone, why hadn't he turned it in to the avengers when they had asked for any evidence that might help them get to the truth.

He clearly remembered Natasha telling him that David told them he had no idea where Peter's phone was, that it was probably stolen or lost.

But why would he lie? 

Unless he was hiding something. That was in the phone.

Shit why didn't he ever think of coming here to the apartment on his own before!?

He brushed away the thoughts as he quickly unlocked the phone, and all of a sudden, hundreds of notifications popped in Peter's phone.

Nearly 50 missed calls from Ned and Mj and over 200+ texts from Ned, Mj and..Flash.

Wasn't Flash the bully? He couldn't help himself as he tapped on the chat notifications from Flash and stared as the chat screen appeared with nearly 94 messages from him, and the shocking part was, all of them were full of worry and concern, not anything like what bully would be saying.

He made a mental note to contact Flash later, he clearly knew something all along. He closed the chat screen with Flash and a series of unread texts appeared on the screen. But what shined out from within all those unread texts were the three chats, one of which was David and the other two were just unknown numbers, and there was a video, which was shared with all three of them. The video had no display picture, it just pitch black thumbnail.

As Tony's fingers hovered over the play button on the video, an unexplained feeling crept over him and anxiousness settled inside his chest, his breathing losing its rhythm. He felt a droplet of sweat roll down the side of his face as he pressed the play button.

_Something bad was about to happen, and he could feel it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz don't kill me for the cliffhanger again.🤭
> 
> Also, have you all noticed, I'm literally writing such long chapters, like if you read the first few chapters I put on here and the latest ones, that's quite some development isn't it?🤭 When I first started writing this story, I only had a whump idea in my mind, with no knowledge of how these kind of fics are written and honestly, I had ni intention of keeping this going for so long but then the way you all supported me with your comments🥺❤️ I thank you all so much for that🥺🥺❤️
> 
> And I wrote this chapter in little pieces everyday because I didn't get much time, and I guess it took me like 3 weeks? To write this whole chapter? Actually 2 I guess, I started writing a week later, and also, I was facing a massive writer's block this time, and I kinda have to read my own story again a few times to wake the emotions up🤭 and ofcourse the best thing that helped me were your comments as always 🤭❤️
> 
> Ps: Ik this chapter isn't so great because I struggled a lot with it but I promise to work harder for the next one 🥺
> 
> So I hope you guys like this chapter and also, you can leave a comment if you want to because they make me happy 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
> 
> Also: what do you all think is going to happen in the next chapter?😂🤭


	16. Don't let me be gone again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorrrryyyyy for theee delaaayyyyyyy but, here it is, the next chapter 🤭  
> Also, i know this is kind of very short according to what I put up and regarding that, please do read the end notes... please 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
> 
> Do heed the warnings mentioned in the tags, if any of it triggers you, please don't proceed.
> 
> Be safe and take care❤️

As Tony's fingers hovered over the play button on the video, an unexplained feeling crept over him and anxiousness settled inside his chest, his breathing losing its rhythm. He felt a droplet of sweat roll down the side of his face cooling it's way throughout the trail before dropping down on to the hard floor beneath him sounding like a bomb being dropped in the pin drop silence around him.

Something bad was about to happen, and he could feel it. He could feel it in the atmosphere around of him.

There was complete silence in the whole room. And the silence wasn't just limited to his room but everything outside it. He was pretty sure he could hear car horns or people shouting or laughing outside, but now, it was completely quiet around him. If it wasn't for his own heart throbbing wildly in his ears, he would have believed he had gone deaf.

He hadn't even turned on the light on his way to the room, so he was standing in the dark, in a mysterious and nerve-racking silence that raised more questions than answers. Little did he know, all his questions were about to be answered in the worst way possible.

He could see the video had been shared the same day Peter had committed suicide, the same day Tony had found his kid lying so dead and limp on his car, which only made the whole situation worse, awakening in Tony's mind the existence of all possibilities that could have driven his kid to let go of hope and jump from the terrace off of his building in hopes of finding peace in death.

Tony's fingers hovered a little more over the video, heart and mind deciding against the action as he finally let go and pressed the play button.

Sound of his own laboured breathing filled the room as he watched the screen widen into covering the whole screen instead of just being a small block.

Tony could feel his fingers start trembling slightly around the phone, and he shakily went and sat down on the bed as he watched the video start. 

It was just pitch black for a moment, and all he could hear for a while were muffled laughs and voices, and he let go of a nervous sigh as his anxiety increased past limits and his mind bundled with confusion yet an unexplained feeling of dread settling deep down his gut.

Even in the process of still being in denial, a part of his heart knew it was coming, he didn't exactly knew what it meant, but something horrifying was about to happen, something that would contribute in shaping his nightmares in the future.

He waited, and then watched, as the next moment, the black screen disappeared being replaced by bright lights and images in the darkness around him.

Tony's eyes squinted involuntarily for a second before they opened again and even though he knew he had it coming, he still felt his heart skip a beat at the sight.

It was Peter. 

Peter Parker from Queens.

Spider-Man from New York.

But more than any of that, it was his kid in the video, his Peter.

He was laying on his stomach on the cold floor of his apartment, the same apartment that Tony was currently in. His hands were lying limply at his sides and Tony could tell that he was passed out by the lack of any movement.

Tony watched, frozen in shock as the video played, and two pair of feet appeared inside the frame of the video, circling around Peter's unconscious body on the floor like he was their prey. What followed soon after, were the loud and crystal clear sounds of laughter filling Tony's ears, coming from the video, no- from the men in that video.

He could count three of them, three men in total. Two of them were standing near Peter's body on the floor, with only their feet in view while the third one was completely off view, probably the one filming the video.

Tony's mind was still lost in confusion, thousands of questions lingering in his mind.

_What the hell was happening?_

He watched nervously as one of the man knelt down to Peter's level, revealing an unfamiliar and unknown face with dark nest of unkempt hair falling down on his forehead and deep brown eyes which held so much darkness and coldness in them, that that Tony knew in that moment, that it was them. Those men were probably the ones, who were at fault, who had hurt his kid.

And the smirk, the evil grin that was plastered on that man's face was enough to send chills throughout Tony's whole body. It radiated nothing but bad and impure intentions, and that was the moment, where Tony realized, that he didn't feel as nervous anymore, as he felt scared. Scared for whatever was about to happen to his kid.

He watched as the man gradually buried his fingers in Peter's curls, offering a dark and twisted look towards the person filming the video, making Tony feel like he was literally staring down into his weakened soul. The man's smile widened more as he tightened his grip on Peter's curls and then, in a quick unexpected instant, he yanked Peter's head up towards him, and Tony flinched at the sudden and brutal violence, his heart wanting nothing more than to just engulf Peter in his arms and protect him from all the darkness in the world.

Tony knew, that this wasn't even 1% of the torture that Peter had probably gone through in the past few months all alone and yet, he already felt like giving up, like he was falling apart and losing himself.

He felt his fingers tremble more, making the device shake slightly, and watched as the man chuckled darkly, inspecting Peter's limp face, turning it side to side by the forceful grip he had on Peter's curls. 

Tony's eyebrows scrunched together in the phantom wave of pain surging throughout his body. Fire flowed through his veins as he felt anger rise in him, wanting to do nothing more than breaking the hand that was manhandling and hurting his kid so brutally.

The kid who deserved nothing more than softness and all the love possible in the entire world. The kid who's eyes were enough to melt away any heart in sight. How could someone ever hurt someone like Peter? 

The man chuckled again as he muttered out a soft "Jesus" and then turned Peter's face towards the camera with a harsh yank.

Tony's eyes widened in shock and his whole body froze on the bed. His fingers stopped trembling in an instant as he stared at his kid's face in the video.

Peter's face was a jumble of bright and fresh bruises, blue and purple adorning his pale face, standing in a strong contrast with the sheer white color of his skin, like someone had specifically beaten him with something more than just fists. There was bright red blood flowing out from where his skin had split open from whatever torture most probably those men had inflicted on him, from the cut at the side of his forehead, from his nose and his split lip, flowing down his chin, and staining his shirt.

Tony's vision blurred as he felt tears force their way out of his heavy and exhausted eyes and for a while, he sat there and let the tears break through. He let his eyes lose vision of the horrific sight in front of him as he bit his lip firmly, hard enough to taste metal on his tongue.

He had let this happen to his kid. He had let his kid get hurt so badly and he wasn't even there for him. It was all his fault. 

He sat there frozen, weeping silently until he heard the devilish voice of the man again, and he quickly rubbed his eyes and wiped away the tears hindering his vision to see clearly again.

"Jesus, you really did a number on him."

The man said callously, followed by the loud and clear laughter of the other two come from the video, as if the man had cracked a really funny joke. He was still kneeling next to Peter, his hand still buried in his kids curls, forcing his head up in a ruthless manner.

Tony's hand, which wasn't clutching the phone, curled tightly into a fist in fury, his nails cutting open his skin and drawing out dark crimson but he didn't care about that, he couldn't, all he could care was for the intense rage that was building inside of him as he helplessly watched the video of the sick men hurting his kid and laughing about it, treating him like a worthless object.

He felt another surge of anger rise inside of him as the other man standing besides Peter's body nudged Peter's forehead with his boot like he was just some dirt bag or trash.

"Are you sure he's not going to wake up?" The man said, retreating his boot back as the group spared a laugh together again.

_What kind of heartless men were these people!?_

Tony didn't think he could feel any more angry than he was feeling at that moment. But then, he was proven wrong instantly.

The voice that cut through the laughter had every single one of two hundred and six bones in Tony's body quake ruthlessly against his skin as he felt burning fire escape through his nostrils.

"Yeah I drugged him with a pretty strong one."

His teeth clenched tightly in fury as he heard the same venomous voice that had threatened to take his kid away from him a while ago in the hospital. That was David! That bastard!

It was him, all along, pretending and lying, it had been David all along. Dammit! How could Tony have been so fucking blind to the truth!? His kid's abuser had been right there in front of him all this while and yet he didn't do anything than just being weak and pathetic, and more than that, he let that man roam around his kid even after all that happened. Goddammit! How could he have been so damn stupid!!

"Jeez you could have just drugged him, why did you have to ruin that pretty face of his." The man holding Peter spoke up again and Tony felt bile rise up his throat. He knew exactly what Peter had went through and he could only fear for the worst as he watched the video, partially frozen in shock and partially trembling with rage.

"That brat deserved it." David spat out with as much venom in his voice as he had during the argument with Tony in the hospital.

"Well I'd say anything's worth that body." The man said again and then those sick bastards were laughing again and Tony's blood boiled under his skin.

"He's still pretty cute though."

The man whose face was not in the video said, as the other one let go of Peter's face suddenly, which landed on the cold floor with a loud, deafening and definitely painful thud if Peter would have been conscious enough to feel it. The man moved his hand, resting it on Peter's back with a twisted look on his face, before slowly slipping down, feeling all the way through and stopping only at the curve of-

_What the fuck!?_

Tony practically screamed out, his voice resonating loudly in the quiet and empty room. He was boiling with so much wrath now, that he could burn off anyone who dared to touch him. And his whole body was shaking, not with fear but with all the anger that was now contained inside his frame. It felt like there was a storm stuck inside of him, trying to get out and destroy the cruel people violating his kid in the worst way possible.

_How dare they touch his kid like that!? How dare they even lay their dirty gazes upon him!?_

"Hey, hey!" David screamed out all of a sudden. "Not on my floor you asshole." 

Tony watched, basically shaking with anger as David's face came into view. The same disgusting face that had shed fake tears at the news of Peter's suicide and abuse, the same face that claimed to have cared about Peter.

He bent down, turning Peter on his back harshly like he was just a useless object and not an actual respectable person. He hooked his arms underneath Peter's back and knees and picked him up harshly and Tony hissed at the uncomfortable and painful angle Peter's neck was hanging in, lolling with no support under the pressure of gravity in the air.

But that wasn't what made Tony's stomach drop. His eyes caught sight of the dark and heavy marks covering the entirety of Peter's neck and jaw, some looking recent while others faded away looking weeks old. The marks which had been hidden away all the while under the thick collar around Peter's throat in the hospital, were all on display now, driving home the bitter fact truth about the torture Peter had went through.

Peter's shirt had rolled up his backside as David had picked him up and Tony caught the glimpse of the dark, hand shaped bruises disappearing beneath the waistband of Peter's jeans driving clarity of all the impure crimes his kid had gone through. 

_"F_ _uck."_ Tony felt his voice crack as he spoke.

The screen faded to black again, the voices getting muffled and difficult to understand again and Tony sat as he stared at his own reflection on the phone. If he hadn't just seen what he had, he would have been scared, no terrified of himself, because when he looked at his reflection, he didn't see a father crying for his son, but an animal who was just about ready to murder anyone that dared to cross his path right now.

His fingers twitched violently around the device and his hands just, yearned to have David's throat in between them, so he could squeeze until he felt the bone and muscle snap and shatter between his hold, until he could see the life drain out of David in front of his own eyes.

But no. Oh No. There was no way he was going to make it quick. Once he gets his hands on that bastard, David would be begging to Tony to kill him, and Tony would still not kill him. He would make him suffer, just like David had made his kid suffer, if possible, Tony will make it worse, oh so much worse and agonizing.

His thoughts were cut short as the screen lit up again, his reflection disappearing and he watched as David carried Peter to the room and threw him on the bed carelessly as he disappeared from the frame.

It wasn't even a second after that, the same man came into view, facing the camera and sharing fun and joyful laughs with the one holding the phone, before he climbed on top of Peter's limp body, straddling him and taking Peter's shirt off of him.

No no no no no no no no no. All the blood drained from Tony's face. He wanted to stop watching, but his body was frozen again. No no no no please not to his kid, No.

"Make sure to not get any of our faces in here." David's voice came again and Tony watched as he appeared in the video again with rope and a dirty cloth in his hands. He went over to the bed holding a hand against the man's chest.

"Help me with this first." He handed the man the cloth who nodded in return as David turned Peter around, tying his bruised wrists together tightly while the man impatiently tied the dirty rag around his kid's mouth, securing it tightly behind his forehead.

Tony's mind wandered off to the time when Peter had a breakdown and shouted at him in the hospital.

_"Please untie me I can't- he tied me too when he-"_

Only now, Tony could see it, he could see what Peter had been talking about and he felt his heart sink at the thought that even after that breakdown, Peter was still forced to be tied to the bed, to undergo the same treatment his abusers had forced him to undergo and Tony hadn't done anything about it, because he was just so busy being so weak and pathetic.

And Tony's heart shattered as he watched the scene unfold in front of him helplessly. He wished he could stop it but there was nothing he could do, because it had already happened and he wasn't there.

After the men had tied Peter, David disappeared from the frame and the man climbed back on top of Peter again, his hands grabbing and tugging impatiently at the waistband of Peter's jeans and-

Tony threw away the phone from his hands as if it had burned him. He pushed it further away on the bed from him with his legs crouched backward to another corner of the bed, hugging his knees tightly as he squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his hands on his ears brutally in an attempt to tune out the horrible sounds coming from the phone.

He couldn't watch anymore, he just couldn't. He knew what was about to happen, what those heartless men were about to do to his kid. 

He could hear it. The ruffling of clothes, the sound of a buckle getting undone, the sound of loud and taunting laughter and the horrifying and disgusting moans and grunts following soon after it.

Angry and helpless tears streamed out of Tony's eyes and ran down his flushed cheeks as he griped his ears firmly, his nails digging in painfully in the flesh yet he only tightened his grip, trying his best to tune out the disgusting sounds and degrading words being thrown at his kid.

"I can't believe you had him all to yourself for months man." He heard the man say over the sickening sounds running in the background.

Tony already knew that his kid had been raped, but watching it in front of his eyes, hearing it happening while not being able to do anything about it was just, unbearable. He felt himself fall apart, this was too much for him. From between watching his kid commit suicide twice in front of him, hearing about everything that had happened to him and watching helplessly as Peter lost a part of himself with each advancing day, this was the worst of all, and quite seemingly his breaking point.

He felt stinging hot acid rush up his throat and the next instant, he was stumbling off of the bed with his hand clamping tightly on his mouth as he stumbled towards the attached bathroom of the room. He crashed down painfully on his knees and managed to raise the lid just in time as bile spilled out of his mouth, emptying whatever little food he had eaten the past few days. 

He gripped the pot tightly underneath his shaking fingers as sobs shook his entire body wildly and tears ran past his open mouth. He sat there for a while as he heaved and panted in agony, before he let himself up on his weak legs making his way back to the room again.

He stumbled back onto the bed again, and stared hesitantly at the phone lying on the bed in front of him.

"Oh he's awake?" The muffled sound of the man broke through the device and Tony couldn't help as he scrambled over to the phone, turning it over to see and he really, really, shouldn't have. 

Because as he expected, Peter was awake, and he looked absolutely devastated and broken. He couldn't bring himself to focus on the movement happening behind Peter, all he could focus on was the look, the horrified and devastating look Peter had on his face. He was crying and sobbing and trying to scream and ask for help from behind the gag and the sick men just laughed in response.

Tony could see, he witnessed it in front of his eyes as he watched something just, break inside of Peter's agony filled eyes, as he watched every ounce of innocence being ripped away from his kid mercilessly and ruthlessly.

Peter was struggling against the tight rope around his wrists and Tony could see a flash of bright red running down his hands as David knelt down next to Peter and ran his fingers through his curls, shushing him and whispering God knows what horrible things to his kid.

Tony couldn't watch again, as he closed the video and slammed the phone down onto the bed. 

Angry tears ran down his face. He furiously staggered off of the bed on his wobbling legs, gripping his hairs in tight fists as he let out a loud and feral growl.

He ripped away the sheets from the bed, throwing it away carelessly on the floor.

How could he have let that happen to his kid!? Something so horrible, so terrifying, so inhumane!?

He gripped the pillows, tearing them into two pieces and threw them on the floor too. 

"You were iron man!" He screamed at himself as he ripped away the curtain from the hook on the ceiling.

"You were supposed to be freaking iron man, you were supposed to save him!" His voice cracked as he thrashed around the room, destroying anything he could lay his hands on. He wrecked the cupboard, he punched the wall, he kicked the table, be broke the tv, he shattered the glass and he finally sank down onto his knees and let his head fall down in defeat as sobs wrecked through him.

"I'm so sorry Peter." He whispered brokenly.

"I let this happen, I failed you kid, I failed you."

He sat there, as he broke down and sobbed his heart out.

"You haven't failed him yet." A strange voice rang inside Tony's mind. If he wasn't breaking down, he would have been concerned, or even scared, but right now, he just felt..dead. He didn't knew if it was his conscience trying its best to save him from falling down a deep, endless void of darkness, but he really couldn't care.

"I have and you know it too." He said quietly, disappointed in himself.

"Our kid is still in that hospital, David is still roaming freely as if he did nothing. You haven't failed him yet Tony. But if you don't do anything now, then you will fail him for sure."

A quiet sob escaped Tony's lips, as he remembered the words David had whispered to him in the hospital.

_"You hope he chooses you Tony, because you know, he won't."_

His eyes shot open instantly. Why would Peter ever choose David? Unless.. David was planning something and he was- he was still free! And the last tome Tony saw him he was in the.... hospital.

 _Shit_.

He felt panic overcome him, as he got up and quickly stumbled out of the apartment, not caring to lock the door behind him as he ran down the stairs to his car and drove straight towards the hospital.

He hadn't drove this carelessly and rashly since the day he had heard Peter talking about committing suicide on the tab. But then again, that day had been just as terrifying as the current day and Tony just prayed, to any God up there, that he hadn't been too late. He prayed to the universe to give him a last chance at saving his kid, to not take away from him the sunshine and light of his life, the person that taught him the true meaning of being a hero and more than that, of being a good person. Who made him a better version of himself, and who made him believe he deserved happiness too.

Tony pushed the breaks as the car came to a screeching and sudden halt and quickly ran out and towards the entrance of the hospital. He rushed inside, pushing past people and nurses in his frenzy and ignoring the angry protests coming from the people behind him.

He had to get to Peter. 

He was about to reach Peter's room and hos newfound relief was cut short as Pepper's shocked and worried face came into view, stopping him from going any further.

"Tony! what's wrong? Why are you all freaked out and- and where the hell were you!?" Her pitch raised near the end of the sentence as Tony tried to get past her, his body becoming restless with every passing second.

"Listen pep i-" He started but was cut off as Pepper continued again, her voice growing angrier and more louder by every second.

"You told me you were going to get some air and then you- you just disappeared!?" She spoke out, throwing her hands in the air with a disappointed look on her face.

"You can't do that Tony! Do you know how worried we all were, that y-you might do something a-and every- everybody is out there looking for you, I-" Tears sprang in her eyes and Tony stopped in his frenzied movements, as he felt guilt tear it's way through his already shattered heart at the plight of his wife.

He felt bad for her. Even if she wasn't as attatched to Peter as Tony was, it didn't mean she wasn't suffering to. And hers was much difficult on her part, because she had to look out not just for Peter, but Tony too, who had been nothing but a useless wreck the past days.

He stepped forward towards his wife and forced himself to calm down, taking Pepper's face gently in his hands as he tried to speak without breaking down.

"Pep- look, I'm okay but I-I'll explain later okay? Right now, I need to get to Peter." He said and went to walk past her but she stopped him again, keeping a tight grip on his forearm.

"Tony he's fine, he's not alone if that's what you're worried about, David's with him. Now tell m-"

Tony stopped dead in his tracks, his mind trying to process the words just said to him.

"What the fuck did you just say !? David is with him!?" 

_Please say no. Please say no_. His mind screamed at him.

"Ye-yeah." 

Tony's blood ran cold as his stomach dropped.

"Shit!" He screamed out as he ran past Pepper, nearly falling down in the process, giving not a single damn to the worried shouts of his wife from behind.

He should have never left Peter alone again. He should have never- Dammit why is he always making all these stupid mistakes!? If anything happened to Peter this time, he would never be able to forgive himself.

He just prayed, he prayed relentlessly, that this time, he wasn't too late to save his kid.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soorrryyyyy for the cliffhanger sorrryyyyyyy!!! (Actually not sorry haha🤭)
> 
> So this chapter wasn't originally short, I had planned to include a lot of things in this, but the chapter got way too long for someone to read it with the same interest till the end, you'd most probably get tired and lose interest and I don't want that coz I worked rlly hard on it 🥺👉🏻👈🏻  
> So that's why, I cut it short🤭  
> I have most of the next chapter written out too, so I'll have it out in a day or two's time, I won't keep you waiting for long for it I promise (guess I'm not too cruel🤭)
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter 🥺 It wasn't easy to write it considering how my online exams are coming up soon, and I'm mostly busy with lots of work from the classes, but ofcourse, I would never abandon this story.🤭
> 
> Alsoo, I didn't really like this chapter too much, but I couldn't really get much more time so I'm posting it anyway, and I really hope I don't disappoint you all. 🥺☹️
> 
> If you want, you can leave a comment, because they make me very happy 🥺❤️ 
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you for bearing with me for so long and for being so damn patient with me. I love you all and miss you all so much🥺❤️❤️


	17. I'll save you again and again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!  
> ACTION! ACTION! ACTION!  
> WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP!  
> COMFORT! COMFORT! COMFORT!
> 
> There's everythingggg in this chapterrrrr!!! But I'm already giving you a warning for this chapter, I think this might be the angstiest of all according to me, I don't know about y'all.
> 
> Also, I'm so sorry for the grammatical errors, there might be a lot of them😭
> 
> Warning: This chapter might warm and break your heart at the same time. Proceed at your own risk. :)
> 
> Stay safe and take care ❤️

When Peter came to after being drugged to sleep again, it was because of the nightmares. They were getting worse by every time he had been forced to go under, and now, they had crossed the partition between dreams and reality, because they felt too real this time. 

He could feel them as if they were real, the burning touches ghosting over his face and neck, over the sensitive skin of his hands, near to his lower abdomen. 

The same, dirty touches by the same monster, even in sleep, he could feel the callousness of those touches and just know that they were the same hands that had abused him, that were always dragging him out of the unconscious state.

But as Peter peeled his eyes open and took in his surroundings, he instantly regretted it. Because he realized, it was never the nightmares that woke him, but the cruel and inevitable reality, waiting in front of him.

"Hey Pete." The same voice, that had taken shape of his nightmares, the same, cold, chilling voice greeted him as he woke up and the terror that Peter felt at that moment, was incomparable to none before.

His body froze and dread overcame his body as he stared into those eyes, the same dark eyes that took everything away from him, that ripped his soul to pieces shamelessly and still wanted to do worse. Instant tears sprang in Peter's eyes as he felt his bottom lip wobble slightly.

He didn't expect David to be there, it had to be Tony, like always, not David. Why did this have to happen again? All that he had ever asked for was peace.

They took everything away from him, he lost everything. David took away all that he cared for from him, he didn't have any more pieces of himself to offer now, then why did this have to happen to him again and again and again. The universe wasn't letting him live, it wasn't letting him die, what did it wasn't from him? 

A tear rolled down his eyes to meet the bedsheet below as he felt his heart burst in pain, sending waves of agony up his throat and Peter couldn't help himself as he felt his breath quickening.

He couldn't breathe, it felt like he couldn't get air into his lungs. He could hear the beeping from the heart machine besides him getting louder and more frantic as he gasped for air and tears pooled down his eyes. Never did he ever thought that at a time like this, could he hope for salvation, but as he hard the piercing sounds from the heart monitor, he thought that maybe, someone would hear it and come in and atleast he wouldn't have to stay alone with his rapist, or maybe a nurse could come in and sedate him. Peter hated it when they forced him to sleep, because he was always plagued by the worst of nightmares when he slept, but when the worst of the nightmare was sitting in front of him, he preferred the non-existent one.

But breaking through all his hopes and shattering all this thoughts, David cleverly did something Peter never expected. He ripped away the wires connecting the heart monitor from his chest, and a loud mewl escaped Peter's lips as the room descended into complete silence.

Peter still looked towards the door, he still hoped, which he should have known by now would get him nowhere, but he still let his hope take birth, before it was taken away from an murdered ruthlessly as David sat in front of him, in the same chair Tony had been, and Peter watched and finally let himself break, as no one did.

_Where are you when I need you Mr. Stark?_

It was just like all those times in the apartment, when he was alone with David, when his heart craved for love and warmth, for someone to hold him and tell him that he was going to be okay, but got none. And he kept hoping and longing for any touch that made him feel more than just a sex toy, until he just went numb and emotionless and lifeless. He didn't think he would ever feel like that again, like he would ever hope and yearn for comfort because it never came for him, but there he was, tied to the bed, with the same monster who defiled him and Peter felt the little amount of himself that he managed to redeem in the few days just slip away from him.

What hurt more, was that the love never came when he needed it, like right now, when his heart was shattering again, and when his soul was falling apart again.

He was alone again, all alone with David.

 _"Just you and me, Pete, it's gonna be so fun."_ He remembered David's words from earlier and felt a chill run up his injured spine.

Peter watched helplessly, with silent tears running down his face as an evil grin appeared on David's face and he quickly squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip to keep in the sobs threatening to spill out of him. 

He wished he would die at this moment, or dissociate, or just dissolve into the bed or turn to ashes like he did in Titan, anything but this. He felt a hand appear in his hair and he shuddered under the touch.

"Open your eyes Pete." David bent down and whispered softly into Peter's ears, as he treaded his fingers through Peter's curls.

But Peter kept his eyes sealed shut, and shook his head as he curled his fingers around the while sheet beneath him.

"I said..." David dragged out as he spoke, and then all of a sudden, he screamed out, loud enough to make Peter flinch but not loud enough for someone to barge into his room. 

"Open your eyes!" 

Peter's eyes shot open in an instant out of utter fear and he stared deep into those evil eyes, his body shaking with the shock of the events happening. David moved and grabbed Peter's cheeks in a painful and bruising grip.

"If you ever disobey me again Peter, you'll regret it." He spat out furiously as he tightened his hold on Peter's cheeks and he let out a pained whimper, nodding his head slightly as soft sobs leaked out of his mouth out of control.

"Good boy." David said, satisfied and let go of Peter's face, his dark gaze never leaving him, as he settled back in the chair again and Peter couldn't help but follow every single movement of the man's hands, afraid of the getting hit and beaten, or something worse.

"Are you still my good boy Pete? Like you were?" David spoke out in a playful tone.

Shame and humiliation flushed Peter as he let the words slip out of his mouth the very next moment.

"Y-yes sir."

He didn't knew if it was out of fear that he lost control of his words or if it was something he had been beaten to believe in, but it was what it was now.

For a moment, he sat there like that in silence, as Peter watched horrified, never taking his scared and wide eyes off of the man, who was scanning his body with his wild gaze as if he was a piece of chicken.

Peter wanted to scream, to call for help, for anything to get him away from that man, but he couldn't. He was paralyzed in horror, the bonds around his wrists making it worse for him to move. His cheeks sting from the previous torture and he was sure there were gonna be bruises there. But that was the least of his worries.

Peter couldn't forget even if he wanted to, about the video, and if he tried anything at all, David would release that video and then everyone would see, see how dirty and worthless he was. Tony would see, Pepper would see, all the Avengers would see, and then they would hate him, they would hate him so much, and Peter wasn't ready for another rejection, he just couldn't take it anymore of it.

David's harsh voice cut through the tension, and Peter quickly abandoned his train of thoughts to pay attention.

"Alright, I need to talk to you about something now." 

He adjusted the chair to shift closer towards Peter's bed as he spoke again.

"Soon, all of those so called Avengers out there are going to give you an option, they're going to ask you to choose who you want to stay with after you get released.. After May died, that bas-"

A rather loud, choked up sob spilled out from Peter's mouth at the mention of May's death, and David quickly slammed his hand on Peter's mouth, muffling the sob halfway through.

"Are you fucking stupid!?"He whispered angrily to Peter.

"Stay quiet."

Peter nodded again as he flushed with embarrassment.

"Sorry s-sorry I'm sorry."

"Good. Now, listen to me carefully." David said, as he retreated back to sit in the chair.

"After May's death, The Avengers, especially that bastard Stark-"

Peter frowned at the heavy amount of venom that had projected from David's voice at the mention of Tony. It seemed like David genuinely hated Tony so much.

-wants to adopt you."

A tiny spark of hope flickered inside Peter's chest, but it was killed soon after as David continued speaking with his raspy voice.

"They're gonna give you a choice...and I'm guessing you know who you have to choose, right?"

Peter kept staring at David, keeping his mouth shut and refusing to give him the answer he wanted. He didn't want to choose David, he didn't want to go back to that hell, he didn't wanted to ever be touched by that man again.

He felt tears burning through his eyes and watched as David got restless, bending near to Peter's face with a dark and serious look on his face.

"You remember the video, right Pete?" He spoke with so much calmness in his voice, like he knew he was going to win no natter what, and Peter felt like he was loosing his mind.

He shook his head wildly as tears streamed down his face.

"N-no, Plea-please d-don't." 

"Then choose me." David replied wickedly with a small, sadistic smile on his face and Peter just nodded as he laid there, helpless and crying with no other choice than to let himself be taken by his abuser again.

Peter let his eyes slip shut as his head throbbed with pain and hot salty water ran down his cool and pale skin.

He was always going to be trapped with David, just a little toy to keep his bed warm. Just like the worthless object he was.

He didn't want to open his eyes ever again, he just wanted to be gone, but then he heard some ruffling around him, and on instinct, his eyes opened. To his horror, he found David standing above him, the chair that he was previously sitting in abandoned long ago, looking, no- staring at him, with a hungry look in his eyes.

Peter swallowed past the lump in his throat as he tugged slightly against the bonds around his wrists, struggling and trying to free himself in a subtle manner that David couldn't notice.

His heart was in his mouth as he stared, frightened and scared at David, whose intentions didn't look any good.

And then, the very next moment, David's hands gripped the blanket covering Peter's shaking frame, and ripped them off of Peter's body, completely exposing him to the evil gaze of the monster above him.

Peter's gulped as fear replaced every atom in his body and his chest heaved with heavy breaths as tears stung his eyes.

He watched, terrified, as David scanned Peter with his filthy and lust filled gaze and Peter already felt so naked as he felt cool air brush against his sensitive skin. The worst part was, that he was just in a stupid, too big for his body, hospital gown, that ended just a little below his knees, and his hands and legs were tied to the bed, making him the perfect prey for predators like David to feast upon.

A faint snivel emerged from the depths of Peter's heart and he clenched his eyes as he felt David roam his hands over his body, letting his hand touch and linger over his thighs, with only a paper thin gown between the uncaring touch and his sensitive skin.

He felt David's foul and hot breath against his face as he bent down over his body and then the next thing he knew, David had slammed his lips on Peter's own and Peter's eyes jerked open as the hand, that was previously resting on his thigh, had started creeping in upward, slowly sliding deeper and deeper under the paper gown.

Peter cried silently and stared at the ceiling above him, as agony tore his heart away into pieces again.

He laid limply on the bed in defeat, knowing he was powerless to stop the assault like before, taking whatever was being done to him without any protesting.

There was no use of even trying. David was gonna take what he wanted from him. And soon, when Peter's gonna be released from the hospital, David was gonna take him back again, and use him like he had before, maybe let his friends do it too, like that dreadful night.

Peter felt his heartbeat rising again, as David broke the kiss roughly, letting out a disgusting moan that nearly had him choking on his own vomit.

"I can't wait to feel you again, Peter." David panted out, his rough hands pulling at the hem of Peter's gown past his shoulder, exposing his skin to the cold and harsh air, and then descending down to bury his face at the crook of Peter's neck, sucking and nibbing at the sensitive skin.

Bile rose up Peter's throat and Peter felt as if entire windpipe had been blocked with stones as he felt the wetness and warmth on his neck.

He tried to open his mouth as wide as he could to gulp down air, but he couldn't. He couldn't breathe, no matter how much he tried, and his heartbeat had risen so dangerously high, high enough for it to become a matter of worry and Peter thought that maybe this time, he would be lucky enough to die, so that he wouldn't have to go through all the torture again.

He felt himself slip away as dark spots invaded his vision, and just when he thought he was finally gonna pass out, the door to his room burst open, followed by a loud, animalistic growl, echoeing loudly and piercingly within the four walls for someone with heightened senses. 

The next thing he knew, the dirty touches, the horrible wetness disappeared from his skin and then there was so much chaos in the room. So much noise that he couldn't handle. He wanted to cover his ears, he tried to bring his hands upto his ears but he couldn't break free of the restraints holding him down no matter how much he tried.

He screamed and cried and thrashed, as hands appeared again on his skin, not the same as those dirty touches before but who was he the one to distinguish between them anymore. There was just too many of them, and he tried to focus om the faces appearing over him from within the black dots but couldn't as tears hindered his vision more. 

Torturous wails spilled out of him as he thrashed and sobbed, ignoring anything else around him. Be didn't knew what was happening around him anymore, and he couldn't care about the voices telling him to calm down.

He just wanted to get away from there, he just wanted to be away from the noise and the pain and the touches, he just wanted to get out.

* * *

When Tony barged inside his kid's hospital room, he thought he had prepared himself to see the worst, but as he opened the door and laid his eyes upon what was happening, it made something snap inside of him, breaking the connection to anything that made him human.

David was bent over Peter, and he had his face buried deep down the side of Peter's neck. One of his hand was pressing down heavily and regardlessly over one of Peter's tied hand while the other one disappeared into the forest of wild curls, and Tony had clear indication of what he was doing to his kid, yet again...when he was supposed to be safe, when Tony was supposed to protect his kid, David was still there, assaulting his kid in front of him with not even an ounce of shame at how much damage he had caused to a 16 year old kid. Specially a kid like Peter.

Peter had tears running down his pale face as he cried silently, completely pliant underneath the man just like the choice he was left with having his hands and legs bound to the bed. He was staring at the ceiling above with his tear filled eyes, his body was shaking voilently under the unforgiving and relentless hold the man had on him and he his mouth was gaped open as his chest heaved to take in air he couldn't seemed to get.

He couldn't breathe. His kid couldn't breathe, and the bastard didn't give a single shit, instead assaulting him as he had an attack.

Tony's mind went completely blank, abandoning any chance at reasoning and dark red overcame his vision. He couldn't feel anything else as fire spurted out from every atom of his body and he let out a loud, animalistic growl as he ran forward towards the monster assaulting his kid.

"You fucking piece of shit!-"

He grabbed David by the back of his shirt, his nails digging in through the cloth and through to the skin, pulling him off of Peter and throwing him to the floor violently.

Before David could even react or throw his hands up in defense or even get his mind running on what was happening, Tony let his hand curl into a tight fist in the open air. Cutting off any chance for David to even speak a word, Tony bent down, he grabbed David by the collar and started punching him mercilessly, each hit coming in harder and more brutal than the last one.

He went completely feral. He couldn't think, he couldn't care, his mind only screamed bloody murder at him, to murder David.

He barely registered Pepper's high pitched screams and his own wild growls, he barely registered people rushing into the hospital room, running towards a sobbing and screaming Peter, and he could care less about the pained screams and shouts coming from the body being beaten ruthlessly beneath him, moreover proving to be melodious music to his ears . He could feel the skin splitting open under the intense pressure of his fists, he could hear and feel the sickening crunch of bones breaking and the crimson liquid staining his knuckles, all of it bringing relief and satisfaction to his murderous fit.

"St-st..p p..p'ease." David barely managed to speak out as Tony showered him with brutal hits.

"Stop!? You want me to STOP!!??" Tony practically roared out in fury, as he picked a beaten David up by his collar and slammed him fiercely against the wall.

"Did you ever stop when Peter told you to stop!! Huh!?? Did you care when he bled or cried!??" Tony swore he heard Pepper gasp and sob behind him, but he didn't care anymore. He kicked David's knees, and David let out a loud and painful yell as he stumbled and crashed down onto the floor, and the next moment, Tony bent down over him, and started kicking and punching him again. 

David's nose was probably broken, along with his left cheekbone, and his face was covered in blood and was covered with horrible bruises and swellings. He looked a brink away from passing out, but Tony didn't care as he kept landing hits on his beaten and bruised face.

It wasn't a while before Steve, Clint and Natasha barged in to the room, freezing in shock for a moment before spurting into action. Natasha went over to hold the crying Pepper, Clint went over to try and stop Tony as Steve ran towards where Peter was screaming and crying on the bed. He tried to comfort him, to calm him down but it was like Peter couldn't even hear him. There were so many hands trying to hold down the kid even when he was already tied down and Peter seemed to be lost and stuck in some kind of nightmare, except, he wasn't sleeping. He knew he wasn't gonna be able to help Peter no matter how much he tried, but he knew one person who could.

Steve quickly ran towards where Clint was trying and clearly failing to hold back a wild and animalistic Tony who was kicking and punching an almost unconscious and bloodied David.

"Tony!" Steve yelled as he wrapped his arms around Tony's abdomen, trying to pull him back and off of David.

"Tony Stop!"

"No!" Tony screamed out in anger as he turned around to face Steve.

Steve felt his breath choke up against his throat and he stumbled back slightly as he took in Tony's face. His eyes were so impossibly and dangerously big and wide, and there was nothing humanely that he could find inside them.

Steve felt the hairs on his forearm stand as a chill travelled up his spine, making him shiver. It was the first time ever, that he felt so genuinely scared of his friend. Tony's bloodshot murderous eyes, his bloodied knuckles, his tightly clenched teeth, making him look like he was right about ready to tear anyone apart with his teeth alone, and Steve feared, that they might have finally lost their friend for good.

"He hurt him! He raped my kid Rogers! And you want me to stop!?" Tony lashed out and Steve shared a horrified look with Clint, before facing Tony again, trying his best to not break down and to keep his calm composure.

"We're just as angry as you are Tony, but Peter needs you right now. You're the only one who can help him right now." Steve said, pointing his finger towards where Peter was having a breakdown. To his surprise, Tony seemingly calmed down a little at the mention of Peter's name, his eyes regaining the softness and everything that made him human as he spared a glance towards the direction where Steve pointed, who let out a sigh of relief.

"Get him the fuck away from my kid." Tony snarled out as he pointed behind him to the limp body and got up to rush towards his kid as Steve and Clint carried David away and out of the room. He felt his heart break painfully inside his chest, as he heard the gut-wrenching wails of his kid and wiped his bloodied hands with his expensive suit, completely ignoring the wave of pain rushing through him.

He dashed over to his kid as fast as he could on his weak legs, squeezing his way through the crowd of nurses and cradled Peter's face in his hands softly, trying to snap him out of whatever nightmare he was stuck in as Peter kept thrashing and shaking his head to get out of his hold. He winced painfully, as he noticed the dark, finger shaped bruises on Peter's flushed cheeks and he made a strong promise to himself, that when he made sure his kid was okay, he was going to snap every one of David's fingers gradually and torturously until he would be mewling in agony. He would make him suffer so much, that touching not even being an option, he wouldn't dare to even lay his dirty gaze upon any other innocent kid ever again in his life, that too, only if Tony wouldn't kill him already.

"Hey Pete, kiddo, c'mon listen to me, it's Tony." 

He patted his kid's wet cheek tenderly, but to no avail, Peter still kept sobbing and thrashing around. He seemed to be stuck inside his own mind as he had his eyes squeezed shut with tears decorating his flushed and red face, screaming and struggling against all the hands that were touching him against his wish, just like David had been a few minutes ago and Tony couldn't help as a fit of fire raged inside of him. A strong and dire wave of protectiveness swarmed over his body and he started pushing the hands off of Peter's body.

"Get away." He ordered as he kept pushing away all the uneccessary touches holding down his kid.

"Sir we can't-" One of the nurses started to speak but Tony yelled out angrily as another wave of fury passed through him.

"I said get away! Stop touching him, you're overwhelming him, don't you fucking see!?"

Tony didn't really expected them to listen, just like the times before, but to his surprise, they did as he said, retreating to stop at a distance away from the bed. And for the first time, Tony felt worried for himself, he was losing his touch with humanity, but he had to hold on, for Peter's sake. He felt sorry for lashing out at the nurses for they were only trying to help but he didn't even get a chance at those thoughts as his hands worked on their own accord, and he quickly started untying the bonds holding Peter's hands and legs down to the bed.

He noticed the sluggishly bleeding, hot and bright rope burns circling Peter's wrists from all the struggling and a sharp pain sliced through his chest, regret and unfathomable guilt crushing his body at ever agreeing to tying his kid up in the first place. But he wasn't gonna live with his mistakes anymore, he was done being weak and pathetic, it was time for him to actually be there for his kid, to be the superhero Peter believed in since he was a kid. He was iron man, but right now, he had to be the strongest Tony Stark he had ever been.

One of the nurses tried to protest again as he untied Peter, but all it took was one look from him which had her shutting up and backing away in which could be quite possibly fear.

Tony tried to calm Peter down as his hands and legs went free of the bondage, and he started thrashing more wildly against Tony trying to hold him down gently. It was getting difficult to handle the kid with super strength, and it's not like Tony wanted to be rough with his kid, so he did the only thing which he thought could help him snap Peter out of his trance.

He didn't knew if he should have done that, he didn't knew if he would regret it later, but he did what his heart screamed at him to do.

He gathered Peter up in his arms, hooking his arms under his armpits and wrapping them behind his backside as he pulled him forward and held him against his own chest.

"Pete, it's Tony, you're okay, I promise you're okay, he's not gonna hurt you ever again." Tony's voice grew louder as he tried to to comfort Peter who he sobbed and fisted and fought strongly against his chest, in an attempt to get out of the hold. Tony could feel the hits already leaving dark bruises on his chest but he didn't let Peter go even at the waves of pain pulsing through his body. He was never going to let go again, no matter how much it hurt.

Peter's eyes were still squeezed shut tightly and he was still sobbing and thrashing around, pushing against Tony's chest. 

He ignored the small cry that escaped his lips at the pain and buried his face in the mess of Peter's soft curls, tears flowing out of his own bloodshot eyes as he rubbed soothing circles on Peter's back constantly.

"Shh, c'mon focus on my voice, you're okay," Tony said as his voice wavered under the intense emotions imploding inside of him.

"I'm here I'm here kid, and I'm never gonna let anything happen to you, please just-" He let out a dry sob as he continued

"-j-just focus on my voice." 

It was a while as they sat there, Tony partially sitting on the hospital bed with Peter fighting against Tony's hold harshly with all the strength that he could muster, and the whole room was dead quiet, except for Peter's sorrowful cries and Tony's soft murmurs.

Tony thought that maybe, hugging Peter wasn't the greatest of his ideas, he thought that maybe, he was wrong and maybe, he should let go, but then, the very next moment, when he felt the sobs getting softer against his chest, he looked down and felt his heart fall out of his mouth as more tears streamed out of his eyes.

Peter's eyes were open, slightly glazed but still open, the area around them was red, matching his flustered cheeks, and his body shook ever so slightly with now quieter sobs, coming out of his gaped open mouth. 

Tony's eyes accidentally caught sight of the bite mark on Peter's collarbone as he looked down at him and he felt fury shooting through his veins. He mentally rebuked himself for being late to rescue his kid, but again, he felt lucky enough to have reached when he had, because he didn't knew if he had the strength to even think about what would have happened to his kid of he arrived any later than he already had.

A loud gasp came from Peter, slicing through the deep silence, making Tony snap his attention back towards Peter again.

"I-" He heaved against Tony's chest as he struggled to get the words out.

"-I'm g'nna-"

A choked gargle broke out of him and taking in Peter's pale and nauseous face, Tony knew exactly what was going to happen.

"Get me a bucket!" He screamed out briefly and one of the nurse quickly got into action, disappearing for a moment before appearing again with a bucket in her hands.

She got it just in time as Tony let Peter break free of the hug and throw up into the bucket.

He rubbed his back gently as he held the bucket for him on his lap.

"It's okay, just let it out, you're okay." He muttered out gently to Peter, who had tears running down his cheeks, his face contorted in agony. He gagged and hurled as Tony held him, and emptied his stomach into the bucket, until he had nothing left inside him to get out, and he sat there heaving breathlessly.

It was so agonizing for Tony to watch his kid suffer like that in front of him, it was more pricking than any kind of physical pain that he had ever went through, as he watched his kid wrap his arms tightly around his abdomen, before letting out tiny and anguished whimpers of misery as he suffered because Jesus that was just a kid, he was just a kid, and there was just so much damage, so much trauma on his part.

"I know it hurts, but it's gonna be okay." Tony whispered softly to him as he kept rubbing Peter's back soothingly. It hurt that he couldn't do anything more than just hold and comfort his kid. He wished he could split the pain with Peter, and if he could he wouldn't just split it but take it all on himself. Unfortunately he couldn't.

There was a flicker of silence in the room as Peter finally stopped and finished, nothing left in his stomach to throw up anymore and Tony let the nurse take away the bucket from his hands. Peter turned his head up as he did, matching his sad and teary gaze with Tony and keeping it locked there, making Tony freeze as he stared into those big, brown and tormented pair of eyes, that once used to be so full of light and happiness.

A small whimper slipped past Peter's lips after a while of eye contact, followed by another, and then another before converting into loud, and heavy sobs and Tony watched with tears brimming in his own eyes, as he watched his kid finally break down in front of him. It felt as if a hand was reaching down his throat and was ripping his heart out of his chest, squeezing the life out of him slowly and torturously as the pained whimpers dug like a knife into his gut.

Tony couldn't help himself as he let his hands wrap around Peter once again, pulling him in a protective and tight embrace. He expected Peter to fight him, but instead to his astonishment, Peter buried his face in Tony's chest, clutching his shirt in between his trembling fingers as more violent and brutal sobs spasmed out of him.

_Oh God no._

This was it. Tony thought. This was the time, he could actually feel as his soul shattered into millions of tiny pieces, piercing through his emotions and heart painfully and he his lip to prevent his own wild sobs from escaping. This was what he wanted all this time, to hold his kid close to him, to have him in his arms again, but not like this. Not with Peter being so broken, letting out such pained and torturous wails and howls that even the nurses couldn't themselves back as tears rolled down their own eyes. There was complete silence around them, as if the entire hospital was mourning and breaking down listening to those screams, and Tony couldn't blame them, because as he felt the loud sobs vibrating against his chest, as he felt Peter's frail and small frame shake against his own, he could feel his heart becoming a thing of past.

Peter. _His kid._ He was in so much pain and everyone could hear it in his cries.

Tony ran his trembling fingers through Peter's soft curls, and rocked his kid back and forth as he started rubbing his back in a soft and soothing manner again.

"I'm so sorry, oh God-" He sobbed out as he let his eyes slip shut and buried his face in the forest of curls, letting tears fall out of his eyes in a constant waterfall as he breathed in Peter's scent. The scent that reminded him of happiness, of joyfulness, of youth, _oh so much of it_. 

"I'm so sorry, I let this happen to you, i'm-im so sorry kid. It's all my fault, it's-" He couldn't control himself anymore as his choked sobs mixed in with Peter's relentless ones, as he curled his hands tighter around his kid.

"But I'm here, Pete- I'm here now I promise, I'm here and I'm never- ever gonna let anyone hurt you ever again."

Peter's sobs only increased as Tony whispered apologies to him, clutching the front of Tony's shirt tighter in between his fingers, holding onto him, hanging on from him as if his life depended on it as he sobbed and cried his guts out. Peter was practically howling against Tony's chest, as the trauma tore it's way through his kid's conscious mind.

Just listening to those loud, agony filled wails had Tony weak on his legs, they held so much suffering in them, so much misery so much trauma and torture, and Tony knew, by just listening that Peter had been so awfully broken and numb from inside all this time as he suffered alone, so horribly lonely and void, that all that was left inside his shell was excruciating pain that was all coming out now. His kid had been through so much, he was just 16 for God's sake, and he had seen so much loss and pain in his life that Tony's mind shook with fear, being scared of losing Peter just moments before getting him back. He felt as if his heart was being sawed in half slowly, the cries from his kid bleeding more pain and agony into the open and bleeding cuts on his soul.

Tony was so lost in his thoughts, in his fears, that he didn't notice the changes happening around him until Peter's howls turned into desperate and panicked mewls and he felt him move against his chest. Tony's eyes shot open quickly and he instantly found out the reason of kid's panic. 

The doctor was standing just over Tony's head, that too with a syringe in her hands.

Oh, _no._

 _This wasn't happening again._ He wasn't going to let her force sedate his kid again.

He used to freeze before, whenever that used to happen, but Tony knew now, what nightmares plagued Peter during his sleep, and he was going to die than letting him face them alone. So this time, instead of freezing in shock, he shot into action, as a burst of anger surged through him.

"Get away from him!" He screamed out as he curled both of his arms around Peter protectively, pushing Peter's face deeper in his neck by a gentle hand behind his head.

"Mr. Stark we need to-"

"No. I've had enough of this bullshit!"

"It's for his own good-"

"No it's not! Don't you see!? Now get that fucking syringe away from my kid."

He lashed out as he felt Peter sob into his neck again, this time, coming out quieter than before as if he was scared of drawing attention to himself like he had with the doctor.

"Okay." The doctor said calmly, holding her hands up in defeat, putting the syringe down as she backed away and Tony felt Peter relax a little against him.

"But how long are you gonna sit like that." The doctor's voice filled Tony's ears again unexpectedly, and that was the moment Tony realized the awkward and painful position he has been sitting in all this time.

He was half sitting on the bed, one of his knees bent down on the bed while the other one stood on the floor for purchase as Peter laid against Tony, holding onto him for all the support. Tony could already feel his neck and back spark up with random shots of pain from the uncomfortable position, not to forget the bruises on his chest, but to be honest, he really didn't even care about it at that point. 

"As long as my kid needs me to." He spoke out without any any second thoughts as he looked at the doctor, and his eyes held so much fire, so much power and determination in them that even the doctor had no choice, than to back away letting out a deep sigh, her shoulders slouching down in defeat. 

Tony snapped his attention back to Peter whose sobs were slowly regaining their volume again, and Tony could see the way Peter was shivering as he tried to fold his legs into himself to get them under the cover of the loose gown. 

He was feeling cold, which was kind of worrying considering how much Peter was sweating, but Tony decided to worry about that later, and tried to move to reach the blanket on the bed behind Peter. The moment he shifted, Peter let out a loud and yearnful whine, fisting his fingers tighter around Tony's shirt.

"Hey hey, I'm not going anywhere, okay, I'm here only." He spoke softly into Peter's curls, running his fingers through Peter's curls, and taking the lessening of his sobs and whines as a good sign, he bent over Peter, taking hold of the blanket and pulled it over his kid's shaking form, upto his shoulders and wrapping and tucking the blanket around him tightly.

It was a long while after that, probably hours if Tony could guess, as Peter's cries and sobs finally died down into just faint hiccups and whimpers, turning slowly into nothing but silence soon after. By that time, everybody had left the room, except for a nurse and Pepper, who had tears running down her face as she painfully watched the kid she took as her son break down and fall apart in front of her.

Worried at the silence, Tony tried to pull apart a little from the embrace to look down, but realized that he couldn't. Peter had a strong grip on his shirt, grasping the cloth tightly in his fingers and not letting go no matter what happened. Tony felt a small, sad smile spread across his face. Peter wasn't crying anymore, he wasn't sobbing or screaming, making Tony think that maybe he had finally passed out from exhaustion, but turns out, that wasn't quite it as he looked down to look upon his kid.

Peter's face was damp with tears and the exhaustion and fatigue was clear on his face. He was just silently laying against Tony's chest, his head turned to a side as he kept staring at the bright glow from the arc reactor in the middle of Tony's chest. For a while Tony thought that maybe he was dissociating again, but then he saw his eyes blink softly, as his fingers twitched slightly against his chest. 

He watched keenly as the kid's eyes slipped close for a second as if his eyelids were made of metal, but shot open again the very next instant, as if he was fighting against falling asleep.

 _Oh Pete_. Tony thought as his features twisted into pain and sympathy for his kid, a stray tear rolling out his red eyes. He curled one of his hands around Peter's gently, giving him the time to let go of his shirt, and brought it upto his face, pressing a smooth and soft kiss on his knuckles.

"You can sleep now, it's okay Pete. Just let go, I'm here, I promise." He whispered softly to his kid, and then, something unexpected happened. Something that made all the pain and bruises worth it and made Tony's heart explode in warmth and affection. Peter cooed innocently, as he curled up against Tony, curling into a ball between Tony's arms and snuggling in closer and closer until there was no more space between them for even an atom of air to squeeze in.

His kid had been touch-starved for so long, that he thought all touch meant was pain and abuse. This was probably the first time since so long, that he was made felt that a touch could be loving and comforting too, and not dirty and impure like those heartless monsters had.

His heart ached to think about the abuse Peter had went through, too much for even a grown man if not for a 16-year old kid. He grimaced quietly as he noticed the rope burns circling his kid's wrists again, from the time Peter had been thrashing and struggling against the bonds. Just thinking about it made Tony's stomach drop, that they had ever tied his kid down to the bed, even after all the trauma he had went through.

He signaled to the nurse in front of him, pointing his eyes towards Peter's swollen wrists to avoid making any sound and fortunately, the nurse took the hint, as she quietly went and came back with a tube of lotion in her hands.

Tony mouthed out a small thank you to her as she opened and handed him the lotion and Tony let go of Peter's hand, laying it against his chest for a moment as he took the lotion in his hands, before taking Peter's hand again, slowly rubbing and massaging the cream around his wrists.

A soft groan slipped out of Peter's mouth, and Tony quickly hushsed him, pressing a warm kiss to his curls.

"Shh it's okay, just go to sleep."

Turns out, that was all Peter needed as he fell asleep a while later, as Tony massaged both of his wrists one by one with the cream before putting the tube away and wrapping his arms around his kid again, laying his chin gently on top of Peter.

He looked towards Pepper again, who was now sitting on a chair near to the bed, with a sad smile on her face. Her eyes were red and there were tear tracks glistening on her cheeks under the light and Tony gave her a small, apologetic smile in return when they made eye contact. He closed his eyes and buried his face into Peter's curls and stayed like that.

There was a flicker of silence in the room again, until a small, child like and adorable groan sliced through it and vibrated against Tony's chest and he jerked his eyes open and looked down at his kid in amusement.

Peter had his eyes closed and he was asleep, one of his hands unknowingly going up to wrap around Tony's neck while the other clutched his shirt tightly. His mouth was gaped open slightly as he let out soft snores and groans in between his deep slumber. Tony felt a powerful wave of affection rage inside his chest that Peter lay against, as tears welled up in his eyes again.

This was probably the first time in so long that Peter was sleeping on his own, without looking like he was being haunted by nightmares. He looked peaceful and calm and so tired. He had lost so much weight and looked so small and young as he lay curled up against Tony's chest.

Tony smiled softly as he let the tears fall. He slowly moved one of his hand to the back of Peter's head, and wrapped the other one around his back as he bent and knelt down onto the bed, cradling Peter the same way he did to Morgan when she was a new born baby, before laying Peter's head gently on the soft pillow.

Tony stayed there for a while, bending over Peter, keeping his hand behind his head and just stared, at his kid.

Peter looked so small, so childlike and so damn young, so much younger than a 16 year old kid, so much younger than he had ever looked ever before. It was very easy to forget that Peter was just a kid sometimes, when he would jump into the fire selflessly to save strangers, when he would take on the villains and defeat them single-handedly. It was easy to forget that the superhero who could stop a bus with his bare hands was just a freakishly dumb and selfless, 16 year old kid who was unlucky enough to have the huge responsibility of protecting people thrusted upon him. But it was never gonna be easy to forget for Tony now, to forget how small and young the kid was looking at this moment.

No matter how much older Peter would get, he was always going to be a kid for him. Always.

He brushed away a curl from Peter's forehead with his gentle thumbs, and pressed a feather light kiss there, before gently taking his hand out from beneath Peter's head, laying him on the soft pillow.

He stood up after making sure Peter was tucked in properly, making sure the blanket was covering him properly and ignored the surge of pain exploding in his spine and backside at the movement. 

He let himself sit back on the chair, letting out a sigh, before taking one of Peter's hands in his. He closed his eyes and rested his nose against his knuckles as he whispered something to his kid, that not even Pepper could hear.

_"If you ever cry alone again, or even if the day comes where you just find living to be painful...then I promise, I'll save you again and again."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooofff!! Now that was a rollercoaster of emotions 😣 I literally felt all the emotions in my heart, my heart breaks so much for Tony and Peter, they're gonna be the death of me.😩
> 
> And just because Tony and Peter are together again, it doesn't mean Peter's still not angry with all of them.  
> The angst trip is not over yet🤭❤️ A lot of things are gonna happen, so stay tuned.🤭  
> The updates might be slow again, but please bear with me🥺
> 
> I hope you all liked this chapter because, honestly speaking, I kind of liked this one🤭 And yess, now do you seeee!? How long this chapter is alone, imagine how long it would have gotten if I would have included this in the last chapter. 😂😂
> 
> Also, If you want, you can leave a comment below because they make me very very veryyy happy. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
> 
> Thank you so much for your support, ily all🥺❤️❤️❤️


	18. Update

Soooooo...I know I've been gone for a very long time, long enough for some of you to think I've abandoned this story but I promise I haven't 🥺

I just wanted to have this update out because I wanted you to know I'm going to add a new chapter soon, it'll take maybe upto a week again but it's because I've not been getting time😩 There's too much work and classes and exams stuff especially going on. And I've also been struggling with writing alot lately , like too much. I kind of have the entire plot already mapped out but the problem is arising with jotting them out in detail, so it's taking a lot of time for me to write even if I get time.

I have half of the chapter written out already, and the other entire half is left, and it's a big chapter so hopefully it'll satisfy you all🥺 Plus, there may or may not be a revelation in next chapter 🤭

Anyways, I hope you all are safe and happy. I know I haven't responded to the comments from the previous chapter, but as you know, I'm gonna reply to them a day before I update 🤭

Love you all and miss you all❤️

Bye.🤭❤️

Also: title of the next chapter will be "Please don't make me lose you again."

✨❤️❤️❤️✨


	19. Please don't make me lose you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been so long but here it is, the next chapter, and it's long as hell and a lot of things are gonna happen in this chapter, so...enjoy. Also there can be quite a lot of mistakes in this chapter, and the reason I've mentioned in the end notes, so do give them a read before leaving🤭
> 
> Do heed the warnings mentioned in the tags before proceeding.
> 
> Stay safe and take care❤️

_"I'll protect you from whatever hurts you_

_But darling,_

_teach me how to fight my nightmare of losing you first.."_

The night was a dark one. It was dreadful, wretched and quiet. The room was quiet, not even the beeping from the heart monitor for a comforting company, being no longer connected to the chest of his sleeping kid. The only sound in the room were the occasional soft whimpers that Peter would let out while lost in his deep slumber, followed by the soft shushing sounds and whispers from Pepper. 

It had been an hour since Peter fell asleep, an hour since the pair was left alone in the room with nothing but silent agony in their hearts and an awfully broken and abused kid. It was the first time Peter had been sleeping on his own for this long, without being drugged or tied down. His face was as pale as the blanket draped over his small frame, standing in a strong contrast with the deep, dark circles under his closed eyelids, but still his face held more color than it had before. The dark finger shaped bruises on his cheeks had faded into just light splotches of watercolor splashes, but they were still there, reminding Tony of the mishap that shouldn't have happened under his watch. Peter looked small, not older than a 12 or 13 year old, even though he was 16, and his face looked peaceful for a change, his long, dark lashes hiding beneath them the big, brown, doe eyes that Tony had came to fall in love with. Every once in a while, Peter would let out small, soft whimpers in his sleep, out of whatever battles he faced in his nightmares, and Pepper would immediately lean in, running her strong yet gentle fingers through his hair, taming the wild curls in the same way she would tame his nightmares and whimpers, by whispering unknown comfort into his ears while stroking her thumb gently over his knuckles. For anyone who didn't knew any better would have thought that Pepper was Peter's mother, because the love and pain her exhausted and sunken eyes held for him, and all the protective actions that erupted out of her for Peter as he slept, could have been none less that that of a mother. Pepper loved Peter, like her own son, but instead of feeling happy, he only feared whether it was too late for the love on Peter's part. Whether they were too late in showing Peter they cared.

So as Tony sat with Peter's limp hand in between both of his, he couldn't do much more than just watch. Because even after holding his kid close to him again after so long, even after finally breaking out of the fear holding him back, all he felt was numbness. After everything that happened, this was what was finally going to break Tony Stark. Because every time he would look at Peter's resting face, he would be reminded of the horrible video of his kid, the disgusting and inhumane abuse being inflicted on him as his kid cried and screamed and begged and still lost to the monsters in the end. He could never forget those guy-wrenching screams that Peter had let out behind the dirty gag, the pain and hollowness his eyes held as he stared directly into the camera, before hiding his face into the pillow out of shame and helplessness. Every time Tony's gaze shifted to his kid's swollen and inflamed wrists, he would be reminded of the phantom dark and painful bruises on his skin from the impure touches of those monsters, that might fade away from his skin, but never from his soul. He would be reminded of the small streak of blood flowing down the length of his kid's hands as he struggled to get free of the rope binding him motionless while the monsters defiled and broke him.

And so, every time he looked at Peter, all he saw was his own failure looking back at him. The failure at keeping the promise of protecting his kid, and the phantom ghosts of demons hovering over his kid's bed, ready to take him away from Tony the moment they get a chance. 

The video was terrifying, dangerously traumatizing to say at the least, and no matter what he did, Tony would never be able to forget everything that he saw in it. It was engraved into his brain permanently, contributing in scarring him for life. And the worst part was, that if Tony was breaking just by seeing it, Peter had lived through much worse than that. It scared him, even thinking about how much for granted he had taken Peter's never ending chatter, his goofy grin, his everything until he was being deprived of them.

He squeezed Peter's limp hand a little tighter between his own, trapping it between his safe and warm hold, wishing that he had done the same with him before any of this ever happened, and then, maybe then, Peter would have trusted him enough to tell him the truth the moment a single thing had gone wrong. But again, Tony couldn't blame Peter, because he was the victim in this and no one else. And instead of being there with his kid, Tony had fought with him, leaving him all alone to deal with all the bullshit that had been going on with him. He should have realized on his own, he shouldn't have had to rely on Peter to come to him for salvation, and it broke his heart to realize, that he never noticed, not until it was too late. He didn't notice when his kid started speaking less and less by day, until there were no more heartwarming giggles and enthusiastic chatter to accompany him in the quiet lab. He didn't notice the way the light in Peter's eyes grew dimmer by every coming day until all he could see in them was painful darkness. He didn't notice the white layer of perfection over the kid's abused skin until there was so much blood and brokenness peeking out of his flesh on his car, in the ambulance, and in the hospital. 

And that was the dark truth, wasn't it? Nobody ever notices.

Nobody had noticed when Howard used to hit Tony, nobody had notices when he had anxiety and panic attacks. Nobody had heard his sobs that he let out locking himself in the bathroom. They were loud enough to get noticed, they had to be, but nobody noticed.

Nobody had noticed when he had fallen apart and was ready to gulp down the handful of pills laying down heavy on his palm. It would have been easy, so easy to just end it all, but he had stopped. For his mother. For his friends. Because even after so much, he still had so many people there for him. But Peter, he had no one. Tony couldn't get his mind to think of the amount of times Peter would have thought of committing suicide, but had stopped at the thought of May, or Ned or MJ. _( ~~Not Tony. Never Tony. He didn't deserve him.~~ ) _

_Tears flowed down Peter's face as he clutched the shard of glass in his shaking hand , while the other one lay bare , in the agonizing wait for the pain to finally end. He would finally be at peace. But no. He thought about May when she would come home and David would have to tell her how weak Peter was and how he killed himself. He couldn't do that to May. He had to hold on for May. He threw the shard in the dustbin, and cleaned the mess of shattered glass on the floor, quiet sobs bursting through him once in a few seconds._

Tony used to think that if he had suffered through it, he wouldn't be the one to not notice. But now, he was just one of the nobodies who never noticed.

In a single, split instant, Tony felt the ruined remains of himself just wither away as the dreadful thoughts clouded his mind. Peter had no one to stop for, no one to be strong for. May was gone, Ned, Mj and Tony abandoned him. Peter had gone through worse than the video of what had been enough to break Iron Man. No wonder why Peter had begged to him to let him die and it wouldn't be a surprise to him to realize the relief he had heard in his voice when Peter had told Karen that he finally knew what he had to do, and Tony felt selfish, so fucking selfish now. Selfish for his love for the kid, and completely oblivious to the unbearable torture his kid was being forced to go through because he couldn't bear the pain of losing his kid, because he wanted his kid to be with him forever. But what about what Peter wanted? 

He was abandoned against his will. He was snapped away and brought back against his will. He was abused against his will, and be was raped against his will.

And now? He was being kept alive against his will.

A loud, choked up sob emerged out from the depths of his shattered soul, attracting Pepper's attention, as he let his thoughts out in from of choked up words.

"I-I'll let him go Pep, if-if he asks me ag-gain, if it gets t-too much for him, I'll let him go, I-I have t-to."

Heart-wrenching sobs spilled out of Tony, accompanied by hot and salty tears as he let the heavy words tumble out of his mouth. He didn't want Peter to go anywhere, he wouldn't be able to live without him, he couldn't even imagine his life without him no, the labs would be too quiet to bear, the world would be a much darker place to live in, the air would be more toxic and harder to breathe in. His heart would be too void and hollow to feel happiness ever again. The world was a better place because of Peter, but this world didn't deserve Peter.

Tony knew, that there might be a chance Peter tells them to let him go again, and even though it was going to kill him, Tony was, in no way, going to refuse to that no matter how much pain it was going to cause him. He just wanted atleast one last chance to hold him close to him again, to see those big brown, loving doe eyes and to hear the heart-warming and pure giggles again, to just, get the chance to tell and show his kid, how much he really loved him, that there was not one thing that he wouldn't do for his Spider-kid, because he didn't knew. Peter didn't fucking even have a clue of how much Tony Stark loved that boy, how much he cared for that boy, even more than his own life. He didn't knew how much he thanked life for bringing Peter to him.

There seemed no more hope anymore, and all Tony felt, that he has already ran out of time now, because it was just so much pain for his kid, too much trauma and agony to continue.

So even after being there to hold him as he broke, of letting a hope of recovery rise inside his heart for his kid, if he asked, he wouldn't hesitate to let him go for his own sake. No matter how much it was going to kill Tony, because God knows, there wouldn't be a day where he won't wish for death more if that happened.

"Tony, God Tony!" Pepper was by his side in an instant as she watched her husband fall apart, leaving Peter's side and kneeling down in front of him. She cradled his face between her shaking arms as she tried to let her mind wrap around the words Tony had just said. It was painful to even think about it, to imagine Peter just not existing anymore, and more than that, to watch Tony just give up and let Peter just die instead. They were making an improvement, weren't they? Peter had finally cried and let out the hurt, then why was Tony giving up on his kid now?

It wasn't until her vision blurred, that she realized she was crying too. God, Tony looked absolutely devastated. So helpless and oh so broken. More broken than when she had told him about the rape, more helpless than she had ever seen him before, and it terrified her to her core.

Pepper had been scared that the day would come, where Tony would reach his breaking point, because along with Peter, he was just going through so much, he was putting himself in so much undeserved misery. Tony was finally breaking, after going through so much, and Pepper could clearly see it, and all she could do, was pray, that she wouldn't lose her husband too.

She couldn't help but feel her chest clench painfully as she looked at Tony's crying and weeping face up close. The dark bags under his eyes had increased up to a point where she just couldn't unsee them anymore, they stood out from over the thin and sunken flesh around it. She couldn't unsee how hollow his cheeks had became and how hollow and drained his eyes seemed at that moment, not to mention the the horrifying pace at which his entire body was trembling. It was like there was so much pain and emotion hidden inside him that was now roaring to get out. And she knew, this was about to get very worse.

So she blinked away the tears in her eyes, turning around to spare a glance at the sleeping kid, before slinging one of her hands around Tony's waist and helping him out of the room with her, because she couldn't risk Peter seeing Tony like that, he barely started getting better, and Tony would never be able to forgive himself, if Peter got worse because of him.

As soon as they were out of the room and Pepper tried and helped Tony onto nearest of the benches, Tony's legs collapsed halfway and he slid down onto the cold hard floor, his back making contact with the edge of the bench, contributing in increasing the pain shooting through his back side which he couldn't bring himself to care about for, as he sobbed in Peppers arms.

"Tony, honey calm down please." Pepper sobbed herself, ignoring the way her voice cracked the same way her heart had. The couple sat on the floor of the quiet hallway as Pepper buried Tony's face in her chest, while rubbing his back soothingly. She had never ever seen him so broken and weak ever before no matter how hard things were, because Tony Stark wasn't a crier, and neither were the Avengers, or at least that's what she thought until the incident with Peter had happened. 

"I saw it." Tony cried out as he sobbed into Pepper's shoulder.

"I saw what they did to him Pep, those bastards, they fucking filmed him."

Pepper felt his blood run cold. _Filmed him? A-And.. bastards?_

Her entire body froze as her mouth gaped open at the wave of shock that ripped through her soul. Her jaw hung taught as her mind broke down around the facts delivered.

There wasn't just one of them, God Peter had been - he was gangraped-, And they had filmed Peter as they- and-

_Tony had watched it._

_Tony had watched it._

_Tony had watched it._

He had watched the video all alone.

 _Shit._ It was like all the world around Pepper came down crashing in front of her own eyes in an instant. And if she couldn't imagine how Tony must have felt when he would have watched the video of Peter Parker, who he had came to love as his own son, who had broken him out of the clutches of his painful past, and who made him believe in happiness and life again, there was no may she could even dare to imagine how worse the things had became for someone as optimistic as Peter to give up on everything he knew.

For months, all alone, and being abused and violated in the worst way, again and again. Having no one there to hold him and tell him that things would be okay. Jesus how much more was the world gonna take from this kid. Peter Parker deserved it the least, and he was fucking getting it the most. _It wasn't fair._ Pepper felt her own thoughts dig like a knife into the wounds of her heart, of her soul of her sanity, and fresh warm tears streamed out of her eyes, burning her skin throughout their journey.

"It was-It was h-horrible Pepper-it was so fucking horr-ible." And with a loud, soul ripping sob, Pepper herself broke down, curling her arms around her husband tightly. Clenching her eyes shut and letting her head rest on Tony's shoulder, Pepper Potts let out the most shattering sobs any being could have ever heard.

"You didn't s-see him, th-the dead look P-Peter had on h-his face, I-I can't ever see him l-like that again please-I can't- it'll kill me!" Tony sobbed heart breakingly into Pepper's neck, tears falling down uncontrollably out of his exhausted soul.

Was all of this never going to get better? Every day Pepper would think it couldn't get any worse, it did. 

"I'm so sorry, God I'm so sorry you had to go through that Tony." Pepper choked out as her throat felt cogged with tears and emotions. "I'm so sorry you had to see that." She said, as Tony's sobs came out harder and more shaking than before. _I'm so sorry Peter._

They stayed there like that, sobbing their hearts out at the pain and injustice the world was continuously unleashing upon someone as pure and kind as Peter Parker. Pepper did her best not to fall apart for her husband, but she couldn't help the deep and permanent cracks that had seared through her beating and breaking heart. She couldn't help as her strength gave out and she cried and weeped agonizingly with Tony for what felt like hours. It wasn't until Pepper was completely dehydrated, did the tears stop falling and she found herself laying her chin on top of her husband's still shaking shoulder, while running her fingers softly through his unkempt hair. She stared into void space, feeling empty and exhausted.

Tony was still sobbing, but the sobs were quieter now, like he was trying to hold them in. The tears that still fell from his eyes, landing onto Pepper's neck were a constant reminder of how much closer her husband was to losing his battle to stay afloat.

"I'll let him go." Tony spoke out softly, dragging Pepper's attention back to the weeping man.

"I c-can't let him be in p-pain anymore. If he asks me again, I'll let him go."

Pepper let her eyes fall shut as surprisingly a tear rolled out of one of them, burying her fingers deeper into the man's hair and holding him tighter than ever before.

"He kept begging me, to end the pain, to let him go to let him, d-die. And I didn't. I let him get tied again, i let him suffer again, I let that monster touch him again." The tone of Tony's voice was calm and quiet, almost as if he had forgotten the meaning of emotions.

"I'm just as bad as they are." And if Pepper couldn't bring herself to react anymore, this was what drove her over the edge. She snapped her eyes open furiously as she backed away to see Tony in his eyes, cradling his face in her hands again.

"Don't you fucking dare to say this again, do you hear me Tony!?" Pepper was angry, no furious, if not on those monsters who ruined Peter, then more at her husband to even think that he could be like them.

"Don't you ever dare to compare yourself with those filthy excuse of human beings." But Tony only shook his head, keeping his gaze down as if he was ashamed and sorry. Sorry for the things he didn't even do.

"I let him get h-hurt, I don't deserve him Pep. I say I love him, but I d-don't think I even know what that means." And Pepper's heart broke again as Tony continued.

"I'm so sorry for everything, I-I'll let him go if he asks me again, I'll let him go. I'll be good Pep, I promise."

_"You say you don't love him_

_you say you don't deserve him_

_but darling you're ready to let him go regardless of the pain it will cause you_

_that's when you know, nobody could have loved him more_

_nobody could have known what love is more."_

Pepper wished she could tell Tony that, that she could be enough for calming and comforting her husband as she stared at him with agony filled eyes. But she felt like she just couldn't anymore. Instead she let her arms wrap around Tony again, as she leaned forward to let her head rest on his shoulders.

"Tony." She said out softly, the words snaking their way past her lips like a puff of air. She couldn't just sit and watch as her husband fell apart and lost his sanity. Tony needed sleep, he literally looked like he was dying, both mentally and physically, it was like he was punishing himself for the things he didn't even do.

"Please, sleep." She waited, but got no reply aside from a few quiet whimpers. The hallway was entirely quiet now, and Pepper's voice, even though as soft and quiet as it could ever be, still rang louder than anything else ever around the protective embrace.

"Even if it's just for a little while, but please.." Pepper's voice got more quieter, full of emotions and consisting of more air than words.

"..please sleep."

"I can't." Tony's voice was hoarse and raspy from all the crying, and was enough to make Pepper feel that she was going to be on the losing side one way or another. She just prayed she wouldn't lose her husband in all of the chaos.

Pepper felt Tony move against her and the very next second, he was getting up and out of her hold and proceeding to go back inside the room, back to Peter. Pepper didn't say anything as she got up and watched him disappear behind the door, before her knees gave out and she crashed down onto the bench behind her, burying her face in her hands. She just felt so damn helpless, unable to help Tony understand that this wasn't his fault, unable to be enough to comfort him, and at the same time, she couldn't blame Tony, because she knew that's exactly how Tony must be feeling with Peter. Helpless and unable to help.

It wasn't even a moment later, that she was snapped out the whirlwind of her thoughts by Tony's loud and worried scream, and the very next moment she was on her feet and sprinting towards the door.

"What happened?" She panted put as her eyes met Tony's worried ones, who stood leaning on top of Peter, before she moved her gaze towards the sleeping teen.

Peter lay passed out on the bed, just like he had been before. But something was different, and she knew that not just by the immediate concern Tony held in his gaze but also by the way Peter's eyebrows were scrunched together as if he was in pain and his mouth was gaped open slightly, letting out short wheezes of air. It wasn't until she went next to Peter's bed, did she realize that the teen's entire body was covered with tiny beads of sweat and he was trembling slightly.

Pepper layed the back of her hand gently on top of Peter's forehead, and then all of a sudden all the symptoms made sense.

"Tony, he's burning up. I think he has a fever."

* * *

"He'll be okay," The doctor had said after checking Peter's temperature and hooking him up to a few more medicinal solutions, before laying a comforting hand on Tony's shoulder and disappearing out the door. By the looks of it, the doctor wasn't worried, said it was just a small fever, so Pepper and Tony figured they shouldn't worry either. So they waited as they sat by the bedside, clutching Peter's warm and sweaty hand in theirs again.

"He'll be okay, it's just a small fever, it happens sometimes. He'll break out of it in no time." The doctor had told the couple as she had exited the room.

Except he didn't. And the fever only got worse. 

It was approximately an hour after the doctor had given Peter the medicine and instead of getting better as Tony and Pepper had expected, on checking, the temperature had only risen.

"Why the hell aren't your medicines working? You said he'll be fine!" Tony was practically screaming at the doctor.

"I don't know, they should, it's like he's burning through all the medicines we're giving him." The doctor said and Pepper and Tony's eyes widened in realization as they shared a shocked glance with each other. So they let the doctor stay in the dark and watched quietly as she hooked Peter up to stronger medicines, which they both knew wasn't going to work either. When the doctor left, Tony gave her an assuring smile that managed to falter at the end, and then as soon as the door closed shut, Pepper called Helen. 

After what felt like agonizing hours, Helen finally showed up to the hospital room, with a worried and knowing look on her face. Before anyone could even initiate a conversation, she was moving forward towards Peter, checking his pulse and examining other things while Pepper and Tony backed away, holding each other's hand while standing near the door in case some nurse decided to burst in.

"We need to move him to the tower. It'll be better back there in the medbay now." Helen said as she stood next to Peter.

"Wh-what? No we can't, no right now."

"We have to."

"Look Helen, I understand, but can't you like, give him the medicine here only. I don't want to risk waking him up right now, its-its been like, so long since I've ever seen Peter sleep this peacefully on his own."

"I know Tony." Helen said as the expression on her face softened with sympathy and affection as she turned and looked at the boy in the bed. She knew about everything that had happened to Peter, they had to tell her in order for her to give Peter the help he needed. And she was affected too. Granted she wasn't as close to Peter as the others were, but it didn't mean she didn't care about him. It was impossible to not get attached to someone like Peter. The love, the hope and the kindness that the kid held in his heart for everyone even after going through hell used to amuse Helen so much, that she had gotten attached to the Spider-kid even in the little time they spent together.

She let out an anguished sigh as she turned back to Tony and Pepper with a sad look on her face.

"But we might not have any other choice."

Tony licked his lips as his expression faltered in hesitation. "Helen, I-I can't-I don't want Peter to wake up in a different environment all of a sudden, what if it scared him or something. I don't want to do anything without his permission. He's already had a lot done to himself without permission." He said, his voice getting quieter towards the end, and the room descended into a flicker of silence. Helen's gaze dropped to the floor as her mind made sense of what Tony meant.

She walked upto Tony, sharing a sympathetic glance with Pepper before turning back to Tony again.

"Listen Tony, Peter's getting better..physically." She said with a pause, sounding almost miserable over the fact that mentally was a different case.

"And with all the nutrition he got, his metabolism is getting back to normal at a crazy rate, which could be a possible reason of the fever. Do you know what that means Tony?" She said, clutching Tony's shoulders with both of her hands.

"It means that soon, he's not only going to burn through all the medications they are giving him for the fever, but also the antibiotics and painkillers preventing him from all possible infections and the pain he was meant to be in. Peter's bound to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up, and if the fever's not treated, it could get very bad for him, especially in this condition. Besides, if you let him stay here any longer, there can be a risk of his identity revelation."

Tony let out a loud sigh, and he stared behind Helen, at Peter's not so peaceful face anymore, as his heart yelled out to let Peter stay here, but his mind decided against it.

"Tony, I want to help Peter too, I care about him too. It will be easier for me to look after him there, because I have everything I need right there." Helen said again, but Tony kept staring at Peter as more soft whimpers escaped past his kid's lips.

Pain. His kid was already in do much pain. He couldn't imagine the pain he would be in when all of the painkillers wore off.

"Okay." He said quietly, as his mind finally won the battle.

* * *

So they moved Peter to the tower's medbay overnight. Helen made sure to give Peter a few anesthetics that she had had designed keeping in mind Peter's fast metabolism to keep him out during the journey. While Pepper had stayed behind to complete the formalities, Tony had stayed by Peter's side all the time in the ambulance, sitting next to his bed as he held his limp hand in his protectively. Helen had been, amused, as she had sat with her legs crossed behind him, not at the fact that Tony loved a kid who wasn't even his own that much because who could resist falling in love with that kid, but at the fact that Tony had a soft side behind all that toughness. She'd never really thought in her entire life that there could be a man, so caring and fatherly beyond that iron mask, but there they were, and it was all because of Peter, because when the teen had barged in Tony's life, he had brought out the real man behind all the fake masks that Tony had over him. When Peter would get hurt in missions, ending up in medbay as a result, Helen had seen the way Tony would be so worried and protective over the kid, scolding him while trying to keep a bold expression but always failing when Peter would look at him with his big brown innocent eyes, while forming a small pout of his lips. Even though she knew Tony would fail being angry at Peter everytime, she loved to see him trying. Tony wasn't the arrogant playboy that everyone really thought he was. And Peter had of course always been so kind and innocent, he would thank Helen everything she treated him in the medbay. Helen had told him that he didn't needed to thank her like a thousand times because that's what was her responsibility, and besides she loved spending time with Peter and listening to his heartful chatter, but Peter never listened, always thanking her numerous times, and Helen decided to make do with it, because atleast the thank yous' were better than the apologies that Peter used to say before in place of them. Helen realized as she sat there, that that had been the time when she had grown so fond of the kid, because who apologizes to the doctor for bothering them because they got hurt and the doctor had to treat him? Peter was too far good for this world, far too pure and innocent, and that is why the pain and sympathy she felt for Tony and Peter was tearing her heart. She had been so shocked when she had heard what Peter had gone through, and today when she had watched the kid look so small and broken in the hospital, she had felt agony inside her heart, and a dire need to protect him, which was one of the reasons why she suggested to move him to the tower.

The entire ride to the tower had been spent in silence as the two adults sat quietly and patiently for their destination to arrive. After they had reached the tower, the moment they had barged in through the doors, Morgan had ran upto Tony with tears in her eyes, with Happy not far behind her, and for a rare instant, Tony forgot about the teen being wheeled away from him. All he could care about was his 5-year old daughter in front of him who had seen him after weeks, as he crashed down onto his knees and gathered her up in his arms. He quickly hid her face in his shoulder to avoid having her looking at Peter. 

"Daddy, I missed you so much." She cried out and Tony felt his heart give out as he heard his daughter sob in his arms. In the midst of all the chaos with Peter, Tony had almost forgotten that he had another kid waiting for him to return home with her brother everyday. She had been so damn strong, never even cried or got angry at Tony when he was away from him and Tony just couldn't believe enough how he got so much lucky with the kids the life gave to him.

"I missed you too baby." Tony sobbed out, as he kissed her affectionately on her forehead. 

"It's 5 in the morning baby, why are you awake?" 

"I was asleep daddy, but then uncle Happy told me that you and mom were coming back with Peter and I just got so excited that I couldn't sleep anymore." Morgan said, as she rubbed her eyes with her small and tiny fists.

"Oh baby." Tony said softly, as he took Morgan's tiny fists in his hands to stop her from rubbing her eyes too hard. He wiped away the tears from her cheeks gently with his fingers.

"Where's Peter daddy? I want to see him."

"He's um-" Tony spared a sad glance at Happy, who looked at him with the same sadness in his own eyes, before continuing again. 

"He's sick baby, we're taking care of him. But he'll be okay soon, and then you can meet him, okay?" Morgan opened her mouth to say something but then hesitated and stopped as she instead settled on nodding her head innocently. Tony knew she would have thought of resisting, of wanting to meet Peter right at that moment but had instead chose to understand the situation even with being unaware of the severe extent. And Tony couldn't help the spark of pride and warmth pooling in his chest as he gave his daughter a small smile, brushing away strands of hair from her tiny forehead with his thumbs before pressing another loving kiss there.

"Okay baby, you go with uncle Happy. Daddy's gotta do something okay?" Morgan nodded obediently again, and without saying another word, she quickly ran back to where Happy was standing. She held out her hand to Happy and Tony watched as Happy smiled and instead pulled her up in his laps as he walked her back to her room. A small and a sad smile forced itself on Tony's face, just wishing and waiting patiently for the day when Peter and all of them could be a proper family again, happy and laughing together, away from all the trauma and suffering, cuddled up together on the couch as Morgan made them watch Onward for the 100th time.

The first thing that Tony did after that was have Friday run a facial recognition on the other two people in the video, before handing the information about them to the Avengers. Steve had told Tony that they had David locked up in a cellar deep down in the tower instead of handing him to the police and Tony couldn't have been more thankful to the man. Because David deserved so much more than just a prison sentence, he deserved to suffer, so much. And Tony was going to make sure that was what happened.

So when Tony had handed the information to the Avengers about the other two people that needed to be brought in with David, he was scared that he would have to explain everything to the Avengers again, because he just couldn't handle even thinking about it again, it was just horrifying, but the shocked and horrified expressions on all of their faces, the tears rolling down Clint's eyes and the the way Bucky's body shook with anger gave away enough to allow him to walk away without saying another word.

* * *

  
Tony closed the door behind him gently, making sure to keep it quiet in order to not wake Morgan up again. He had came to tuck Morgan in to bed. Happy had told Tony that Morgan hadn't been sleeping well, especially after knowing that Peter was still not better. He had ended up telling her a bedtime story, because, well she deserved it. She deserved so much more than just a bedtime story from her dad after weeks of being absent, she deserved to be held and taken care of and Tony promised himself mentally, that he would make it up to her daughter once Peter was okay.   
The story was about a fawn, who lived alone in a jungle. The fawn was enthusiastic and happy, and always helping everyone else in the jungle, even the lions who were responsible for the death of it's parents, and in the middle of the story, Morgan had told Tony that the fawn sounded exactly like Peter, energetic and cheerful even after having lost so much And Tony couldn't help but agree to it. The moral of the story had been that kindness pays off, but Peter got nothing in return of his selflessness, and his kindness was reverted back with something so inhumane and horrible, and it took Tony everything, to not break down in front of Morgan. He managed to make Morgan fall asleep as he sat there for a while after that, staring numbly at his daughter's sleeping face as he just felt himself shatter inside slowly and painfully.

Tony turned around as he shut the door, to find Happy standing there with a very sad and worried look in his face, and by the looks of it, he has probably been skipping sleep too.

"How's he?" Happy asked with a quiet voice, breaking the miserable silence between them.

"Peter...how's he doing?" 

Tony gave him a sad look, opening his mouth but shutting it back again, not knowing what to say anymore. He realized, he just didn't knew how Peter really was. He knew he wasn't...okay, which was the answer Happy must be expecting, and he didn't even knew if he was better or worse. All he knew, was that Peter was alive, fortunately. Before he could dwell further into his thoughts, Friday spoke out of the blue and Tony swore he felt his heart stop beating.

"Boss, Pepper and Helen require your assistance in the medbay."

"Friday, what's wrong?" His breath hitched inside his throat as he asked, worry rising inside his body as he stared at Happy who stood frozen where he was, with his eyes open wide with fear.

"Peter Parker's body temperature is rising at a dangerous rate and he currently has a fever of 106 degrees."

"Fuck!" He screamed and a sharp ringing sound filled his ears. The world around him spinned and he could vaguely hear Happy talking to him in a panicked and worried voice, asking him if he needed any help or if he should come too, as he ran past him on his weak and exhausted legs. He could vaguely even register his own panicked and breathless voice as he told Happy to stay and take care of Morgan as he proceeded to make his way towards the medbay, running as fast as he could, and not even paying any heed to the bursts of pain that ran through his backside and chest and well his entire body.

He barely made it to the medbay before reaching for the door handle and barging his way in. The first thing that his mind registered was the chaos. There was just so much chaos. The nurses running around the room, helping Helen with something he wasn't sure of and couldn't quite bring himself to care about. His eyes scanned the room further, finally finding the only thing that his heart had been yearning for.

Peter.

For a moment, the entire world ceased to exist around him. Even with all the noise and chaos in the background, all Tony could focus on was his kid. His kid, who was for once, meant to be in a quiet, peaceful and a painless sleep but now, watching him moaning and writhing weekly on the bed, his eyes scrunched up in pain and his entire body covered with sweat, it all just ended up breaking his heart all over again. This was a bad day, It's not like the other days had been better, but this day just kept getting worse and worse.

And he was shaking, Peter was shivering so terribly, there were so many blankets covering him but he was still shaking, so fucking terribly. His eyes were closed, but the previous calmness and peace was not there anymore, instead replaced by agony all over again. All the moans, all the whines and desperate cries for easing out the pain dug so painfully in Tony's heart and it felt like there wasn't even a single second where Peter wasn't in pain anymore. How much more agony was destined for his kid? He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve anything that he had been forced to go through. He didn't deserve to be hurt and abandoned, he didn't deserve to be raped, he fucking didn't deserve to have the last of his family dead. And even if Tony didn't believe in God, he just, hated him so much, for making someone like Peter go through so unjustified. Why was life always unfair to the good people?

Tony looked sadly at Peter again, wishing he could switch places with his kid. Peter was shifting restlessly on the small bed, trying to get any sort of relief and Tony noticed as his fingers curled tightly around the sheets below, which as enough to drive in Tony's mind the amount of pain his kid was in...yet again. His eyebrows were once again clenched together, tighter than they had before, and his small mouth was gaping open slightly as small wheezes of hot and acid air slipped past his lips. 

Without wasting any more time, he dashed next to Peter's side, taking his sweaty hand in his and started rubbing it in quick motions in between both of his palms. He looked up to notice Pepper doing the same to Peter's other hand. He didn't really notice Pepper up until now and it kind of shocked him that he had managed to miss her in his first glance.

"He's getting worse Tony." Pepper cried out with tears in her eyes as she looked up at him. "This wasn't supposed to happen Jesus-"

Tony didn't say anything, instead numbly turning his gaze from Pepper's teary face to Peter's pained one, as he continued rubbing his burning hand in between his, and kept his gaze fixed at Peter's face, not paying attention to the movement happening around him. It wasn't until Helen spoke up that he looked up to realize that she was now standing next to Peters IV stand, injecting something into the bottle.

"Tony, I'm just so sorry, try calming him down as much as you can." Helen's voice had a state of panic and concern in it, as she took Peter's hand from Pepper, holding it gently and checking his pulse.

"His temperature is rising impossibly fast. I gave him the medicines but I don't know why they're taking so much time to start working, not even the painkillers and anesthetics are working. I'm not sure but I think it's because his powers coming back properly all at once and his body is not handling it well."

"He's in pain Helen!" Tony snapped out as tears finally fell from his eyes. His chest once again twisted in guilt and regret over not having Peter moved to the tower before. Why did he keep failing his kid all the damn time he was trying so hard. A choked sob emerged from within his shattered soul.

"You're the doctor just- please just do something. Give him more medicine-"

"I Know Tony but I can't risk overdosing. I understand he's Spider-Man but even he has certain limits and I can't risk crossing them." Helen paused as a nurse brought in an ice pack and a washcloth.

"We just have to keep trying Tony." She gave the ice pack to Pepper who quickly layed it on Peter's forehead as Helen started wiping the region around Peter's sweaty neck with the cold washcloth. The reaction was instant, and the moans that Peter let out were so agonized and heart breaking, craving scars deeply into Tony's frail heart as he tried, he rubbed Peter's hands faster, tucking the blankets around him tighter, but nothing seemed to help ease the pain as the moans and whines only grew louder. He let out a frustrated and helpless whine as he noticed a small tear roll out of Peter's clenched eyes.

"Friday, updates. What's his t-temperature?" Tony spoke out with his worry filled and concerned voice with hesitation, ignoring the crack in his voice, laying Peter's hand on the bed gently which gripped the sheets below them tightly indicating the dire anguish the kid was in. He shifted and moved next to Peter's feet, rubbing the bottom of Peter's feet in a frenzied manner, to help Peter with the shivering in vain. 

"Peter Parker's current temperature is 106.5 and rising rapidly." Friday's voice rang through the medbay and Tony sobbed harder and louder, feeling his eyes fill with tears as he rubbed his kid's feet harder. 

From between all the chaos, a small timid voice sliced through the tense atmosphere and the entire room descended into complete silence in an instant, making Tony quickly halt abruptly in his actions.

He looked towards what the only source of that sound could have been, at Peter's face, who now had his eyes peeled open slightly, glazed with the haze of the fever and the tears of pain. He watched as his tired and heavy eyes lookes around the room, taking in the new surroundings he was in.

Tony quickly blinked away the tears obstructing his vision as moved next to Peter again, taking his sweaty hand in his again while running the other one gently through his curls as he watched Peter scan the entire room. 

He moved his hand and layed it gently against Peter's flushed and burning cheek, making Peter flinch slightly at the sudden contact and tearing his gaze away from the room to the man in front of him. 

What slipped out of his mouth next made Tony's implode with silent agony.

"Ben?" Peter spoke out in a small and shaking voice.

"Uncle Ben is that you?" His voice was so weak and cracking and Tony felt a new round of pain build inside of his heart. He turned around to look at Helen for an explanation, as tears once again brimmed in his eyes.

"He's hallucinating, it's common in fevers this high." Helen said, with a sad and sympathetic look in her eyes as she watched the kid suffer helplessly. 

Tony inhaled a shuddering breath as he turned back towards Peter again, who was staring at him with his glazed eyes. And the look, the look Peter was giving him, the hopeful yet so broken look as he stared at who he thought was his uncle, made Tony feel actual physical pain running throughout his body.

"No, Pete, it's Tony, it-it's Mr. Stark." Tony tried, but it was like Peter couldn't even hear him.

"Ben, it's you-its it's really you." He said again with a small sob, as another tear rolled down the side of Peter's face. 

Tony looked at Pepper not knowing what to do, who had her face wet with tears, and had her hand over her mouth to stiffle her sobs. He couldn't stop staring at her. What was he supposed to say, what was he supposed to do, he just didn't knew anymore, it was getting so damn hard to hold on to his sanity, to keep himself together when every piece of him kept falling apart. So he did the only thing he could to make Peter feel better.

"Y-yeah Pete, yeah. I'm right here." Tony said, ignoring the worried and shocked looks from Pepper in front of him.

A cracked sob emerged from Peter's mouth, just as cracked and broken as Tony's heart was. He stared with his own teary eyes as Peter looked down towards where Tony was holding Peter's hand in his, and tightened and curled his fingers around his hold as tight as he could, and it should have made Tony felt good, but it didn't, because it was probably because Peter thought he was Ben, and not the failure Tony Stark.

He stared at Peter, as he let his own hands clutch Peter's tighter, tight enough to not hurt the kid. He cradled Peter's cheek and clenched his tightly to ride out the sob that threatened to spill out of him when Peter closed his eyes and caved into the soft touch. 

"Ben, am i dead?" He said as he opened his eyes, and stared at the man innocently, making Tony's heartbeat falter. 

"No Pete you're okay." There was a flicker of complete silence around the entire room as Tony said that, and Peter turned his gaze upwards to stare at the ceiling above him numbly. His eyes were heavy with the fever and his body was now trembling at a terrifying and brutal pace, and it was horrifying for Tony and Pepper to see that despite the brutal trembling and shivering of his body, despite the fever getting more intense and probably more painful, and his entire body burning up even more, he was just staring numbly at a wall. He didn't even react to when Pepper layed another ice pack against the side of his neck, or when Tony treaded his fingers through his hairs. It was a while, as Tony heard his heart pounding inside his ears and nobody dared to speak in the room, afraid and frozen, after which Tony noticed a small tear escaped his kid's, rolling down his raging skin and soaking the soft pillow below.

"Ben-" Peter choked out softly, his expressions slowly twisting into expressing the agony spearing through him, making Tony's heart pound faster against his chest.

"I'm so sorry." Peter whimpered out, his voice being small and quiet but enough for Pepper and Tony to understand what he was saying.

"I couldn't make you proud Ben." 

And Tony swore that he felt the exact moment, when his heart stopped beating, the exact feeling of his body filling with never ending hopelesness and agony. There was no way Peter was going to blame himself. And if Tony thought that was bad enough, what came next, made the leftover pieces of his sanity just shatter in the worst way possible.

"I couldn't be good enough. I tried- I tired so hard Ben, but it's just- it's never enough. I tried to be good-t-to save people, I'm so sorry Ben, I should have tried harder." Peter sobbed, as more tears rolled out of his glazed eyes and Tony just, froze. He tried but it felt like, he couldn't speak anymore, he couldn't speak over the pain that was surging through his entire body as tears fell from his eyes relentlessly. He panted and choked on his breaths as he tried to speak, tried to breathe, tried to see through his blurry vision, but no matter how much he tried, he knew, that something, had broken inside of him that moment, something that helped him hold on, it was broken and snapped, and Tony Stark, was falling apart. 

"Oh no Pete, you've been so good baby, and we're so proud of you." He watched with his unclear vision, as Pepper cupped Peter's face, comforting him, telling him with her kind and gentle and cracking voice but ofcourse, Peter didn't pay any attention to it, and Tony was now sure, he couldn't hear a thing, or maybe he could, but his tired mind wasn't able to make sense anymore, whatever the case was, both were terrifying. But at the end, it didn't matter, because Peter was hurt, and Tony couldn't do anything but watch him suffer.

"Ben." Peter spoke again, this time, turning his face towards Tony this time and no, Tony couldn't take this, he can't handle watching the defeated and battered look on his kid's face again. But he can't even help himself, as Peter just stares into his eyes with the most soul ripping look ever. 

"Is May with you?"

So much pain, so much pain. So much undeserved pain in his eyes alone. And now Peter was thinking that May was with Ben, because Ben was dead, and May was - dead. So was his parents. Every single one of his family was dead, and Peter's supposed to be what- 16 years old to go through this loss? 

"Please ask her, why did she leave me? She told me- Sh-she promised that she cared about me, that she loved me b-but, she left me Ben, she left me all alone." Peter sobbed as he tightened his hold on Tony's hand, shaking him to get any kind of reaction from Tony who just sat and cried and slowly fell apart, listening to his kid talk to him assuming he was his dead uncle, and asking him why everyone he ever loved lied to him and left him. How was he even supposed to answer to this?

"She left me, she promised, she lied. Everyone lies."

And Tony just shook his head as he sobbed heavily. His mind screamed at him, his heart burst with unfathomable pain for his kid, for the extent of damage the kid had gone through, to say things like these.

"I miss you so much Ben."

And Tony's dam broke. It was like a storm of emotions explained inside of him at that sentence. Even though he knew it was meant for Ben not him, still having his kid in front of him and telling him that he missed him by staring him in the eye, it was too much for him. He fucking missed his kid so damn much.

"I miss you too Pete, God I miss you so much." He sobbed.

"P-please just come back to me, t-to us, it's so damn quiet and dark without you."

Tony expected a reaction, any reaction, but he knew that Peter couldn't hear anything or maybe understand anything.

Then all of a sudden, Peter eyes widened as he turned his head to look up towards the ceiling again. His body stopped shivering and his entire body froze, his muscles tightening. Tony abandoned Peter's hand and cradled his face between his hands, as worry overcame him.

"Peter? Kid what's wrong?" He shook Peter's face slightly in between his hands, but Peter stayed reactionless and motionless on the bed, staring voidly like a dead body. And then after a minute, his eyes rolled back into his head as one of his leg gave a small twitch under the blankets.

Tony swore he heard Helen mutter a small and urgent 'shit' under her breath because the very next moment, Peter's entire body was convulsing uncontrollably on the bed. 

And then there was chaos again. 

"What the fuck is happening!" Tony screamed out as he and Pepper tried to calm Peter down.

"It's a seizure! Hold him down." Helen screamed out and Tony felt as if all the blood was drained out from his body.

His kid was having a seizure.

Tears streamed out of his eyes in a never ending flow, as Tony and Pepper held down Peter's thrashing body on the bed. It was horrible and so fucking terrifying to watch. It looked like his kid was being electrocuted as violent spasms burst out of his body. It felt like forever, until Helen appeared with a syringe in her hands, and the bery next moment, Peter's body collapsed onto the bed with a loud thud, and Tony finally collapsed onto the floor, looking at Helen with big and shocked eyes, panting heavily through his mouth.

"I hope this doesn't overdose." 

* * *

It had been a while since Steve had told Friday to inform Tony that they had caught the other two guys, who were beaten up, covered with uncountable bruises and bleeding cuts as they lay on the dirty floor of their individual cells on the brink of unconsciousness. It hadn't been easy for them, even though they had their exact location on their hands that Tony had given to them, it hadn't been easy for them to gather the strength to even move from their Individual spots. Because knowing that someone like Peter Parker was raped was bad enough, but by not one but three people? 

Nobody had dared to speak, or even looked at each other as they had made their way towards the individual location. Through the entire journey, they had their heads hung low, as if they were ashamed. Ashamed and guilty and so damn heartbroken, that they couldn't save Peter from such horrors in time. 

Peter had been like a ray of sunshine in their life, whenever he was around them, it felt like the world was a good place to be in, that maybe afterall, life was worth living afterall. He brought with himself a hope and a reason for happiness of everyone else around him, and it had taken just a single day for the avengers to have just, completely fall in love with not Spider-Man, but Peter Parker.

And that is why, when they had found those two guys, they had their time with them, to beat them and torture them, to make them bleed and just feel so damn satisfied seeing them cry in pain, but the one person, out of all, who had completely lost control while torturing the two men was Clint. Because he himself was a father, and when he had found himself becoming fond of a kid in a Spider-Man suit, it had been maternal, and that is why the anger that he had in himself, that he had let out while he beat those cruel monsters to a pulp, was rather shocking for everyone to witness. 

They didn't even knew they were all capable of that, that the Avengers could become so dark to even kill and torture someone, but that's the same way Natasha had thought that she wasn't capable of falling soft for a school going teenager and end up laughing her hearts out at his dorky tantrums. That was the same way Bucky had thought that he wasn't capable of letting someone break his fake walls of tough heart and make him smile and laugh and more that that cry his trauma out. That's the same way Steve had thought that he weren't capable of falling in love with a spider kid so much to be able to do anything for him without any question. But Peter parker had made it happen, he had made their lives full of chatters and giggles and happiness. Peter Parker had made the impossible happen, from breaking the tag that the Avengers are unbreakable to the tag that the Avengers would never kill or torture anyone no matter what. Because all them knew, that they would kill those monsters for hurting and even touching their kid.

When Tony arrived, everyone expected for him to bring with himself a hurricane, but instead he brought with himself a silent storm, which was in so many ways, more dangerous. His face was damp with tears, the wet tracks shinning piercingly on his drained and exhausted cheeks. He had his iron man gauntlet wrapped around his left hand, while his right hand clutched tightly in between them, an old wooden bat. But what the worrisome part had been for everyone, was that the emotions in his eyes did not match with someone who had just cried, instead his eyes were hollow and dark, glazed as if he wasn't emotionally aware of his presence, and his mouth was gaped open slightly. Everything about the look on his face screamed that Tony Stark was long gone, and there was someone else inside that body, someone so much more dangerous than Iron man, and what could be more dangerous than Iron Man? A father who's bright and innocent son had been tortured and raped relentlessly for months.

Tony had a weird limp in his movements as he walked, and his body screamed physical exhaustion all over. He seemed to be staring at no one in particular, that was, until his void gaze shifted and found the cell David was sitting in. An evil, horrifying rage sparked inside those hollow eyes, and no one dared to even speak or move as goosebumps ran up their bodies. 

They watched frozen in terror as Tony's lip twitched towards a side and something sinister slowly replaced the hollowness in his eyes. He walked past all of the Avengers and towards the cell, keeping his gaze focused on David who was sitting against the rusty wall, staring directly at Tony, his disgusting and creepy face plastered with a dark grin at the man stalking towards him slowly. And if the Avengers should have felt furious for David to still have the audacity to smile, all they felt was a weird sadistic pleasure blooming inside of them, knowing what was about to come for him. The thing was, when they had brought in the other two guys, they all had their way with them, letting out their anger they had inside of themselves and beating them to a pulp, only stopping when the two men looked like they could die any minute. But David was left alone, aside from the beating he had gotten at the hospital, that man was still very much fine and breathing and smiling and the Avengers didn't even spare him a single glance, let alone beat him no matter how much they wanted to, because that was something Tony had to do. Because even if they all loved Peter so much, nobody could love him anywhere near to how much Tony loved him, ever. So they just watched patiently, waiting for the devil to get what he deserved, because that man inside that cell, whi destroyed and ruined a child as bright and pure as Peter, could be no human.

They watched as Tony stopped to stand in the front of the cell, staring at nothing else but David. For someone sane would have barged in and started beating the man mercilessly without stopping, Tony didn't look sane anymore, and David had no idea how screwed he was, how the silence brought more terrors with itself than anger ever could have. David had thought that Tony was broken, he could have been right, but at the same time, he was oh so wrong.

"Open the door." Tony's quiet and void voice rang around, bouncing between the 4 walls enclosing the tense atmosphere and Steve hesitated for a moment, before walking towards where Tony was standing and opening the lock on the cell with the keys in his hands. He watched with his side vision, for any reaction from Tony, but he didn't get anything besides a soft blink of his eyes as the man kept staring darkly at the man sitting in the cell. The lock clasped open and fell on the floor with a loud thud echoing around the silence, obtaining a frantic flinch from Steve and the others, but Tony stood as still and stoick as before, giving no reaction. Steve picked the lock up and opened the door with a loud creak, before retreating back to stand next to Natasha. He watched as Tony stepped inside the cell, now standing directly in front of David and looking upon him as if he was nothing more than a piece of dirt, which was true.

His hand clenched tighter around the wooden bat, nails digging painfully in the wood as he felt nothing but utter hatred for the man sitting below him.

"Lock the door." He said again, with his void voice and Steve hesitated again, thinking about resisting for a moment, before doing as instructed as his mind decided he loved his life more than his curiosity. Normally, everyone would have questioned Tony on a lot of things, but at that time, they knew better than to stay quiet, because a silent Tony, was a dangerous Tony.

So everyone stood circled around the cell, watching quietly the events enfolding in font of them. And to their surprise, the first person to speak, was in fact David and not Tony. Big mistake.

"So, what brings you here Stark?" He said with his hoarse voice and Tony kept staring at him with all the hate and brokeness that he could muster, as fury like never before sparked inside of him. He could feel his entire body trembling with the anger he had kept locked inside of him for all this time. Whenever he looked at David, all he could think about was the pain Peter had went through, His mind flashed with images of Peter in that video, images of Peter seizing uncontrollably on the bed. His eyes burned with rage as a stray tear slipped out of his eye, and David took it as a win as his grin only widened. Another big mistake.

"Did Peter send you here?" David said mockingly. "Oh he did, didn't he? He misses the way it felt when I -"

David wasn't allowed to finish his sentence as Tony swung the bat, and the next thing everyone knew, was hearing the sound of wood colliding with flesh and bones before David was laying on the floor, holding his dislocated shoulder with a grimace on his face as Tony stood above the writhing body, the bat clenched tightly in his hands, his eyes glaring daggers into the man.

"You hurt my kid." Tony moved to stand over David as he spoke again, but his voice was still bland and plain to everyone's shock as they gulped down, looking at each other in fear of what was about to happen.

Even with a broken shoulder, David didn't stop speaking as he slowly let the painful expression on his face twist into a sadistic smirk.

"Oh I didn't hurt him Stark, I just gave him what he wanted. You know he wanted it right? Of course you do, that's why you kept him around didn't you, to keep him on his knees for you? And that's why you're being so damn possessive, because no one touches what belongs to Tony Stark." He said as the grin on his face widened.

"You know Stark, I understand, because he was just so fucking good for me, he begged so perfect, just like the little slu-" David is again cut off as Tony kicked him in the stomach brutally, resulting in a small yelp from David echoing piercingly in the cell.

"You raped a 16 year old kid!" Tony said again, but this time, all of the avengers could hear the anger, could hear the rage and could hear the excruciating pain in his voice. They couldn't help as they felt their hearts break as they heard the ripping agony behind their friend's voice. Because if Peter was in pain, Tony was no better.

David spoke up again, clearly not taking the hint, saying something he would regret for the rest of his life.

"Oh I didn't rape him Stark," He said with a twisted smirk, as he pushed himself up to sit against the wall again.

"I fucked him."

And Tony Stark snapped.

The next hour was a blur for everyone as the Avengers watched terror-stricken as Tony kicked and punched and beat David brutally with the bat in his hands. Be kept swinging, hitting him unstoppably, as broken sobs spilled out of him covering for the pained screams and yells coming from the man beneath.

Tony's entire body was shaking with fury and emotional agony as he pounded the man with the bat. His face was blazing red with anger, tears running down his face in full blow, faster than he could wipe them and his eyes were the most terrifying thing anyone had ever seen in their life. They were red and impossibly wide open and so much worse than when Steve had seen Tony at the hospital, they looked like they belonged to a monster, a monster who had a lust for inflicting pain on others, a lust for blood.

"He was a kid, he was a fucking 16 year old kid!" Tony half sobbed and screamed out as he swung the bat at David again.

"Cried and screamed like a fucking baby too." David said, as he spat out blood from his mouth and flashing Tony and the Avengers with bloody smile. Natasha felt so much anger inside of her as he did so, because even after being beaten to pulp that bastard was still smiling, there was no guilt in those eyes for hurting a child in the worst way. And that was the first time they all realized, that there was no way David was anything less than a ruthless demon. But not even a demon, was any match for a father who loved his son more than his own life.

But now, Tony Stark was breaking, falling apart, and that was the most heart breaking thing the avengers had ever seen. They watched helplessly, tears streaming out if their eyes as they watched Tony sob and beat the shit out of the monster.

"You made a child, so fucking bright and good and kind, believe that he was unworthy of being loved." He sobbed out and everyone could feel the pain, the agonizing hurt and anguish the man was drowning in, that a father was drowning in.

"How could you-" Tony sobbed out as he swinged the bat at David's face, relishing in the sound of the dull thwack of David's cheekbone breaking and his loud and torturous screams.

"How could you look into those eyes, those amazing and pure eyes-" 

Another swing of bat, breaking David's collarbone, accompanied by a loud yell of pain.

"-and do something, so inhumane to him."

Tony was fully crying now, pathetic sobs and choked up whimpers spilled out of his broken body, the mental exhaustion catching upto him as he beat the man responsible for breaking his kid in such a horrible way.

"You tried to take away the best thing that ever happened to me, and now, you're gonna wish you would have never even came in our lives." Tony snapped out in his hoarse voice, with raging fury and the next thing he knew, he was beating the man senseless. He kept hitting, not even stopping for even a second as David's screamed increased in pitch and pain, not even stopping when David apologized and begged, instead only increasing the pace and brutality of his hits. Whenever David would beg, his mind would be flashed with images of Peter begging and screaming, and the men just laughing as they took advantage of his kid. 

He striked the bat against the skin and bones again and again, only increasing his pace as he heard the fulfilling crack of bones and splitting open of flesh beneath his violent blows.

His mind was clouded with anger as he thought about the damage the man had inflicted on his kid, the irreversible damage that changed such a bright and hopeful kid and forced him to choose death over hope.

By the time Tony was done, David was lying sprawled out on the floor, panting and breathing heavily through his bleeding lips. His entire body was covered in blood and thousands of bruises. By the looks of it, he definitely had some of his ribs broken, his cheekbones and collarbones were definitely broken, and his left shoulder was clearly dislocated. His right knee was shattered and his head was bleeding profusely from a big gash on his forehead. The man was laying on his back on the floor, curling one of his hands against his broken ribs whole the other one lay stretched out.

Tony was quiet again, as he circled around David's bruised and battered body like a predator stalking its prey. His face was adorned with dried tears tracks and broken humanity and as David begged for Tony to stop again, cried and apologized to be man to stop, Tony only felt more fury rise inside of him. How dare that bastard even try and apologize for what he had done. His stupid sorry wasn't going to bring his bright and cheerful kid back, his useless sorry wasn't going to bring back what was snatched away from his kid at such a tender age. His sorries ment nothing to Tony, if anything, they proved to be only acting as fuel to his blazing fury.

He shifted his foot, and kept it on top of David's throat, pressing gently and David quickly sealed up his lips with dread and tears in his eyes, as he looked up at Tony. 

Tony hummed in satisfaction, as his ears were awarded with silence rather than the monster's stupid apologies and beggings. He scanned the man's body, keeping his foot on his throat.

Feeling another surge of hatred and anger spark inside his chest, he removed his foot from David's throat, and instead knelt down in front of the man, grabbing David's hand from where it lay curled up against his stomach.

He held the hand gently in between his iron hand, and stared curiously at it. David couldn't help but just feel scared now, he looked at unforgivong faces of the avengers, hoping that maybe they would come in and save him from the person that was clearly not Tony anymore, but all he got in return was utter hate and disgustful looks. He had no chance, he was at the mercy of Iron man now. He had dared to hurt his kid, and now he was going to pay the consequences.

"These are the hands you touched my kid with, aren't they." Tony said, with a dangerously calm voice, and David gulped in despair as Tony's iron gauntlet squeezed the man's arm in between his iron hold, until a sickening crunch echoed inside the rusty cell, followed by a loud and broken scream from David, who was now crying fully, tears and snot running down his bloody and bruised face, and Tony just sat and watched numbly as the man suffered. He let the man's hand go, as it fell down onto the floor painfully, and everyone could see the way the fingers were twisted at inhumane angles and the wrist shattered and a broken mess of bloody flesh and bones peeking through. All it brought to them, was a sadistic relief and not disgust.

Tony moved, as he did the same with David's other hand, shattering the hand with a dark and numb look in his eyes.

He stood up, as he circled around the weeping and crying man again, stopping just as he reached the feet of the man, and the next thing he knew, David's both of the ankles were a brutal mess of flesh and bones mangled together.

There was a moment of lack of action from Tony as David recovered from his pain induced trance, but what he found himself looking at, was the scariest and the most terrifying thing he had ever seen.

Tony was staring at the space between David's open legs darkly, his eyes sparking up with a sinister thought.

"This is how you hurt my kid, isn't it?" Tony said, before looking at David with a murderous look on his face.

"This is how you were able to defile my child." 

Tony raised the bat again, and before David's pain glazed mind could even put two and two together, before he could break into apologies and beggings and before he even got the chance to close his legs, Tony's bat connected painfully with David's crotch, and then there was a loud, agonized howl of pain bouncing against the walls he was trapped in, as the man blacked out.

The avengers watched, mortified and still in shock of what Tony had really done, all except Clint, who had a tear stained face and a wide smile plastered on his face. Because he knew, he would have done the same if something like that had happened to one of his kids.

David wasn't dead, but he sure looked dead. His face was pale and his chest was rising and falling slower than a normal person's.

"Heal him enough so that he survives, but is still in pain." Tony's voice rang out in the room again, snapping the mortified avengers out of their shock and Steve quickly moved to open the lock on the door of the cell. 

Tony stepped out, looking at Natasha as he spoke out again.

"And call Fury, tell him the details about his new prisoner. Make sure they take great care of him." Tony said and Natasha nodded, still shaken up by what she had witnessed.

"Wh-what do we do with the other two?"

"Kill them." Tony said in his void voice again, as he walked out of the room, leaving all the avengers standing in shock and terror, looking at each other with the most horrified look on their faces.

* * *

As Tony walked up towards the medbay again, he couldn't help the tears that fell down his eyes uncontrollably. He stared at his shaking hands, thinking about what he had done moments before, worried that he did not feel even a tiny bit of guilt inside of him for torturing a man, because he deserved it. But just because David was going to suffer all his life, tortured all his life, didn't mean that everything that the man had done to Peter would be gone too.

He reached in front of medbay's door, desperate to go in, to see his kid, to hold him and make him okay, but before he could do that, Pepper and Helen appeared in front of him, blocking his way to the medbay.

"Let me in. How's he?" He asked.

He's fine Tony, the fever's getting better, the medicines worked." Helen said and Tony let out a sigh of relief.

"Let me in." He said again, trying to sound bolder but failing and Helen and Pepper shared a sympathetic glance with each ther, before Helene nodded and then Pepper was leaning in, throwing her arms out around Tony's weak and exhausted form.

Tony was confused but let Pepper wrap her arms around him, before he felt a sharp pinch at the back of his neck. He yelped out and backed away, collapsing on the floor, clutching the back of his neck with his hand, as he looked up at the two females standing over him with a sad look on their faces.

"Wh-what did you do?" He asked his wife as he felt black spots dancing around his vision.

Pepper knelt down next to him, cradling his face gently in between her hands as a tear rolled out of her pain filled eyes.

"I'm so sorry Tony," She whispered out. "Peter's fine, but you're not. You need to sleep. I can't risk losing you." 

Before Tony could even react, darkness consumed him and he collapsed onto the floor in a crumbled heap. The next time he opened his eyes, he noticed was lying down on a comfortable bed as he scanned the room with his blurry vision. There was an iv attatched to his wrist and Tony wanted to get up and rip it away and run to Peter but he felt so tired that he didn't even have the energy to lift any of his fingers. He struggled to keep his eyes open and tried to blink away the black dots dancing across his vision again as he spotted Pepper and Natasha standing outside the room he was in, talking about something his mind couldn't quite make sense of.

The last thing he heard before the darkness took over him again was-

"May is alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... My head hurts, my throat hurts, my body hurts and I'm pretty sure I've got a fever, so if you find some wierd mistakes in this chapter, some unsatisfying contexts, I'm so sorry. 😩 I tried my best to write this chapter out and make it angsty and whumpy and I hope you all like it. I didn't had the energy to review the chapter as I finished writing it because of the... well.. fever, so I'm so sorry😩❤️  
> Ps, I promise I'll reply to all of your comments on the previous chapter tomorrow, right now Imma take a nap. 😩
> 
> Also, thank you so much for bearing with me, for being so patient with me, you guys are so amazing and understanding, I love you all so much😩❤️ I hope you're all doing great and taking care of yourselves. Thank you so much for reading ❤️
> 
> You can also leave a comment if you want to, because they make me very very veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy happy. 🥺❤️
> 
> Lol I forgot one thing. Sorry for the cliffhanger again.😂😂


	20. Update 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry :) :(

Helllllloooooo!!! Hiiiiiii!! I hope you all didn't forget me🤭  
How are you all? I hope you all are doing great❤️ I'm good, just been occupied with lots of work and stuff. Ik I seem very offline and not available and all but in reality I'm literally ghosting this site🤭 Like I re-read all your comments alot coz they're just so amazing and they make me happy❤️❤️.

I'm kinda having a lot of struggles related to writing right now, coz there's just too much work and it's hard to concentrate on just one thing, especially writing when there so much going around your head. BUT I'll do my best to update as soon as I can. ALSOOOO, I NEEED IDEASSSSSS, LIKE GIVE ME SOME WHUMP IDEAS. Not just for this fic but you can give random ones too. If I like them I might write them who knows🤭 (Says someone who has two pending stories already on her list :)) But it's just that during this time I got like so many other fic ideas (whumpy and angsty ones) but I stopped coz like, there's so much work pending😩 So maybe one day, when I'm done with this fic and the other one (Life isn't fair one...) I'll do the other ones too🥴

Also, I was kinda reading the comments and ik I haven't replied to them which I will, but I just wanted to give @malecshriya a special shoutout for being so strong and brave. For choosing to hold on and keep hoping. I promise you you'll get the love and happiness you deserve, and when you will, you'll thank all your bad times for turning you into who you are today. I love you and I'm so proud of you even tho I don't know u❤️

Well I love and miss you all❤️ Take care. Hope you're all having a great day.❤️And so sorry for being so late all the time. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

OOOHH ALSOOO...MY FIC IS ABOUT TO GET OVER 1000 KUDOSSS🥺😭😭❤️❤️ I'M SO HAPPY LIKE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND LIKING MY FIC!!!❤️❤️ I LITERALLY THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BARELY GET OVER 100 KUDOS WHEN I FIRST STARTED SO THIS IS AWESOME ❤️


	21. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllooo! I'm back with another chapterr finallyyyy.🤭
> 
> And I know there's been a lot of questions related to May and I hope this chapter will answer them for you. Also, I tried my best to make this chapter as angsty and as good as I could, coz I had lots of work that I had to put my mind into, so I really hope you like it.❤️
> 
> So here you go, another chapter with recovery.  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> Oh wait...did I say recovery? Oh my bad. I meant Pain and suffering.😈
> 
> AND I'M SAYING THIS AGAIN, THIS CHAPTER COULD BE A MESS AND I'M SO SORRYYY😭😭
> 
> Also, do heed the warnings mentioned in the tags before proceeding.  
> Take care and stay safe❤️

_"There is one pain, I often feel, the pain that never fails to hollow me inside out. The pain that comes along with your absence, the pain that comes along with your silence, it's something that's slowly killing me."_

The first thing that Tony noticed when his mind wandered back into the land of consciousness, was that he felt...well rested, rested like he hadn't for a long time since the unfortunate incident happened. Besides the sharp anguish inside his heart, the relentless hollowness of the reality and the withering parts of him clawing at his soul, there was almost no physical pain added along with it. His limbs and back didn't hurt anymore, his chest didn't feel clenched and restricted in pain anymore, and his head and eyes didn't feel heavy anymore. In a nutshell, he felt healthy and not on the brink of, well, dying physically.

He gradually peeled his eyes open, finding himself surrounded by a comforting blanket of darkness. He turned his face to his side to find Pepper sitting by his side in a chair, a soft smile overtaking the previous worried expression on her face as soon as she noticed him moving and looking at her.

"Hey." She said as she leaned forward to run her fingers through his hair. Tony didn't knew what was happening, he couldn't make sense of why he was waking up from a nap he didn't remember taking, but he let his eyes fall shut as Pepper treaded his hair, his mind focusing only on the comfort being provided by the gentle fingers instead of the state of confusion.

"How are you feeling?" Pepper's soothing voice entered his ears and Tony only hummed softly in response, relishing in the gentle touches.

He took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes again, as Pepper removed her fingers, helping him to sit up on the bed and placing a pillow behind his back for support.

"What happened?" He asked as he ran his hands through his hair before letting out a yawn. He let his head fall back against the soft cushion and analyzed his surroundings. He was in his own room, except the lights had been turned off. The only source of light was the bright daylight sneaking past the curtains drawn over the window and from below the closed door. He looked down to find that he was dressed in the same clothes as before with a blanket covering his lower half, and there was an iv attached to his wrist, connecting him to the iv stand kept beside his bed, that he just noticed for some unknown reasons.

Confusion overcame Tony's mind again, as he sleepily looked back at his wife's face again until it all came back to him like a giant wave flooding the shore.

_Peter. He was hurt, Peter was sick. They moved him to the tower. Peter had a seizure, and he had beaten David and then Pepper had..._

_Pepper had injected him with something. He remembered the sharp pinch in his neck before the darkness took him._

It was like in an instant, a switch was flipped, and Tony found all his previous calmness being taken over by a giant wave of anger.

"You injected me with something, you-you drugged me!" He snapped suddenly, making Pepper flinch slightly as he shifted to sit up straight on the bed, looking at his wife with an accusing and betrayed look on his face.

Pepper stayed silent for a while, as if trying to process the sudden change of emotions before speaking.

"I'm sorry baby but we had to." She shifted closer to Tony's side, taking his hand in her own but he brushed it away, blinking his eyes abruptly in disbelief.

"You looked seconds away from passing out Tony, and you weren't eating, you weren't sleeping, it was just- I just couldn't see you like that anymore."

"So you drugged me!?"

"I had no other choice." Pepper was shouting too now, but it did nothing to make Tony to calm down.

"Peter needed me!" 

"And I need you!" Pepper screamed out, letting out all the steam she kept to herself all this time. For a few painful moments, there was silence in the room as the pair just, stared at each other. And if Tony didn't feel bad enough already, watching tears forming in his wife's eyes made his heart break all over again. He messed up again.

He had been so wrapped up in everything that was happening that he forgot that he wasn't the only one suffering. He wasn't the only one who loved Peter, he wasn't the only one who's heart was breaking watching the condition his kid was in.

It wasn't common for Pepper to get angry or at the most snap and shout at anyone, she was usually a very calm and composed person, which came along dealing with a person like Tony, so watching her getting angry and breaking down all at once, was something Tony decided, he hated. 

"Yes Peter needed you! But you were no good to him sick or hurt or-" A choked sob interrupted Pepper's words as tears welled up in her eyes.

"-or dead." 

She stared at him, with so much pain and tears in her eyes and Tony just felt, so shocked and guilty and paralyzed.

"Do you know how difficult it was for me to just sit and watch you dying slowly on the inside? It wasn't enough for Peter to be so fucking hurt and broken that I had watch it happen to you too?" 

"Pep I-"

"Peter's falling apart, Morgan's falling apart, You are falling apart!" Pepper cried out, flaying her hands in the air as she stood up from the chair.

I'm trying my fucking best Tony!"

Pepper's voice cracked at the end, despite her strong attempts to stay strong and bold and she burst into sobs, burying her face in her hands as she fell back onto the chair again, and Tony watched, feeling his chest clenching in pain and tears forming in his own eyes as he forced himself to move and hold his wife. He bent forward, keeping his trembling hands on Pepper's shoulders shaking ever so slightly with the sobs. He gripped her hands softly, bringing them away from her face and making her look up at him with her wet eyes

"I'm so sorry Pepper." He spoke out, his voice just above a whisper as a tear slipped out of one of his own eyes. He leaned forward, and wiped the tears on her face with his shaking thumbs.

"I don't want to lose you." Pepper said softly, letting her eyes fall shut and wrapped her hands around Tony's neck, burying her face in his neck.

"You won't. I promise." Tony buried his face in her hair, feeling his heart calming down as he felt Pepper's whimpers dying down into silence. They sat there for a while, holding each other, which was in reality, the only thing keeping the pair from breaking down completely, each other's company and support.

"How's your chest?" Pepper broke the silence after a while, her voice coming out muffled, pressed against Tony's neck. 

"What do you mean?" Tony said as he broke the hug, looking at Pepper with a confused and bewildered look on his face.

"You had a fractured rib Tony," Pepper said, as she straightened herself up and wiping her nose with the sleeve of the top she was wearing.

"Not to forget the thousands of bruises on your chest. Helen fixed it up for you when you were out."

And suddenly, it all made sense. The extreme and unforgiving pain he had felt in his chest after he had held Peter when he had fallen apart. The sudden waves of electricity that ran through his chest whenever he walked or did anything that involved in him moving. He nodded in a subtle motion before looking down and taking out the iv out of his wrist. He waited, for Pepper to stop him but to his amusement, she didn't probably because all she wanted was for Tony to rest enough to be healed physically, which he did, even though she had to practically drug him to do that.

Tony let out a soft hiss as he rubbed his wrists together, after taking the iv out.

"How long was I out?"

"Just a little over a day." 

"What?" Tony ended up shouting again, this time out of shock instead of anger. He had been sleeping for an entire fucking day and Peter- oh God Peter.

"Shit, I need to get to Peter." Tony said in a panicked voice as he removed the blanket over his legs and hurried to his feet, putting on his shoes to get to Peter.

"Hey calm down." Pepper said as she knelt down and helped Tony wear his shoes.

"He woke up a few hours ago. He's fine, the fever's gone. Steve and Helen are with him."

Tony watched as Pepper got back up again, her tense eyes meeting his worried gaze. 

"Did he say something -anything??" 

"No." She said as the expression on her face dropped to a sad one again, and Tony let go of the breath he had unknowingly held, with the tiny ounce of hope that had risen in his heart along with it.

"He's not talking to anyone. He's just awake." They just stood there for a while in silence, staring at each other in silent agony. Tony diverted his gaze to the floor the moment he felt tears brimming in his eyes. He heard a faint shuddering whimper slip out of Pepper as her shaking voice cut through the silence again.

"It's supposed to be better Tony, but somehow, it's just worse." Tony only nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on the tiny cracks on the floorboard. He didn't knew what to say, what to do, it just felt so hopeless. And now that Peter was awake and still so broken and shattered like before, the hope was withering away. 

"I need to go." He said as he got up from the bed and started to walk past Pepper, his eyes never meeting hers as he did, but a hand on his forearm stopped him from moving any further.

"Wait Tony. There's something else." Pepper said and Tony quickly blinked away the tears in his eyes before turning around to face her and speaking in a small and quiet voice.

"What?" 

Pepper just stood there for a while, standing and staring at Tony as though contemplating whether or how to tell him what she had to. It seemed like she was in a battle within herself as she bit her lip and wiped her forehead with her hands nervously, roaming her eyes around the entire room.

Tony gripped Pepper's shoulders firmly, snapping her attention back to him as he spoke softly.

"Hey, earth to Pepper? What is it?"

A pair of tension lines appeared on her forehead before she finally decided to speak or more or less ramble.

"Uh- I don't know how to tell you this or where to start- it happened- we found out when you were out so please just don't be angry that we didn't wake you up- actually it's not like we could have woken you up you were pretty out of it-"

"Pepper." Tony squeezed Peppers shoulders softly, speaking in a slightly louder voice and snapping her out of the ramble train.

"You're rambling."

He cradled Pepper's cheek with one of his hand and gave her a soft smile.

"C'mon just tell me okay. I could never be angry from you."

"Tony..." Pepper started, and somehow Tony could feel the atmosphere around him getting tense, along with the creases on her forehead.

"..May is alive."

And then the world stilled, and Tony froze, backing away from Pepper a little. His eyes widening and mouth gaping open in shock.

"What!?" His loud voice echoed around the darkness and Peppers gaze only intensified.

"Yes."

"How?"

"Natasha and Clint inspected David's phone after they took him away for, you know, evidence and stuff, and they found pretty nasty stuff involving Peter which I don't want to get into but-" An involuntary grimace appeared on Tony's face at the mention of that, matching the one crossing Pepper's as her voice wavered while speaking. His mind started to wander back to the terrible memories of what he had seen in the video and he clenched his hands into fists by his side tightly.

"Um-apparently he was talking to a doctor."

And the confusion was back again. Why would David be talking to a doctor? Fortunately or unfortunately, he didn't had to wait long to find out. 

"He was paying him Tony." Pepper started again and Tony could practically feel the anger and venom dripping from her voice for David.

"May never took any sleeping pills, David was the one who actually drugged her and he was paying the doctor to keep May in a coma in some far away hospital so that he-"

Pepper squeezed her eyes shut, gulping past the lump stuck in her throat as Tony just kept staring straight ahead at Pepper, as he felt fury rise inside of him again. His eyes burning and screaming wild rage again.

"He fucking- you're not gonna believe this I just-" A tear slipped out of Pepper's eyes along with a dry sob making its way out of her broken heart.

"Tony he literally sent him the video of Peter, he told him that if he did what he said, he'll-he'll give him a-a night with P-Peter."

Tony was shaking in anger and wrath now. His eyes wide and screaming red again as he stood there, his nails digging in the palms of his hands, regretting for handing that bastard over to Fury too soon. The tears fell from his eyes in an involuntary action. But these weren't the tears of pain, they were the signs of his uncontrollable anger, they burnt his skin all the way throughout as they rolled down his skin. Any time he thought that the man couldn't get more inhumane than he already had, he was proved wrong. God, and Peter had to go through all of that on his own for months. Tony didn't even knew half the things he had to go through.

David was most probably gone by now, getting tortured and punished somewhere far away in a high tech prison but he was still winning, he was still breaking and hurting him and his kid.

But he wasn't going to let this happen. He was not going to let that monster win. He was iron man, who saved the world no matter how hopeless and how dark it would get. Right now, his world was Peter Parker and Tony Stark was going to do everything in his power to save him too. To save him from losing himself and falling deeper down a horrific and endless void.

There was a small voice inside of Tony at that moment, that was grateful that Peter had tired to commit suicide. It was a very wrong and messed up thought to have, but he can't imagine how worse things could have gotten for Peter if he had decided to stay, how broken and beyond repair his kid could have become, even more than he already was because Tony wasn't able to look past everything wrong that had been happening, not until Peter tried to kill himself.

"They're pulling her out of the coma right now, Natasha and Clint are with her." Pepper's small voice snapped Tony out of his thoughts, jerking his attention back to Peppers tear stained cheeks and he quickly wiped his own with the back of his hand.

"I should go there."

"It's okay, you don't have to Tony, they're bringing May here afterwards."

"No I need to, I have to be the one to break the truth to her. But first, I need to see Peter."

Pepper nodded and watched drained and numb as Tony turned away and headed out of the room.

* * *

Tony's heart was pounding wildly against his rib cage, as if trying to burst out of his chest as he made his way towards the medbay. He didn't knew what to expect, and he was not at all ready for whatever he was going to see. Sure he hadn't been ready for anything that happened, he hadn't been ready to see a bright teenager like Peter lose hope and try to commit suicide twice, he hadn't been ready to watch a video of the monsters abusing his kid in the most horrific way ever. He wasn't ready, yet he had to do it all. But this was different, because now, since Peter was properly aware and awake and in his senses, and not under the influence of his physical injuries or the anesthetics, he was not at all ready to watch his kid being so wrecked and void all over again, because this time, he was going to see the true mental trauma his kid was going through.

He halted for a moment in front of the closed door of the medbay, doing his best attempt to gather his broken pieces together before going in.

With anxiety flowing through his nerves and with his heartbeat getting faster, he grabbed the freezing handle and pushed the door open.

Peter was sitting up on the bed, properly awake and aware for the first time since what felt like an eternity and somehow, it just made Tony feel, anxious and scared. It felt so wrong and unnatural, for Peter to be so quiet and lost. For any room, with Peter in it, to be engulfed in a piercing silence and stillness.

Where was the bouncing ball of sunshine that Tony had fallen in love with? Where were the silly meme references that Tony used to snort yet smile at at the same time? Where was the time when all Peter reminded him was of youth and innocence and goodness and hope? Earlier, it used to be a sly smirk and innocent puppy dog eyes that he was greeted with when he entered the medbay after Peter had somehow, stupidly gotten himself hurt, but now all he could see was a broken and empty shell of a teenager who knew nothing more than just, pain and torment.

Peter had his head bowed down, his unbelievably soft curls falling over his forehead, and he was picking on the skin around his fingernails continuously, not giving any reaction to anything happening around. Tony felt frozen as he stood at the entrance, just staring at his kid as his heart pounded wildly against his chest with anguish stuck in his throat blocking his capability of speaking. It wasn't until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he was snapped out of his trance. He hesitated for a moment as he turned to his side to face Steve and Helen, which was funny yet scary that he didn't even notice them being in here with Peter before this.

Tony stared at the pair, with a pleading and miserable look in his eyes, but all he got in return was two other gazes filled with hidden sorrow.

"He's not speaking, to anyone. He's not eating, he's not drinking. He's been sitting like that since he woke up." Helen said desolately and Tony let go of a shuddering breath, as he walked past the pair slowly, without saying anything and went to sit next to Peter, taking the spot previously occupied by Steve.

He inhaled deeply as he clenched his eyes shut for a moment, before speaking with a smile on his face.

"Hey kid."

But Peter gave no reaction to it. Tony felt his heartbeat falter at the rejection, at the silence but he brushed it away and tried again, to be met with no response again. Peter kept picking at his fingers, keeping his eyes fixed at his hands and as Tony sat there next to Peter, he could see the tears that he was fighting to keep inside with his head bowed down. Peter's hands were shaking as he picked at his own skin, the region around his nails bleeding sluggishly.

"Fuck, Pete, you're bleeding." Tony shouted out in horror, making Peter flinch slightly, but not enough to make him back away in fear or look up in terror. 

Met with another flicker of silence again, Tony's hands acted on his own accord, holding Peter's wrist away from each and stopping him from harming himself. That was the moment Peter's head snapped up and he looked at Tony, with his wide, wet and bloodshot eyes, his breath coming out as pants as if he was struggling to breath, and Tony's heart stopped as he looked into the broken and oh-so damaged gaze of his kid.

Tony didn't knew how to explain it, he didn't even know where to start on the excruciating stab of pain bursting through his heart, and he had no idea where to even begin with the horrifying amount hollowness inside the wide set of eyes be was staring at.

The bags beneath the eyes stood dark in contrast with the pale skin of his kid's face, looking like shadows of the monsters dancing in the dark void of his eyes.

Tony didn't knew how to even process the unfathomable pain rushing through his body but for every second that he was looking into the suffering gaze, he could feel every impure touch, every disgusting phrase and every drop of blood shed. It was like, he was witnessing it, he was feeling all the pain and everything that happened to his kid right at that moment. And it horrified Tony. Peter was safe from David, but he would never be safe from the devastating and traumatizing memories, they were engraved deep within his shattered body, his broken mind and his hollow gaze.

But the most painful thing was, that the light was gone. All Tony could find as he stared into the big brown set of eyes, was darkness and oh so much torment. There was a light in his kid's eyes that shone bright every time he would come into the lab sparkling with happiness and joy, there was a light in his doe eyes, that screamed youth and hope and innocence. The light was gone that made a person seem like they were alive. Peter was lifeless.

Tony didn't knew when he started crying, and it wasn't until he realized that he had been until cool air brush against his wet skin. He didn't knew how long had passed as he sat there holding his breath, tears of silent agony streaming down his eyes. He felt himself getting weak, his entire body loosing all the energy it had acquired when he had slept. Tony's grip on Peter's wrists loosened as he felt his body turn to lead as Peter just sat there looking at him with his haunting and teary gaze, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Peter's bottom lip wobbled as his pants got heavier and he snatched his wrists away from Tony's hold as if he was burned, shifting away to the farthest corner of the bed, away from Tony and hugging his knees against his chest and bowing his head down to hide the silent tears that were now flowing down his void eyes. Tony watched as Peter tightened the hold around his knees, clutching the soft material of the cloth tightly in his shaking fingers as he tried to keep in the quiet whimpers escaping his throat.

Tony didn't knew what to do anymore, as he felt more tears welling up in his eyes. He tried to talk to Peter again, moving to reach him, but Helen stopped him, Steve standing just behind her with an exhausted and firm look on his face, as if trying to keep himself from breaking down.

"Tony don't. We've all tried but, he's just not listening. He nearly had a panic attack when we tried to stop him before. But I think the reason why he's hurting himself is that it provides him with a distraction...a distraction from all the memories, something better to focus on."

Tony didn't what to say as he stood up from the chair, walking up towards the pair, doing his best to hold in the tears and to prevent himself from falling apart.

"We can't force him into anything Tony. It's only gonna make it worse." Steve spoke out, snapping Tony's attention to him. The expression on his face held exhaustion and more than that, a knowing pain of lost hope, and Tony knows what he's saying is true. Everything that had happened with Peter, he was forced into it. He was forced into enduring the most painful things on his own.

"We healed him physically Tony. But now there's not much we can do" Helen said as she glanced sadly towards the whimpering and shaking kid sitting curled up on the bed.

"Now it's all on him. There's only so long until we can feed him through an iv or keep him safely in a room. At the end, It's his decision and what he really wants. And there's nothing you can do about it."

Helen Cho was one of the most optimistic person besides Peter that Tony had ever met, so the sheer amount of hopelessness leaking through her words, just broke Tony further. 

"I can't just sit here and watch him hurt himself Helen." Tony said, his voice cracking in the end and his body falling apart in devastation. He felt his legs shake terribly beneath him and it was a miracle enough that he was standing upright. He couldn't just give up on his kid.

"Please tell me just- tell me some way, how is this supposed to get be-better, how am I supposed to make him better?" Tony spoke out, with so much sorrow and grief in his voice, his eyes full of so much pain and anguish, his heart yearning and craving to just, see that priceless smile on his kid's face instead of horrors of his past.

"Please Helen." He said in his shaking voice, standing in the wait of a hopeful answer, in wait of a solution or something, anything to help bring back the kid to life, but then he saw the look on Helen's face, the hopeless and grief-stricken look on her face and he couldn't help it as a choked up sob escaped his lips.

"These things they happen because there is a light that burns bright in some people, and the universe doesn’t think its fair for something to burn so bright so it takes the light away."

It was all he needed for Tony to break down again, sobs threatening to spill out of his trembling frame and the expression and features on his face clenching themselves in imploding pain.

"It's not fair." He sobbed out heart-breakingly.

"Life is not fair."

* * *

Tony stood leaning against the clean wall of the hospital room, staring numbly and voidly in distance as his mind danced with the flashes of the broken and hollow gaze of his kid, of the terrifying visuals of Peter's bleeding body and the words Helen had told him.

Natasha and Clint sat next to May's bed as a nurse checked her vitals. She didn't look wounded or hurt, she looked normal and completely healthy. They had pulled her out of the coma as soon as Tony had came in, but he never spoke anything. He just went to stand against the wall and just stared numbly. Natasha had tried to talk to him, but she got no other response than a small voice telling them that he was fine and to get the work over with as fast as possible.

When May had woken up, she had been confused. For a solid hour she didn't remember most of things she should have. She didn't recognise Natasha and Clint and not even Tony. The nurse told them that it was a common phase of coming out of a long coma, because apparently May had been in a coma for a very long period of time, starting from a day the Avengers had no idea about to the present moment, which included a fatal amount of terrible incidents happening between them. May came around nearly 10 minutes ago, which was atleast two hours after she woke up and ever since then, she's been asking questions, as the nurse checked her. Natasha and Clint didn't knew where to start or whether to even start right now, so they gave her a reassuring smile, telling her to eat first. The most concerning thing was that Tony had stayed silent through it all, he looked really shaken up.

Natasha was snapped out of her thoughts, aa the nurse finished up with the check up, giving her a clean chit as she left the room. And the room was engulfed in a deep silence and Natasha stared at Tony, worry filling her before May broke the silence.

"Are you guys gonna tell me anything now? Please." May pleaded as she stared at the three adults in the room.

"Where's Peter? And where's David? And why are you all here instead of them?"

Natasha shared a concerned look with David, glancing at Tony who still didn't look like was going to step in any moment as he stared off into space. She inhaled deeply as she shifted closer to May, keeping a gentle hand on hers.

"May, what do you remember last?"

May stared at the floor as she tried to remember everything.

"I-um- I remember going to sleep. It had been a long day at work and, I guess I was really tired and then there was David, he made me dinner and told me to sleep."

"That's about it." May said as she shifter her gaze to Natasha, staring at her with confidence yet confusion. "That's the last thing I remember before waking up here. Why am I here in a hospital? What happened?"

"You were drugged May." Clint said.

"What!?" May shouted and Natasha noticed Tony move in her side vision.

"Yes."

"But who could do this?"

"David did." Natasha said solemnly and May fell silent in shock, her expression turning into doubt and confusion as the room was engulfed in another wave of an unsettling silence. 

"I-I don't understand, this, it can't be-" May shook her head in disbelief. "Look I think you must be mistaken-"

"We're not mistaken May we have all the proof you need, why would we lie to you!?" Natasha cut her off, as she felt fury rise inside of her towards the man who ruined their lives, who ruined and shattered Peter's and May's life.

"Look, David can't do something like this okay?" May said again, still refusing to believe what the two vigilantes sitting in front of her were saying.

"He can't do something like this. He loves me. He's sweet and caring and -"

"-he fucking raped your nephew!" Tony's voice cut through the piercing tension in the room, completing May's sentence, his voice full of rage yet brokenness and guilt, and Natasha flinched and held Clint's hand tightly in sudden shock. She just sat and stared at Tony, feeling her chest clench in pain, watching him falling apart for the hundredth time and it broke her heart, watching the way Tony's legs trembled beneath him as he tried to stay his ground on the spot near to May's bed now, his eyes wide in anger and just leaking out so much emotions and pain along with unshed tears. Clint was none better than Natasha herself, probably much worse with the desolated and exhausted look on his face, because he had been clearly the most affected out of all the Avengers being the one with kids, and the regret on his face was clear as he stared at May with sunken eyes in sympathy. 

May was a mess. She slowly stood up from the bed to stand, staring at Tony in shock, completely reactionless, still not being able to process what Tony had just said. She opened her mouth to say something but Tony cut her off again, and whether Natasha and Clint felt bad for Tony snapping at May because it wasn't her fault, but both of them knew that the anger was for the monster who hurt his kid, and not really May.

"Yes! Your SWEET. And CARING. And LOVING. Piece of crap fucking raped Peter. He abused him, he tortured him and hurt him for so fucking long behind your back all the fucking time." Tony's teeth were chattering against each other in so much fury, and the tears welled up danced around his eyes as his body shook with so much anger and emotions. How could May ever call someone like David a sweet person? That person who tore apart the brightest kid in the world with no regret was sweet!? He was angry, he was so fucking furious and he knows he shouldn't be snapping at May right now, but he just couldn't hold it inside of him when May called David a caring and loving person? Because of whom his kid, his innocent and small and pure kid was lying on a hospital bed, constantly harming himself in one way or another to distract him from the haunting memories of the meant to be loving and caring person.

"Your SWEET. And CARING. and LOVING boyfriend drugged you so he could take advantage of your nephew with freedom. He raped him again and again and fucking again and tore him apart and snatched away his innocence and his will to live."

May had tears running down her eyes and she looked devastated. Her body shook with the uncontrollable sobs she was trying to keep in as she held her hand against her mouth. She didn't want to believe what Tony was saying, because she had seen the man David was, but then she saw Tony, looking so broken and in pain and with his voice cracking with so much hurt and agony that there was no way he could be lying. May knew how much Tony cared about Peter, how much he loved her nephew, and Tony, would never ever lie about something like that.

"Oh and that's not it May." Tony snapped out again, breathing fire through his nostrils as he stepped closer to May's bed 

"When that bastard thought it wasn't enough, he made his friends rape him too and filmed him so he could threaten him using that! Peter was alone May! He was alone for months when David and his friends abused him. But he held on May.." The tears finally streamed down Tony's tormenting gaze, and his voice broke down as he spoke.

"He went through it all for you, and then, then that piece of fucking shit payed a doctor to keep you in a coma and told Peter, that you were dead!" A heart-shattering sob wretched out of Tony's ruined remains and he spoke again, with a quieter voice.

"And then Peter finally gave up and tried to committed suicide. Twice."

"And now because of your sweet boyfriend, Peter's lying in a hospital room, looking so fucking broken and lifeless and dead and traumatized that I couldn't even recognize him when I saw him." Tony's voice grew in volume again, regret and anguish crushing him from inside.

"A kid who would never stop rambling on about random things is sitting so quiet and silent, slowly dying inside. A kid who used to be so fucking bright and lovable and unbelievably pure, is now sitting so damaged and tortured that he's constantly hurting himself in some way or another, to distract himself from the memories! He doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat, he doesn't speak, he doesn't live May!! He's a fucking corpse if it wasn't for him breathing! So I dare you May! I dare you to tell me again that that monster you call David was sweet. And caring. And LOVING!"

May was full on crying now, ugly sobs being rocked out of her trembling frame and she collapsed onto the cold floor on her knees as her shaking legs gave out from under her. Natasha quickly dashed to her side, dropping to the floor and holding her against her chest as she sobbed while Clint rushed towards Tony who collapsed onto a chair behind him, hiding his face in his hands and trying to keep himself from falling apart and trying to calm his fury down.

May was sobbing wildly against Natasha, wails and cries tearing their way out of her broken heart. 

"Please Nat-" She spoke out, suddenly interrupted by a violent sob being spasmed out of her. "How could he do this? He was so good and caring, how could he-"

"He did May, I'm so sorry. We all are." Natasha said, unshed tears shining in her eyes and she pulled May in for a hug. 

"Gosh, this is all my fault. I brought him in our lives and Peter- he-" May sobbed in Natasha's arms, as guilt and pain tore her apart from inside. She couldn't even think about the words Tony had said. Peter was raped and he tried to commit suicide twice? 

Natasha rocked May slightly, rubbing her back in a soft and soothing manner as May sobbed heart-breakingly in her arms. "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault!"

"It's not your fault May, you couldn't have known." Tony spoke out of the blue, and May quickly pulled away from the hug and realized that he was sitting on the floor too now, kneeling down in front of her, his eyes heavy with guilt and unsaid pain and May stared at her with her teary eyes and devastated heart.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you." He said with a sympathetic look on his face, completely contradictory to how he had been moment s before. "And I wouldn't blame you for anything. For so long, even we couldn't figure out that it had been David all along. He was a clever piece of crap."

May let another sob burst out of her along with more tears as she tried to control her cries, but she couldn't. Everything was ripping through her soul. Peter had held on for so long for her, and he had been so alone. guilt rose inside May as she remembered all of the days that had went by with her not even seeing Peter once. While May was happy, and working, her nephew was being abused and taken advance of by her own boyfriend at her own house. Her sweet, pure and childlike kid was raped by someone she had brought into her house. A monster.

"I hate him, I hate him so much!" May cried out. "That fucking piece of shit, how dare he even lay his dirty hands on my nephew!"

"Oh don't worry about that May, Tony broke his hands and especially his, well..you know." Natasha said, shrugging her shoulders and forming a downward descent with her lips.

May stared at Natasha as the sobs stopped all of a sudden, the expression on her face sparking with a twisted relief and satisfaction at what Natasha said.

"Good. Is he dead?" 

"No, but he's gone, he's never gonna be coming near Peter or you ever again." Tony said and May stared at him in desperation for a better answer.

"Dying was the least of the punishment that bastard deserved, so he's in raft now-" Clint said as he appeared behind Tony, kneeling down beside him as he kept a hand on his shoulder.

"-probably getting tortured every fucking second of his life."

"I wanted to kill him myself, but that's better." She said with a dark and disgusted look on her face. Clint couldn't help but smile darkly.

* * *

The first thing that Peter had felt when he had woken up was that he had a terrible and piercing ache in his skull. He tried to open his eyes but they just felt so heavy and exhausted even after waking up from a nap, but he also couldn't ignore the fact that he hadn't been getting proper sleep even if he had slept for nearly days. Sleep only brought to him nightmares and memories, only pushed him closer to the monsters trying to shred his skin to pieces. His mind was a jumble of painful and horrible moments of his life, a jumble of his loud and agonized cries that went unheard by everyone he thought loved him, a jumble of degrading words and sounds by David and his friends as they used him, a jumble of May and Ben blaming him for their deaths. The voices never stopped, no matter if he was awake or not, they were always there with him, to remind him of his unworthiness, to remind him of the pain he was meant to be in for the rest of this life. He didn't knew what happened to David after Tony had caught him red handed in the room, and to be honest he couldn't pay even a single bit of attention towards it because all he could ever think about was that he was yet again violated in the worst way possible, in a place where he was meant to be safe, in a place surrounded by people he thought wanted to protect him. No matter how much he tried, even if the bruises and bite marks on his skin vanished, the touched were always there with him, forever holding him prisoner in between their dirty clutches and vile intentions. So Peter couldn't bring himself to care when he had woken up and Helen and Steve had tried to talk to him. He hated them.

He had felt angry, for waking up again, angry at the people surrounding him, angry at the universe for forcing him to live and not letting him die. Breathing was so painful, it felt like every inhale carried to his lungs pain and agony and a heart-breaking truth instead of oxygen. Peter wanted to stop breathing, to stop feeling, to stop seeing, and to stop living. He just wanted peace which he didn't get for even a single second in the past few months. He wished he could stop feeling again.

He wished he could have gone back to sleep, but the nightmares were even worse than before. They say time is supposed to heal wounds, but with time, the pain only intensified, it became more unbearable, and Peter felt like that by every passing second, he was losing a part of himself he would never be able to get back. He was dying from inside, too bad his body was still functioning healthily. 

Besides, it managed to provide him with a little of relief that he wasn't in the same hospital room where David had touched him again.

The medbay of the tower had been none less than a place of soft and heartfelt memories, it brought to him a feeling of being loved and cared for whenever he got hurt in a mission and Tony and the others would be worried for him, but even the bestest of the memories weren't enough to heal the damage he had endured inside of him. Months of being abandoned by the people he loved, months of being humiliated and ripped apart again and again and again until he thought that he could take no more yet he was forced to endure it more. Months of being broken and nobody noticed. Nobody even pretended to care and Peter had finally lost the battle I'm distinguishing between whether they didn't care enough to notice or whether they notice but didn't care enough to do something about it. Both were horrible though.

Steve had been sitting quietly by Peter's side all the while after a few failed attempts at making him talk. But Peter couldn't really care. He didn't even bother to turn to look at their faces, instead just sitting up and and bowing down his head as he stared at his hands numbly. He stared at the faint bruises and rope burns around his wrists, because if it wasn't enough for David to tie him up and rape him continuously, the people at the hospital had done the same. And Tony had let them. 

_Tony had let them._

This was one of the thing that had shattered him the most. He loved May. He loved Ned and Mj. But there was something else he used to feel when he looked at Tony. He felt safe and secure, like if anything happened Tony would be there to save him. All his life, Peter had dreamed about Iron man bursting through the window and saving him, but after meeting his childhood idol, he wanted Tony Stark to save him. Although if it would have been any other situation Peter would have argued for being able to take care of himself, but still, it had felt good to feel like he mattered. To feel like Tony Stark really cared about someone like him. But now, he wasn't so sure. Tony was responsible for letting a hope rise within him, for making him believe, throughout everything that had happened to him, that one day Tony would save him, but he didn't until it was too late. People used to say that hope is the biggest blessing in the world, for Peter, it was the biggest curse. Hope made him believe in a rescue that never came and hold on longer. Hope damaged and broke him in the worst way possible. If only Peter would have tried to commit suicide earlier, maybe he could have prevented himself from being traumatized and broken for life, and maybe he would have succeeded at dying. Maybe.

Peter didn't understand anymore, whether he hated Tony or himself more. He couldn't really think past the memories of his time with David flashing in his mind, so he started peeling off the skin around his fingernails, until they hurt and bled. And the weird thing was that the pain felt better. The constant pain distracted him from the mental unrest, making his mind focus on the physical pain instead of the mental one. Peter had been so lost in hurting himself that he had forgotten that he was in a room with two adults, and when there were panicked voices entering his ears and real hands appearing on his skin, his hands, his shoulders, he forgot how to breathe. He clamped his hands tightly on his ears, digging painfully in the sensitive skin as the voices pierced through his heightened senses. Thankfully, the hands disappeared and the voices died soon after, and his ears were consumed by a familiar soft feminine voice as he tried his best to get oxygen into his lungs. He let his hands let go of his ears and let himself be guided into breathing calmly by the comforting voice. The hands never came again for a while after that as he went back to picking more on his bleeding skin, lost in the world of physical pain, until another scared and worried voice entered his ears, along with hands grabbing his wrists and Peter didn't knew why, even with the sudden wave of panic and fear rushing through his body, he looked up at the person, because somehow, the hands were rough, there was a familiar softness in them and in the voice.

It was Tony. Tony was there sitting by his side. Peter had no idea how long he had been sitting there but he couldn't help but just stare at his mentor as he felt moisture sting his eyes. Even though he thought he hated Tony, his heart ached for his arms, for his comfort and for his presence. The last time Tony had held him when David had tried to hurt him in the hospital, he had given in to the comfort, to the care and he had broken down, letting some steam out. So as he sat there and stared at him, he felt his heart ache again. The ache that spears through your chest intensely drowning your body in physical agony, that makes you feel like you can't breathe anymore. Peter could feel his heartbeat getting faster, and laboured and his breaths getting shorter, he couldn't imagine how absolutely battered and wrecked he must have been looking to Tony, because the expression on his mentors face and the loosening of his grip on his wrists gave it all away.

So when his heart screamed at him to seek comfort and love, he did the exact opposite, instead snatching his hands away from Tony's, backing away as far as possible away from Tony and curling into himself. He hid his face in his knees as he bit his lip to try and control the violent sobs threatening to spill out of him.

He hated Tony. He hated Tony for letting it all happen to him. He didn't want his love and care. He wasn't there when Peter really needed him, and he couldn't handle any other rejection anymore, he wasn't strong enough for that.

He tried to tune out the strong voices filling his ears again. Voices talking about him as if he wasn't even there trying to keep himself from sobbing his lungs out. Voices talking about him hurting himself, voices with sadness and guilt in them, voices with cracks and anguish in them. Peter closed his hands in a tight fist, digging his nails in the palms of his hands until he could feel a wetness in between them. The pain was back again, so he distracted himself by focusing on the physical pain again.

He hated Tony, he reminded himself. Then why did his aching heart kept yearning and waiting for his protective embrace? Then why did his heart break when he heard the sound of a door opening and closing and disappearing of a voice that felt like home? Peter dug the nails deeper into his skin, getting lost in the relieving world of physical pain again.

Physical pain felt refreshing. After a month of being shredded and killed from inside gradually and torturously, the dull pain radiating from his bleeding cuticles and palms made him feel better and dragged him away from being a prisoner in his own dark mind. It helped him to focus on the blood and pain instead of the filthiness of the touches he constantly felt on his skin. He didn't knew how long it had been as he sat hurled into himself to make himself as small as he could, to draw as little attention to himself as he could, he hoped he would turn to dust or dissolve into the bed sheet. In hindsight, he felt and saw Helen injecting something in the iv bag, probably for providing him with required nutrition since Peter hadn't ate since he woke up. Peter didn't knew if it was silence around him or nobody was really speaking or even present to begin with, but then there was this sound of a door opening and closing, followed by silence again. But the silence that came after the sound was unnerving and unsettling. Peter didn't knew why. But then he did.

"Peter?"

The voice hit too close too him as it entered Peter's ears, and Peter immediately recognized it.

May? But she couldn't be right? She was dead? David had killed her.

But then the sounds of held back sobs registered Peter's ears and he slowly turned his head up, and May was there. May was standing there, alive and healthy, along with Tony and Helen. She had her hand clamped tightly against her mouth and her body was trembling with held in sobs. Tony was standing right there beside her, and they were both looking at him, they were both staring at him and May was staring at him as she tried to not break down into sobs. May was there.

Peter couldn't believe it. He must have been dreaming, but he didn't remember sleeping. He couldn't even dare to look away as he stared at May's face in shock, his mouth gaped open slowly and tears welling up in his eyes.

It was a dream. It had to be. There was no way she could have been alive. 

"Peter?" Peter heard May's choked up voice again, so he clamped his hands on his ears again, and squeezed his eyes shut as he rocked himself back and forth on the bed.

"It's a dream, it's a dream." He whispered to himself, trying his best to break out of the dream. He couldn't take it, he couldn't take seeing May like that, he was already haunted by the ghosting touches, he was already being haunted by nightmares of Ben blaming him for his death, the blood on his hands, he just couldn't take it.

_May is dead. May is dead. May is dead. David told him she's dead, May is dead._

But then he feels the dip in front of him on the bed, the same way he would feel David snuggling in behind him on the bed and then touching him and using him and-

Peter clamped his hands tighter on his ears, digging into the skin enough for it to hurt and draw blood and pressed his back harder against the wall behind of him, small squeaks spilling out of him along with a few tears as he bit his lip tightly. He curled onto himself as much as he could as he dug the nails further in, he bit his lip tighter until he tasted metal on his tongue, he tried to focus on the pain instead of everything happening around of him. But then there were soft hands on his cheeks, hands unlike the rough touches of the monsters who had had held him down and hurt him, and that was enough for the sobs inside of him to burst out of him as he caved in to the gentle touch. 

God he was such a pathetic mess. He was broken and so disgusting and so touch starved, that he was letting the hands stay on him for longer even after being taken advantage of in the worst way. No matter how much he averted touch, he wanted it. He wanted the affection, he needed the care and love but his damaged soul was not ready to accept it.

It hurt to even think about to, to think about the fact that David had broken something inside of him, and left him so shattered that his body and mind didn't knew how to even function anymore. It scared to think about the fact that there might not be any healing from the trauma that man put him through, because Peter shouldn't be wanting to be touched ever again, but he was letting that happen to him willingly. He was so damn pathetic and weak.

But then the hands on his cheeks are reaching up farther and the soft thumbs are shaking on his skin, wiping away the tears streaming out of his eyes non stop. The next thing Peter realized, the hands disappear, before appearing on his hands clamped over his ears tightly, curling gently over him, enclosing his two hands in a protective hold, and bringing them away from his ears.

The voices are back again, heart-broken sobs beside his own entering his ears, and Peter doesn't know if he should but he opened his teary eyes again and May was there again, sitting in front of him, holding his hands in hers in his lap and she's crying and she's sobbing and Tony's standing right behind her and he's crying too. And May is right there, she's right there in from of him and fuck- she looks so real.

_But May was dead. David told him that, right? Unless he lied._

"May _?_ " He said, his voice small and coming out raspy from not being used for so long. And then May is crying again, she's sobbing again and she's letting go of his hands and cradling his cheeks again.

"God I'm-I'm so sorry Peter." 

Peter kept staring at her, trying to process what was happening, whether it really was May there in front of him, because it all just felt so real, and he sat and just stared, uncurling and sitting a little straighter.

"God what did he do to you?" May sobbed out again, running a hand in his curls. Her face was a mix of so many emotions, including guilt and suffering and sorrow. And she looked so real, she had the same eyes that held so much love in them for him, and her touch felt so comforting and soft, unlike the dreams.

"Y-you're real?" Peter whispered, staring wide eyed at May, and leaning in softly towards her.

"Yes! Yes I promise I'm real, Pete- he lied to you, whatever he told you, it was all a lie!" May exclaimed, nearly screaming in panic as if she was worried this moment was going to pass, as if if she did any more delay in telling the truth Peter would not believe her.

And then Peter broke down into sobs, all the pain, all the agony crashing into him like a giant wave, as he stared at his aunt who was supposed to be dead. All this time, he had thought that his aunt was dead, the one person he had endured the torture for so long until he finally gave up and tried to kill himself when David told him that she was dead. Peter remembered the numbness amd voidness he had felt when David had told him that, as if all the emotions had been sucked out of him, as if all the abuse and torment he had gone through for his aunt had gone to waste because she was dead anyway. But she was there, she was right there, and there was just so much heartache that Peter felt right now that he wished to go numb again. He couldn't handle all the pain at once it just hurt so much.

He collapsed into her, crying against her chest and feeling the same warmth that he used to feel when Peter would have nightmares and May would hold him until he fell asleep. It felt like the good times before, when David was never in their life, as May wrapped her arm around Peter's crying frame, holding him as she muttered out her apologies.

"God Peter" May sobbed as tears fell out of her eyes. "I'm so sorry Peter, I'm so sorry for everything he did to you, I should have never-"

"What do you mean?" Peter cut her off all of a sudden, pulling away from the hug not even seconds after initiating it and stared at her, bemused and puzzled, his cheeks damp with tear tracks.

"I know what he did to you," May spoke out softly, and Peter felt his heartbeat rising again. 

No. May shouldn't know about that. May didn't have to know about what really happened, that Peter was dirty and filthy and so pathetic and that he lost his virginity to her boyfriend.

"And I'm so sorry for th-"

"No no he-he didn't, it's not what you think." Peter spoke out and shook his head in panic and fear, looking at May and Tony alternatively. He shoved May away from him and pushed himself further against the wall behind him. Tony already knew how filthy and disgusting he was, all of the avengers knew about that but he just couldn't handle May knowing, he couldn't handle May knowing how weak and worthless he was.

"Peter she knows." Tony said as he quickly sat next to May, trying to reach out to comfort Peter but he brushed his hands away.

"No-he-Why would you tell her that!? How could you do this!?" He snapped out at Tony as he felt anger rise inside of him, his eyes filling up with tears of betrayal.

"What else were we supposed to tell her Pete-" Tony said, worry and concern lodged clear on his face.

"i don't know, anything!"

"Peter it's okay--" May tried to reason but she was instantly cut off.

"No just, just get away." Peter cried out in anger as tears burst out of his eyes again, and he curled in on himself again, falying his arms in the air and kicking his legs towards the two adults in front of him to shove them away but not hurt them. Tony tried to move closer, tried to reach his hands towards his face but Peter hugged his knees and hid his face in them again as he screamed and cried in fury.

"Don't touch me, get away from me!"

Tony flinched all of a sudden as Peter shouted out, backing away a little to give Peter space. May tried to get closer to Peter again, but Tony held her hand, shaking his head at her teary face.

"Peter please, it's okay, you don't have to hide it." May spoke out as tears streamed out of her eyes, her heart breaking at seeing Peter so hurt and broken. She hated him, she hated David so much, she hated him for ruining her baby in such a bad way, her bright and innocent baby. She hated it so much to see Peter crying and screaming at them, and her heart broke further as she noticed the tiny streaks of blood dripping out of the cuts in Peter's palms and his nails. He was hurting himself, because he was in so much pain, her baby was in so much pain.

"Please Peter, let us help you-"

"No, I don't care I hate you, I hate all of you!" Peter sobbed out, curling his hands tighter around his knees.

"I hate you!"

Violent sobs broke out of May, and Tony wrapped his arms around his shaking shoulders as she cried. Just when May and Tony thought that it couldn't get worse, that their heart couldn't hurt more than it was hurting at that moment, watching Peter break down in agony, Peter screamed out again, ripping through the already shattered remains of them.

"You weren't dead, right!?" He raised his head to look at the two adults, with so much anger and betrayal in his eyes, that it physically hurt to watch.

"You were alive, all this time, then where the hell were you!? Where were you when your boyfriend was hurting me!?" Peter screamed out as angry tears streamed down his cheeks, burning throughout the contact.

"Where were you when I was crying and trying to scream behind a stupid gag!? Where the hell were you when I was begging for you, for any of you to come and save me, to come and hold me, to tell me that it was going to be okay even if it was a lie!?" A choked up sob ripped out of Peter's ruined soul as he stared agonizingly at May and Tony who had tears streaming out of their eyes as well, and May had her hand around her mouth, other one holding Tony's hand tightly.

"You left me all alone with him," Peter snarled out, jabbing his fingers towards May's direction. "If you weren't dead, then why didn't you come back for me!? You promised me, you promised me that you wouldn't leave me, but you lied. Everybody lied. Everyone left me. Ned left me, Mj left me, Tony left me." Peter looked accusingly at Tony as his body shook with anger.

"Ben left me and you left me, Everybody leaves and i hate it. I hate you and i hate myself." Peter gripped his hair in between his fingers tightly, pulling at them and squeezed his eyes shut as he rocked himself on the bed.

"Peter stop you're hurting yourself." Tony said as he reached forward to grab Peter's hands again.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Peter screamed out and Tony backed away in a quick instant, tears brimming in his eyes. 

"Okay, okay. I won't touch you kid okay please just- just stop hurting yourself, please." Tony said, his voice faltering under the extreme pain at the end.

"I'm so sorry Peter, we should have been there, I should have been there and not a single second goes by where I don't regret not talking to you." Tony choked out and Peter stopped rocking himself on his bed the very next moment. He let go of his curls as he opened his eyes and stared numbly at Tony.

The hollowness that now his kid had in his eyes horrified Tony. He couldn't see pain or anger, just numbness and it was terrifying.

"Okay." Peter said, in a calm and bland tone as a stray tear rolled down his flushed cheeks and red rimmed eyes.

"Apology accepted. Now what am I supposed to do with it? Will it take away my pain? Or will your apology take away my memories, or undo the abuse I went through?"

Tony just sat and stared blankly, not knowing what to say anymore, May sitting beside him and weeping silently with her hand clamped tightly against her mouth.

"You have no idea how it feels like. You have no idea what I'm going through. So I don't give a fuck about your apology." Peter blurted out with so much hate in his voice, and Tony knew that this wasn't his Peter. His Peter was kind, and selfless and so cheerful, but this? This was just a dark hole of endless pain and suffering, of so much hate and pain that David filled into his kid. He broke his kid, he changed him, and he killed him. 

"I want you both to get out of here." Peter said as he curled into himself again.

"Peter-" May said but was cut off instantly by an angry scream from Peter.

"I said get out!"

And May jerked backwards violently, in fear, her eyes wide in shock because she just couldn't believe that this was Peter, with so much anger and hate inside of him. More sobs threatened to spill out of her along with the blazing hot anger for David. 

Peter laid down on the bed, reaching out to grab the blanket and covering his body with it as he turned on his side, away from where Tony and May were sitting and stared numbly at the wall in front of him. He curled his fingers inside his palm and dug his nails further into the sluggishly bleeding wounds and tried to get lost in the world of physical pain again. His ears registered the sound of a a door opening and closing, depicting that May and Tony did leave him and Peter felt his heart ache again at the loneliness. He knew that he shouted at them, he was the one who screamed at them to get out, but it still felt terrible and heart-breaking, to be left alone again. He was alone again, just like before. He had no one there to comfort him, to hold him and tell him that he was going to be okay. Because Peter knew, that he was not going to be okay.

He didn't even knew he should be blaming anyone else but himself at this time. It was difficult to think with the voices and cloud of agony in his mind. Every thought felt like a raging battle inside of him, every breath he took felt like bullets ripping through his skin, living and breathing was turning into a war for Peter, and he wasn't winning.

He dug his nails deeper feeling warm liquid run down his palms, and relished in the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Atleast I didn't give another cliffhanger, right? 😂  
> I know that the chapter was a mess, but I tried my best, so I really hope you liked it.🥺👉🏻👈🏻  
> Also, i have two endings for this story now, the main ending would remain the happy ending one, ending on a good note, but there's gonna be an alternate ending, just for angst, and it'll be dark😈 kinda inspired by the idea given by @sahar_luna. And the rest of the fic and whump ideas you all gave me in the update, I'm might write them too, but only after I'm wrapped up with this fic, either I'll make it a one-shot with the angstiest requests or make it individual fics idk 🥴
> 
> Also, again, thank you so much for being so patient and sticking around for this fic 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 I love you all so much❤️ I hope you're all doing great and staying safe and happy.❤️
> 
> You can leave a comment if you want to because, I love reading them and they make me feel so happy 🥺❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone reading or reviewing my story!! :))


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